You need to try to answer your own question somewhere in this post, per the AskTRP rules

It's fear of rejection combined with self-loathing. Deep within yourself, you fear that once she gets to know the real you, she'll hate you.

Solution: make your first couple of lays with a chick you don't give two flying fucks about.

Sounds like you're a victim of the crab bucket thing, when it seemed like you were going to have a breakthrough,socially or sexually, somone always came and pushed you away from your self discovery, your true confident self. It sucks, and it still happens if you spend time¡with shitty people, which can't be helped in some cases.

Keep reading the sidebar, Confident men are not bothered by what others may think of them, or bothered about fucking up his chances with ONE girl. If you keep thinking about a serious relationship as a major goal,you are already in a blue pill shitty frame to begin with, and that coupled with your inexperience and clear insecurities will make women use you like a mat, stomp all over you and maybe even boss you around.

Continue the sidebar, surround yourself with many women instead of focusing on just one, aproach them,ask for numbers,talk about the day,take your time to calibrate your game,to develop social skills.

Juggle all those things,you can handle more than one thing at a time.

I’m scared of having a girlfriend.

It's a man's job to get sex, it's a woman's job to get a relationship, which you can and should say no to if she doesn't meet your standards. Trying to look for a girlfriend is a losing strategy, so yes, you should be aversive to pursuing such feminine goals.

Now there's another girl trying to be with me. She's a solid 8

Invite her over and escalate??

Growing up [other PTSD and shit]

I was constantly shut down for being bold or loud, and over time it turned me into this shy, introverted version of myself.

That blows. I had trauma too. It leaves a mark

I want to ask her out, but I panic.

Why. The worst she can do is say no, which is highly unlikely based on what you said. There is no terror in a bang, only the anticipation of it.

What if I mess it up or can’t handle a relationship?

Not your job to pursue a relationship, that's her job. You shouldn't have any anxiety about it. That's her anxiety to agonize over.

Is she hot enough for me? What will other people think of me?

Does she pass the boner test? Do you want to stick your pêèpëé in her vagēne? Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks.

Why do i have a fear of intimacy?

Are you a Virgin? Have you ever even kissed a girl. Dude just do it. It's not special. Sex is a meaningless commodity in modern times. You're making it way more special than these women are. Do you know how many women have let me cum inside them before they even told me their last name? Trust me, they do not think sex is special... Neither should you. Go get your needs met.

Why do i have a fear of intimacy? How do I stop being scared, stop overthinking, and actually feel like a grounded, confident man?

Alright, you probably actually need a more empathetic answer. Yeah it's anxious the first time. A lot of that anxiety comes from not knowing what it's going to feel like. When to make the moves etc. the unknown. But the other part is that guys (especially but not only inexperienced men) misinterpret excitement for anxiety. You're not actually anxious you're excited but you let the negative thoughts reframe as anxiety.

You are not anxious. Men are not supposed to feel anxiety when they see an attractive women who might fuck them, they are supposed to feel energized and excited to try. Seeing a hot fuckable woman weaker and more vulnerable than you isn't supposed to make you anxious. This is the result of anti-male social conditioning where men are taught to be worried about having needs and wanting to move things forward.

Enjoy it, she seems to want YOU.

Also, what kind of date do you suggest?

Dates are overrated, especially if they're already that interested. Drink near yours or hers (doesn't have to be alcoholic, could be boba for all you care), on a weekend neither of you work. Get drinks and offer to cook at yours or hers after and watch a movie. Don't overcomplicate it, if she's already interested (she seems to be) this should be cakewalk.

Stop being anxious, you have your life ahead of you. No one cares this much. Being an inexperienced male with past social trauma blows ass. Just do. Men do.

I regret holding back so damn much when I was your age (I'm early 30s). Don't be me, live life a little and take chances. The rest falls in line.

You're not going to be able to out think this intimacy crap. You need to expose yourself to it in real time and process it after. You're not going to be able to do it the other way around. Live life you don't have unlimited years to analyze the shit out of it.

Best of luck, stop leaving interested women on read.

never really felt safe growing up

You have an instinctive fear of conflict and a lack of feeling worthy of getting girls because you've been beaten down. This is a male instinctive response to low status: avoid women because you are not the leader and because you're not the leader, you fear repurcussions of being with a girl.

