36YO, wife 38YO, 1 kid (6)

Lifts - SQ 170, DL 205, BP 135, OHP 105, ROW 115

Height: 6’2’  Weight: 183 Pounds

Goal review at bottom

Readings: Everything in the Sidebar except 48 Laws and SGM. Several multiple times.

Current readings: Bigger Leaner Stronger; The second mountain.

Late

I had an accident Monday and it threw me off for a few days. I was shaken. I decided to not let my self be shaken, but to put it behind and get on with life. Important to notice again how the view and mindset I take of things, (the frame?) decides how I live it. Now I feel fine with it, not giving it undue importance and not reflecting too much about it. 

Physical

lFinding joy again at the gym. I gained 3 pounds since upping my calories in September, seems too much. Will continue on 2,700 in October and then review. 

General

Work, work, work. Still all work. Demanding, but my energy is very high. Big difference from the past 1 year. So it does not feel like work, it just feels like “things that need doing”. Maintaining a high level of energy is really important and I’m keen to observe what helps and what gets in the way of this. I’ve never been methodical in observing my energy level before, i took it as exogenous. 

Meditation, still off track…. the problem is my morning schedule is compressed. Either I sleep earlier, or I do with less sleep. I will sleep earlier. 

The post by Sepean motivated me to think again about my goal-setting and priorities, I'm doing this. 

Relationship

All ok, a couple of shitty days around her 4th week, but well managed. She acted as a very good FO regarding the accident and she helped me, but she was shaken too. Afterwards she started getting very anxious about un-related domestic/kid matters. I talked to her about it, and as I settled my self, so did she. More intimate and connected. 

My goal in the relationship is practically one, improve my game. The hardest part is creating tension/pressure. That is the aspect of my game that tends to be forced, particularly when I try to use bring it about with words. It is natural only when subtle, practically unspoken: the tone, the way I look at her, the energy (my energy) as we are together. That brings about sexual tension, words per se, do not.

I need to consider about how I carry my self, because at the end of the day that’s basically what I’m thinking about, posture, voice, movement, awareness, emotional calibration. 

Past week goal review 

It was painful to write this:

• NOT DONE (80%) - Track calories successfully, follow macro plan.
• NOT DONE Finish Bigger, Leaner, Stronger;
  • DONE - Gym 3-4X Min;
• NOT DONE -2 Social events;
• NOT DONE - Meditate everyday;

September goal review

• DONE - Double my salary;
• DONE - Commit and start formally learning 1 skill for 4 months;
• Almost complete - roll to October - Review long term portfolio objectives, method & structure; 
• Stalled - roll to October - Wardrobe re-build part 2 - elevate style and fit;

This weeks goal 

• Finish Bigger, Leaner, Stronger; (third week I say this, I have to give 200 bucks to a friend if I don’t do it.)
• Design better dinner meal plan;
• Track calories;
• Gym 3X Min;
• Meditate everyday;

October month goals are:

• Wardrobe re-build part 2 - elevate style and fit;
• Review long term portfolio objectives, method & structure; 

Original post by /u/HornsOfApathy.

This week's OYS Live stream will be on Sunday, 10/4 at 9:00pm EST.

If you would like your OYS highlighted, please send a DM to me, /u/weakandsensitive.

Massive response so far. Here's the current list - in order.

• MRP5248
• dust2dust45
• SpareTireBob
• KoolAidMan7980
• AntiqueAsh
• jaackknives
• ItsRedThyme
• EastEuroLongshot
• ApostropheSs (bottom of list)
• AurelianReflections (top of HoA's list)
• Deathmetal_deadlifts
• Vonfahtz
• NotEvenMyFinalF0rm

While I think this is an awesome response, there's no way we're getting to everyone. I didn't expect this to happen so quickly, but I am very glad you guys are getting value out of this.

I'd previously written --

If there are too many of you that sign up, I might start auctioning spots too. I'm guessing this won't happen though. And if it does, it won't happen until we have a regular cadence. But there you go, there's expectation management for you.

Because of sheer volume, here's what's going to happen after this week's stream. I'll be putting up a signup sheet with a paid option (5 people limit @ $5/person) and the regular signup option. Costs will be put towards improving the streaming quality ($49/month) and beer money to the folks participating. If we're still getting a ton of interest in the paid option, I might put a higher premium on it again.

OYS 9

Stats: early 30s, 6'6", 227 lb, 12% bf (navy method), 34":49.5" waist:shoulders (1.456 ratio)

Married for 1, together for 7, no kids

Goals from last week:

• Finish MMSLP, start WISNIFG = Finished MMSLP, started The Rational Male instead
• Identify options and draft ideas for creating a mission = Had some great feedback from /u/BarracudaRP that made a ton of sense
• Meditate 2 times = didn't happen at all, didn't feel like I needed it

Lifted Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Tuesday

Rucked Thursday, Friday (4 miles, 30 lb)

Ran Tuesday (3.5 miles)

Current Tier 1 lifts (KB Modified Bodyweight GZCL VDIP):

• double kettlebell front squat = 71 lb x 5 reps (increase in volume)
• double kb press = 62 lb x 4 (increase in weight)
• Weighted Ring dips = 18 lb x 5 reps (no change)
• double kb deadlift = 106 lb x 5 reps (decrease in reps, increase in overall volume)

Smashing my upper back and neck with a lacrosse ball has continued to work and my neck feels better. Felt great to spend more time in the gym, and I'm really enjoying the slight modifications I made (narrow-stance/quad-focused front squats; presses and z-presses instead of pushups). Keeping workouts to only 3 exercises for now, keeping it simple.

Updates:

Spent the weekend just getting shit done. There's plenty to do/clean/fix around the house and stuff to go through. I threw out a ton and took a carload of stuff to the thrift store. Sold some stuff on Craigslist. A lot of it was leftover stuff from my parents' place that I didn't want to deal with at the time. I feel some weight off my shoulders, and will continue to minimize and remove distractions/clutter. I've been prioritizing sleep this week, head to bed before 9, listen to some audiobooks and pass out. Getting up at 5:15 and working on my sidebar readings. Really enjoy being in this groove.

General observations:

The feedback I got last week about building a mission was great. It aligned with what I was already thinking. For now, my mission is simply to prove to myself that no matter what challenge comes my way, I can handle it. This means I need to constantly re-evaluate and self-assess myself, and do the work. I've got plenty of challenges to work on already.

Based on what I was hearing in the RPU podcast and reading at the end of MMSLP (in regards to ONEitis and abundance) I made the decision to jump into The Rational Male instead of WISNIFG. I'll come back to WISNIFG later, STFU and focusing on my own problems has already worked wonders. After reading the first 15 pages of RM I know I made the right choice. I know it's basic RP stuff, but for some reason it hits harder for me now, and I've made a bunch more connections. It's like how I felt the first time I read NMMNG. Average Frustrated Chumps, personal Power, even buffers/compensation/rejection dynamics, all hitting home for me. Really excited to continue working through this book and reinforce mental models.

Everything comes back to personal power, and the ability to control the outcome of my life. Working on my problems makes them a little less scary, and I always feel better after I take action, no matter how small. I realize I'm using some buffers between myself and some of the bigger decisions in my life. I mentioned last week that I feel a lot of fear around my career. I got lucky and got a decent job in IT, but I don't have the background and the stuff I've learned on the job is specific to only one piece of software.

I started taking online classes a couple years ago to try and get a degree in CS, but I took a long break at the start of this year. I was smoking a ton and when the pandemic hit I used it as a big excuse to take some time off. Going back to school is still avoiding the true problem--I haven't applied to any other jobs, or even looked elsewhere. I fear I'm not good enough and I haven't even tried. Regardless of what I need to do, I know I need to get back to studying and learning and becoming more valuable and able. I emailed my academic advisor earlier this week, and the next class starts in a few weeks.

Goals for next week:

• Read Chapter 2 of RM
• 3 Pomodoro Sessions

OYS33.
Age 50 Married 24 years. Together 26 years. Wife 48 years old. 3 male children age 21,21 and 17.

Reading.
Read NNMG, MAP, WISING, MMSLP. The Game by Neil Strauss and The Rational Male (the book) by Rollo Tomasi. The Art of Seduction.
Most recent book: The way of the superior man.

Finances - good.
Social - ok.
Hobbies - ok.

Areas that need work.

Body.
Height 179 cm/ 5ft 10 Weight 73.5kg Body fat c18%. Third week back in the gym.
Went Wednesday, Saturday and Monday.
Have been reading Starting Strength to better understand form and programming.
I have also been checking how this dovetails with The Lean Gains website and Nerd Fitness both of which I respect.

Deadlifted 85kg for 5 reps.
Goblet squats with 28kg dumbbell 3 sets of 5 reps.
Overhead press 3 sets of 5 reps at 30kg.
Had to warm up a lot for this. This increase pleased me.
Bench press 3 sets of 5 reps at 42.5kg.
Properly used back extension bench for first time last week.
Chin ups. 2 sets of 5 single chin ups full motion with pauses between each chin up.
My brain and body can only handle so many new things at once. So continuing with goblet squat for now.

Frame.
Over the last week I have been trying to consciously think about my frame more.
As or before I do something I have been trying to ask myself: Do I want to do this? Why am I doing this? Whose frame am I following?
Or even more painfully: why did I do that?
In some areas of my life the frame control is clear.
At work when I am working with clients I am often in their frame. They call the shots. They pay the money.
When I am engaged in hobbies or my underlying desire to be intellectually curious (my mission) I am happy because I control the frame.
I garden for me. I sowed some special wild flower seeds this week under some fruit trees. The process involved research, buying the seed from a specialist, a lot of mowing, rolling the ground and broadcasting the seed. I did this for me not my wife not anyone else.
I have been researching and investing in crypto currencies. For me. My pleasure in understanding something new. Then taking action in the way that I want to.
But both these are easy because they don’t involve others.

I have been reflecting on the people that actively test my frame or seek to impose their frame.
My wife.
My mother.
My clients.
Certain friends and colleagues.
This really comes down to those that tell me what to do or how to think about the world.

I realise that the people I get on best with respect my frame:
My older sons.
My father.
My sister (interesting contrast to my mother and wife).
Friends whose company I truly enjoy.

Going further back than this week I have been looking back at some past decisions and who or what made them. This is interesting, sometimes painful and at times exhausting.
I can almost pinpoint the moment I started accepting my wife’s frame when we moved in together before we married. One afternoon I was watching a rugby match and she started stripping wallpaper around me. I caved in. I stopped watching the game and started decorating. The die was cast.
Before then I was influenced by others, I wasn’t an alpha but I was making decisions in my own frame. I naturally fought to break free of my parents frame which is healthy.

The main past important decisions where I have some regrets concerns my elder sons education. I should have imposed my views more strongly when they progressed to senior school. Luckily a couple of years later I did.

I am now beginning to realise that this isn’t about sex. It’s about my freedom. Easy to say this.

OYS #19

40, 6’0 190(-1)lbs, Married 15 years, wife 40, son 6yo. OYS 101

Recent lifts: SQ347,5x2, BP255x1, PR175x2, DL445x2.

Read: Most things twice. WISNIFGx4 and NMMNGx3. Currently Day Bang.

STFU: Progressing.

Basics: Social, leading, hygiene, family, diet, training, no porn, no fap, no alcohol all fine.

Mindset

I continue to be happy and engaged. I’ve gotten a decent hold of guilt and shame it seems after having NMMNG/WISNIFG on repeat, which helps me a fuck-ton. Will go back to these again soon.

So things are still good and improving. But this is OYS, so a couple of things here.

As always, I am an impatient fuck so I haven’t completely stopped my mind from wanting to just conclude now (and nuke). At least it is lessening. Making a plan, as ICM recommended, has helped.

While this stops me from just nuking, I am still carrying around some resentment, as the situation isn’t as I want. I do fairly well at managing this, but I have gotten annoyed a few times. It stinks and turns my DGAF into butthurt.

Game and sex

Game is fine. Just passing shit tests by STFU, kino and bullshit etc. as I develop my toolbox. I have been doing this for a while and it’s going well. I went through Day Bang. A lot of it resonates. I had read it before, so some of it might be because I just incorporated it. Some of it is just me I think. I am taking a run through Models and a rerun of Pook now.

Sex is on-demand, I have fucked when I wanted. Which hasn’t been too often, I guess a couple of times. I still get starfish consistently. I have my focus elsewhere, and when I did fuck I enjoyed myself just fine.

Social and family

This is the stuff I keep busy with, apart from work. Went out with a friend on the weekend, great time. I am finding that more man-time is enjoyable.

Also spent some good time with my kid doing active father-son stuff, getting him some gear for his sports interests. I’ve really stepped up here over the last months.

I looked into some societies, and picked one. Going next Saturday for the first session.

Finances

I haven’t had a section on this, because I am very good here. But I will add this just for the sake of completion, because it’s something that’s in my plan. I don’t want to be a plow horse anymore, so first step is a rearranging of budget, which I’ve done.

I also got the final word on the possible divorce economics. Ultimately it matters little if my wife works or not at the moment of divorce. At least this then doesn’t influence the timelines.

Physical

Diet I will tighten a bit. I am still in a deficit, but I want to see the scale move. I will pull out some kcals. Also doing average of daily weigh-ins for next week in stead of one on the weekend. I suspect this will mean I have a higher number next week, we’ll see.

Workouts and runs went fine. Lifts are still suffering a bit, but hit a 330x5 squat for the first time in a long time, which, considering the deficit and low (for me) BW, was pretty good.

Work

Great week. I killed it at a presentation to the board, got everything set up well, they were impressed at how everything was handled. Got my team to execute some stuff and got an overview - our 2020 results are looking to be record breaking. Really feeling a good energy about things. Had a good client meeting, looking to be a big deal for us. Have another couple of those this week.

Also feel there is a good energy to the team, after I got troublesome employee called on the unacceptable behavior. I’ve come a long way in getting rid of guilt over being assertive with women.

Some shit, maybe. Spoke my mind about my views on affirmative action for female directors in the company. We have it, yet we pretend we don’t. I guess the advice from here would be to STFU and be strategic. But I can get what I want and still be authentic.

Dear Diary -

I am back to a one plate bench finally after my broken hand on 9/4.

Respect will be paid.

That is all.

14th OYS

Stats​: 42, Married 11 years, together 16. 2 kids under 10.

Read​: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, Rational Male, Subtle Art, Unfuck Yourself, SGM, Models.

Physical​: 5’9”, 160 lbs. Waist 31”, neck 14”. Body fat est. 13%-15%.

Lifts​: Bigger Leaner Stronger PPL 5 Days / week. Deadlift: 255x5, Squat 235x5, Bench 155x5.

Nutrition​: Targeting 2300-2400 cal / day, ratio of 30/40/30 protein/carb/fat, with 1.1 g per lb of bodyweight for protein.

Social: ​Another quiet week, other than chit chat with other parents while taking the kids to school. Kid sports started up and I’m a head coach, so am building some camaraderie with the other coaches and reconnecting with parents I know from last year. I golfed with my dad and brother this past weekend - this is the first time we’ve done this in years. My relationship with my dad has drifted over the past decade or so. He’s the only parent I have left and he’s not getting any younger, so I’m glad I carved out some time to spend with him. I need to do this more often.

Relationship: ​This continues to be mostly fine, but I have work to do in terms of operating in my own frame. I got shit tested before and after golf, which is not surprising. I got caught up in my own head while out, looking at the time and thinking about when I would be home after we decided to grab dinner at the course. Why? I wasn’t needed for anything at home. That I’m this far into MRP and still feel guilty about taking time and doing something exclusively for my own enjoyment, really pisses me off. I caught myself DEERing in my own head, in response to the disapproval I was anticipating before even arriving home. It was a long drive, so I was able to sort myself out. I arrived home relaxed and happy, and easily shrugged off the petty complaints about being gone all afternoon and evening. I was able to get to where I needed to be when challenged, but engaged in far too much mental turmoil on the way there.

Mental: ​Following the “1% better each day” rule:

Get enough sleep to support lifting: Achieved lights out between 10 and 10:30 each night; I am averaging 7 hours with a 5-530 wake up.

Alcohol: Indulged on both days this weekend. Plan is to stay dry this week and next, including the weekend.

Making good use of my mornings: This is going well as I’m now in a set routine. Still haven’t tried out any meditation. I’m preferring to read over a cup of coffee, and then head out with the dog for an hour of exercise before starting work.

Guitar - 50% success on doing my nightly lesson and practice. Will keep at it.

OYS #3:

Stats: 35y, 5'8", fit, never married, no kids

Basics (/10): Social 8, leading 7, hygiene 7, family 6, diet 7, training 7, discipline 4. No porn/masturbation

Read: NMMNG, partly Primer

General: I was about to write that I've messed up my sleep again and how it's "difficult". Blagh. Ridiculous. Excuses come so easy.

I sucked this week (work, still) and this initially made me worry about the post. Then I realized how stupid that worry was. Still the seeking of external validation. As if others knowing or not knowing how good or crap I've been changes the facts of my past week in any way.

Physical: 100x pushups every day (up to 65,35). Arm injury healed and back on lighter kettlebells, jogging was good, added sprint but knee started hurting, so a few days off running. Only about three weeks of exercise but there's been some noticeable muscle gain on arms/chest, which is unexpected. In the past I've seen much slower gains.

Game/sex: I had a date for the first time in over a year. It was quite fun. Reading NMMNG must have helped, I was much freer than other times, less self-conscious, less bothered about things. Still, I kinda forgot to be sexy/suggestive. Not sure if I was actively avoiding trying it, I don't think so. I'm still not fully "myself". Also, changed my perspective a bit after some mrp reading. Before I was thinking somewhat in terms of "chasing" her and eventually "dropping" her if not having fun, now I'm thinking more of just enjoying my time. It's starting to sink in that women's bodies are specifically looking for somebody who can game them without caring much about them. The caring would just be the cherry on top.

Social: I went to a meeting with quite a few people and had a good evening. I felt quite comfortable, which is more or less new. It's much more enjoyable when I can participate in a conversation without mainly worrying about this and that.

Family: I realized that no matter how much of a loser I might feel at any given moment, it is not a good reason to distance myself from my family because of it. Had a better chat with my brother, which was good.

Work/mission: "Later" times crapton until this morning, continual rationalized avoidance. That has stopped by cutting off anything "interesting" and "useful" not directly required for looking for a job. I finally started on it, but I couldn't do anything before having any viable mission/vision (more "oh so difficult" bullshit). Mission is half-baked but there. Not much else, working on the mission/vision/plan for the next few hours.

OYS: 29

37yo, 6’1”, 195lbs, 14%bf (Calipers). Married 9 yrs, together 12. 2 kids, 5 & 3. Bench 320, OHP 180, Squat 310

Read: Rational Male, NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNFG, Book of Pook, SGM, Models, Bang, Day Bang

Swallowed the pill 9/2017, OYS since 9/2019

​

Mental: I’m in some weird middle ground. This last month or so, I’ve probably been less focused on red-pill progress than any time since I started. It’s not that it doesn’t matter, it’s that progress toward some red-pill ideal is not the thing at the center of my crosshairs. That’s good. Being the ideal can’t be the mission, though for me, being more RP and having more and better sex had been the unifying theory for most of my time here.

