Some times in the manosphere is see these absolutes. One of them is "Once a cheater always a cheater." I know this girl that confessed that when she was in academy training that she cheated on her boyfriend. She had a drunken ONS. The reason I ask is because I am reflecting on my past and all the major fuck-ups I pulled. I was busted down in the military, but was retained and I was able to climb the ranks. I was fired from a department and by the Grace of God hired by another agency. If I didnt get those second chances, I would be living in a cardboard box under a freeway. I was wondering about women that have done slutty stuff. Can we write those off as poor judgement and feels over reals and then move on? I do draw the line at high body count, a few is finding yourself, double digits means you are broken beyond repair. But what about the good girl that one night a decade ago tried a MFM threesome? Cheated once because she was isolated and lonely? A caveat is not being currently being cheated on or she is still on the CC. I mean that whatever she did, it was a blip in her radar and it was in her past.
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universitythrowaway 5d ago
Scarcity mindset. There may be some women who have done those things and are still relationship worthy. But most aren’t. So why would you take that gamble. Your mistakes from which you gain nothing, and their “mistakes” when they were younger are two totally different things. Do you think they regret what they did or regret that they can’t get married now?
cundardunfinished 5d ago
Being judge jury and executioner about her past is a fool's errand. First, you never know the truth. So I generally don't want to know about whatever interpretations exists (usually hers) of a woman's past.
I'm old enough now they all have one, I mean dating women above age 20, and if they don't it just means they don't YET. If a woman doesn't tell you she cheated that doesn't a) mean she has never cheated and b) mean she will never cheat on you. And I'm never committing myself to the degree where it matters, if her getting gangbanged at 15 is somehow relevant to today then when that becomes apparent I'll just dump her.
All you can really do is go by how she responds to you, how she acts towards you, and enjoy and appreciate that for what it is which is a moment in time. Placing bets that her past will be like her future is a dangerous game
Granted some situations are more extreme and you may just not choose to spend your time on them, being more confident in the outcome. If she has banged 100 guys, my gangbang at 15 example is actually too extreme, etc. But your run of the mill woman who has jumped on the carousel, nothing you're gonna be able to do about that.
Mofreer 5d ago
I agree. It's not possible to know the real truth. There’s a gut check we can rely on, but it’s easily conflicted by overthinking, as our instincts are wired to be hypersensitive when it comes to protecting our investments and resources.
When it comes to relationships (if it’s just a plate or something casual, I don’t see any reason to be wondering about this), I think the best approach is to simply be confident in the choices you make and be willing to walk away at any given moment.
Anything else is simply outside of your control.
derdeutscher 5d ago
Its unclear to me what do you ask? Forgive her what she did in the past to someone else? I almost dont care. You dont have the whole picture.
If you talk about forgiving her cheating on me, no that I would not do. I forgive women a lot of misbehave because they are emotional mess, they do stupid shit, but cheating or writing with other guy no, that I would not excuse.
First-light 5d ago
Yes we all need second chances sometimes. Its about whether we have learned from the last mistake or not. It takes a long time to learn what is going on inside a woman's head. Don't rush in with second chances but also don't be dumb enough to withhold the possibility.
Consider how much of a repeat offender you are looking at. Make 10 mistakes and ask for a 11th chance and you are going to need to show some serious reformation that you have already done or I would be really really dumb to give you that chance.
Jackmoter 5d ago
I have a female friend. She broke up with her first boyfriend and then cheated on her 2nd boyfriend with the 1st.
She is very active, very respectable, a good person, and has her head screwed on a lot better than most women.
So why did she cheat? Boyfriend number 2 was an absolute pussy. He spent all his days crying about where she was and what she was doing. He needed comfort and contact 24/7. Disgusting. Then BF 1 walks back in the picture and I doubt there was much thought there.
Sure she felt guilty, but I do not blame her at all. She broke up with that wimp and I do not doubt that she will be loyal to her current boyfriend... Unless he turns into a wailing bitch as well.
So yes, just because a woman has cheated on her ex in the past that does not mean she is damaged goods. More than once? That's a different question. Once a mistake, twice a coincidence. Three times a pattern.
First-light 5d ago
"I do not doubt that she will be loyal to her current boyfriend..." That's quite optimistic. Does she even know the answer to that one.
Being a wailing bitch is really not going to help a man but he can be a real alpha jock and still get cheated n for some vegetarian faggot who reads poetry. "Because tingles" is definitely a factor that can't be excluded.
Jackmoter 5d ago
I like to think I have a good read on people, if she proves me wrong then hats off to you. Maybe the correct thing to say would be "She is less likely to cheat than the average woman, despite having already cheated."
Sure. Some girls will cheat regardless of who it is they're dating. And yeah if you're not meeting her need for tingles she's going to get her hit elsewhere.
First-light 5d ago
Sounds a reasonable assessment to me.
mattyanon Admin 5d ago
right
Ah, but you're male. You can accept responsibility for yourself and improve.
Look dude.
Girls who cheat are statistically incredibly likely to cheat again.
The past is the best indicator of future behaviour.
The only reason for forgiveness is because you're lowering your standards.