I’m introverted and not socially calibrated at all; mostly because I kept getting punished, to the point where they just stopped letting me go out. Now, when I’m around guys I see as high-value, my fight-or-flight kicks in out of nowhere, even if there’s no real reason. I don’t have that calm, grounded masculine energy. I overthink everything and constantly doubt myself.

Right.

Ok, this sucks.

I want to ask her out, but I panic. What if she sees I’m not who she thinks I am? What if I mess it up or can’t handle a relationship? Is she hot enough for me? What will other people think of me?

Your fear of this girl is based on low social status of everyone else, it's nothing to do with her.

Why do i have a fear of intimacy? How do I stop being scared, stop overthinking, and actually feel like a grounded, confident man? How do I become a man who doesn’t give a shit about what others think and just owns it and says fuck you?

By being strong, facing up to people, and so on.

Also, what kind of date do you suggest?

Doesn't matter.

Before you ask, yeah, i am reading the sidebar

First off.... you're not alone..... this is pretty common for young men.

You avoid social conflict..... you're introverted... but you have to be social if you want girls. Which you do, even if you're scared.

My suggestions are:

• Recognise that this is ONE GIRL and that this ONE GIRL is the girl who is around RIGHT NOW. Keep this in proportion - there will be other girls, more good times, it's all a journey.

• She doesn't have to be your "girlfriend". Avoid these sorts of labels and commitments

• Get some more interests outside of...... I guess you're at college or equivalent. Get interests completely isolated from this social scene so that you can learn to rebuild yourself

• Seriously consider martial arts of some type to increase your physical confidence.

• Work out. Seriously..... join gym, build muscles, work out. This will do wonders for your sense of self.

• Get on your mission..... what are your life goals? Take steps to get there!

I know that's a lot, but it's all part of the journey and it will all help get the girl thing in perspective.

At first I was going to respond with things that never happened, but I read this in your post:

"But I got punished a lot, i mean A LOT, especially by my feminist teachers and my sisters. I was constantly shut down for being bold or loud...............but inside I feel like a little boy. I’m introverted and not socially calibrated at all; mostly because I kept getting punished, to the point where they just stopped letting me go out."

Did you ever wonder why you got punished when you were younger? It's because they felt threatened. They too had a fight or flight response and since they couldn't dump you in a field somewhere, that's what happened. Don't interpret this as meaning you need to revert back to the little boy who was bold and loud, at your age, people will see you as simply being an asshole. You need to realize that those are intrinsic aspects of your personality that need to develop in the present "you" and let people begin to see that.

I look back over my life all these years as being in different stages. And each time I was about to enter into a new stage I could feel it in my bones practically for a good long while. After I enter the new stage and am solidly comfortable in it, I take a look back at the previous years and realize that I was going down a wrong path and this change was truly needed in order for me to move forward to a better person and being able to survive. If I were able to split myself into 2 people, it's like I'd give the old me a handshake and firm hug and tell him goodbye in a very bittersweet way. That old me in his heart was a good man but if that old me stayed around he wouldn't have been able to make it.

bunch of other bullshit

Forget all of this other shit you asked about women and dates and whatever else. I have said this before to other guys on this forum that there are always women everywhere, every single day, who are down to fuck if the right guy starts getting their pussy wet. This is a FACT. Being at this age right now, do not make women your focus. Your focus needs to be on first, determining who YOU are as young man going forward, and second becoming comfortable in that skin. You still admit to having this nervousness around other men. This is an indication you are not comfortable with who you are. If you aren't comfortable with who you are, why would you expect to be able make a serious relationship with a good woman work? She is going to look to you for confidence and leadership for a secure future and you're still in your own head about shit that happened in your childhood. For right now, keep women in the recreational use category. Make it a goal that before you turn 30, your confidence stems from a belief in who you are and that you are on the right path in life. That is your focus.

Jesus fucking christ.

What if she sees I’m not who she thinks I am?

Who cares? You don't even know what she thinks of you now. Only one way to find out.

What if I mess it up or can’t handle a relationship?

Truth be told it will probably go terribly because you've never had a serious relationship before. I'll let you in on a little secret, we've all had terrible relationships here. Having your heart broken by a woman is how most men end up here.

Is she hot enough for me?

I don't know. No one can answer that for you.

What will other people think of me?

Probably the same thing they do now with the added quip, ohh they're cute together.