I miss the high I used to get from the fantasy, and the irony is that as the things that used to be fantasy, and used to animate my progress here, mostly sexual, have become reality, they’ve ceased delivering as much excitement as they did when they weren’t real.

This is all fine, and typical. In achieving some goals I’m finding that they don’t deliver as much joy as I’d thought they would. This is always the case. I’m also recognizing that this self-improvement never stops. And the goal of being always better, constant improvement, is becoming my internal animating drive. This feels like the fundamental realignment from extrinsic to intrinsic (becoming one’s own point of origin) motivation. I’ve got much further to go, and that’s a great thing. Goal: Continue to focus on making myself my own point of origin.

Physical: I thought I could pull off a lean bulk by just eating what felt right, having done bulk/cut cycles now for the last 2 years… I was wrong. Gained 7 pounds and it was mostly fat. So I’m cutting back down to 185, and then shifting strategy. I’m already the biggest guy, by far, in my peer group, at my kids school, etc. Yes, there are people bigger than me but most of them are 20 years younger. Size is not the biggest lever for me to pull anymore. I think I will get more SMV milage out of further reductions to body fat, working to keep things between 10 and 12% all the time, as opposed to the 12-14% I’ve hovered around for the last 2 years. I’ve got a new set of dumbells arriving this week and I’m giddy. Goal: Cut to 185

Family: Keeps getting better, all things considered. Kids are happy, family unit is high functioning, school is grinding back into some sort of parallel universe version of a class room and we’re supplementing heavily to make sure they’re making progress and minds are stimulated. I need to keep my eye on what’s happening to make sure we stay at this level. Goal: 1 fully engaged activity with both kids every day.

Social: Had a good run of outings the last couple of weeks, but missed last week with only 1 social get-together. The big thing that’s missing, of course, is that there’s just nothing like the social interactions that used to be run of the mill with my job, and an in-person office. Now I’ve got to plan further ahead, and last week I didn’t get it done. So same goal, but with renewed focus. Goal: 2 in person social events outside the house each week

Relationship: The high-point is the low-point. We’re in a great spot, she’s respectful, loving, able to acknowledge that she wants desperately to keep me happy and sees the power balance has entirely changed. I’m not running anything like active dread, and she’s on high-alert. Even though I’m home 7 days/week with few meetings out of the house, one trip in town to pick up mail and seeing me delete one text and she’s convinced I’m having an affair…. More sexually compliant than ever before, talking more openly about sex than ever before and... the attraction and interest for me is just not there.

Still some things she says no to, some things I want that are off the table, there’s progress to be made, but we’re fine, and it’s incredibly pleasant, and I have no complaints and… I just don’t care.

Just hitting a new achievement in the sexual leveling up isn’t doing it anymore (surprise). I need to actually sort out what I want and guide her there. Goal: Keep doing what I want to do. Keep making my needs clear.

OYS # 18

34 yo, 6’1”, 182 lbs. Married 10 years, together 15 years. 1 kid (5). 14% B.F (Navy method). Total T: 608. Squat 215x5, Bench 180x5 (+10), Deadlift 320x5 (+10), OHP 125x5 (+10), PClean 160X3 (+5).

Lately I’ve really started to begin seeing this community for what it is. It’s difficult to really open up sometimes, but I force myself to do it, and the advice rarely disappoints.

A big thanks to w&s and everyone else involved for the OYS streams. I’m working my way through the videos he’s done from the past month and am a couple of weeks behind, but the feedback and understanding I get from this format is 10x what it was before.

​

Reading

Completed WISNIFG, NMMNG x2, MMSL x2, SGM, TRM, MAP, Pook, Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, TWOTSM, Bigger Leaner Stronger, 48 LOP, Models. Currently reading Saving a Low Sex Marriage (6%).

Audiobooks: NMMNG, TWOTSM. Currently listening to The Art of Seduction.

​

Lifting/Exercise

Upper body workouts have been increasing very well lately. I’ll bump up the weight 5 lbs and spend 1 or 2 workouts on it before hitting all of my reps. Really catches me off guard sometimes. As the weight has increased I’m allowing myself longer time between sets.

I hurt my lower back a couple of weeks ago when I pulled up 315 for the first time in the DL. I had taken video of myself that time and upon review found my lower back arching. I’ve allowed myself to heal, lowering the weight for the lower body workouts. Things feel pretty good now, will likely hit it hard again tomorrow morning.

​

Diet

I dropped my caloric intake from 3700/day to 3500/day. Been eating at that level for 7 weeks now and have gained 12 lbs. When I started eating more, there was an immediate gain of around 3 lbs (extra food and water retention), which means I’ve gained about 9 lbs of body weight, higher than the upper threshold of 1 lb/week of added muscle. I’m packing on a little extra fluff, so adjusting. Now that I’ve done that though, I’m wondering about the increased nutrients my body may need as I gain more muscle. Tracking and hitting my caloric and macro goals daily.

I compared my progress pictures to a month or two ago and have already seen big changes. I had actually perceived myself as having some upper body muscle mass back then. Now looking back I see the skinny little fuck that I was. Most noticeable changes since then have been in my shoulders, traps, pecs, and ass.

​

Career / Finances

I’ve become much more focused on completing tasks at work. The team works very well together, and I’ve helped to push this teamwork further. We were rushing to complete items at the end of our sprint, and I began coordinating amongst other team members, splitting out tasks to complete the objective on time.

I’ve expanded the avoidance of DEERing to my work interactions, and just owning up my mistakes. “Yup, I missed that. I’ll get on that right away”. No apologies or explanations (unless pressed on the matter). I’ve also been doing more “ask forgiveness rather than permission” when interacting with my boss.

Last week I received great feedback from the unofficial team leader. Told me I’ve been a big help and have taken weight and responsibility off of his shoulders. I was moved to this team a few months ago and have progressed very well since onboarding.

​

Family / Home

I took the wife on a weekend getaway without the kid. I started doing these every 3 months or so, this is the 3rd occurrence. I find someone to watch the dog and kid, figure out where I want to go, and tell her what she needs to pack. We have a great time and usually end up having some great sex. The immersion from being away from the kid and in a hotel room is very powerful and helps both of us let go. I’ve learned from the past trips, and this time I had almost everything planned beforehand. Day and evening activities, dinner reservations, backup plans, etc. Shit was on point.

Prior to leaving I was wondering about covert contracts surrounding the trip, so this time I removed that expectation of sex. Well, I was still expecting that it was going to happen, but I was mentally prepared for if it didn’t that I was going to be OK with it. I was even tested for this that one point. “What if I stopped and didn’t give you a blow job?” I replied that I would probably go to sleep.

​

Sex

I’m gaming her throughout the day - kissing her because I enjoy it, often without the goal of it leading to sex later. When I do want to set the stage for sex later, I’ve found that it helps to be a bit more overt about my intentions. Saying something like “save some energy for tonight” with a wink. Usually when I do this I get positive feedback and IOI.

Got a BJ to completion for first time in like 18 months while we were on our weekend away. I’ve never brought it up - I wanted it to be something she brought up and desired to give to me. I gave my approval during, told her I know she likes making me feel good, and called her “a good little cocksucker”. I heard a satisfying moan when I made that last comment.

I also introduced a blindfold during the weekend away. I did not think it would be well received, but afterwards I was told that it was fun and that we should do that again. Shows how much I know.

Last night we gave each other massages. My mind right away goes to expecting sex afterwards. However, the feedback from my last OYS popped into my head, about actually being OI if I get turned down, instead of being butthurt and trying (and failing) to project OI (thanks u/man_in_the_world). It was at this moment that I realize I also had this covert contract. We do massages, and I expect that we will have sex afterwards. By having that expectation in my head, I’m setting myself up for disappointment and butthurt. I removed that expectation. After the massages I initiated, got rejected, joked about something, had a genuine laugh, kissed her and said good night. Some small disappointment, but no feelings of rejection or butthurt. By realizing I was holding onto that expectation and killing it beforehand, I was able to take it in stride and just move on.

​

Mental

I’ve been a lot more confident lately. Confidence is probably one of the biggest areas holding me back. Always has been, in many aspects of life. Still a long ways to go, but I’ve been walking around the house with more purpose and giving less shits about outcomes. It’s become much easier to express my displeasure. It’s very easy with my son, but I did express my displeasure with my wife a couple of times. That rarely, if ever, happened in the past.

OYS #1

This is my first OYS. I’m using this as an opportunity to start the habit of journaling, focus my efforts, and have some accountability to myself. Hope to give some value back to the group when appropriate.

Intro:

Not sure exactly when, but stumbled across this (mrp) a few months ago. Was in a reddit-rabbit hole of dead bedrooms, infidelity, and some really weird ass shit. Like many others, initial goal was improved sex life, quickly realizing that’s not THE end state, but a byproduct of becoming a man I want to be.

So with that, I’ll run down the list of where I’m at, what I’ve learned, and what I need to improve on.

Baseline stats- Married w/3 kids, Mid 30s, 5’9’’, 184 lbs, don’t know bf%, but I have soft abdominal definition and wear a 30” waist with a belt. I’ve put on about 10 lbs in the last year. Recent blood work shows all good levels, have not had T levels checked, but I have no reason to(yet), as everything is working just fine.

Physical- This is definitely my strong suit, as I have always made fitness a priority in my life. Currently as I unfuck myself, this is probably the only area I can provide some value, having made my living in the fitness industry for the last decade. I currently go to the gym 3-5 days per week, and I wrestle 2-3 times per week.

My workouts consist of a heavy compound movement, I work up to a heavy top set, then a back-off set (typically around 60-65% for max reps) followed by accessory movements. Pain management and my wrestling schedule dictates what specific exercises I perform as well as volume and intensity.

Reading- I spent about 2 months just spastically consuming content, skimming, cherry-picking, and being a general fuck. I knew I stumbled across the answers I was looking for, but was getting nowhere fast. Since then, I slowed down. So far I’ve read NMMNG (once in print, once on audio, + Rian Stone’s companion series). Currently reading WISNIFG (also watched Rian’s video companion of this). Have also read a bunch of Rollo’s blog posts, and much of the suggested mrp posts. Now that the drinking from the firehouse phase has passed, I am more deliberate about the content I consume, and really trying to internalize and implement the concepts.

Lessons learned so far

I am still floating in and out of anger, resentment, butthurt, and Rambo. NMMNG shone a big bright spotlight so many nice guy behaviors, covert contracts, rage, shame, childhood baggage we don’t realize we carry around. A lot of these behaviors over the years were amplified by untreated combat related PTSD, plus financial insecurity from being self-employed, as well as giving the reins of damn near everything else (finances, coordinating kids activities, all the domestic shit) to my wife. I’ve been the epitome of asleep at the wheel/drunk captain.

It’s taken a number of weeks, but I am coming to terms with the realizations of what I’ve created in my life and relationship. Over the last year, I completed a course of therapy for PTSD and learned a lot and made a lot of improvements, but it only got me out of the hole I was in, I didn’t leave with a direction I wanted to pursue.

-I am starting to grasp the concept of frame, to use some carpentry imagery, I have one, but it is neither plumb or square. I can prop it upright with conscious effort and when I slack, it reverts back to its weak state. I guess you could say I am in the stage of “conscious incompetence”.

-Slow the fuck down. I tried haphazardly implementing too much, too fast and it was incongruent.

-Since then, I’ve focussed on little things, most of which I’ve done pretty well at: being decisive (no more “What do YOU want to do?” like a little bitch), learning to let go of fear of judgement from my wife, not caring about her moods, etc., recognizing manipulation, starting to enforce boundaries.

I still find myself creating covert contracts, but am recognizing the fact that I’m doing it. In some situations, I dropped the contract, and did it anyway. Other times, when I realized it, I chose not to do whatever it was I was doing to get something in return.

Going forward-

Right now, my mission is the generic “Become a high value man with options”. This is perfect for me right now, because I am getting ready to start a new career, pursuing some dreams, and entering into a new phase in my life. I believe my marriage has great potential, I don’t hate my wife, but I also am coming to terms with the idea that staying married does not equal success.

This shit is hard, but nothing worth doing comes easy.

OYS #1. 40; 2 kids. Separated

Physical: 6’ 223. I have a few health issues that weight loss is the first step to solving. I’ve lost 20 pounds over the last few months and have just stalled in the last 2 weeks. I am now fully committing to 2400 calories or less per day since I have been going over the total with night snacks. I walk 3 plus miles per day and ride bicycle 4 plus miles every day. Lift 2x per week. I have a slight hernia and hip problems. Weight loss has greatly improved those issues. Low T that is controlled by clomid as well. Losing fat is the most important goal at this time.

Reading: MMSLP, The Survivor Personality, RM 1st Year. Working on sidebar and top MRP posts.

Mental: Seeing a therapist. Working on the Survivor Personality book. This book made me see that I am not a victim and that I am totally in charge of getting through this time of my life. I am taking steps each day to mentally reorient my life towards taking care of myself and being the man I want to be.

Self: Classic Beta Bux with a great career that I enjoy. I am also primary caretaker of children, which I enjoy, but burns me out.

Marriage: Any financial or other problems always get handled by me. Good, because I can get shit done, bad because I have not led the family and have allowed her to live life with very few responsibilities. Also, I have not taken care of myself. She has a business that has been failing for years and spends all of her time working on it or stressing about it.

-Got ILBINILWY about 6 weeks ago. Began working on relationship.

-4 weeks ago she moved out and now “sleeps at the business.”

-2 days later a mutual friend clued me in about an Emotional Affair that is undoubtedly more. She takes no responsibility whatsoever.

-This caused me to logically look back at relationship and realize that I wasn’t happy and that I am carrying 80+ percent. Also, how little work she was actually doing around the house. I logically know what I have to do, but am not fully mentally ready to “Nuke” the family yet. This is something that I have to come to grips with.

We have agreed that each of us should start working on ourselves and come up with an actual separation plan. Everything is corgil at this time, but I have met with a lawyer and am setting up finances, paperwork and a plan for making needed repairs on the house. I am greatly enjoying my free time when she watches kids and each day I feel better about the direction of my life. A burden is slowly being lifted from my shoulders.

Social. I’ve seen my friends over the last month more than the previous 6 months before that. I see my friends for a beer or a hangout at least 2x a week. I go hiking or for a long bike ride at least once a week. This all makes me happier.

Kids. I am still with them most of the time, but getting my own time to recharge and refresh lets me focus on them more when I’m with them. They are a lot of work still, but we have a lot of fun too. They have not yet been told about the separation, but it hasn’t changed their life all that much except that they are actually seeing their mother more now.

Goals for the week: -Less than 2400 calories per day -Focus on improving Sleep. Get to bed on time, make bedroom comfortable. -Complete house repair plan list. -Continue working on myself and figuring out what I want for the future.

OYS #3

40m, divorced 3 years, newly moved, 5'9" and rotate between 175 and 185 lbs. I worked my ass off in my 20s and 30s and I want a house on the water, a boat, and time to surf and wakesurf. I want a local community of friends and to make one more work promotion before I glide to retirement. I want kids in my life.

Physical: I am eating more (maybe 3k to 4k calories), running less, weight still between 175 and 185. Big 3 lifts at 855 and i should hit 1000 (at 5 reps) by Christmas. Taking lifting slower and being intune with my body has allowed me to avoid injury and have steady progression. I really don't want to change anything until Christmas when I am sure to stall. I see no point in going over the 1k club, it is too much work.

Financial: I found a real estate agent and going out to see houses on Friday. I need to decide between renting and owning. Renting will allow me to save a lot of money and also update furniture. But this maybe the best time to buy... but I will be house rich and cash poor for 30 months until my spousal maintenance ends. I hate decisions like this and I am likely to bid low on 2 to 3 houses and if I don't get one cheaper... go rent. My LTR keeps pressuring me to buy cheap in the suburbs and I constantly have to keep her comments out of my mind and focus on my vision.

Social: I had a few social experiences. Went out for dinner and had 2 women start talking to me before I sat down. Had a great conversation. Went out the next day with my LTR and a woman bought me a drink when LTR went to the bathroom, that didn't end well. Also went out to a party and talked to some cool guys. I want to get more social experience and IQ so I am going to take a volunteer role meeting with businesses in my community.

Emotional: I still struggle with congruency about what I want vs others. I talked to my therapist this week which helped me refocus on my vision and goals and the steps to get there. Our weekly sessions are going to switch from therapy to life coaching so I stay on track. I have to give mad props to my therapist, he had me read No More Mr Nice guy a year ago.

Relationships: My LTR went two weeks without crazy and had some great two hour plus bedroom experiences with fetish and other toys. We had great dates during the day to. It all ended when she got fed up splitting checks with me and will not stop bringing up all the guys who want to buy her stuff and take care of her. I told her to go date those guys and left. She called me crying last night and I need to figure out what I want to do. I am tired about her whining about the benefits of beta guys. At the same time I haven't been a captain to show her where I want to go and that she is invited to come with me. Taking on the role of the captain sure takes a lot of investment from me because she will be in my ship and care. After divorce I am struggling with that kind of commitment again. If I cannot make this decision I need to let her go.

OYS 19

Early 30s, 5'10", 171lbs, 19%bf. Married 10 years, 4 kids ages 4-8. 5/3/1 PRs (5-rep): squat 170#, bench 160#, deadlift 250#, ohp 95#. Read NMMNG, Meditations, TWOTSM.

PHYSICAL

Lost ~8lbs. Gym closed then reopened again, back at usual lifting routine. No gains but no losses. Added 2 days cardio.

MENTAL

I’ve been a scared, hurt, lonely little boy all my life. I became ashamed of him, tried to become someone else, bullshit my way out of that identity. Eventually I cut him off and became someone else. Or so I thought. I hadn’t cut him off, but I had become someone else. A scared, hurt, lonely adult who hates himself and projects all that shit onto everyone else. All of the weakness of childhood with none of the strength, a hollow shell, an impersonation, a mockery.

MRP helped me see this, but I couldn’t see how to stop. How can I make peace with my inner child, confront that fear and pain and loneliness? I wanted to skip over it, find a way around it. No wonder I ended up a dancing monkey over and over. Stuck on external validation. Even MRP became nothing more than another way to distract myself from the work I wanted to ignore.

In June I went on vacation. My flight got delayed and I was laid over in a hotel for father’s day. No work, no family, didn’t bring a laptop, unfamiliar town, no car. Finally cut out all the bullshit I stuffed around myself to keep me distracted from what I really needed to do.

