Hi all. I looked for this topic in the sidebar, couldn't find anything.
I'm curious from a theory perspective - how do you know a woman is pair bonded to you? Is it the depth of emotional connection, acts of service, etc? If anyone has sources for this, would be great.
Thanks.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago Stickied
Remember to try to answer your own AskTRP in the post. New rule
Durek_The_Bald 3w ago
The concept of "pair bonding" is just a way to cling on to blue pill thinking by using less romanticised lingo. It's essentially an appeal to magic, and of no practical use in understanding male-female dynamics, or even as a mental model.
Just leave the entire term in the waste basket - together with the "love languages" and whatnot. Whether you have positive feelings for someone, or them for you, is about very straightforward, pragmatic, feet-firmly-on-the-ground stuff. Looks, game, status, sex, value added etc.
Musicgoon78 2 3w ago
What? If you made a monogamous commitment to each other and she honors that, you're pair bonded....
There's no guarantees that anyone isn't going to branch swing or bail in a relationship.
ChadifiedAsian 3w ago
I mean, arguably anyone can give you commitment, but from what I read in the sidebar, pair bonding seems like a deeper connection...
coolsocks00 1 3w ago
There’s so much variation in girls that you’re better off relying on fundamentals instead of overanalyzing.
Some girls do all sorts of shit for you and will jump into your frame fast but are disloyal. Others require more time to fully enter your frame, have opposing views, but may be fiercely loyal. And there are a million such combinations of subjective traits.
Is she putting you first, is she following your lead, is she respecting boundaries without complaints, is she investing. If yes, you’re pretty solid.
Jackmoter 3w ago
Seems like your interest here is more in the realms of biological psychology rather than the evolutionary perspective TRP often seems to take.
Enough Oxytocin release will pair bond you, i'd suggest you search your question on consensus.ai and find some free to read scientific papers on the matter.
First-light 3w ago
Pair bonding is not a light switch moment. Its not like it did not exist and then one week it happens. It happens gradually and it needs regular topping up.
One also has to be aware that some of the signs of good pair bonding are also the signs of having a nightmare girl friend. Its all a question of what is appropriate for the situation. She wants to know you are OK when you miss calling her one evening because you are late from work -maybe a bit annoying but it shows she cares. However if she is always checking up on you to make sure you are not seeing other gris or having fun with your male friends -nightmare girlfriend.
Grooming you -does your hair, cleans your clothes, buys you clothes she would like you to wear, pops spots on the back of your neck. All these are good signs but none too serious. Checks in with you regularly.. Mate guarding around other attractive females. Is relaxed with you and does not need to worry about things like peeing with the toilet door open. Makes plans after consulting you. Nesting behaviour. If you do not cohabit, she at least has her stuff in your house and is probably annoying you trying to improve your house. Cleans it. Bakes for you even if she does not cook for you. Will come when you say you need her help even if it interferes with her plans.
None of this is absolute. No one indicator tells you anything. There will be other things to add to this list but if you have the full house or most of it, this woman is pair bonded or is one of those nightmare girlfriends who goes way to fast until it all goes up in flames.