Hi guys. This is my first post. I'm 32 and I would say somewhat unplugged. My LTR is great for the most part. However, we have run into trouble.
My girl is a great woman. She's super hot and great in bed, submissive + holds a great conversation. Conversation. We decided that we wanted to get a girlfriend or spin plates together.
We decided we wouldn't separate and would share a woman together. This sounded pretty good to me. However, every time we meet a woman, she finds an excuse not to like this woman. I can't understand why she would make such an arrangement and then have such terrible follow-through on this. I feel like it's insecurity. She feels like she's just being picky. It's her being picky to almost any woman. I've tried very hard to make her happy. I don't know what to do at this point because she made me feel like she sold me a lie. I don't feel like she's ever going to change on this and I feel like she's wasting my time and telling me what I want to hear just to keep me around. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to next to her, but I can't seem to find any other viable options. Has anyone else ever been in this type of situation?
Kloi 2d ago
First off is she experienced with other women?
Women love to say they're into girls while never having been with one, while not actually having interest in getting with one. It's like a badge of honor.
Second, I've only ever ran this from the start, never introducing other women once the relationship has started. Either way, a girl will only put up with this so long before she cracks.
Bootyspanker 2d ago
She has had a few encounters with women, but never a full on girlfriend. Maybe she just isn't as bi as she claims to be?
MrSupreme 2d ago
Andy, the guy at "Kill your inner loser" website and YT channel has been on a LTR for about 5 years with a bisexual girl, they date other women together and have threesomes, they have a couple girls on rotation. I think the key here is that his gf is Bisexual. If your girl is doing it just to please you then it might be a wrong start, she has to be in it 100%, no buts.
Before you get ahead of yourself you better have a comfortable chat with her letting her know what you think about it. If she has some insecurities about feeling betrayed or worried about getting jealous,or you leaving her for one of the girls then I dont think it would ever work, Those things are not something you just solve and then voila, you get a cool girlfriend.
It is a great indicator that she is up to it, you could be getting a bit impatient, just hold your cock, make her feel super comfortable and find a girl she likes. I know the idea is extremely arousing but you gotta understand that you're doing it with your LTR, meaning it is more about the sharing and the experience than the sex itself.
Musicgoon78 2 2d ago
Holy shit! I feel like I'm answering myself in this case. I'm in an eerily similar situation!
This is good for me because it makes me own and look at my own problem while helping someone else! What a great opportunity! First off, I think it's important to know if your girlfriend considers herself non-monogamous. Most people that dip their toes in this kind of thing have it blow up in their face. I do agree that both people have to be 100% game for this. Now, this is a case of look at her actions not listen to her words. She could be telling you what you want to hear. It sounds like her actions speak otherwise.
As I write this I'm getting disappointed in my own inaction. If this has been going on for a while or with several different girls, it's time to face the music: she isn't the trooper you wanted to do this with and this isn't working. You can spin your wheels, but this shit won't likely change.
How long has this been going on and have you ever had a successful encounter?
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w4iks 2d ago
From my observation there's rarely ever a scenario where introducing other women into your Ltr has a great outcome. Always comes with baggage in terms of dynamics. First time a plate asked me whether she could bring a friend for a threesome and I agreed. I thought it through and asked what would happen if the friend asked her to return the favor in the future. She was lost for words but it was clear she would be obliged to do it. The other problem is the women getting too close and starting to get freaky without you. Worse still with other people.
I've also realized that things change when you make it 100% clear to a woman who loves you that you stick your dick in other women. She might act like she's cool with it but it might make it easier for her to cheat down the line. I would do it with plates but never with an Ltr I see a future with. I keep a monogamous image with the Ltr and do my thing on the side.
mattyanon Admin 1d ago
Because she was lying about the arrangement.
She wants to pretend that she's "into a threesome" and "really likes girls too", but then can always claim incompatibility/lack of attraction/whatever when it comes down to it.
It's really simple: she was lying about the agreement. Just like if you agreed to pay for something, but then "I don't want to pay cash. Or visa. Or check. Or bank transfer. Or have a loan on it". You get the idea.
Yep
Yep
Look....... she's a LTR. You negotiate what you can, but it doesn't always work.
If threesomes are a requirement for you, and she won't honour that, then it's not the right LTR.
Other options include: open-LTR, half-open-LTR (ie you can stray but she can't), etc.
Negotiate for what you want, but bear in mind that at some point you have to decide that the other party is not playing fair and you have to hard-negotiate, ie tell her straight what you're going to do about it.