I faced him. I met him, that little guy inside. Not for the first time, but kind of like for the first time. I cried with him. No, I cried as him. Felt his pain first person. He died the day my dad left, a ghost haunting the house I grew up in. He made a blanket fort on the very spot I saw my dad packing his bags in my parent’s living room. Waiting for dad to come back, for 25 years. I laid there in the hotel room, but really in my parent’s living room, helping this little guy grieve. Dad’s never coming back.

I spent the rest of vacation getting up early and meeting with him. Spent hours in what you might call meditation, or prayer, just getting to know the kid inside, the person I really am but was too ashamed to face. We talked through a lot of resentments, both toward other people and toward each other. He told me stories, god, the stories he told. He’s holding on to a lot of fucking tears. A lot of pain that mom and dad never gave a shit about. Now I have the privilege of giving a shit about them. His pain is my pain. I am his parent, his coach, his protector. He is not alone anymore.

I spent the last 3 months — all of summer actually — learning how to do that. Everything else took the back burner. MRP, reading, finances, family, everything.

Strength matters most. Strength or Suffering. There is no other way.

But building strength means not only becoming stronger, but also releasing weakness.

OYS#6 – Slow and Steady

Age:30(m) 31(f)

Child: 9weeks (m)

Read: MAP, WISNIFG, NNNMNG, RM, TWOTSM

Reading: PFPFTPM

​

The feedback from last week’s OYS was what I needed. I listened and did my best to improve. The act of writing it all out was therapeutic enough, but this week I felt like I had you guys behind my back watching my every move.

​

Was told I’m not ready to be reading TWOTSM, and was advised to read PFPFTPM. Although the book is informative and useful, I don't enjoy reading it as much as TWOTSM. However I’m going to give it another read next week to get the material to sink in.In terms of last week goals, I made improvement on all of then to some extent. Maybe not as much as I could have done, but it was one step forward none-the-less. Physical Fitness

I’ve been going to work earlier and getting a workout before i start work. This hasn't happened everyday, but it was an improvement on last week. Need to take this area more seriously in order to get back on the level I was at during lockdown.

​

Daily extras should include:

3x8 pullups

10 minutes at least of stretching

​

Money

Money isn’t a major problem, and nothing much in my situation has changed in the last week.

I’ve been sorting through some of my old stuff that I have around the house. Thrown some stuff away which feels good. Will continue this through next week. Will be planning a trip to the tip next week, where we can get rid of more junk around the house.

Displaying Higher Value

Have whined less this week, and haven't felt butt hurt as much. When I start to feel butt hurt I become aware of it earlier, and fight that urge for it to take over my mood. I built on last week’s mindset and progress, and have been more playful when my wife when she geta pissy. I felt like I've treated her like a little girl in a strop, rather than take what comes out of her mouth seriously.

I’ve passed a few shit tests, and I’ve felt like I have held frame for longer periods this week. She had a good shout at me yesterday, but it didn't affect my mood.

Relationship Comfort

Have been showing her a little more affection this week. Kissing her and saying thank you to reinforce good behaviour. She’s been reciprocating by being more physical with me.

Yesterday after having some time with the baby, she took over mommy duty and I straight away started to do some sorting out of my stuff that needed sorted in our living room. I’m talking old unused cables, big ugly headphones, unnecessary paper work.

'I was going to do that yesterday'. she says. I ignore her and carry on going through my stuff.

'Can we have a talk about what we are going to do today? The plan of how we are going to tidy up?'

'I’d just rather get on with it and just tidy tbh.' I replied.

Somehow I ended up next on the sofa, talking to her about the things she wanted to do. She mentioned something about the baby’s skull cap, and how we should put some oil on his head to help moisturise it.

'It’ll only take 5 minutes.'

I sat with the options running through my head for a moment or two. My gut said no, but I thought it would be good to help my son if it was something he needed. I chose to help her out, but wanted to get it over and done with so I could get on with my organising.

After 5 minutes of applying oil to my son’s head, my wife instantly regretted the whole process because, 'he could be allergic'. I was then cussed for doing this job she mentioned straight away, and she said how we could have waited to do it. Of course the whole thing was my fault. I told her to stop chatting shit. She went quiet.

She wanted me to help her out to wash his head. I said a firm 'NO'. She got angry and had a shout, but it was like water under the bridge. I actually felt immovable and just laughed at her temper tantrum. I held my position and told her I still wasn't going to help her out.

Why the fuck do women/she do this? I was happily getting on with my shit, then she tried to reign in my intentions and steer me to do something she wanted. Then cuss me as soon as we finish. Was the whole thing just a shit test to her?

Personality and Preference

I’ve done less fake relaxing this week.I’ve spent less time fucking around on my laptop. Reduced the amount of time I’ve been going on social media stuff.

I notice the wave of anxiety that passes through my body when I can hear her about to enter the room. Am i doing this right? Should I be doing this? Have I done that? I’ve been noticing those feelings and not moving a muscle, or change what I’m doing in order to stop conflict with her.

Sex

No sex. We have slowly been getting more physical. Had some 10 second kisses. I’ve been more affectionate to her new mother titties, and she’s been more receptive to physical touch.

She mentioned last night about how hopefully her vagina with go back to normal soon. We just had a kid, so I haven't been trying to get all up in there. I just played dumb, and asked her to explain what she meant by that with a smirk on my face.

Area of Focus

Smaller daily goals for workout.

Keep tidying my stuff that needs throwing away.

Mindset Mindset Mindset. Continue to not get butt hurt this week.

Don’t let wife steer me off track with her goals.

Don’t expect her to take responsibility for ANYTHING that gets done in the house.

STFU.

OYS #19 (Discovered MRP 3/11/19)

Stats: 35yo, 5'9", 168 lbs.

SQ: 135x1 (massive de-load)

BP: 165x5

OHP: 105x7

DL: 205x5 (de-load)

Chin-ups: 10

Updates since last week:

Physical: Lots of back soreness last week, typically when bending over. Was fairly improved on Monday. I can DL 60% fairly comfortably, but squatting even one plate hurt enough to make me doubt. De-loading lower back exercises this week, and using extra time in gym for cardio.

Not getting enough sleep due to work and home projects. Goal this week to be in bed without using phone 30 min before bedtime, 8+/night.

Career: Three days of OT this week, so no weekend. Didn’t check my call weekend before volunteering for more OT. Thankfully nothing too stressful.

Personal: Found a Morpheus who’s been immensely helpful. I’m moving forward again.

Relationship: I’m trying to course correct to get out of the anger phase. I find my wife unattractive because I don’t see any genuine desire on her part and I’m holding her in contempt. I’ve been reactive instead of being my own mental point of origin, and I’ve nuked S***ty Comfort Tests. I’ve got to reset everyday instead of holding on to my anger.

I’ve also taken some opportunities to share some of my vision with my wife. Things have been less contentious for the last few days, at least.

I’m too unattractive and I haven’t progressed enough recently to keep the rope tight. So FMOFY is not appropriate yet.

Goals for next week:

Push myself without exacerbating back injury.

8+ hours sleep every night. No phone 30 min before bed.

Keep in contact with Morpheus. Report in OYS.

Reset everyday. Don’t act reactively.

Continue to develop vision and share with wife appropriately.

OYS #21

Stats: age mid 30, married to wife (mid 30), 3 kids (under 10y). Height 5,9". Weight 75 kg. Doing Strong lift 5x5 at B 62,5 kg, OHP 55 kg, DL 122,5 kg + 2,5, SQ 115 kg, ROW 65 kg +2,5, Fsq 72,5 kg +2,5

Reading: Watching Rian Stones sidebar material on YT,  Way of men

Training/Body

Gym three times. Working ok, better routine with creatine. Bulking with extra protein and cutting food down successfully. Waiting on physiotherapy via work regarding shoulder issues.

Sex

Tapered down to trickle this week. Wife finding reasons everywhere to not fuck or suck. Ovulation has passed and with that sex it seems. 

Mental and relationship

Laid awake angry and frustrated last nights because of feeling of failure. Its because of lack of sex so a fucking back pedal mentally. Wife is fitness testing alot with giving me compliance tests all the time. "Get this, do this". I see the reasonable ones as reminders and ignore/refuse the others. This causes cold bitch over several days. Obviously the rope is not tight but I do have some forward momentum. Gym thot made several obvious IOI yesterday. Not gonna lie, felt kinda nice.

In general I have ok awareness and catching stuff maybe 70-80% of time. Inkl. shutting down DEER and passing tests. Still want to win the argument before STFU so working on that. I also have an inclination to just ignore her bitchy periods following my non compliance. I try to get past that and instead work with concepts of emotional management/magician a la TWOTSM to not only rise above and weather the shit but to turn shit into lemonade.

Short term goals:

Lift 1.5 times BW B, FSQ, SQ and DL

Long term goals:

Be a  confident man with a powerful mind and body which are useful tools for shaping my life and influence my society. 

OYS 61

Age 64 Ht 5'11" Wt 175 Wife 66 Married 44 Together 47

Work

I've been extended through first quarter '21, and baring a zombie apocalypse after the US election, through all of '21. Normally contractors are required to "take a year off" after two years (which would be March '21) but I've been told the contract my agency has with the client makes us exempt.

I'm still trying to get on the new boss' calendar, but from side channels I'm told her opinion of me is positive. I've also taken an informal leadership role with the new coaches joining. This is all just "doing my job", but overall things are about as good as one can expect as a consultant. It is a positive part of my life.

Comfort tests - practice and consolidation of behavior

More opportunities to pass comfort tests - "I want to be on your team", "I laugh so much lately. Is it ok I laugh so much?", "you make me happy", etc. I'm sure I can do better at them.

As I said last week none of these particular behaviors - play, laugh, comfort, etc, were targets I set out to achieve. I acted to push what I grasped on polarity.

Based on some comments on other's OYS, it may have been too advanced a topic for me at the time. I am reluctant to universally recommend it - five years ago "polarity" would have just confused me, at best. Similarly another concept I had no referent for - "gaming your wife" - since I have never "gamed" anyone.

One of the mental things that has surprised me is to read something, clumsily try to apply it as a practice, eventually becoming a habit, and then "disappearing" into just how I act. The reason it is a "surprise" is I've routinely done that with all other aspects of my life since my teens - exercise, work, language, new skills, hobbies, etc, but had not done it with my relationship. Actually I take that back. I had tried those "improve your relationship" books a couple years after we had been married. So its also a matter of which books I read and apply. But the point is, applying the same improvement process to my relationship was due to engaging here.

OYS #36

Today marks four weeks since my ACL + MCL tears + tibial fracture.

Through aggressive PT, I've recovered 132 degrees (of 135) of knee flexion, and my total knee circumference is about 105% of normal (meaning most of the swelling has abated).

Yesterday, PT cleared me to do the bench - and lightly weighted box squats and partial deadlifts. I'll start those after I'm done typing this out.

My orthopod originally set my surgery for November 13 (which is still 6.5 weeks away). I'll see him this afternoon and see if he's comfortable with moving it up.

Career:

Yesterday afternoon, got a major contract signed, and I'll be leading a team, over the next 15 months, to complete this. I'll be using the next three weeks to plan/plan/plan (and maybe fit in a surgery if the doc will let me). Although I don't have all of my pieces + personnel in place, having the contract in hand makes all of this a hell of a lot easier.

Extracurriculars:

Everything going pleasantly.

Finance:

Just fine.

Health:

See above.

Family/Home-Life:

My inability to walk without crutches has utterly knocked out all my ability to do yardwork, take care of 75% of chores, participate in most physical activity, take the family out to for hikes/to the park/etc. It's starting to really grate at my sense of self-worth, and I am totally open to any suggestions.

Game and Sex

For as weak as my game was prior to my injury, it's shot to hell at present.

Mission

Heal.

OYS #36

Mid-thirties, 6'2", 182 lbs, 12% bf Navy Method, married over a decade, multiple young kids.

Lifts: SQ 5x255 lbs, BP 5x220 lbs, OHP 5x135 lbs, DL 5x335 lbs.

Goals: Turn my side business into a career. Make time for all of my hobbies. Stay healthy, fit, and injury-free into old age (I stole that from someone else’s OYS, but I think it’s a great goal and I’m making it my own.).

Readings: Most of the sidebar.

Financial: I’m still grinding away at a project for the side business. I’m so deep into it that I almost forgot to do an OYS today. I should have the next round of the project finished within a few days.

Social: Talked with some guys at the gym and spent time with friends online.

Physical: I made a mistake by letting an app do my thinking for me. The program I use calculates what to lift and when on the 5/3/1 BBB program. But it’s supposed to base everything on 90 percent of your estimated one round max and subdivide from there. I finally figured out two weeks in that it was starting from 100 percent of my estimated one rep max, which made everything 10 percent too heavy. That extra ten percent was killer on many lifts. When I figured it out, I manually took ten percent off all my estimated one rep maxes to adjust it. I now do the math manually every session to double check what I’m lifting. It’s my job to decide what I lift, not some app’s.

The only silver lining is the incident showed me I could handle more weight than I thought on the 5x10 assistance lifts for the BBB portion. I’ll keep those weights the same and advance from there. Hopefully that will speed up hypertrophy.

Marriage: My wife was out of town for four days. In her absence, I ran the house like clockwork. I’ve embraced the biological stepmother model, and it’s paying off. I kept the house clean because I like a clean house. The same goes for taking care of the dishes and laundry. I handled of all the meals and got the kids to and from school, just like I do every day. I don’t need my wife for anything around the house. That’s exactly how I want it to be.

It turns out, I really don’t need her for companionship, either. I wasn’t lonely. I stayed busy working on the side business. The only thing I can’t do on my own is sex.

Those four days were an interesting preview of what my life would be like on my own. Of course, things would be different if I had to co-parent with an ex rather than raising the kids by myself. But there’s nothing in my life I can’t handle on my own. Stay or go, I’ll be fine.

Sex: Twice. Before the second time, I got a hard no. I tried not to show butt hurt, but I failed and she called me out on it. The rejection caught me off guard because I had a formula that I had been using with 100 percent success for months. I need to vary my initiations because everything eventually becomes stale. The morning after the hard no, we had sex that was better than usual. The whole incident was a good reminder that I’m still not as attractive as I think I am. I need to keep grinding.

OYS 13

Stats: 21 y-o – 5’9 – 175lbs – 21% BF – single.

Readings: TRM, NMMNG, BOP, MAP, Models. Currently reading WISNIFG and Bigger Leaner Stronger.

Physical

SQ 225 - DL 275 - BP 185

Mental

I’m mentally in a much better place than where I used to be about a month ago. It stems largely from a better sense of ownership in certain aspects of my life. I’m able to approach matters more and more with an intent that doesn’t require me to maintain some glorified image of myself. For once in my life, I can be myself everywhere, and more importantly, I’m increasingly getting to understand what it truly means. There are occasionally still some validation patterns reeking from my past tendencies, but I’ve come to accept them as a part of myself that will probably just take a bit more time to resolve.

I also created a rough plan outlining my goals for the next three years, so I have a lot to look forward to. Career-wise, personal projects, sports & fitness, extracurriculars, etc. I’ll elaborate in future OYSs.

On another note, I just came back from a retreat with my men’s group recently, and I had a great time there. We watched a documentary called “The Work”; it’s a footage of a 3-day workshop where citizens visit a penitentiary full of convicts and gather in group sharing sessions. They talk about past trauma, such as the death of a loved one, betrayal from friends, failed childhood, etc. They then proceed to embody the trauma once more, but with the help of the group, are able to completely indulge into their emotions this time. The display was as raw as it can get; there was a lot of crying, anger, but most of all, compassion from everyone. It didn’t matter that there were rival gangster members within the same group. In that circle, everyone was respectful of each other’s emotions. It was a great watch.

Our group decided to emulate that same exercise. We individually revisited a past experience where we suppressed our emotions rather than let it be expressed. And while I shed some tears from a few shares from my fellow brothers, I couldn’t bring myself to do the embodiment exercise. Part of me felt absolutely fucking ridiculous feeling so much frustration for what seemed like a trivial matter (a past bullying experience).

But perhaps this is a part of myself I haven’t completely owned up to yet. I know I’m allowed to feel. These moments of weaknesses are inherently part of me. Who said it was trivial? Definitely not me, since I hold a lot of resentment from that experience. I believe it’s what I think people will think of me.

For the sake of being able to love myself more, I will embody that exercise with my group during our next session. It will be a testament to myself that I can overcome this roadblock.

Financial

Mom’s been out of the country for the month, so for the first time, I had to take care for all fees. It doesn’t help that I was unsuccessful in finding an internship for this semester, because I usually get remunerated. So, finance-wise, things aren’t looking too good. Although she is supposed to come back in a week, if her flight gets delayed, I still have enough in savings to survive 3 months on my own. Should have no issues by next OYS.

Social

In the past three weeks, I went on a bunch of dates with four different women, mostly all met on dating apps (one I know through a mutual social network). Overall, things went great, and I do believe this is one of the main reasons why I’m mentally in a better place. I remember being extremely nervous on my very first date, but as I went on more and more, I got to ease up. I increasingly allowed myself to fail, and paradoxically, that where I found more comfort.

One thing I do with all of my dates is that I set my intentions from the get-go. It usually goes like this:

“My view of casual dating is that both parties can see multiple people at the same time. During this phase, I’m doing a vibe-check and simply trying to connect with the person on an emotional level. And if things go well, I definitely want to connect with this person on a physical level. So, I’m not looking for specific labels such as a fwb or a girlfriend, I’m simply going with the flow.

I do however expect the casual dating process to probably take a few months, simply because our culture is so good at making first impressions. So, I need to spend more time with a person before making a concrete decision, because it takes a while before someone starts to show red flags. If I commit to a person, I need an accurate portrait beforehand.

If you’re agreeable with all that, then I think we’re off to a good start.”

And so far, it has worked very well. I’m laying out my boundaries from the start and it leaves no room for misinterpretation. Two of the four have walked out of my life because they didn’t agree to those terms (they wanted exclusivity from the start) and that makes everyone better off. Some of my friends have criticized this way of operating, and while I’m pretty inflexible on this policy, I’m willing to learn along the way.

I haven’t gotten laid with any of them yet, which may potentially become a reason to recalibrate down the line, but I had no trouble k-closing all dates. I was supposed to have three more dates with three new women this week, but two already cancelled because we’re going back to full covid lockdown.

But for now, things are looking good. I still lack game, but I’m getting much more comfortable around women. I’ll provide an update in my next OYS.

OYS #14 – 9/29/20 – 1 year since OYS 13

Background

39, married 17 years, 3 kids, wife is SAHM, started my journey about 3 years ago.

Physical (in the last year)

6’2”, 198 (+16), 16% BF (+2.2%), bench 305 (+35), squat 380 (+50), dead 430 (+20). I’ve spent the 6 months of quarantine focused on getting stronger on my compound lifts. Really happy with my progress there, but I’ve neglected accessory work and cardio in the last couple months and miss seeing my abs. I’m doing it backwards, bulked for summer and cutting for winter. I’ll be shedding 10 pounds and about 3% BF by the end of the year.

