What’s up brothers, this is a shorter post of my previous one:
How do you guys cope with knowing the fact you lost a good girl (whatever that means to you)? We had amazing chemistry and I even convinced her to accept a one sided open relationship. I made sure to tell her this before the relationship, actually on the first few dates. And we had a threesome.
We were together for 3 years and the relationship was never fully agreement free. Due to me and my inability to communicate effectively and solve our problems - which I’m working on now.
Long story short, she finally left, because she couldn’t trust me and claimed we have different views on marriage. I essentially tried to get her back for a month straight in which I said I’d be monogamous (I meant it cause I was tired of sleeping around), and I’m willing to work on myself for the betterment of the relationship. We argued about finance structure in marriage and decision making. I wanted to be the leader and she wanted us to be an equal partnership (not wrong in terms of marriage). Remind you we been together for 3 years and this never was an issue.
So yeah, she finally left and now is talking to new men and finally blocked me. I understand most trp principles and have a few plates; so maybe it’s oneitis…My issue was that before she left, I didn’t really care to change anything as my ego was through the roof. She was an 8.5 in my eyes. Did almost everything right. Not a feminists or sjw.
The guilt that I let this one slip away is eating me up. Knowing I can do nothing about it. She turned cold. She’s 28 and on the prowl and we were talking about marriage and getting engaged this year. And that still wasn’t enough.
I’ve been hoping she reaches back out but I doubt it. If she loved me like she said she did, why not give a second chance? I never lied and we were so close. Unless it was all a facade.
During that month of trying to win her back, she did pop back up at my house but I was hesitant and kind of blew her off. This is what’s eating me up the most. I should have just set my ego aside and went all in, then.
Anyone else have similar experience? How long before you moved on? How did you move on? how long did the regret linger?
I have a lot going for myself but now I feel lost and so de-motivated. I’m still working hard but the drive is less now.
My advice to myself: I didn’t realize what I had until it was gone. I got too comfortable and had a big ego because she was a unicorn in my eyes, especially accepting the OLTR setup AND being a traditional woman. I put her on a pedestal. Nothing I can do besides move on.
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No-Stress-Cat 1d ago
Sometimes, young brother, you have to accept that some people just aren't compatible. You want to lead, and she doesn't want to be a follower.
But it seems like you don't know how to lead. It's not an easy thing to learn, especially if you grew up without a father figure.
Do not jump back into a relationship. You were with this girl for 3 years. Take 3 years to get yourself back in order. Your well-being takes priority over everything else right now.
Learn to be by yourself. You cannot be successful in any relationship if you can't succeed alone.
Take responsibility for EVERYTHING. When you succeed, it's because you did things right. When you fail, it's because you fucked up. Own both the good and the bad. OWN IT.
Make the rules. Set the standards for yourself. This is how you do things. This is how you would expect someone else to do them in your stead.
Learn to dictate. Get comfortable with telling other people what to do. "Hey, I need you to do this." This is especially a useful skill if you have a supervisor position. If you're not a supervisor at your job, become a supervisor, or volunteer somewhere you can be put into a leadership position.
Then maybe, you just might be ready to try having a relationship.
Nich2022 1d ago
I believe you are right. I thought I knew how to lead. Becuase she did pretty much everything I asked for. Until recent when we ran into a problem that I was too egotistical to solve.
It sucks knowing I wasn’t enough and I lost a good girl to me. Never had the feelings I had with her with anyone else. But you’re right smh
No-Stress-Cat 8h ago
Yeah it sucks. Been there done that, learning the hard way that I wasn't man enough ALL the time to keep my house in order. You have to be stoic and absolute. Everything you do should have a purpose. All the decisions you make should be made with confidence. Bring out that inner strength...that...MANERGY!
RAWR!
Dxmx99 2d ago
Right off the bat,
The good girl you had chemistry is a freak in the sheets with the right dude.
That means, anyone at the right time could make your vision of this "good girl" vanish if you saw the aftermath.
Step one, realize she's a human. She's not a divine interference in your life that set you off your course to live a life love, laughter, and light. There would have been days where you wanted her gone. There were likely days like that already.
Oneitis is tough to live with. I just lived with it. I lived with it by letting time go, by realizing the bad and the good, and preparing myself for the next girl - even when I felt like there wasn't going to be a "next".
One day you will just feel ready. Time to stop being a little bitch and go get your dick sucked.
Nich2022 2d ago
Thanks man for the advice. And you’re absolutely right, I made her a super freak. I did all that there could be to her in the bedroom and out of it.
My part is the mental chemistry. Never connected with a woman like that before.
But you’re right, I have to let time go.
MrSupreme 2d ago
What you think you had is not what you actually had. She was getting tired of you and wanted to settle down with a "serious" guy, and found some excuse to end the whole thing while you were thinking "seriously" about marriage and becoming someone else just for her (it could be kind of flattering knowing you're not the guy she wants to settle with. she is seeing the wall). It was a long relationship, learn to be wth yourself for a while (6 months just you and your goals). You didn't let anything go, if one person is unhappy in a relationship then it is a timebomb. Sometimes girls still love you and won't be brutal about ending a relationship, i think this is the case.
I think Oneitis is for guys who fall for girls they don't know much. After 3 years i wouldn't call it Oneitis, you're naturally attached to the girl and the plans you two had, it is not easy letting go of that so don't feel like you're doing something wrong, you didn't fuck up, the thing had to end because whatever, just take your time to get over it, and when you're done just keep meeting women.
Nich2022 2d ago
Yeah it’s a big ego hit and self esteem hit knowing she still doesn’t want to settle down with me, WITH the wall approaching AND After I made some compromises and really did some inner work. She’s rather risk it with potential.Ego bruised.
But you’re right, I need to learn to be with myself again. I definitely wasn’t perfect and could have treated her better though. The next guy will Be lucky to have her.