If you can't do that, you've already lost.
Kevlar 1d ago
Other girl has to be uglier than her
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2d ago
As someone who had his time wasted by "bisexual" chicks in the past, this reads like she's lying to you (and likely to herself) about being bisexual, bi-curious, whatever.
Was the promise of this the only thing keeping you around?
Bootyspanker 2d ago
No, I really do care for her, but monogamy is a sacrifice and this seemed like a good compromise. I still get variety and she gets to explore with women. It definitely is a selling point.
I can't lie and say that the idea of adding other women doesn't carry weight to continue the relationship.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 1d ago
You have some tough decisions to make.
Musicgoon78 2 2d ago
I'm curious as to what you mean by time wasted? I feel like my girl has wasted a few great opportunities. I think 3somes are very hard to pull of unless you stay 100% in the director role.
Most women are competitive instead of cooperative.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 1d ago
1) I foolishly granted relationship status to the unworthy
2) never got a threesome out of it
I dated two bisexual chicks back in the day.
The first one was only the second chick I ever fucked, and I didn't know she was bisexual until things ended and I found her LiveJournal (that dates it, huh?). It turned out she was intimate with another woman the very next night after the first night with me.
Blue pilled, still somewhat AFC me felt simultaneously angry at being cheated on, and kind of pissed off that she didn't invite me along!
The second one was a year after her, and she used her bisexuality as a selling point, sending me pictures of her diking out with another, even more attractive woman. I straight up asked if I could be their third, and she dangled the possibility, but it never happened even though I fucked her dozens of times over the few months we were together. She was a massive whore and was fucking other men and other women the entire time, and a major reason I stopped naively assuming monogamy at the beginning of seeing someone (this was around 2003-4, way before Rollo coined the term "spinning plates").
No threesome ever happened, and anytime I brought it up, she kind of just stalled without saying an outright no.
Yep, exactly. I think my mistake was that she could tell I thought her friend was hotter lol.
Of all the women I've been with, only one of the 100% straight ones matched these two bi ones in terms of promiscuity and whoredom. All were promiscuous by strict church standards, but these three were ridiculously promiscuous.
999canaveral 2d ago
First of all all ppl are different so my exp is unique.
I was In a marriage with a specyfic woman (like them all). She was IDK HB5-7.
Story is time compressed, not chronological.
I have always kept my dick on a leash, I would show only mild interest in women (that likely made her at ease I wont jump a ship, and for me it was an important point not to give the bitches attention for free anyway), I would rate Every woman as OK, TOPS, I recall her testing that when watching Miss World contest, me also picking up on little imperfections in a casual/funny way.
I did something like this with my recent plate. I called her cute few times in few years, I called Shakira cute when she asked me my fave celeb. She was excited I kind of compared them both.
Then I was telling to the exw the fictional 3sum stories before sex. They were sloppy but she liked them.
my exwife shared, she tried a girl as a teen way before actual 3somes with me.
After several years she brought the first woman to a bed, her own initiative. One probably could say hotter than herself and way younger as well. Over the 5-8 years I would fuck almost all her friends and many colleagues and brought some of my own.
She would talk to her friend beforehand, tell herwe are having the experiences, essentially priming her. Some of them would expect action.
I would be initiating the first move of the night.
I wouldnt show an impatience or an over investment. I would criticise the bitches when there was a valid point or make fun of them or warn my exwife about them, but also reminiscent the funny situations.
The 3sums were not a reason for a split.
She wants you to see being unaffected by the bitches
You could do a firestarter.
Bring a woman (a friend or a ho) and just say that she likes your ltr and you want to watch, but then join. Hotel. Prime her by being mysterious.
Edit If you see her on a way out anyway. You can play whatever you want.
This is what I did with a plate on a way out (she have thought I'm too nice or have no edge). I brought 2 plates (other one was superb adventerous so I was pretty sure she'll be up) to a hotel and separately told them they can bail, just before the meeting.worked very well altho logistically it was strange.
I can see the opinions that introducing another woman is a shot into your own foot. Statistically it will be super hard to prove either way. Happy fuckers don't really write books about it.
Data is super scarce.
I would say sell this stuff as the you both vs the world.
im in the process of repeating the 3sum cycle, being in the different circumstances but usig the you vs the world method. She will likely want you to dominate these bitches. Maybe use you quietly for her status.
http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2012/05/female-social-matrix-introduction.html
World leaders use it.