Reading

Reading (listening to) some really interesting stuff lately. Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink, Sapiens by Yuval Harari, Everything is Fucked by Mark Manson, Talking to Strangers by Malcom Gladwell. I’m currently re-reading Intimacy and Desire by David Schnarch. It’s got some great parallels to MRP praxeology, and explains much of the psychological underpinnings to the improved sexual lives that following MRP tends to generate.

Family/Career/Leadership

Career is going great. Got another promotion and weathered what I hope is the worst of the covid-related downturn in my industry. Managing a team now which I find rewarding.

Covid times have been interesting. Virtually all kids activities have been cancelled, I work from home for the foreseeable future, kids school is online, my wife’s grad program is online, and nearly all obligations I have outside the house are on hold. I don’t miss most of it. It’s been great for family life and focusing on what matters to me. It’s also been great getting enough sleep and eating really well. My wife is weathering a loss in her family and is going through a faith crisis. I’ve been the oak in both scenarios.

I do miss basketball, and I’m looking forward to a delayed international trip with the family as soon as other countries are willing to let Americans in again.

Relationship

Things are solid in my marriage. My wife is warm, kind, loving, respectful, works hard, and is a great mother. Sex is good, I can’t remember the last time she offered starfish.

When I started this journey, I read about the awesome sex lives the experienced guys on here were having and I wanted that. I wanted sex on demand, but more than that I wanted to be desired and have all my fantasies fulfilled. Over the last year, I’ve had ups and downs with frequency and quality. There were several months when it was sex on demand while we were actively trying to conceive. It was fantastic and lots of fun, but it wasn’t this lifechanging pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that I was chasing when I started. It was great but didn’t change my life.

I would still like sex on tap, and it would be fun if my wife initiated more often. I’m not there yet. But it doesn’t matter to me the same way it did when I found MRP and I was so thirsty and needy, and all I got was reluctant starfish.

I’m not sure how to progress in this area. I’ll continue lifting, eating right, leading, being fun, funny, upbeat, (social life outside home on pause), and owning my shit because that’s who I’ve become. But I don’t think benching 3 plates or going from 16% to 13% BF is going to get my wife’s panties wet every time she sees me.

There’s some complacency on my part, I’m not pushing boundaries. It seems like I’m at a point of diminishing returns and I’m not sure if I should recalibrate my goals, or just keep grinding. I think I might also be holding myself back from pushing boundaries because I don’t want to mess up a pretty great life I have. And I know I’m consciously not pushing my wife because it doesn’t feel right in the wake of losing a loved one.

Giving Back

I haven’t been too involved in MRP over the last year. Maybe because I’m getting complacent with where I’m at. But I know I have more to learn and more growing to do. I owe a great debt to the guys in this community who kicked by butt and pointed out my blind spots. I watch guys like Steel, W&S, and HOA putting in lots of consistent effort and helping countless guys. I have tremendous respect for that effort, and the patience it takes. I’ve helped a few guys along the way and find satisfaction watching them progress, and I have more giving back to do.

OYS 40: Mid 30’s, 6’ 190lb, BF 12%, Separated, one kid 3yrs (f). OHP 138*9, Bench 193*11, DL 295*2.

Week Goals

• meditation session 20min – 2/1
• 10 min meditation – 5/5
• mobility – 90% intended sessions
• pomodoros 29/20
• No porn – 6/12

Reading: MMSLP, MAP, Side Bar, Unchained male, models, The Eagle and the Dragon, WOTSM, WISNIFG, The dating playbook for men, The subtle art of not giving a fuck, The Rational Male, Awareness, Pook, NMMNG(x2), sex god method, no more bad kids, Practical female psychology, Meditation Book, The Tactical Guide to Women (reading) non-redpill reading.

Physical: Be strong, fit, powerful and injury free into old age.

• weights – five (20min blood flow restriction sessions)
• 9min ab workout – two
• Lots of walking

Knees still not great but other joints are feeling good, I’ll go back to normal lifting this week.

Separation:

Standard stuff. I STFU and say no if needed. Moving away from ‘I can’t believe she would do this’ to ‘it’s hilarious that she is doing this’ – thanks u/ Tyred_Biggums for new mental models along the way.

Mental/Mindset: Express myself authentically – be fully ‘me’

My T levels have dropped back to where they were before TRT, this was good in a way as I was worried any progress I made was just chemically driven. However I am still trying to get the protocol right so I can get the benefits I originally got.

I am starting to not wish for an easy life but to realize I can handle whatever comes my way. I am still not fully there but this is quite a shift for me. The basis of self-belief is really starting to form.

Low energy is a problem for me, I am starting to wonder how much is just because I’m burning up energy of bullshit?

• Shoulds – I spend a lot of time on fighting what I am.
• Doubting myself – I doubt myself a lot AND get scared of failing. This equals lots of burned up energy.
• I get in a cycle of having an off day/procrastinating, getting angry at myself for it, feeling unable to do anything etc. I would be far better off having a break and doing one small thing and just accepting that rather than spending 4 hours thinking about how I’m not good enough because of this ‘failure’ and all the ways I should be.

Parenting:

I am really enjoying my time with my daughter, our relationship just keeps getting better. I am really proud of who I am as a father now and will continue to build on this. Current focus is letting her lead, engaging on the small things, getting her to help as I do my life rather than specific activities for her.

Relationship: a dominant, charismatic man who knows what he wants and leads the people around me to that

I finally managed to reframe the ‘shit tests’ and see them for the flirting that they are. I hardly notice them anymore and this has helped me see the line between a ‘shit test’ and shit behavior and just shit I don’t want in my life. I think I will still tend towards buthurt on certain topics and will have to stay aware of my ego there. The rest are just fun.

The other day she did something and I got buthurt (we were sleeping so I naturally STFU…) then I started really looking into it, and saw the role of my ego in my reaction. I had a very strong ‘aversion’ to acknowledging that but I kept pushing through and sitting with that feeling. I realized there was a legitimate part of the problem but it was probably 20% and the rest was my ego. I feel like I managed to kill that bit of ego and this is not something I have felt as strongly and still managed to kill in the past. Turned out I had been mistaken and the thing hadn’t even happened. Tagging u/Blarg_Risen , thanks for the insights on ego and authentic self quite a few OYS back that led to this.

Recently she said ‘you are the most stable person I have ever been with’ I asked what she meant by that she said ‘you don’t engage with my shit you just don’t take it seriously and are rationale about it all’. Will have to pay attention to being too rational and boring us both. Which leads to…

I have been getting a bit bored of sex with her. It is my fault, I am bored of pushing for more/what I want. Perhaps I am not ready for one person just yet, I’m not sure. Not giving it too much attention right now but will make a point of just doing what I want more and being in the moment when it happens. It’s sex on demand so no issues with quantity but only 3months into the relationship so that’s to be expected.

I have been lacking a vision for what I want a relationship to look like, I was misreading some of the stuff here and missing the heart side of things and it just wasn’t resonating with me. I came across u/Blarg_Risen field report on where he is at and this is helping me see what I want in this area. In hindsight I realize a lot of the posts talk about this but I wasn’t ready to see it.

Career:

Got my boss to agree to me doing consulting two days a week (in principle) it’s not technically approved but I’m 80% confident it will be. I’m surprised I managed to get agreement, it will give me skills I need for a project at work as well as my plans to turn this into a product I can sell.

I have been more focused at work and more productive in general. I am still struggling to find time to do the important but not urgent work – I get questions from the CEO and that becomes priority and pushes out other things. In a way this is a good thing, I probably have the most visibility with the c-suite from my branch (other than general manager) but still pushes me off the more important work. Just something to manage.

OYS #4

Rebooting and start posting to OYS after LARPing for over a year on MRP. Short post after late entry last week.

Stats: 41 years old married for 8 years. Wife is 41. Four kids ages 7-16.

Height: 6’1 Weight: 201 lbs 22% bf (calipers)

Lifts: Started Wendler 531 BBB. TM as follows: Bench: 203lbs, Deads: 315lbs, OHP: 149lbs, Squat: 235 lbs. Almost one week in and enjoying the challenge of the extra volume on the BBB sets after the main lift of the day.

Reading: MRP post linked and written by RP Barracuda focused on keeping a secret and STFU.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ecc508/can_you_keep_a_secret_a_primer_on_power/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Diet—real good consistency continues and weight continues to edge down slowly week over week.

Health—T came back at 479 ng/dl and Prolactin and estrogen levels all normal. Appointment to see urologist in October to raise my Xyosted dosage to 100mg which is as high as it goes.

Relationship—short week after I posted late after getting back in after Rule 9. Been working nights so havent seen much of wife or kids this week.

Big thing Ive been thinking about is during a previous argument I wrote about in OYS 3 is how awkward it felt to not respond at all to shit tests. Like to the point I felt uncomfortable. After it got to the point where I was asked several times if I was going to respond and I said I had nothing to say should I have just left and done something else somewhere else and that been the end of the conversation? I felt like a big idiot standing there saying nothing but at the same time knew nothing I was going to say was going to make anything better. Perhaps I need to work on adding more tools to my toolbox like amused mastery and fogging or maybe just not talking would be my best bet to stay with for right now. Ive been trying to think of what would be most congruent with the person I am and want to be.

Barracuda wrote an excellent post that really resonated with me about letting my actions do the talking and stfuing about goals, accomplishments, or things Im trying to accomplish. I need to work on validating myself and not reacting to other peoples, like my wife, actions towards me.

Sex—nothing. Havent been home.

Game—None

Goals for the week:

-STFU

-Stay on course with the diet

-Read WISNIFG and read up on other tools to employ during shit tests.

-STFU

Oys #2

28 y/o 5’6 currently 149 wife 28 two kids 1 & 7 2nd marriage Bf% unknown Bp 145x6 ohp 80x6 sq135x6 dl225x6

I rushed on my first oys. This one will be more in depth.

Read Side bar, nmmng, mmslp, pook, rational male Wisnifg preview (buying it next) Started watching rian stone on YouTube

Physical

Was a shitty week in this department. I only went to the gym one day. By far the worst in the last three months. I’m disappointed but I had a lot of things come up. My wife had a flat one day and I had to rush home another day to keep the baby so she could take the other boy to get a haircut before picture day and one day I went and applied for a new job. I would have went to the gym after a day or two but the gym I go to is right next to work and works about 30 minutes away. Nevertheless I’m disappointed in myself for not going. I should’ve gotten up early for work and went. I tried once but I hadn’t slept well and kept hitting snooze.

Diet

I’ve slipped this week. I haven’t been tracking as closely and cheat day turned into cheat weekend. Currently eating 1900 calories and 120 grams or more of protein. Thursday made three weeks now. I was about to bump it up to about 2100 for a couple weeks before I start trying to gain again, but now I’m going to have to cut another week or two. I actually gained a pound this week.

Mental Last week I had a few spells where I was anxious which hasn’t been a problem for a short while. I had trouble sleeping. I think part of it is there was a couple times my wife didn’t do exactly as I wanted. Mostly still having a sex for validation problem. Which I’ve gotten much better about but still need work. I think I have some triggers I need to figure out. I’ve read nmmng and mmslp so I know nobody else is responsible for my needs. Need to work on dngaf on rejections. No fap was a miserable failure this week. I do it when I’m anxious. I feel like I’m dragging the next day. No real excuse it just needs to stop.

Relationship and sex

Had some heavy shit testing toward the first of the week which I expected after the wonderful weekend the past week. Stfu mostly seemed to do pretty good. She’s been very lovey. Felt like she was getting a little oneitis back for me. This week started towards the end of shark week and I got a quickie in the shower once plus we had sex once twice back to back. She even initiated both times. Really good sex too she was really submissive. A little background is I’ve basically been on a drip feed for the last 6 or 8 months, once every week or two. So I’m extremely happy with this last week. However over the weekend she denied two of my initiations. The first one I handled well just blew it off but the second I didn’t. I wanted some and she wanted to take a bath. I started texting her aggravating her while she was bathing like a beta bitch. I work a lot and most of the time she’s stuck at home with the kids and I understand that she wants time to relax. She didn’t do what I wanted and I started being a needy and pissy. Made me realize it’s time to start working on frame.

Financial

I took a hardship withdrawal from my 401k. I really didn’t want to but it’ll pay off my motorcycle (which is for sale) and catch me up so it’ll be manageable now. Have a weld test for the union Wednesday. If I get the job I’ll be making about 15k more a year. Fingers crossed, it’s a process I’ve never ran. But I’ve been watching videos and it doesn’t seem too bad

Social

The only thing social I did at all last week was go to the gym with the new guy at work I’m training. But in my defense I worked all week and weekend. He seems alright. I definitely need some friends my age so maybe there’s something there. I honestly feel pathetic when I think about my social life. My only friends are from work or married to an in-law or co workers and non of them are close. I’ve got a buddy from work that’s gonna help me put a lift on my wife’s truck this week so I look forward to that. Also new guy is supposed to go to the gym with me this week as well.

Goals

Get back in the gym 5 days a week Try to build frame Keep improving on the shit test (work on fogging and AA) Nail the test No fap

OYS #31:

Stats: Age 43, Wife 40. Married 15 years, kids 6’2”, 184 lbs. 13% Navy Method. Working on MRP over 3 years, OYS since December.

Cut: Cut is going well; fat is still just melting away. I need to find a scale so I can update BF%, because it’s much lower than before. I’m going to cut to sub 10%, I want the totally visible abs for at least a moment. They are starting show clearly. I’ll fatten back up once I’m done.

Lifts: Squat 5x5, 290#, Deadlift 1X5 285#, Row 5X5 185, OHP 5X5 125#, BP 155# X5. My squats officially passed my deadlift. When I get back from vacation it’s time to reset my routine. Need to deadlift more and squat less. I’ve pressed the Strong lifts 5X5 as far as I can at this point. Seems like a major programming error to squat 15X per week and Deadlift 1 or 2X per week.

Sex: Zero. Pump hasn’t been primed over a month.

Initiation: Yes, 21/22 weeks. I initiated, early, often, persistently, and persuasively all week, I tried pushing thru resistance to a much greater degree than I ever have this week. And still nothing. Most common excuse, bad timing. “Hey, let me know when a good time would be”

Relationship Outlook: Bad. I got a little lit up by the boys on last week’s OYS for my relationship outlook, but it’s still shit. I was told I’m in danger of becoming Rambo, but this action plan has gone on for over 3 years, so Fuck it, Yippie Ki Yay Mutherfucker. Well that was Die Hard, but you get the idea. I’m taking HOA’s recommendation on working thru the Dread Levels. One last chance to wake her up. Can’t hurt and it forces me to put in the work (or at least work on something). Here’s the plan. Rambo’s not going one level per month, I already ran that program and I don’t need to spend a month obsessing over shit tests again. I’ll proceed with Dread Levels 1-6 simultaneously. 3, 5, & 6 are where the heavy lifting will occur. I’ll take the approach of getting ready for a new woman. Edited the DL’s for Brevity, my plan in BOLD.

Dread Level 1: Learn to recognize and start passing Shit Tests. Begin building a frame. … Begin leading your wife more and begin seducing her. Read the sidebar on The Red Pill, Married Man's Sex Life by Athol Kay, No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover, When I say NO, I feel Guilty, and the Book of Pook.

Done, still work to be done on leading my wife and seducing her.

Dread Level 2: Develop an action plan to improve the major areas of your life. … lift heavy weights … Read The Mindful Attraction Plan by Athol Kay.

100% on lock down.

Dread Level 3: Begin to build a life apart from your wife. Join a club. Take up a cause, discipline, or calling. Get busy. You are going places, with or without her. Read the Way of the Superior Male by David Dieda and the Art of Seduction by Robert Green.

Work to be done here. I’m extremely busy. Need to inject some less serious activities, basically the things I would do if I weren’t married.

Dread Level 4: Begin conditioning your availability to your wife with her treatment of you. You’re are busy now. You don't have time for a sexually disinterested, annoying, or angry wife. Take up another cause if you need to. This is a great time to join a martial arts club.

Mostly unavailable at this point.

Dread Level 5: Upgrade your clothes and start dressing ‘up’ more of the time. Top off your solid, masculine, strong, indefatigable frame. You should be acting like the Captain of your Ship and leading your relationship. You should be actively using Kino and seducing your wife. Read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomossi.

Time to pick it up on style again. I put a heavy press on style initially, but I’ve let this aspect slip some lately (the last 12 -16 months). Not a slob or anything, but I’m going back to marching around like I’m looking for a new girlfriend.

Dread Level 6: Begin to study pickup artistry. Use pickup game first to try and save your marriage. Read Bang, and Day Bang by Roosh.

I’ve read all of the mentioned books except Bang, Day Bang, and Art of Seduction. Guess that means I’m on Dread Level 6. Haven’t really worked this aspect much. I’ll read the materials to start.

Final Thoughts: I’m aware of the gigantic covert contract that is the Dread Levels. I hope, but don’t expect anything to happen except for some personal improvement. Maybe she’ll wake up; she probably won’t. I’ll be out on beach vacation having fun next week. That’s my OYS this week.

OYS #23 (9/28) Sod Arishnod - Stats: 50, wife 49, 4 kids - 21, 19, 12, 11. Over a year in. Got serious on 8/3/20, variant of ILYBINILWY.

Finished Blue Pill Professor’s video series. Reading NMMNG, Atomic Habits, Achievement Habit. Read WSM, PFS, Poon, MAP, NMMNG (3x), RM, MMSL (2x), WISNIFG (3x), SGM.

182 lbs, BF 20% (Navy Method). BP 210 (5x5), Squat 160, OHP 100 , DL 140, Row 110 (all 3x10)

PHYSICAL: Lifts going well. No back or shoulder pain. Getting 120-140 grams of protein/day with switching to bulking.

WORK: I created a kanban board for all proposed and won deals to address my weakness in organization and to help hit a goal of improved delivery. I’ve had several days of very focussed and productive work after prioritizing based on ROI.

RELATIONSHIP: As part of working the Yellows on my MAP, I asked for a date and evening time alone and got a hard no. I also addressed two incidents of disrespectful tone in discussions by fogging, saying how I want to be treated. If nothing else, a change that I now address disrespect.

MENTAL: Got a lot out of the free meditation sessions from the Calm app. Now trying Headspace. No fap for fourteen days has brought an intensity and drive for sex, adding some power to push forward w/ wife (it’s been three months of no sex/touching). I also made three days without mental escapes. This has really helped see how much I imagine getting things done or that I hadn’t made all those mistakes in the past, but as /u/HornsofApathy and Johnny (I think) comments in the audio OYS, imagining things has the same effect as actually doing. I dropped the ball tonight, though, and went back through the last few years and what I should have done differently, especially around applying Red Pill and the difference that would have made. In the end, I know I need to just accept the past for what it is.

SPIRITUAL: I felt God speak to me on acceptance, and that truly accepting all my mistakes would give me freedom and confidence - not feeling bad about my past and also not letting others use guilt against me.

