What's up TRP.
For some context, I'm (29M) in a LTR (only one month so far) with my gf (31F). We got into a relationship really fast (I know, don't give me shit), and already tell each other we love each other, etc. Mostly, it is genuine.
In the beginning of the relationship, I asked her what she liked about me and she went on listing things about how I made her feel, e.g. "you take care of me," "you reply fast," "you don't leave me." Knowing what I know, this shit was like knives thrown to the heart. Anyway, it was a red flag because she mentioned close to nothing about what she likes about me as a person, until after I complained about it of course. There were a couple other similar indications of this type of feeling in her, but they were just small things, so I let it slide.
As far as other issues go, she seems strangely selfish for a woman. Some things she will do without thinking of me at all, but perhaps it's a cultural barrier (she's from a SE Asian country). Even during sex, she will grab my hand and press it against her breasts or on her ass, wherever she wants. I'll admit I don't like this, but it's weird to see her being so...selfish? I'm not sure if all these behaviors are related or not.
I've been in love a few times, but I definitely don't feel like this one is 'obsessed' with me, as the other ones were. I'll admit, when I met her I was being a beta boy and I had lost touch with the RP teachings for some time beforehand.
Now, a few days ago, we had a terrible fight (about fighting, or something else very stupid), where she just broke up with me after I told her that she had some qualities I wouldn't want in a wife, and that we needed to work on fixing some stuff, something along those lines. Our fights can get quite bad, and I'll admit that it is mostly from my side. So, she packed up all her stuff from my house and left that day. I couldn't believe it. But then she went posting songs lyrics and stuff on her IG stories, so I texted her the next day to ask if it was really over.
Long story short we got back together, but we still haven't seen each other in person since that day we broke up (a couple days ago). She said she's on her period, and she just wants to rest for a week. Truth be told, she does have more issues with her period (extra painful, messed up hormones) than normal girls, but she says she's afraid that if she comes to see me she will make a bad decision or we will fight more and she can't deal with it right now. She lives about 30-45 minutes away, and she said that if I come drive to her she will see me but if not I have to wait a week.
Now this sets off all kinds of alarms in me. I know when a girl is in love with you she will drive 1,000 miles to see you, period or not. She keeps telling me she doesn't love me less, that she just needs to rest.
But I guess I'm just not buying it. And my intuition is telling me that perhaps it is not me that she loves at all, but rather the way I make her feel. But the other voice in my head comes in and says maybe she's different, and all that.
My question to TRP is: Is my intuition valid? Am I just paranoid? I feel like I am trapped in the beta frame with her, and she does some disrespectful stuff sometimes; minor things like rolling her eyes at me in a certain way, or telling me a flat no when I ask her to do something basic like clean something, but still noticeable to me.
Should I next her? I feel like I love her and that I am fucked.
derdeutscher 3w ago
When will you learn not to care about womens emotions? Its like trying to control weather. Or understand and explain space. Its just not possible. Women change their mind and emotions all the time with and without reasons..just dont think so much about it. If she dont like you, she free to go.
Durek_The_Bald 3w ago
Let me stop you right there.
No-Stress-Cat 3w ago
You rejected her. This one is done, young brother. You flipped her hypergamy switch. Now, she's looking for the exit. She's got no reason to hang around now. You've already made it clear in her mind that she's not good enough to be your wife. You don't have to worry about nexting her. She's already nexted you. It's just a matter of time before she finds the next guy.
I'm not knocking you here and saying it's all your fault. I'm not saying you did this on purpose. Your alarm bells rang and waved the red flags and you instinctively reacted. This is okay. This is normal. This is a good thing. See it for what it is.
Also, you need to recognize it's not love you're feeling. It's oneitis. Oneitis is the Devil incarnate. It lies. It deceives. It tells you, "This is love. You don't need anyone else." It's using your lack of abundance mindset against you. It's a tricky bastard, and will cause you to do shit you wouldn't normally do.
Don't let the Devil trick you. THAT is how you get fucked.
MrSupreme 3w ago
I second this, i recently learned (reading Woujo) how rejection just kills women, they try to do everything they can to avoid being/feeling rejected. She's probably done with you. It is no problem since it is such a young relationship,y'know. Do what she is probably doing and look for new prospects. Plan ahead.
az01209 3w ago
I think you're right about this. But how to practice abundance without cheating on your girl?
No-Stress-Cat 3w ago
It all starts with your mindset. There are billions of women on this planet. There are thousands of women around you. Get it into your head. If this one isn't up to par, she could easily be replaced with another one. There are plenty of young, hot women out there tired of being "strong and independent", crying about "where have all the good men gone", and looking for the opportunity to be able to unload the burden of living like a man.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 3w ago
LTRs are measured in years. It stands for Long-Term Relationship. A few months, let alone just one, is still very much short-term.
You're usually better off keeping your judgments and feelings to yourself. Act, don't talk. If you decide something is reason to end things, keep your mouth shut until you actually end things.
Here's what you accomplish by airing your concerns:
you teach her to be a better liar
you cause unnecessary drama via verbal diarrhea
You always have the option to silently classify her as "practice chick" or "temporary fuckdoll" or whatever, but if she has disqualified herself from anything serious, telling her so usually isn't a prudent move unless your intent is to end it right then and there. Despite what women will say, most of the time they're hunting for eventual commitment, especially if they push for exclusivity early (and this reads like she did). Some might be OK with knowing they're just a fling, but usually they're just saying that.
My wife is the least selfish woman I've ever known, and she's still incredibly selfish and solipsistic. What women have you been fortunate enough to know who weren't selfish?
That sounds hot.
Huh. Why not? Just curious.
If you don't like something, are you at least OK with doing it because it gets her off? Or do you absolutely hate it? If it's the latter, then just don't. Or maybe do it back to her, like grab her hand and get her to cup your balls.
If you two are fighting that much and only a month in, then why are you putting up with each other?! The first year+ should be the honeymoon period, filled with nothing but blissful fucking.
Yes.
Yes.
No.
WHAT?!?!
az01209 3w ago
I think you're right about the jealousy thing. Are there any materials on jealousy/avoiding it?
I don't like the grabbing my hand shit because it feels too masculine.
I've known a lot of women to do many unselfish things like clean you room without asking, bring you little gifts, etc.
Thanks for your response. Lots of truth there.
Musicgoon78 2 3w ago
Bro you need abundance. Nothing you wrote tells me that you're happy in this dysfunction. She doesn't seem like a good girlfriend or even sane.
For a month long relationship this is beyond toxic. This shit is already done. Let her stay gone and find someone that doesn't make your life difficult. This girl seems like all pain without the good parts of being with a woman. Release her to the streets.
az01209 3w ago
It's pretty toxic you're right.
How to practice abundance when you have a gf?
throwaway415 2w ago
Hook up with other girls. She's probably doing it with other dudes. If your opponent treats all his pawns like queens, why play by any different rules?
Musicgoon78 2 3w ago
Abundance starts off with the realization that you can find something else if the girl you're with sucks.
First thing first. Don't stay in a toxic relationship.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
That's not an LTR that's just a relationship
az01209 3w ago
Lol touche.