LONG POST ALERT! Also, English is not my first language. My ltr of 4 years has recently begun her career at a top global company. This has caused lots of changes, majority of which I don't like. I had casually mentioned to her I would be going on vacation in January (I don't work, mainly do informal/illegal stuff). She calls me on a random work afternoon wanting to know when I would be going because she had learned they would be going for a regional conference in the same city. She wanted us to be there at the same time (we had previously joked how she isn't allowed to attend work retreats because of what happens there). I went on vacation one week before her work retreat, even got a hotel close to the one she would be staying at two days before she arrived. They arrived super late and we agreed to link at my hotel the next day. Most of the day would be spent in a conference, teambuilding, then awards during dinner after which she would get an uber to my hotel. Surprisingly, her department got awarded and things were running later than we had expected.
This is where things got interesting; She calls me at around 11pm asking me if we can hangout the next day because 'she's enjoying her moment'. At this point I just can't believe what I'm hearing. She says she's getting recognition and introductions from her superiors and feels like this is good for her career. I can't even contain myself atp because to me it appears like just partying (she doesn't club). I decide to go there so she can tell me this to my face (beta move on my part). I bribe the security guards to let me in and we get a secluded place to talk. It's just back and forth for a couple of hours with her saying how I should be understanding and let her 'have her moment'. How she would be supportive if the roles were reversed blabla. How she has always done what I wanted and nothing for herself and there's going to be a lot of changes. She's even DTF right there but still wants to spend some time. I end up taking her back with me to the hotel and fucking for hours but there's some tension between us. She says she'll need some time to get over the fact that 'I stole that moment from her'. We spend some of the day together then the next morning they travel back home. The problem is I can't get over this situation. I think it has created some resentment in me and while I know she is a good woman from a logical standpoint, I can't believe that my Ltr would blow me off so she can party with her work buddies. It is also important to note that she was ovulating atm. I think my ego is very much involved and I might hurt her in a big way in the future. She has been really nice lately and spending on me (she has always had fantasies about spoiling me back when she starts making money) but I just don't see her the same way.
I would appreciate insight on how to handle this. PS: I don't believe in the whole corporate bs for women and we are only doing this because I'm not where I want to be financially. We both agree when I'm ready she'll quit as soon as she gets pregnant and become a SAHM onwards. For context I'll be turning 29 and her 25.
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Typo-MAGAshiv 2 3d ago
You chose to make her a career bitch, a boss babe.
Either you accept that this is part of her life and a priority for her now, or you don't accept it and just end things.
w4iks 2d ago
Unfortunately it looks like I lost a lot of power to her career. The problem is I'm not yet at a point where I can afford to support her financially so she can quit her job.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
She's not in it for the money she wants the dumb clout
w4iks 2d ago
So how to proceed from here? Is this a dead end? Or should I just say fuck it and impregnate her?
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2d ago
In most countries, knocking up a woman is basically handing her control of your life and finances for the next 20+ years.
Good luck.
w4iks 2d ago
Not where I am from, it's actually the opposite. Knocking her up means her likelihood of getting married gets extremely low. If she chooses to be a single mum it's going to be expensive to raise the child and she faces stigma from society. Here the man holds all the power after pregnancy.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
You just convinced me you are a troll. Noted
Have fun ruining your life
w4iks 2d ago
Wdym troll? If her career is gonna get in the way of the ltr wouldn't it be better to get her pregnant ASAP? She's good enough to be a wife or at least bear my children
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
No that is fucking retarded and she's not even being a good girlfriend.
She will always resent your for taking away her career from getting her pregnant and you're living an illegal lifestyle. Wtf dude this is grade a retardation
w4iks 2d ago
You still don't understand me. This woman has been ready to quit her career even before she started. Even today she has mentioned how exhausting it is and how she can't wait to be relieved of it. I say get pregnant and she says, you come talk to my parents.
Living an illegal lifestyle means luxury a job can't afford you, especially at a younger age. High end neighborhoods, kids in international schools or abroad etc. It's not exactly a negative here. There's a reason I could afford to be randomly on vacation for a month while her and her colleagues rely on the company to take them there for 3 days.
Stuff like her not being a good gf and what I should do about that is why I posted.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
Idk man you do you. You know your situation better
ballubhai 1d ago
He is a troll or just beyond help.
First-light 3d ago
Its very hard for them to ever be good stay at home mothers when they have tasted the drug of being a middle class career woman. For them it is better than being a man would be. It comes with no responsibilities and control of more finances than they need. She will be very hard to recover now.
A man earns money and he has responsibilities to discharge with it. A woman earns money and she gets to either blow it on dresses and or spend it on family who are suddenly very grateful. Unlike what they would receive from a man in her position, they were not expecting this from her, they only hoped for it. Suddenly she is a big person but with no big person responsibilities. This is a powerful drug.