OYS 55

Age 33. Wife 32. Married 9. 185lbs. 6'0. BF: 13%

Last OYS was the 1st.

Physical/Mental Lifts: Bench: 185x5 Squat:275x5 Deadlift:335x5

I'm in my third week of TMS now. The first week eased some of the symptoms but the anhedonia persisted.

It is now the sixth week. It should have been week seven but the clinic didn't have power for a week. I'm happy to say that it is working/worked. After years of lingering depression it just is not there any more. Little bit of that anhedonia lingering but I'm sure it is on it's way out. If anything there is just a void where all the useless thoughts were before. I'm adjusting to the change. Before it would come in waves. I'd come out of it, pick up the slack, make progress, then it would build up and become unmanageable. I'd drop shit till I bottomed out and claw back up to middle ground. So here is to that last fucking cycle.

Deloading this week. Decreasing the reps and sets only and not the weight.

This lasted a week and a half. The 14th We got hit with a storm that killed power for a week, destroyed buildings, and laid thousands of trees over. Gave me a very convenient excuse to do very little about lifting and I used it. I wasn't that committed to an unwavering schedule even before there was an obstacle in front of me. That was weak and I know it. Short term I've started putting everything routine in my calendar with an alarm reminder. "The schedule is God" I know, but just knowing the schedule wasn't enough. I made "fuck you, follow your schedule faggot" reminders.

Career

I'm working towards opening a side business. I'm in the planning stages with a partner. Meeting again in a few weeks. If things go well we could possibly start operations beginning of the year. It would be a side gig for a while at first. If things go well I can transition.

I worked a job with him already and there is another one coming up. I'm starting to worry that he might not be as up to this as I was initially thinking. I'm going to keep pushing to go forward. Worst case I'll have learned more about how feasible it will be long term and made some cash in the process.

Relationship/Sex

Anniversary was this month. Had a good time. Went away for the weekend to someplace secluded. Got adventurous during sex, which was generally a hard no in the past. Good shit.

I found myself getting suspicious of how good of a mood my wife has been in for the past month. Earlier this week she told me "I love you so much" and I thought "bullshit, no you don't". I have some lingering resentment to work on.

RNRChuck rightfully pointed out "It's because you still don't view yourself as The Prize. You're not doubting her, you're doubting YOURSELF." I absolutely was and had been for a while.

Still cultivating that mindset. The depression being treated has helped. I felt the best back when I was in the gym every other day and looking good. I don't look as good as I did back in February. It messed with my head more than I wished. That burden is on me, not her. I haven't internalized it yet.

OYS#5

Stats:

Age: 43; Married 8yrs, Together 10yrs, Wife 39, two kids 4 and 6

Reading: NMMNG, WISNIFG, Rational male, MMSLP, TWOTSM, Book of Pook, Practical Female Psychology; The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck; Currently reading The Daily Stoic and Rian Stone YT MMSLP refresher. I have found more value in my re-reads, or second round via audiobook.

Fitness: 196.8lbs, 5 11", BF 17% (caliper) BP 275, DL 406, squat 345, OP 205. I lift 5 -6 days per week, Intermittent fast M-F and fuck it up on the weekends. Feeling Strong. Worked on my squat. Decided to add weight and push for a 1RM. Added weight up to 345 without as spotter. Ate Keto M-F of last week. No affect to strength. Energy levels were good and was in ketosis. Added Carbohydrates on Saturday as I lifted, and added a HIIT ride. I plan to IM and eat keto this week and get back into ketosis. In addition to Lifts will also add Peleton rides this week to burn some fat while in Ketosis. Still 8-10lbs from my goal. Wanting to find my sweet spot on strength, performance and Aesthetics.

Background: Classic Betabux story. Good looking, seemingly successful, Nice guy with fucked up mental models that were established at a young age. Was given a “We don’t have a connections speech in 2017 along with an emotional affair. Instead of burning it to the ground and demoting her, I begged for her to stay. Still married and lost I found the Rational Male by chance and then this reddit. I have been LARPing here since summer 2019.

Work: work is great, on the heels of some great projects that will carry my production capacity in my industrial division through the end of the year. Verbal award issued, reviewing T&C’s and hope to have written award and NTP this week.

Current: Felt like a short week due to routine with school, work, and kids activities. My daughter is now on campus 4 days per week with a remote day on Wednesday. I wake before my family, I get her lunches and snack ready, and prep breakfast for them. Evenings have activities Tues-Thurs so dinner, baths and bed routine makes the time go so fast. It makes me value my quality time with these kiddos. The weekend offered a movie night with just the kids. Watched “The Sandlot”. They loved it and its one of my favorites from my youth. We had even more time on Saturday Morning It was good quality time with just the kids and me. As I get older I value my time so much more. I am know shifting my mental point of origin affects this as well. I value the quality of time I spend with my kids and other people. I don’t want to waste it.

Mental: My mental is good. Over the past months I have come to realize why I didn’t burn my marriage down to the ground after the EA. It was because my EGO said “a real man keeps his family together” and because of my weak mental models, my oneitis, and so much fear. Fear of being alone, Fear of being a single dad, Fear of failing another marriage, Fear of being viewed as broken (ego), Fear of letting go of “the one”. Fear that my children would end up as broken because of a divorce. FEAR and EGO protection. Working through the anger phase, I have shed a lot of my fears. Loneliness? It’s and easy void to fill if wanted. Fuck, I would still have my kids ½ time, I work 50 hrs per week, and could fill my bed if I wanted. Single dad? OK. The hardest part for me would be not having my kids ½ time, but I could handle it. My attention would be undivided when I would have them if I think about it. Fear of another failed marriage? Who Gives a fuck. Shit happens. And now you know why. You fixed it or are fixing it to become the man YOU want to be. Fear of being broken? I killed this fear. What the fuck did that mean to begin with? We all have scars. How did they happen and what did you learn from them. Fear of letting go of “the one”. The one? First of all Unicorns don’t exist. And realize if this ends in divorce, that “ one” you have been pedestalizing is likely going to be looking for your replacement before the papers are even final if she hasn’t already have him lined up. The only “one” you need to focus on is you. That is the only one you need to be accountable to. Fear that my children would end up as broken because of a divorce? This could happen. I would lose ½ time of influence. But, you cannot fear something that you cannot control. Even if you accomplish every goal, find frame, establish boundaries and become your own mental point of origin and “raise your kids right”. Your kids could still end up fuck ups. Fear and EGO protection will cripple your growth. So why not nuke it? Well, I still like this woman. I like fucking her, and I see some of my influence on her and as a result there is some added value. I know I will NEVER have the same feelings for this woman and if I can accept that and it doesn’t take away from my leadership, Frame, or mental point of origin. Then that is ok. My goal is not divorce. To me that is not a win. But if that is what ultimately happens I know I will be ok and it will be because I wanted it. I am the prize. And If the 1000 ft rope doesn't pull tight. By that time, my knife will be sharp and I'll cut the dead weight to move to better waters.

Social: Social was good. Wife had several neighborhood wives over for mimosas prior to a vintage sale at the local ag center. I was there during their arrival and made it a point to meet them, joke a little, while I got the kids ready for our breakfast date. Also, went to a new neighbors football party/Bday party. Met several new neighbors with their wives. It was good time. I was invited to go mountain biking with one of the neighbors, and drank some bourbon with the host and talked about lifting. He was a competitive body builder up until his mid 30’s (now 50). It was good conversation about lifting for absolute aesthetics vs strength. I envision more conversation with down the road as I may learn some things on lifting for aesthetics. A few days later, my wife shared with me that his wife said he thought I was super cool and we should all hang out again. I write this so I can reflect. Social is not an issue for me in these types of settings.

Sex: Not much to report this week. I applied kino and some game but only initiated once. Which is why there is not much to report. It was a busy week and really I wasn’t feeling it. Not like I usually do. Which is fine. I’m ok with it. I’m not seeking sex from my wife for validation. This is a good thing.

MAP: Continue to lift 6x per week and experiment with fasting and Keto with an emphasis on strength and muscle preservation. STFU. Be attractive, don’t be unattractive. Game wife daily, escalate when I want with OI. Praise good behavior, do not reward bad behavior, be social, be the mayor. STFU. STFU. STFU. "If you build it they will come".

Mission: Be the Captain. Enjoy life and be in the moment. Continue to grow always. Be healthy, read, learn. There are no mistakes, just lessons.

OYS 2

38 - Married - 2 kids

Reflection

I met my ex wife about 15 years ago. We divorced after five years and have kept in touch/had random hookups since then. I saw her as "the one". I felt like my life just wasn't going to be right without her. I decided to block her a while ago after I found MRP.

Up until a few months ago viewed myself as the victim in that relationship. I felt like I was a great person, a real catch. She was the one who fucked it up because she was an [alcoholic, BPD, abandonment issues, daddy issues, slut, etc]. We could have been happy... and so on. Over the last few months, I started to suspect that something was off about my interpretation of things.

I spent some time reflecting on it this week came up with an understanding which I think is much closer to reality:

Before I met her I had no friends or social life. The people who did know me socially thought of me as kind of a loser - definitely not a leader. I was pretty much afraid of everything. I was introduced to her by my younger relatives, who I always saw as little kids and beneath me. Since I didn’t really have any sense of identity back then, I just tried to resume those roles when we all met up. Those roles were nice because it made me feel like a leader, more mature, confident, and powerful. I was pretending to be all of those things. It attracted her because she didn't know anything about me, she bought it and validated this image I created. I loved it.

I dropped everything and moved to be with her because I was chasing that validation. I thought I moved to be with her because I was into her.. but really I just wanted that fake image validated. I wanted to feel like someone powerful.

As I started to invade her life, I tried to keep up that image. She was really the only one it worked on. None of her friends liked me and they would talk shit/tell her to leave me. Probably because of my attempts to force my "superior guy" image onto them were obvious, annoying, and exhausting.

The image quickly started to crack because it wasn't really possible for me to keep faking it. Being a confident, powerful person would require someone who could do hard work and actually get things done. Someone competent. I was none of those things. I thought I was competent but only because that's what I kept telling myself. Really I had no idea what I was doing. I'd never worked hard on anything. I was a victim, complainer, lazy, and socially inept.

Naturally I got fat as fuck. Showed I couldn’t handle my shit. Showed I had no friends and didn’t know how to make any. All the while either convincing myself that I could and would handle my shit eventually.. or that some of those things, like friends, didn’t matter to me. It was bait and switch.

I started to latch onto her for everything. She was like the one person I interacted with. She constantly gave me validation for everything I did. Made me feel real good about myself. Made me feel like I had value. Gave me confidence. It was the only time I felt confident. My self-worth was dependent on her.

She quickly started looking elsewhere. I tried to control her by limiting access to her friends, calling her constantly when she was out with them, getting furious and sick to my stomach when she was out with them. I used manipulation a lot to try and control her. My ego couldn’t handle the thought of her looking elsewhere. I started to try to push her away. Not because I didn’t want her but because I just couldn’t deal with the fact that I was not good enough. It clashed with the self image that I'd created. I tried to justify pushing her away with reasons like "we have nothing in common", "shes not smart enough", "she bitched too much about me wanting to do [something]", etc. All of which were just bullshit because it was just ego protection.

After our relationship ended, I repeated the same pattern with multiple women: pretend to be some smart, confident guy.. if a girl bought it, then I'd latch on and drain them until they would get tired of it and I'd blame the failure of the relationship on them.

I reflecting on this using what I've learned from MRP has given me a new understanding of myself, and clarified a lot of my actions/behaviors both before and since that relationship. I feel like I'm finally going to be able to fully move on.

Reading

Read: NMMNG, MMSLP

Currently reading: MAP, WISNIFG

Plan

I am working on my two main red areas (physical #1, income/career #2) until I finish MAP and create a plan.

Physical

Bodyfat: 24.2% (Navy method)

Continued to follow my diet this week. My bodyfat has dropped about 2%, but that could possibly be due to measurement error last week. I will just take the average of multiple measurements from now on.

Lifts (pounds): Bench 157.5x7, Row 180x9, DL 225x8, Squat 185x5, Chins 17.5x5, OHP 97.5x4

I didn't miss any workouts this week. I hit my first failed set on OHP. Tried to go 3x5 at 97.5lbs but failed the last rep of the last set. Will be deloading by 10%. Progressing on all other lifts.

My goal this week is to hit all workouts (Phrack's GSLP) and maintain diet (500cal deficit).

Career/Income

I purchased a few programming/computer science courses on Udemy, set up a leetcode account, and also bought Interview Cake (an interview prep course). I will be working through all of those this week. I will do at least two chapters from a Udemy course, two chapters from Interview cake, and two leetcode problems.

5'10 195lbs 17%bf 29 years DL 225x5 BP 215x4

Started the kinobody program for fat loss since it best fits my lifestyle and schedule. It's also a relatively cheap program. Been on it for about a month, started at 210 post shutdown fatness.

I'm not sure what OYS number I'm on but I slacked off early this year and stopped posting. I figured it's time to get back to it.

I've read back through most of the sidebar books. At least the ones that I found most helpful to me.

This year wasn't a total waste for me, even though I packed on a good 15 lbs, I spent most of my time researching everything I need to start a subscription business. I ordered the supplies and equipment to make a physical product. Now just working on getting the product to where I'm happy with it. I expect to launch next spring if all goes well.

I'm a dad of three kids now, the wife just had our baby girl in august. I'm pretty happy right now.

I've been working on just re-developing my old personality (before marriage). The guy I was before I went full beta and tame. It's amazing how autistic it makes you when you're in it.

I've learned to always be gaming. Everyone. Just up the charm, the charisma. Be social with everyone around me. I tease everyone like a comedian without coming off as a try hard. Usually this puts everyone in a lighter mood at gatherings. I'm no longer afraid to let girls flirt with me in front of my wife. It's all innocent, it's now part of my personality to flirt anyway so might as well.

I have a pretty good marriage right now. Since the baby, sex has slowed down. She did initiate last night after I had fallen asleep. But that's the one non emergency that I'll wake up for.

I feel like I should probably poke the bear a bit more with the feels. We don't fight hardly ever, it's very rare that I actually get pissed enough to rock the boat. But I don't know if it's really just peaceful or if I'm being conflict avoidant. She doesn't really do bitchy things that often and most unpleasant behavior pertains to being stressed with the kids. I do get some compliance tests here and there like my most recent where I made an icecream cone for myself, she smiled and said "you should make me one." My hand was occupied with a soon to be dripping coffee icecream cone. I smiled and said "nah you can do the work" she said "if you love me you will!" With a bratty smile. I still declined. She suddenly lost interest in it and stomped of to the living room like a little girl who didn't get her way. She straightened back up pretty quickly after that.

Anyway this is just kind of where I'm at.

OYS 3

Mid-to-late 30s; 6'7", 215lbs; 15% bf (navy); married 5 yrs, 2yo daughter
Fitness: SL 5x5s: squat 210; ohp 115; Deadlift 230; Bench 170; Row 140
Bike 3x per week for cardio.
De-loaded to help fix some form issues after I plateaued end of Aug.
On a cut diet to get BF% down. Lost some early weight but still a ways to go.
Plan to work toward plateau again then shift to a new program.

Readings: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, Book of Pook, Rational Male, Psychology of Winning, most of sidebar posts, Bigger Leaner Stronger.

Mental
My core focus (across every dimension) remains on just two things: putting myself first in my mind and getting shit done.

For both of these I've implemented goals to visualize situations where I might not be doing either. I put some goals around this: I am trying to spend about a half hour every morning doing this, and sometimes when I have some extra free time.

Cut out alcohol 2.5 weeks ago. Have come to recognize this was a great move. Sleep is better. Feel better overall. However, easier said than done right now since I have no work-related dinners or events which poke at my urges. Would recommend to all the 'This Naked Mind' alcohol experiment to get you moving in the right direction and uncover misconceptions about alcohol that we all subconsciously carry. The key insight for me was that we can't always make progress (on anything really but in this case a nasty engrained habit) by force of willpower. It may actually reduce the odds of success. Instead it's about creating mental alignment and re-building a fundamental belief around a healthier habit or worldview. I need to think through how to apply this to more in my life. My gut tells me this is a key aspect to this journey broadly.

Relationship
Putting myself first requires me first unsticking myself from her frame. This has been harder than I expected. As I mentioned before I've been visualizing myself both just doing what I want as well as responding to negative inquiries with ease and cockiness, A&A. I've noticed I'm finding myself being naturally "playful" with her, even when not shit testing. Her response has been positive with giggling and playfulness back. Historically, I have not been good at this (as I've mentioned in previous OYS). It's hasn't typically been natural to my personality but I feel like I'm building a better personality now. I'll practice on her.

I ran a few errands for her this week. More recently, I would have felt bad about this - like I was her delivery boy - but I actually offered to do them because she was busy, and it felt like the right thing to do. I have liked her attitude and behavior the last few weeks; I felt like I wanted to reward that.

Relationship has been very stable lately with minimal shit testing, and I have started working to define brighter lines around our roles in the family. I am trying not to fall into the trap of believing this is progress. I can only measure myself honestly.

Professional
Getting things done is core focus. I'm at a point where I know exactly what I need to do and how to do it on my job. It's just a matter of putting in the focus and work to get there. I talked on previous OYS about getting aid from a pharmaceutical approach for focus, but have opted not to go in that direction and instead have been adding a quick daily meditation to clear my head.

Social
Have lagged on this. Keep good connection with friends via messaging apps but have not done much in person. My goal this week is to have at least 1 social event per week. Already planning a small BBQ next weekend. My mindset needs to get unstuck from assuming social activities will come to me. Instead I'm focused on creating them.

OYS#4 – 35 6’0 185lbs, 18% BF NM / Married 8 Years, Together 11 / 2 kids ( 7 and 4)

Read – NMMNG, MAP, WISNIFG, MMSLP, The Rational Male.

Reading – this week off, then plan to reread NMMNG

Health and Fitness - Using Sandbag, adjusting my workout to increase weight. Focusing solely on Squats, deadlifts, over head lifts, loaded pushups, chin ups and dips starting with 40lb-80lbs bag, then work up to 120lb. Lift 3 x week every week. Drop the calisthenics and slowly increasing weight is the plan. I have been hitting my protein goals daily, but I hate counting total calories, I’m lazy about it. I know it needs to be done properly. Mental health is in a good place, has been for the past couple months. In the past I have been in therapy, couples counseling, and read all kinds of self help books. MRP has had a far greater impact than all of that, because 100% of the results and the responsibility is on me.I am grateful to everyone keeping this place going.

Goal – Lifting - 3 x week, Run/HIIT - 1 x week, Yoga - 1 x week. 120g Proteins, tracking total calories for one day

Financial – Goal is to have reliable second source of income besides paycheck, initially my thought was to go rental property. The Challenge now is the home values are very high, a house that was $215K last year, could go for $260K in my area. Could be foolish to get into the rental game now. Still waiting for neighbors to list to speak with realtor and determine if they will take an offer and move quickly, but do not want to get into a bidding war. Have 2 other sources of income other than paycheck, they are steady but low. Will look into other areas for a significant source of second income.

