I'm not intending to complain in this post, I am really grateful for my life and myself. Lately I have been getting mentally to the point where I dont give a fuck about trying at this shit anymore. Not in a good way, although I will say since I have stopped caring as much, it seems like girls are hitting me up more, but not really ones I want. I always overthink the ones I want, even though I do have some abundance in real life.

Last year I had totally given up on trying to meet new girls and then i snapped out of that and started approaching again and fucked some new plates and felt really positive and hopeful about it all, was having fun. but it started to become all I cared about and then I had this extreme desire to have a girlfriend of a quality that I wanted and to stop having sex that i regretted with girls that I wasnt actually attracted to once I realized how much better sex was when it was with a girl i actually wanted. This made me needy and desperate and I killed a few plates this way which I guess was a learning experience.

I havent been giving up I've been trying and failing and trying again, and I guess I'm just sick of it. I know the world doesnt revolve around me, I know I am not entitled to anything, but I am a decent guy. I am in a band, I am in great shape, I do nothing but go to the gym and eat, I am funny and have a cool personality, I race motocross, I have friends, I'm not an autistic fuck. The reason I say that is because the level of girls i am pulling is trash. Maybe my effort level is too low or I am not being confident enough.

I went on a date on friday, this girl from bumble, she was 46 and I am 28. We went and got mexican food and had some good conversation, she likes the gym too. Then I just started driving around and we were talking and she started the shit tests, which i recognized from a mile away and passed with ease. I was enjoying it.( i was proud of myself) then after that every conversation piece we had, she kept talking about nothing but feminist bullshit and it just kinda killed my boner (figuratively) and I knew she wanted dick but I just kinda stopped giving a fuck completely because I didnt even know how to read it, the feminism and endless shit tests about toxic males and trying to convince me that her body count was less than 10 (which i laughed at) and then telliing me she only has sex with condoms (to which i said Id rather just not fuck then) was just enough for me. She was so entitled, and I totally picked up on the fact that her acting like I wasnt hot and wasnt valuable because I was much younger and hot was just a shit test, which I certainly did not fall for or react to, but man it was such a turn off for someone to just be that entitled even though her SMV/worth is fucking trash. I understand that her giving me no validation is normal and I dont expect to be validated by women, but it makes my dick so soft to have a girl like that be so entitled and act like her smv is higher than mine when it couldnt be more the inverse in reality. It doesnt hurt my feelings it just makes me unattracted to you

I'm just sick of the game man. It's not "poor me" type shit, like i dont expect anything, I'm not sad about it, I just feel numb to my desire now like I just dont give a fuck about it. I think MGTOW is gayer than aids, but right now I just feel like no fuckin libido. Like I am so sick of the fucking text games, the fucking devaluation of myself even though I am a good looking, interesting, funny and confident guy. The only thing trait i dont have of a "high value man" is a lot of money. I'm sick of the massive fucking egos and strong independent attitudes. And I dont hate women, I'm not an incel, I love real women, submissive, cute girls. Like fuck this shit. I am sick of having porn thrown in my face every time i open instagram or facebook. I am sick of the simp worship of women and the constant pedestalization and hatred of men. Fuckin such a brainwashing/social engineering campaign everywhere you look, it feels like my sex drive has just hit the off button .

I dont know what to do with it right now