You will find it very hard to compete with the men she will meet. She will earn like a man but will she expect to buy her own lunch? Will she hope for her man to buy her a car as nice as the ones her colleagues have? What is created is a princess who lives much better than a man could in the same job.
Why would she want to give this up to be a stay at home mother unless the guy was practically a prince? The most likely compromise is she will want to marry a man richer than her and then she will "generously" offer to pay for the string of house girls who will raise your children until she fires them for trying on her jewellery or bringing a boyfriend round when they know the boss lady is at work.
Your best hope would be to get her pregnant now before the drug has become an addiction but even then she is likely to remain bitter about it.
I know you are loyal to this girl and I hope you can recover her -its great when love stories work out long term- but it may be simplest to get a decent house on some good land, get a few savings and then look for a girl from up country who will leap into that house, grow you fresh vegetables, keep your hens and say thank you for such wealth.
w4iks 2d ago
This looks really spot on lol. The money she makes, although only a small fraction of what I make, is mostly spent on clothes, hair and nails. That plus the little gifts she buys for me, the rest of it is saved up. She still lives with her parents and has no real life responsibilities.
I am in a field where there's lots of money involved, nothing comparing to the regular corporate guy and she knows that. I also get to live a fun lifestyle with no limitations; waking up late, time for the gym and swimming during the day before attending to business. But I was reckless for the past 5 years and spent most of it partying and handling legal issues. Only got my act together recently when I noticed how things are going.
I think the biggest problem is that she has thrown the ball in my court. She says she's ready to get married, get pregnant and quit the job but I'm the hesitant one. If I joke let's get a baby she'll say fine, come talk to my parents and marry me. I don't want to start out simple or start a family while struggling. She sounds exhausted by the whole 9-5 thing; some evenings she'll get home complaining and joke when am I becoming a millionaire so she can quit.
I've been thinking of finding a backup ltr while getting my money up. Unfortunately it is increasingly tough to find a marriageable woman even in third world countries currently. This is my first Ltr, but I never stopped seeking women and fucking casually (she doesn't know and believes I'm incapable of touching another woman). Most of the things you mentioned sound very relatable for my country btw. The whole house-girl situation and finding a girl upcountry make me think we're from the same region.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2d ago
If this is true, then you're in a terrible position with her.
Do you not know what preselection is? Women find a man more attractive when other women are attracted to him. It also works in reverse; if she thinks no other woman wants you, she's going to be turned off by you.
Have you read anything from the TRP and MRP sidebars?
Because reading through your shit (and it is shit), it seems like you stumbled ass-backwards into a relationship with no idea what you're doing.
askTRP isn't a place for piecemeal, paint-by-numbers advice that's unique to any particular situation; it's for helping to understand concepts you might be struggling with as you read and digest the sidebar.
You try this shit at askMRP. if your post doesn't include what you've already read and tried, along with your current maximum lifts, they'll dog-cuss you and remove your post and likely ban you.
w4iks 2d ago
That came out wrong, I did not mean she thinks I can't pull women. She sees women ogling me every time we go out, or dozens of unopened messages from women on my phone but she thinks I fancy her too much to get with another woman.
Yes I have read the sidebar, been on TRP for over 8 years since the reddit days. I have read and internalized Rollo, Robert Greene, Mark Manson, The Ways of the superior man, Sex God Method and such redpill books. I workout regularly and anyone who comes across me can tell. Spined plates for like 5 years before I found someone who ticked all the boxes on my checklist and got into a LTR. I still fuck random chicks now and then but no plates or fwb arrangements.
I think the reason this came off how it did is because I only asked about a specific scenario where I felt there was a problem. Majority of the time the Ltr is smooth sailing and I handle things pretty well. I only ask questions when I feel like there's a problem I need advice to deal with. My apologies for that.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 1d ago
None of those are actually Red Pill, though many say they are helpful. I reread Robert Greene's "48 Laws of Power" all the time.
I highly recommend these books from the MRP sidebar:
"Married Man Sex Life Primer" by Athol Kay
"No More Mr. NiceGuy" by Dr. Robert Glover (not actually Red Pill, but important for building assertiveness and eliminating covert contracts)
"When I Say No I Feel Guilty" by Dr. Manuel Smith (not actually Red Pill, but important for building assertiveness and learning not to be manipulated)
Additionally, Rian Stone (Senior Endorsed at TRP and a moderator at MRP) has 2 excellent books which aren't on the sidebar yet (he feels adding them himself would just be vanity):
"Praxeology Volume 1: Frame"
"Praxeology Volume 2: Dread"
I recently finished the Audible versions of both, and have been meaning to write up a recommendation.
w4iks 14h ago
Thanks, I'll read these. I'm always open to acquiring knowledge
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
Ugh. Career women are insufferable for more reasons than just this. Completely delusional. It doesn't work out in relationships to men.