Goal – keep abundance mentality around money,

Family – Got out on another trail ride, with son and a friend and his son. I love being able to have this time with my son, let him cut loosed and push himself. Kid rode 13 miles, most of it in the rain. Came home filthy and covered in mud. Want to start to spending regular 1 on 1 time with daughter too, something simple for now, then we can find something that is our thing too. Kids have been better at cleaning up after themselves lately. Overall the house is still cluttered, it gets to me. I struggle to lead my family in this area.

Goal – Spend 1 hour on Saturday, fully present, playing l with daughter. Off Phone from 5-9pm everyday. Lead by example, put shit away as soon as done using it. Clean up after cooking and after meals right away.

Social – Band is fully back in action, have weekly practices going again. Have a gig at a club in October, first show since February.

Goal – Friends house warming party is this weekend, be social, don’t make kids center of my world, give them independence.

Relationship – I feel a power struggle in my relationship, I’m assuming its from me STFUing and learning to broken record and fog, these help me stay on firm ground, where I used to be shaky as fuck. When I feel that, I tell myself that in a power struggle, its only the person who does not have the power that is struggling. Had a strange experience is bed this week. Wife shut it down early during foreplay. We both seemed ready to go, then all of sudden it stopped, shut down, hard no after that. Maybe I was off in my “watching actions, not listening to words”, or it was a compliance test, or maybe I still reek of BP energy. In the past I would have been butt hurt and whined like a bitch. This time I didn’t.

Goals – Drop the scoreboard. This is a really a hard one for me, especially around sex.

I have been listening to the OYS live streams. I would be honored if you would read mine. I can not watch live, but I usually catch it the next morning. ​

09/29/20 OYS #44

34 5’10 185 11% BF Separated

READ: NNMG x3, Subtle Art x2, MMSLP, MAP, 31 Days to Masculinity, SGM, TRM, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, The Unchained Man, The Book of Pook, The Obstacle is the Way, Ultimate Alpha (waste of time), Let Your Inner Alpha Loose, Alpha Male, What Women Want When They Test Men, Find Your Path, Open Her, As you are

READING: Millionaire Next Door, TWOTSM (round 2)

Lifts:

Still lifting. Nothing to report

Social:

Nothing to report.

Financial/Career:

I’m working on a project with a guy several levels above me in my reporting structure. The project had been stagnating because I was afraid to make a decision and take a leadership role because I didn’t want to step on his toes. Problem is, he’s not doing anything to push along the project either.

After listening to the OYS YT Sunday I wrote down a question: what do I do about this? And the answer was both obvious and simple. I’ve begun moving the project forward by making decisions to the best of my ability, making these decisions with support to justify them if asked, and being prepared to own my decisions regardless of if he loves them or hates them. HOA mentioned never being fired for making a mistake at work, and what I’m working on isn’t life or death anyway, so fuck it. Moving the project along is more important than my fear.

Mission/Goals:

Live a free and authentic life.

Mental:

This week I feel I’ve made the most progress thanks to u/hornsofapathy counseling me (checks in the mail) and the YT OYS show where I was called out. Shout out to u/weakandsensitive u/threekindsoflucky and u/hornsofapathy for taking time out of their day to help men like me. I know you don’t do it for recognition, but here’s some anyway.

I spent the first part of this week diving into questions HOA asked me to find more out about myself. I went down a rabbit hole of Frued’s psychoanalysis of ego, id, and superego, trying to understand how I separate the psychoanalytical differences of ego versus the common definition. I dove into TWOTSM, my insecurities, fears, my motivation for my “why”, trying to understand core desires and why my ego drives my external challenges. And all of this leads me to my next great revelation. I overthink every. Fucking. Thing. None of that shit matters.

Three Kinds of Lucky, and later W&S said it best (paraphrasing below) when discussing my run and how I used this as a way to prove I was a man (accurate, by the way): “I just ask myself if I’m happy, and if I am, I keep doing what I’m doing, and if I’m not, I change it.”

I don’t need to understand every fucking little thing in my life. I don’t need to recite RP theory and evaluate 100 things before every decision I make while measuring it against the question of “If I do this, is it alpha?”. How can I ever make progress if I don’t ever distill down to the main point of it all, which is: When looking at my life, am I happy? When making this decision, will the outcome make me happy?

It’s really that simple. Lucky had such a confused sound in his voice, wondering why this was so difficult for me to comprehend. That’s also really easy to answer: The more I “study” via reading and what not, the more I can prolong facing the fear of what I actually need to do, which is to get the fuck back on the horse (date, fuck, open myself up, do what makes me happy). Nothing complicated; avoidant behaviors, based on fear (heartbreak, vulnerability, failure), keep me from living a free and authentic life. I don’t think any of those 3 guys could give fewer fucks about the non-essential aspects/people in their lives. Again, simplicity.

Applying these changes will require work, but it’s a lot easier to measure anything I have a question about back to “does this make me happy?” and “Am I happy? If not, what can I do to change this?”.

One additional point. Hopefully relevant. I built my own watercooled PC some years back before I gave up my gaming habit. After thinking over HOA’s question of what drives me, I acted on a simple desire: I wanted to build something with my hands, so I cracked open my PC and rebuilt the watercooling loop. It made me remember how much I loved building things as a kid, playing with legos and such, and my love of minor home renovations and upgrades. I don’t yet understand how this may build into my mission, but I’m starting to connect the dots.

Also, I talk too fucking much

edit: copied the text from a text doc and spacing is wonky. I will figure it out for next time to make it easier to read.

OYS #1

Me: 33, 5'10" 167 lbs

Family Wife: 33. Together 4 years, son almost 2

Reading: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MAP, SGM, TWOTSM (currently reading)

Non-sidebar i read recently that were relevant: 12 week year, Designing your life, Extreme ownership, Discipline equals freedom. Been on a jocko kick lately. Started listening to his podcasts from the beginning.

SUMMARY

Always underachieved. Fear of failure and being way too self-conscious of what others will think, led me down the path of least resistance and mediocre results in most areas of my life. Start of this year had me spending a lot of time on my long term vision and what I want for myself and my family. One of my issues in the past has always been intermediate goal tracking so I have been using the 12 week year as a template to track progress in tasks towards my larger vision. Its helped a lot in ensuring that my tasks and actions are all in sync with my larger goals and that I am coming back and updating progress frequently enough. I would recommend 12 week year for anyone that my previous statement resonates with.

Currently out of the country staying with my wifes family for a month. She and my son came 2 months before me and I joined them for the last month. The time alone was important in a few ways.

- There was nobody else to blame or excuses to make when i wasn't as productive as I should be. This happened plenty and forced me to face the fact that there is nobody to blame besides myself.

- I spent a lot of time contemplating and really refining my vision for the life I want to create. I wrote it down in detail but also have a mental picture of why so when that little voice starts creeping in telling me to be lazy, fall off the path, take a day off, I can remember what its all for.

-Able to form new habits without distraction and be selfish in how I spent my day. I have plenty of time even when we're all together but experimenting with schedules and finding what works best for me was helpful.

​

PHYSICAL

I have been following the beginner program from Your body is your gym. On week 6 currently. Gyms have reopened in my area but Im not comfortable going so I will continue to follow this 10 week program and reevaluate after. I'll be moving over to SS, ICF 5x5, something comparable as soon as reasonable. I have also just began a daily stretching routine. I work in front of a computer all day, have terrible posture and need to be more flexible.

Started off with the goal of eating 3000 calories per day and 180g+ protein. I have since increased my daily target to 3200, I have seen 220g protein or more advocated on here for people in a similar weight class so i might adjust that but I am gaining at a rate I'm happy with so going to stick with it for now. The diet while away has made hitting calorie and protein targets a challenge. Still tracking all my food but the typical foods that they eat for each meal are significantly lower in calories. I am snacking more, adding additional protein dishes to meals to increase intake but also being realistic about it. Less than ideal but I'm ok w it for now. When I get home I will get back to consistency.

​

CAREER/FINANCES

Work as a software developer on a tiny team doing a mix of consulting (building products for other people/companies) and developing our own internal projects. In the two years with the company I have been able to move up to leading the tech team. I am just getting to the point with my experience that I could likely make the jump to a larger company and get a decent pay raise but there are a number of positives that have me content staying put for the time being. I have a say in the work we take and have a genuine interest in the types of projects we work on. I am gaining valuable experience in owning projects start to finish which I likely wouldn't get as a member of a larger team. Most importantly, I own my time and have total freedom. I can't put a price on the flexibility of taking a day off whenever because I want to take my son to the zoo, he needs to go to the doctor, whatever the case may be.

I'm currently working on a side project building something for a friend of mine. It is an ideal situation because I have a committed customer to fund the intial build but I explained to him that I plan on selling it to others afterwards and he was totally onboard even offering to make introductions to other business owners when the time comes. It's a big opportunity and I need to make the most of it. I have had opportunities in the past where I was in the right place at the right time, even had the foresight to recognize the opportunity but failed to capitalize. I will not do that again.

FAMILY/MARRIAGE

When reconnecting with my wife and son I noticed some of her bad habits starting to reemerge and my son starting to emulate what he sees her, her sisters and the other kids doing. This really bothered me and I am working hard at correcting it when I see it and leading by example. I am likely too far the other way and often criticized for being too cold or unemotional (i prefer even-keel) but I would rather my son sees that then how he sees them acting. The second day here I pointed this out to my wife after an outburst and reminded her that a year ago they came to visit and we were in agreement that it doesn't align with our vision on parenting and it was a terrible example to set for children. To her credit, she hasn't done it since but I need to stay vigilant and make sure it was only a temporary slide for both of them.

Our relationship is stronger than ever. Arguments that used to linger for hours have become disagreements where we say our piece and move on. I still have daily struggles w STFU and not trying to solve every problem but I am much quicker to catch myself and recognize the mistake. Confident that the self awareness is improving and its getting internalized. Sex has never been an issue(5 or 6 times a week). We have discussed upping it and it seems to be more of a logistical issue than desire on either of our parts. When I first got here, we had a few days alone and had sex every day but since staying with her family I have initiated and gotten hard nos a handful of times. Got butthurt once for 3 min then realized and moved on. Seems reasonable for her to be uncomfortable having sex or even giving me a blowjob while her family is in the next room and I need to just accept that its the reality while we're all in the house together. There was one day where we had the house to ourselves after a week of no sex and she gave me 2 blowjobs.

​

Current 12 week goals (6 weeks in):

Hit 175 lbs -> started at 160, currently 166.7.

Weekly tasks:

4x Exercise

3x Stretching

3k Calories per day

​

Side Project -> This needs to be prioritized. Falling behind targets

Weekly tasks:

20 hours

Weekend check-in and demo with client

​

Professional Development -> Doing well but need more well defined metrics

Weekly tasks:

Post and perform code review

5 hours deployment course

Mock project design

OYS 22 -

35 yo, 6'2, 205lbs (IF cutting - Down 10lbs), 20% bodyfat, Married 8 years, together 13, 2 kids (2.5 and infant)

Lifts: SQ - 325 x5, PR - 137.5 x5, BP - 235 x3, DL - 335 x5

Things are still going well here - I have been on a pretty solid cut for 3 weeks, and I am seeing results. Going to run this out a few more weeks. It has stalled out my lifts, but that is ok. Back is feeling better deadlifting, and I am back off to the races there. I will hit 1000 lbs club this year, which was my intermediate goal in starting.

Reading - Still working through MMSLP. Will work 20 minutes a day this week to knock this out. Should be done by next OYS.

Work - took care of last weeks "shit to own". Back to basic boundary setting that I have been dealing with since OYS 1. Was stuff that would have been better to do months ago, but is good to be done.

Resulted in my getting rid of a bad client, and finding money that was sitting on the table with another and finding a better way to work with them.

The goal - Do work that fits in my business plan for clients that fit in my business plan.

Anything I do outside of that is stressful and not a good use of our time.

I have made good incremental progress in this, but can really implement the next level of strategy as I get into next year.

The real thing here is that I am making better money than I ever have, I am working really hard, but I am just not focused. In a bigger sense, I am unrefined and kind of all over the place, and dropping a few balls here and there, and just not as professional as I want to be. I have that perfectionism shit that kicks in as a nice guy, but I think narrowing the focus of my business to a core group of great clients that are a fit will allow us to do better work, and won't cost us a lot of revenue.

80% of my revenue comes from 20% of my clients. 80% of my headaches come from 20% of my clients. There is a little overlap, but not that much..

Relationship - I thought I was doing great here early in the week. My wife came to me saying she had a dream that I left her, and then we fucked like crazy. DINGDINGDING, dread, hamster, fuck yes.

Then later in the week I was running my super weak game on her (I have realized I have a way of initiating that works, and then some orbit beta bullshit that doesn't) and she told me to "be less thirsty". WOMPWOMP shit test, oh no, bad.

Thinking back on it all I realized I am still a dancing fucking monkey. I am just finally getting good enough at it to get laid some. I let my wife's decisions and moods validate my personal progress. I am using whether my wife wants to have sex with me on a given night as a barometer for my success in unfucking my life.

With this realization I am sort of lost and discouraged, but I also know that any time I have felt that way it means I am onto something...

I am still not OI. I still would find validation from my wife's affirmations. If my wife attached me on my way in the door from work tonight and begged to suck my dick I would still think, "oh wow! this MRP shit sure is working."

My shit to own - shut down the dancing monkey program. Stop giving a fuck what my wife thinks or whether she "gives" me sex. I get the sex I want from her.

A good friend of mine always says - there are 4 billion pussies on earth, why are you worried about one. There is a glut on the market.

Spiritual - It is telling that I basically forgot this section. A lot of my anxiety, fear, validation seeking, not feeling good enough crap is all related to my spiritual condition. Thinking I am inadequate (or better than) has always plagued me, and kept me in my own world.

In AA there is a story on acceptance that says in part, "Nothing happens in God's world by mistake."

I have the building blocks of what is basically a great life, but I have trained myself to look at the things that aren't going right, and gotten caught into loops of dissatisfaction. Rather than building systems to fix the problems in my life, I have spent tons of energy protecting my ego and pretending the problems weren't there, or spent energy moaning on how my problems are so great and and I can't fix them. Woah is me.

The same way that I have built physical practices with respect to lifting, nutrition, reading etc.. I need to work on building spiritual practices. I need to remind myself that I am a small part of a very big world, but also that the work I do matters.

My mission: to focus on the shit that matters and that I care about in my time on earth.

OYS 10

46, stbx 43, kids 7 & 8, separated no contact since Nov 2019 (protection orders), divorce pending 6'1, 173 5x5 numbers: SQ 120 lbs BP 110 BR 110 OP 70 DL 215 hitting heavy bag daily eating steak gold standard whey protein 2 scoops plus banana lowfat milk daily, lost track of macros but mostly protein fruit coffee sardines tuna eggs cheese beef jerky energy drink 3x per week BF % per calipers still 20%

Read: Sidebar first pass almost complete, finished Art of War Art of Seduction, 1/2 done with 48 LOP audio beginning Feeling Good handbook, watch Richard Cooper YT, will check out HOP WS YT when I get 2 seconds

Job: Started new job last week; wfh cust serv job, sucks but beats unemployment; I make less than she does as a teacher, will wait till after div to ramp up income; handyman business going well, busy with repeat business; gave up on Shopify margins not worth the effort, right now anyway

Mental: Good to great - as long as I get in the gym. I'm getting more disciplined about catching myself laying down with my phone, which makes me feel like shit within minutes; fucking Acta non Verba; jerking off about twice a week on average, which again makes me feel like shit; when I go a few days without my dreams are more sexual;

I'm getting to where I have to lift or I really feel like shit. Reading the sidebar and stfu are key, but nothing is helping me more than lifting. I can take off my shirt anytime which is a huge confidence boost; tbh I've posted a couple shirtless pics on FB which is faggy af but its gotten some female attention

Women: So I went to Lowe's to ask out the redhead, she wasn't there, but I asked her female coworker if she knew her, she did and before I uttered another word a 6'4 bald penis asked "who I was looking for again?" loudly to the back of my head. I can't get anybody at Lowe's to give me the time of day in the aisles but mention the one hot girl in there and its fucking fly paper. I am flirting more, getting numbers off Tinder, getting rejected; my frame is still too weak, I get mad when they give me number then resist meeting for coffee; I know its cause I haven't attracted them enough yet, but I end up nexting them; I wonder how many lays I left behind; dry spell continues, 2 in pipeline as of tonight

Relationships: I've heard it discussed to be prepared to lose long time friends and even family as you progress; I'm experiencing this with my cousin in TX, who has been like a brother to me; tbh I think the physical improvements are what bothers them, as it highlights their relative blue pill apathy regarding masculinity. I'm no Greek god yet, but I'm looking better than I ever have. Either way he's not returning my calls suddenly, and my birthday call to him this weekend was 80% me doing the talking, although he did mention his truly amazing and boner inducing fucking Weber gas grill, thank God he spent 10 minutes describing it while my grave drew ever nearer. But in all seriousness, the people who have been in my life are no longer, and its time to forge new relationships.

I see the TI counselor this week to finally get an update on my children. Last time I saw them was November 4th 2019, hoping I can see them before Thansgiving. I'm worried about them, TI counselor did share that they're traumatized, thats all she would share.

Goals: manage precious time, cold approach at least one girl a week, talk to strangers, shop for guitar, clean and paint house, improve lifts, fanagle a fucking date so I can literally charm her pants off

OYS # 6

42M, wife 40, 3 daughters 21,15,13. 6'0, 196 lbs. SQ-215, OHP-120, DL-240, BP-155, BR-155. Steady as she goes.

READ- NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, MAP, TRM, DBF, TSAONGAF, Way Of Men, TWOTSM, OYS old and new. Current: Book Of Pook, NMMNG(2)

LISTENING: Atomic Habits

WATCHING- Rian Stones YT channel, Rich Cooper

MARRIAGE/SEX: You know, the concept of fun is too often forgotten amidst the raging and rambo. The last little while, I find myself just having fun without effort. Sex rejection? Shit tests? Comfort tests (which for a while I was absolute shit at recognizing)? Shark week? Work? Stress? Etc. Just like nothing Ive started having fun with all of it and laughing my way through it. Does it normally work this way, cause it feels like I just somehow flicked a switch and feel lighter. Shit just the other day she was complaining about gut cramps, so I started harassing her on the bed and soon had her laughing her ass off and wasnt even thinking about fucking her, which didnt matter because we did later anyways. Another night I wanted to finish watching The Big Short when she wanted to get laid, so I did, and when she acted all pissy I again just made her laugh and then ruthlessly fucked her brains out. It seemed hilarious. She cooked some zuchini dish and came over and hand fed me as I was writing this. I will keep ebbs and flows in mind but right now I'm cruising. I intend to keep a close eye out for that anger monster though. He seems to show up quite unexpectedly.

RELATIONSHIPS/HOBBIES: All other family dynamics/conflicts have all been changed for the better, as people realize more and more that this isnt a phase, but a paradigm shift in the type of person I am. My boundaries are noted and respected, but still tested from time to time. Getting out with at least one of the boys every week. Sometimes tennis, sometimes golf, sometimes just a coffee. Having trouble finding a regular activity to join as my local area is re-instituting a lot of Covid precautions in anticipation of a 2nd wave. Still staying on model building, journaling and reading as well. That is, reading things outside of the sidebar for pure enjoyment.

CAREER/FINANCE: Transferred my LIRA over to an institution for what should be a much better long term yield. Thats a big part of my retirement plan so I was happy there. Job is still secure, finances still secure, income still solid. Am I ok with that? No. I have a lot more to give than what I currently do. What is that exactly? I dont know yet. How do I find that out? I have to start doing things. Future projections are useless until I start doing things in the present. CC debt still steadily coming down. ETA until 0: 2.5 months.

FAMILY: Still teaching my 15 year old how to drive, which always allows for a lot of good bonding moments. My 21 year old asked to be added to the gym memebership which I did. Shes had a weight issue for a while but this is the first time shes directly taken a step to address it. I tried to make it not seem like a big deal, while leaving the door open for any advice she may want. Relationship with all of my daughters is pretty solid, even if in the past year or so there have been some moments where Ive freaked people out.

GIRLS/GAME: Its a long story but I was asked by a couple I met if I would go to their hotel and fuck this guys wife in front of him. I politely declined but shit. This one was pretty direct but I seem to be getting IOIs everywhere. The best part? I'm kicking the validation monster in the nuts everytime it happens. Still though, the flirting masculine/ feminine game. Shits fun.

GOALS: I'll post them up when I accomplish them, and not a day sooner.

I'm free on sunday night so maybe someone can console me.

I was wandering through the fields... fields of daisies... when I encountered a bear. At least I thought it was a bear.

But I had been drinking and so I was deceived.

The bear attacked. And while I began to realize that the bear looked more like a tall, fat, hillbilly dude with beautiful, flowing hair, I didn't know what else to do, and besides, I had another energized gulp of my drink.

My clothes fell off as I ran for my life.

Falling to the ground, on my hands and knees, I felt something sinister: a strong punch, a reckless bullet, a strike from a knife?

No, it was the penetration of my formerly unpenetrated anus, by something bigger, harder.

'Gods above' I thought as the pain (perhaps pleasure) enveloped my nude, shivering body, 'what am I to do?'

I woke up all alone, shivering again, sweat trickling down my brow, drink by my side, still clutched by my nervous fist.

I finished the drink.

Please discuss this Sunday night.

I'm traumatized.

Thank you.

This week's OYS Live stream will be on Sunday, 10/4 at 9:00pm EST.

If you would like your OYS highlighted, please send a DM to /u/weakandsensitive

OYS 1

20 Years Old, 5'10”, 198 lbs, in an LTR for a few months now

Lifts: 425 DL, 365 BS, 235 BP (1rms)

Read: NNMNG, RM, the TRP Sidebar, and currently reading The Tactical Guide to Women.

Mission

To make an impact by exploring strength and power - intellectually, physically, and emotionally - to build a lasting legacy of strength.

Physical

My goal is to take the junior drug-tested total (a combination of Bench, Squat, and Deadlift) for the 242 class in my state. I have 3 years to do it.

My current routine is Bulgarian Lite. My body responds well to it and it's blowing my total up. I’m squatting and benching almost daily up to a 90-95% training max. Once that max feels easier, I test for a new max then train up to 90% of that max, rinse, wash, and repeat. Patience.

Relationship

I don’t trust my girlfriend. We can’t see each other until late in the week because of logistical issues. The distance apart makes me wary. I believe I’m not worthy of loyalty or love. I suppose it’s because I haven’t earned my own self-respect and I know how fickle women can be from first-hand experience on both the receiving end and the giving end. Although I have multiple options on the backburner, something about attaching the “relationship” label to something changes me.

Last weekend after I met her family we were in my car talking and making out. We said "goodbye" three different times; she just didn't want me to go. She was teary-eyed and kissed me one more time and said "I don't want you to go, I love you." I felt my heart stop and I felt like I had been kicked in the throat. I did what I usually do, move her hair from her face then kiss her forehead.

I have trouble saying “I love you too.” As a matter of fact, I haven’t said it at all in our relationship even though she's said it plenty of times. I don’t know what love is, so I don’t know whether I’m in or out of it. All I do when it’s said is show physical affection and STFU. I’m not going to say something I don’t mean.

I want to be more outcome independent and truly free from the “feeling” of doubt or mistrust that comes from dealing with an LTR.

My goal here is to become worthy of my own self-respect.

University

My dedication to the gym has been knocking my grades down a peg. My GPA is still quite high, but I’m noticing myself being more and more willing to cut corners on assignments and skim read more in order to make more time for my hobbies. I’m still doing well in my classes, but beginning to slip due to lack of focus and motivation. I need to get my shit together and get some fucking discipline. I need to stop goofing off during online classes. Actually pay attention and take notes. My goal is to focus on the quality of my work instead of just getting it done. I’m setting “assignment goals” for myself and I won’t do any extracurriculars until those goals are met. For example, no lifting until X assignment is Y amount done.

Mental Health

I have struggled with waves of depression and anxiety. It comes in waves, but I notice that when everything is going right in my life, meaning, I’m lifting, eating, working, and thriving, I don’t feel the depression or anxiety at all. Hell, it’s like I don’t have time to feel such weak emotions.

At present, I’m doing well and feeling decent. My goal in this aspect is to get to the root of my issues. They aren’t clinical, since, when everything is going right they aren’t there… there’s some psychological factor that must be delved into.

Plan

• Start meditation.

• Finish reading everything on the MRP sidebar.

• Post in OYS to understand the source of my insecurity.

• Continue running Bulgarian Lite.

• Maintain my 3.0 GPA.

• Cut out extracurriculars until my work is finished and of a high degree of quality.

OYS #2

Stats: 35y, 180cm, 71kg, BF 18%

Family: Wife 37y, 2 kids (5&2yo), together 9y, married 5y

Books: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG

Social: This week I managed to organise evening with our neighbours, visit a few buddies to hang out and talk parenting/marital shit. Covid lockdown is knocking on the door so I should be quick and practice. Since last week I am trying to create smalltalks with strangers and so far I am quite successful. It provides me confidence that I am not that boring fuck I used to think.

Relationship:

Things are going well in this area. Wife mentions that I look hot and shows fear that I will leave with a hotter chick. I leave those comments without a sign or react to other topics. Besides compliments I think she is getting used to this new way of myself. She starts to bring more value into my new life (giving me more time for workouts, helping me calculate my calories) and also focusing on her own health and lifestyle without me saying a word. Recently she showed me a huge respect which came out of surprise. I was really thankful and touched with her approach and thought how to properly reward her behavior. And then it hit me. She pushed me from the cliff when I was a total beta chump. With her sex dropping she helped me realize probably my biggest mistake of my life. We are intimate and loving to each other after 9 years, organizing our family and struggling with day to day shit and more importantly laughing with each other probably like none of our friends we know. So I gave her my present by opening myself up a little bit more. I told her about my childhood, about my newly gained knowledge regarding conflict withdrawing and how it nowadays affects me. It wasn't important whether she got it or not. I opened myself and wasn't afraid to show my mistakes and accept that I was doing that wrong. For the last few days I am truly feeling that I love my wife and she had it the same.

Strength:

I was able to hit the gym twice this week. Took advice from /u/HornsOfApathy and focused more on weight lifting instead of running. My current plan is to have 3 days of weight lifting and between each session I will rest my muscles with running. This week also started to calculate my calories with an app and figuring out how to get a reasonable amount of proteins during the day. So far I am losing body fat but also overall weight. This week I will be focusing on balancing this better by replacing some grocery items with others with less sugar and I have already ordered better protein supplements. Along with this I am reading articles about diets, how the body processes food and slowly lurking in MRP forums for some weight lifting advice. My main focus is on the mental side so I am using "fitness ideas" and articles as good motivators, something I may be looking forward to. Another great news came from my masseuse. She told me that my deltoid and elbow problem is coming from my back. I got some advice on how to tackle these issues and apply them daily. So far my elbow seems fine, deltoid hurts after a while but I am really positive about all of this. Yet, I am still visiting a doctor in two weeks just to have a second opinion. The best part about my fitness style is my older son. He already noticed the change, started eating better ("is this food gonna make my muscle stronger?") and from time to time tries to arm wrestle me. I am not having him win but telling him that he becomes stronger and feeling really proud of him. This motivates me like hell. I will become an awesome dad for my two boys and be a guide/advisor in their lives.

​

Work:

I have managed to stand up to my boss to directly confront him with his wrong decision. He tried to redirect focus and blame that it was our fault, that he didn't know the details. Instead of playing nice I directly told him that's not true and reminded him of the situation which caused it and he forgot. In the end I showed him possible options and told him what the ideal solution was and how to get out of this mess. I am realizing how working on my frame even at work is important. I need to protect my team members since nobody else will do it.

​

Mental:

Last chapter of NMMNG flipped my brain a bit. I realized a few facts from my past and felt way stronger to get them fixed in following months/years. I forbid myself to read any new books (Sex God method 5/3/1 are on my wishlist) and rather focus on practicing newly gained knowledge with re-reading my previous. More and more I am seeing how my friends and acquaintances are just talkers and not doers. I am focusing on telling "I am not doing this because I do not want to" instead creating some hidden/false excuses why something can't be done. In a nutshell I am becoming more honest with others and myself.

​

Goals:

• re-read MMSLP and make notes from the book
• eat more proteins and reduce sugar
• make whole day summary before sleep time

Longterm Goals:

• reduce body fat to 15%
• had social coffee time with at least one of my friends
• workout 3x, running 3x

OYS:

Age: 30

Ht: 6’1 Wt: 215

Lifting:

Back on 5/3/1 BBB for 1 cycle so far after random programming over the summer. Simple. My favorite part of the program is just going in with one goal to set a rep PR.

Back pain is day to day, I will get random spasms that get induced with sitting in the car or office chair, but nothing that has knocked me out of the gym so far. Long walks usually clear up some of the seizing feeling, I am not saying it is a panacea, but it’s helping so far.

Mental/Misc:

Interesting weekend with the boys. Had a fun time overall out of the city on our hiking trip. I felt myself at times longing to be home with my girl after a day of it which caught me by suprise, but still enjoyed the bonding time.

My goodness, the views of the red, orange, and yellow, and green of the trees was absolutely stunning and surreal. That was probably one of the highlights of the trip.

Other than that, we had good times overall. I am glad we got to hit a big hike in and one of the silver linings of Covid is I actually got to travel a bunch the summer with little weekend trips, time spent home, etc.

Finances/the Biggest thing on my mind these days:

After reading through some OYS and some talks with my buddies this weekend, the only way to pay off my debt faster is to make more money. I can save all I want, but its such a miniscule part of the equation when I can just increase my income. I can rationalize all I want how money is not important, etc. but this is literally part of my mission is being debt free. All the same Dave Ramsey principles apply – cash is king, get out of debt, save for retirement, pay off mortgage, kids college fund, and give generously. There are no shortcuts. That feeling of looking at your student loan balance of $70,000 and thinking “shit I can’t pay all that off” is exactly the direction you need to go. Yes, of course it is as hard as you imagined, probably even harder than you imagined, but you are also stronger and tougher than you think (Thanks JP).

All extra income is thrown at my debt. I appreciate a call out a few weeks ago that I’m setting arbitrary deadlines and milestones. I am happy where I am at but hungry for more. At this pace, I should be debt free in 2-3 years barring any major setbacks.

Project:

The desk I built turned out great and I’m so pumped to use it. This has turned into my passion side project. I don’t know how this will play a part of my future, if I just keep doing it on the side, or eventually try to monetize it.

Overall:

Despite sounding negative, this has been a good few weeks. My schedule is full and the days are much longer. My side teaching business is remaining busy and steady, and I’m in love with doing wood projects on the side. Increasing my income is my focus and I know I can make more money in my current role, but I’m just not sure if that feeling in my gut is me just resisting the work or feeling it’s time to make a move to a new role (been here 2 years).

EDIT: Tagging OYS#1/edit

EDIT2: Started reading up and just want to say thanks for the goldmine of info that is the sidebar and newbie info, words can't express.

About me & the wife:

I'm 30, 6ft3, 193lbs 11% bf by navy formula, don't lift currently (but built myself up from a starting weight of 143lbs over the years, nothing bragworthy)

Wife almost 33.

Married for 8 years, together for 13 years, 2 kids - 3yo and 1yo.

Books:

I read the married man's sexlife primer (long time ago) and saving a low sex marriage (last year, led me to this sub) and will need to re-read both again if I'm honest.

​

Generic background for the curious:

A healthy and financially sustainable lifestyle proved a hard challenge. Failing hard here - bad choices, an inability to prioritise well, and a (thankfully ceased) bad habit of avoiding disagreements at all costs all played a number on my life. I did a lot of stupid things but here's me now:

The bad:

Half of monthly expenses are debt I racked up from DIY'ing the house with zero knowledge or time.

I have next to zero time to work at all doing final year of my integrated masters program.

Burning through savings like mad.

My productivity is suffering during the day from constant distractions and dealing with overfrequent tests & vetting timewasters.

The good:

Lost 45lbs since January so no longer skinnyfat and have face gains to the point women are checking me out and are notably more receptive in everyday interactions vs pre-weightloss.

University cleared me to work from home this semester, saving a small fortune in travel costs.

Polyphasic sleep gave me back time to work alone without distractions while still being there for my family.

Cheap mortgage and now good at keeping monthly costs low (sans debt).

Juggled some things around and cut our monthly expenses by a third or so.

Have a job offer secured providing I graduate.

Sex does happen even if very infrequently.

Newfound assertiveness and test-passing gains showing positives in interactions with wife.

​

What I think my biggest problems are (beside catching financial issues too late for comfort):

1. I'm overall socially dumb and I never legitimately considered working on my social skills until sitting down to properly formulate this OYS. Having any social calibration feels like a madman's dream right now. I actively avoided situations where I would need to use social skills fearing rejection and disapproval. I was an entitled asshat who thought he was better than everyone because he worked on becoming a pro musician, spoke 5 languages, and didn't drink alcohol. I got very obviously butthurt from every single criticism coming my way. No matter how small it was I excuse why it's something else and not me. Easy to see how this has sabotaged many career opportunities for me. I'm not even talking about the idea of having a social life or friends of my own. Paradoxically, I'm absolutely an extrovert. I love being able to talk to people. I am so unskilled socially I drive people away.
2. I have poor emotional control when I am under a lot of pressure or in pain (I get severe headaches from sitting too long with a bad posture). Working on my posture, exercising and stretching helps with self-control and reduces the headaches keeping me productive.

What is the plan:

a) Survive the financial hardship I got us into and reduce debt using whatever means reasonable - monthly expenses are cut and payment holidays have been agreed with the bank to buy me some time since I can't afford the time to work more without sabotaging my degree outcome.

[This week - look into ways to optimise central heating, find a cheap smart powersocket or something to only heat as needed based on ambient temps, else a way to alert and wake me on set temperature drop outside to manually flip the switch,

continue being available for wife to assist in jobhunt (needs to film a lot of TEFL promo videos so consulting and helping with tech side) - work I can help her get now is time I have to study now and the money I get paid more next year]

[Next quarter - use stipend quarterly payment to further knock down monthly debt expenses, current lowered expenses should already allow for it]

​

b) Ensure I graduate well - in the UK employers still filter by grades at university. I am setting aside a substantial chunk of every single day and night for studies without interruptions and even adapted a polyphasic sleep schedule to gain more productive waking hours. I am religiously researching and taking notes and making sure I understand everything that is being covered. I already have a good system in place for managing notes and tasks but need to work on ensuring enough productive time is spent here.

[This week - set up a system to track time spent studying and ensure I do commit the 55 hours a week and get the week's workload done before the weekend to not have to take time off work, next week has me starting project work so any baseline I build up now will greatly help speed things up]

​

c) Develop my social skills - so far this involves understanding what it is I am aiming for exactly so it's a research task for the next few weeks atleast. I have started a new notebook explicitly for working on my MAP and did a lot of pre-work for writing this first OYS there.

[This week - survey sidebar and available recommended resources on addressing social skills, make a shortlist of potential paths to take, update subplan c, begin reading and update as I learn more so I can start applying as soon as possible]

d) Workout again (short-term target: healthy posture on autopilot doing any tasks, long-term target +35lbs muscle versus current). I can't afford a gym membership here neither in time (far away and gymbros take ages hogging equipment posting selfies) nor in money (membership+travel) given my current situation. I can afford and have the space to set up concrete weights and already own a bar to get me started lifting again so this is what I will do this year.

[This week - pour a pair of concrete plates and do bodyweight work until they are done setting - track exercise and posture work now for motivation later when things get tough, rummage through my pile of fitness books and ebooks for a suitable program, update subplan d accordingly]

OYS #6 (#5, #4, #3, #2, #1)

26yo / 6'1 / 200lbs / LTR

Physical: Put together a 3 phase program to rehab my injured knee. Walking and stretching and stabilisation exersises; weighted strength exercises for injury prevention; fixing form and lifting heavy again. Followed properly. But used this as an excuse this week to not go to the gym - gay. Went today and will go three more times by next OYS.

Work: Going well. Workload really stepping up at new job. Making sure I stay on top of it.

Social: Improved this recently, mostly by getting out of my head. I've got a decent circle and I'm going to take opportunities that arise to improve / expand it. Going to have people over to watch the Khabib / Gaethje fight.

Relationship: A mess being cleaned up. This past weekend, much more submission and much better behaviour. My focus was on being my mental point of origin whenever I detected the faint stench of butthurt and whenever I felt myself being drawn into an emotional response. Practice makes perfect, but I'm getting better.

Business: Stepped shit up big time, thanks to Johney Apocalypse. Words that really struck me were: "A CEO without management skills is just another WeWork loser". Reminded me that I need to be on top of my shit organisationally. So stepped up planning for short, medium and long term goals. Started taking action for my business, building a brief. Now the test is how well I do keeping on top of my shit.

Thanks to the commenter last week who responded that I put a lot of shit I "need to do" in my OYS without owning it and getting shit done.

Read back and it seemed like I'm sucking my own dick. I still have a lot of fucking work to do, and a personal weakness of mine is backsliding into disorganisation and bad habits. So the test is making sure all my OYS sound like this, turning a good week into a good month into a good year into the new normal.