4 years? That's rough. You gotta accept it or end it. Every little upgrade or promotion is going to go straight to her head and be part of her identity
w4iks 2d ago
I'm beginning to think I have a very sort window in which I have to get her pregnant.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
I've never wanted to ban someone from AskTRP so quickly after realizing their whole question was bad faith
w4iks 2d ago
This is not in bad faith, I would consider it a logical outlook IMO. I have dated this girl for four years and it's clear she expects this to get to the next level soon. it's also clear that things could begin to go downhill as she gets deeper into the corporate world. During these four years I have kept seeing other women and even tried finding a replacement for her but I have not been successful. I am very picky and this is the only one who has ticked all my boxes. Everyone around me has acknowledged what a great pick she is. Why isn't it a reasonable solution to lock this down with a child? Especially given that she has made it clear that she's ready. The only downside is that I wouldn't do it how I wanted to. I'm not struggling, I'm just don't have the lifestyle I want yet.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
Dude not to moralize but you can't even follow the terms of your own relationship. End it. This is a massive shit show in the works.
You are about to ruin your life. Have you even read the sidebar? Getting a chick pregnant to achieve your dating goals is completely retarded and not red pill
w4iks 2d ago
Brother I think there's a misunderstanding either because of differences in culture or my delivery. Where I come from the law doesn't work like it does in the west. No child support or tight divorce laws. If a woman gets pregnant she actually loses leverage to the man because if he decides to leave she'll raise the child by herself (which is still stigmatized by society).
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
Possibly. I gave my two cents if your country is that vastly different then do what you want. I still think her whole stole my spotlight thing shows she has the wrong priorities but you do you
First-light 2d ago
In fairness to him he is aiming to achieve his relationship goals into which he has invested 4 years. I think he can keep dating for the rest of his life with little side pieces. I know the country he is from. Provided you have wealth, side pieces are always available and no one really blames a guy. Having kids with several women tends to get you more respect from men than it loses you, so its not like a one way move.
I think the question he has to answer is does he want to reproduce at the moment and if so with her? If so, the culture is such that he may be able to lock her down with a child (though who knows if she will be embittered from having already had a taste of western woman poison). Can he do better starting over with a different girl or accruing more wealth first? Only he can know but he is not proposing the suicide that a westerner would be committing with such action.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
It's up to him i think it's a bad idea
First-light 2d ago
Reproducing with a woman always costs you. Emotional load, financial load. You are always responsible for her loss of opportunity. You pays your money and you makes your choice. I honestly pity any young man today getting into that game. Women are so ungrateful and entitled today. You don't want a trashy street girl who would see you as her clear best option, so you are going at some point to disappoint a quality woman. Its just picking the right one to disappoint by losing her opportunity to have it all. Is she quality enough?
Its a bit like the old MGTOW meme of the box of hand grenades being like marriage. Half the grenades have the fuse cut. Do you want to pull the pin and find out if your girl has her fuse cut? With legal marriage -hell no. You can live with a woman without marriage, so hell no but you can only get children with impregnating a woman, so if you want kids, I just think "Protect yourself and be lucky my friend"
w4iks 2d ago
This guy gets it. I got redpilled at a young age, have fucked lots of women but I have only met a couple who are marriageable. It's getting increasingly hard to find a decent woman to wife, in ALL PARTS OF THE WORLD. The pickier you are the harder it gets. This means if you find one who's decent you're going to try and not ruin it.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 1d ago
That's almost a complete inversion of how you should look at it. You likely aren't as ready for an LTR as you think.
I get it, as a guy whose Red Pill journey started off as a misguided attempt to save my marriage.
Bear in mind: as the man, being more fuckable and getting sex is your job.
The relationship is the woman's problem/job.
I highly recommend Keoni Galt's post "The Emasculation Paradox". If I can find it, I'll edit in the link.
w4iks 14h ago
I would really appreciate it if you can post the link. I agree, self improvement and being more fuckable is always the primary goal. It's true the relationship should be the woman's concern but also understand that I come from a culture that expects every responsible man to be married by a certain age. So the LTR tends to be more of a duty than love thing. In my mind it's about creating a family, settling them nicely then I can go ahead to live my life. It's harder with RP knowledge since unlike the majority of men around me, I can't just pick a random woman to bear my children.
Also funny how diverse perspectives are; majority of the guys who know me IRL think I am a model on how to run a LTR yet it's clear I'm still on training wheels lol.