OYS #35

33, 164 Lbs, 13% BF Navy Method

Finally hit my goal of 13% body fat, been cutting for 2.5 months and have shed about 10 lbs. Been better with tracking my food, and eating cleaner. Need to do bloodwork to see where I'm at. Taking this week to transition my calories back up to 2000 kcal, but thinking that this is above my maintenance levels. Looking to slowly, cleanly bulk up to 173 lbs, with about 1 to 2lbs weight gain each month, trying not to go over 15% BF. I'm giving myself about 6 months before considering another cut.

Things going better with my siblings. But I now realize more than ever how my actions and my demeanour impact how well they live their lives. For better or for worse, I'm much more of a model than I thought I was.

One of my newest mantras is "i'm not a victim". Every time I sense negative feelings brewing, they quickly subside upon repeating that statement. I find it gives me a pro-active mental model. It's helped me strengthen frame and stabilize my mood this past week.

Project at work going along nicely, finalized everything today and will need to issue a report to my director and vice-president tomorrow. There's a new leadership role opening up in my department that I'm considering applying for. Not fully sold, but well worth the opportunity. I'll have to review pros and cons.

Finances remain steady. Paying down debt, but the plan is to increase income. The above mentioned job opening might be a conduit to that.

Business plan for my prospective business is completed. The next step is put together a financing plan. Sometimes I wonder if this is just me larping as I'm still having trouble figuring out how to make money with this endeavour. I know versions of this business that would help me do that, but it doesn't interest me: small gains. I might just have to bite the bullet and go for it.

Overall, I've been able to complete all of my goals over the last 6 months, more so than in recent memory. Mostly because i've substituted time with effort. I realize that I have much more in reserve, and by simply telling myself to be patient in my progress, I've been shooting myself in the foot. By increasing the scope and input parameters, things have gone the way I planned and anticipated. Compound gains are great over time, but I need to supplement that with punctuated bursts of action.

Goals for this week are to re-read NMMNG, complete financing plan, and track food to make sure I'm not going too much over maintenance.

OYS #3

STATS: Age - 24, LTR 25, together 3 years 4 months, H - 189cm, W - 117KG

Bench - 70kg 2x5, Deadlift - 110kg 2x5, Squat - 100kg 2x5

READING: Finished: MMSLP, NMMNG, WISNIFG, The Barefoot Investor, Steels Guide, Stickied posts, Art of Seduction

In Progress: TRM, BPPs Youtube series, MAP, SGM.

Next: NMMNG/WISNIFG reread.

MENTAL: Started TRM this week, made me realise I should go back through NMMNG and WISNIFG. Week 3 and I have a decent amount of reading done but not much internalised.

I think I might be overdoing the OYS, not feeling as though I have anything of worth to post every week. Will revisit next week whether it's worth posting.

Reading OYS today I saw a link to Praexology on hobbies. None of mine overlap something to work on.

Goals: No Porn, No Fap, OYS on time and early, journal to improve memory, MAP

PHYSICAL: 3/3 sessions this week.

PT suggested 5314B again and sent me a link to how its carried out. I have decided to change to this program but I need to make sure I don't program hop without even getting into a rhythm.

No jogging since last post - this is something that will marginally help me lose weight as well as get me up in the morning. I need to start this habit.

IF failure again, maybe 2/7 days.

Goals: Train 3x a week, stick wtih 5314B, jog 3 times a week, IF at least Mon-Fri, -100kg weight.

WORK/FINANCE: I secured the promotion. 10% pay rise starting early November. I will likely be underpaid once I have settled in to the position however I am happy with where I am career-wise compared to last year.

Discussed with LTR last weekend about splitting bank accounts. We will be splitting roughly 50/50. When we joined bank accounts last year she had more savings however I make more. Have previously estimated it to break even around end of year in terms of financial contributions.

I look forward to being solely responsible for my money. Over the last year I have improved my attitude considerably towards finances. I've had a growing interest in investing and it is something I want to dabble in to secure myself financially - FIRE.

Goals: Get to work on time, split finances, increase personal savings, start investing.

RELATIONSHIP/GAME: STFU or happy and aloof has been my go to this week.

Gave a massage over the weekend and fantasized about porn during it. Broke no fap 3 days due to further fantasies. Huge failure. One of the days I was late to work due to fap - unacceptable.

Goals: No fap, Don't be autistic, STFU, happy and aloof.

SOCIAL: Organised a BBQ to catch up with a friend I haven't seen much since he got married. Will be good to see him and meet his two kids.

Another friend reached out to me to start lifting. Pointed him in the direction of my gym and lightly nudged him towards gaining membership. I struggle with being pushed to do things so I don't want to push him too hard.

I am really looking forward to having someone to workout with on a consistent basis. It will help keep my accountable. I am however nervous that I wont have the knowledge to teach him. Considering just sending him to Alan Thrall/Mark Rippetoe on youtube. I'm not keen on this as it might have him lose faith in joining me.

OYS #8

38 yo, Ht 6'1, Wt 97Kg.

1RMs - Bench 97.5kg (215lb), Squat 127.5 (280), DL 150(330)

Getting rule 9ed on my last OYS helped bitch slap me out of Rambo mode.

Anger is productive fuel. But it is ugly. This anger phase comment explained my path so far perfectly. I'm still there, but feel like I'm over a hump.

​

Reading

Less MRP content and more general stuff - stoicism, Arnold biography, Zen and the art of Motorcycle, etc. I'm in my head enough without piling extra techniques and concepts. Still using WISNIFG de-escalation techniques when required, but conflict has somewhat slowed down.

Finished Bigger, Leaner, Stronger for a refresh of theory/motivation. Shredded Chef for some recipe ideas.

Physical

Hit a plateau in cutting and in linear weight progression. I took a de-load week and timed it with finally having a few days off work to get some rest and sharpen the axe.

Came back stronger. Lifts were all up and had more in the tank.

Diet-wise, I stalled by giving myself too much freedom at the weekends and adopted a 5 days on, 2 days off split... which worked when I was 20, but not any more.

Goal-wise: I'd like to hit 90kg BW and 115 bench/140 squat/180 DL before the year ends. Stretch goals as I think I have used up all of my muscle memory, but good to have an aim.

Energy levels have been the biggest gain so far. Less lethargic moments and less dependent on Rambo energy to get shit done. It has lost intensity, but is smoother and less in reaction to external factors.

Work

Projects are on time. Output is high despite exclusively WFH for the last 8 months. A few days off took care of the burn out.

I'm back to studying in the evenings to improve my employability and explore new pathways in my field. Learning Python to automate anything that can be.

Goals are to be able to pick up a 10-15k payrise in 2021, by either negotiation or moving companies.

Marriage

It has been a HUGE relief to notice approval-seeking behaviours in myself, that I have unconsciously adopted to get my wife to like me more. “oh what if I take care of the kid?” make her coffee, cook etc. to improve my chances later. Now that I have some awareness around these things, and can pause and reflect without as many raging emotions, I have been cutting the bullshit out.

We both had good time together for the first time in years. I didn't do anything differently, there was no grand gesture or desperate need for approval. I perhaps initiated a bit harder or was more physical... but holy shit, a fucking ray of light through the clouds that this marriage can be two people enjoying each others company. Two days of great sex and intimacy followed...

But of course, there's always a shit sandwich. It didn't last long. I went seeking more of the same, gave her too much of my time and attention (and expecting something in return), and got fuck all. Sex is still less frequent than before I swallowed the pill.

Life

Cutting out energy-sucking behaviours has given me a ton more capacity to build a better life, without depending on Rambo energy. My hidden agenda is to make her want me more (I take the foot off the gas when I get rewarded), but the most important thing is that I am building a better life for myself.

If I was 20:80 good:bad previously, I am 80:20 now. Still a lot of work to do, but solid progress speaks for itself. In the past, I have always strived for 100% or given up, which is the perfectionist or dabbler in me giving up at the first hurdle/plateau. I don't think I will ever overcome this, but keep seeking to integrate it healthily into my life, and not let perfect be the enemy of good. I do like this part of my psychology, which allows me to go HAM on something, get good quick, learn moderation, then integrate the worthwhile aspects of it into my life. Provided I do that and don't overly obsess about it for too long (hello alcohol, gaming, drugs, gym), or give up too soon and logically talk myself out of it.

Selfauthoring program from JBP has been a fantastic resource for introspection, and in the similar vein as OYS, putting your thoughts on paper.

Dusted off my golf clubs - great balance of getting outdoors, spending time with men, developing a skill, being less sedentary outside of the gym.

OYS #37

Married: 3 years. 3 kids [5,3,2yrs], 1 on the way.

Height: 6', Weight: 214lbs – Navy Method: 16% -- Target: 187lbs /10~12% BF

-PRs as of 9/23/2020-

SQUAT: 310lbs x 5 - Target: 350+ x 5~ or 420 x 1

BENCH: 250lbs x 1 - Target: 315 x 3 or 330 x 1

DEADLIFT: 440lbs x 1 – Target: 500+ x 1

OHP: 205 x 1 – Target: 220 x 1

Reading: Principles, “Bigger, Leaner, Stronger”, The Little Book of Stoicism

Health:

I’ve been following my digital scale for my BF%, but tonight I decided to try the Navy method: 16% BF opposed to 29% (according to scale). My scale is bullshit. I know the Navy method isn’t 100%, but since I am starting to see ab definition, I know I can’t be in the obese range. Even better news... I have 35lbs worth of fat to lose. So even with a margin of error, I can lose at least 30lbs.

Got back in the gym, and I already can tell I’ve gotten stronger. Able to rep out 260 x 10-12reps for sets on squats, and bench press (my weakest lift) is increasing, as 205 is starting to feel light, and 225 is now moderately heavy, instead of very heavy. My weakest lift, bench press, is approx. 65lbs away from my target. I’ll attempt to go up in weight 10lbs a week, for 6 weeks. I think I can do it.

Had a whiskey soda last night as I studied. Other than that, haven’t drank this week as I haven’t had the urge to.

Meditating when I can. I am able to squeeze in mini-meditations (3-5 mins) at a time. Still not a habit to meditate daily.

Sleep is on track. Mostly because I start winding down for bed earlier.

Gym 3/3

Alcohol */1

Meditation 3/5

Sleep 6/7

Going Forward:

1. Reach 199lbs 12/31/2020.

2. Achieve strength targets 11/18/2020. -in progress

3. Meditate every day. – On target.

4. Alcohol goals: Instead of setting a goal of only drinking once per week, have the mindset of a man that only drinks when the occasion calls for it, and control the amount—otherwise no alcohol.

Mission and Career:

On vacation for this week, but I’m still plowing through my study material for my upcoming , certification. I’ll complete the bulk of the course I am taking, tomorrow or Thursday, and will have a little over a month to review and reinforce what I have learned.

Being present in the NOW has been the mission this past week and going forward. I do well if I am out at the park with the kids, and when I am actively doing something which requires I focus intently. It’s still very difficult for me to commit 100% to being present. I recognize that when I haven’t adequately planned, or I’ve put something on the back burner, it tends to creep back into my mind, causing me to lose focus on the task at hand. I’ve done well to stay away from projecting myself into the future. I must learn to block off time much more effectively.

Going forward:

1. Expand network, skills, and improve social circle. – in progress

2. Complete certification 11/18/2020. –In progress

This week:

Personal and Family:

Everyone is exciting to be going out of town in a couple of days. I am very excited, as I always wanted to go to this particular destination. I’m thrilled that I am able to make it happen, while I’m paying off debt, hitting the gym, getting smarter, and just improving overall.

For once, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my time off. I’ve stressed less, because I have been indifferent to things I deemed to make no difference. I’ve done a lot of the stuff I wanted to do. I finished BLS (but will definitely do a re-read/scan back through this book), got my son potty-trained, improved my relationship with my son and daughter.

Frame.

Constant work on being in my frame. Kids have really been testing my frame and I have been handling things well. Broken Record is my go-to, and the kids respond fairly well. I placate less, and find myself being okay with being the ‘bad’ guy for a few minutes, before they forget all about it.

With the wife, I’ve worked on saying ‘No,’ without DEERing. Realizing when to explain my actions, has also been crucial. I still DEER, and find myself thinking I ‘need’ to fix the situation. I almost changed my plans today in order to try to satisfy her, which, before I did, I realized would be very weak. Doing nothing, at times, and letting things work out...works out.

Outside of immediate family, I need to work on being direct with friends and my dad. Though they do not cross my boundaries, some of the things I find them doing annoys me at times. I realize all I have to do is to tell them that x annoys me, and the problem would solve itself.

Family.

My son has really started opening up, and he’s becoming a little boy. He’s taking on challenges, being competitive in sports, and started to express himself differently. Showing him as much love and support as I can, in these past few days, has been good for me to see the effects of what good emotions can do.

Found out today that baby #4 is, more than likely, a girl. I’m totally okay with this, as my two sons have been quite a challenge in virtually every area, compared to my daughter. I suspect this trend will reverse, as it did with me and my sisters when we were young. Either way, I’m excited will definitely be getting a consultation for a vasectomy early next year.

On summer vacation. During this time, I am going to:

1. Get my youngest potty trained. -- COMPLETE. Son has not had any accidents in the past 2 days, and only wears a diaper to bed, for night time accidents. He tells us when he needs to go potty. I'm so proud of him.

2. Enjoy myself. Working on my hobbies/interests. Finish BLS – COMPLETE and Principles – in progress.

3. Finish up the course I’m taking now for my career change. – in progress.

4. Map out, review, and revise mid-term and long-term goals. – in progress.

5. Be present in the NOW the entire time. – forever, in progress.

OYS 27

Me: 30. Wife: 34. Together 5, married 3. Stepson:11. My son: 4 months.

Physical: Squat 225x5, DL: 315x5, Bench: 215x5. 6’1 198. ~12% bf. Still gaining solid weight, not gaining any.

Reading: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, MMSLP, side bar. I feel as if I need to re-read some of the basics, not because I’m losing it but because it’s been over a year. Couldn’t hurt.

I have drank 1 day in the past 21 days. I got sick of binge drinking on the weekends. I got sick of lying to myself that I’m not an alcoholic. I got sick of caring for my 4 month old while drunk. I cannot just have 1 or 2 beers, so I’m cutting myself off until I can do that.

Kind of related to that, I’m doing the 75 hard challenge. Look it up. Basically it’s just owning your shit everyday, including working out twice, no alcohol or cheat meals, reading everyday and taking a progress picture. There’s a nice tracking app as well.

With that being said, I relaxed this weekend for the first time in forever. My weekends are usually filled with getting drunk in the garage and working on projects/ landscaping. I would avoid the wife so she wouldn’t know how drunk I was, I would justify getting drunk by saying “but I’m so productive.” So this weekend I relaxed, hung out and connected with my infant boy and connected with them. Friday was also our 3 year anniversary. Went out for a nice dinner, had to wait a while to be seated, but it was nice to just sit and flirt, joke and laugh with each other.

Work has been great. My manager says they’re finalizing my promotion. I got pulled into a project team yesterday and absolutely crushed I with my input.

Sex with my wife has been interesting. I got rejected twice last week, only to later see that she was starting her period soon. I hear about guys here tracking their wife’s period and always thought that it was next level stuff. Maybe it’s time for me to start.
We’re at a good place where I’m back to flirting and joking with her, but I have to get better about transitioning that to sex at night, or better take opportunity for spontaneous sex during the day.

I’m getting to a very solid place, just need to figure the sex thing out a little better, but I’m seeing sparks of my old self again.

OYS #11

Late 30s, 6’3" 204.2#  BF 18% (Navy - tested 8/10/20) Married 8 years, Children: 4

Sidebar reading:  MMSL, NMMG, WISNIFG, Pook, Rational Male 1, Rational Male Preventative Medicine, Practical Female Psychology, TWOTSM, and SGM

Current Lifts (9/27/20): (Stronglifts) Bench 5x175#, Shoulder Press 5x110#, Squat 5x185#, Deadlift 1x5x270#, BB Row 5x160#

Physical & Health:

I have hit a plateau on all lifts. This week's plateau is on deads and rows. I am building up on squats as de-loaded earlier. I will deload everything else and keep working on form.  I found Mark Rippetoe Starting Strength videos helpful.  I am also adding accessory exercises: pulls/chins, bicep/tricep exercises, lateral raises.   

Frame:

I received strong feedback about moving out of my bed last week. I agree with the consensus that it was avoidance behavior. I moved back in with the approach that I am correcting a failure and that the anxiety/anger is part of the process - a tool to help with the mental/emotional improvement. I received resistance from my wife about returning, specifically with regards to her sleep and my sleep. I accepted that as valid concerns, but stated I made a mistake and I wanted to sleep in my bed with her.  Surprisingly sleep has been okay. I am not going to worry about it. 

Relationship / Sexual: 

Continuing with no porn/masturbation. Nothing happening sexual with the wife for 7 weeks. She let me know that the last time we had sex that she did it because she felt she had to to keep me happy and afterwards went to the bathroom to cry. When I touch her or hold her, she still recoils. I am accepting this better as I feel like I care less about it. This week I found it fun touching her more and flirting more as I was doing it for my enjoyment. Perhaps it was because it was without the pressure of "getting it right" in terms of escalation to sex. Frankly, I have focused less on sex with my wife. 

Family: 

The back to virtual school change in routine over the last few weeks has gone quite well. Enjoying getting them outside as much as possible to get them away from the screens. I think more one-on-one time would be a good thing for each of them.

Social:

Regular connection with guy friends from the past (high school/college) seems to be good and I have enjoyed the rekindled relationships. They are all out of the country and, while I have local friends, there isn't the close connection. 

Career / Finances: 

I am comfortable at work and I am compensated well for what I do. I am in the accumulation- phase financially. I have a 10 year old car and can afford a better vehicle. I have vacillated on buying something new, but feel like the expenditure is not really going to change anything in terms of life enjoyment. There are better ways to spend my money. 

This Week:

I feel like the anger is quieting down and I am less focussed on how shitty my life is and how shitty my relationship is. What I am more focussed on is the lack of general direction in my life. I feel stagnation and boredom. This has unfortunately infected my family life/relationship. I can't seem to make decisions on anything that may affect the future (eg. Car, work, moving, even vacation). I am taking a couple of days away from the family and work. I am going to use the space to dig into what I want my life to really look like and what I want to accomplish. It's time to review my MAP.

Other Goals:

Continue to work on BFE

No Porn/masturbation

Enjoy the family and wife while really STFU. Do not engage. Keep things light.

OYS # 2

5’11 @ 205 LBS, Mid-40’s. Married 21 Years.

BP: 190 LBS x 10, Squat: 225 LBS x 10, OHP: 120 LBS x 8, DL: 225 LBS x 10

Sidebar: MMSLP 2011, Rational Male Volumes 1-3, Practical Female Psychology, NMMNG, The Way of the Superior Man

Additional: Read most marriedRedPill and askMRP posts and comments. Watched all WhineMorePlease videos. Watch Rian Stone’s videos.

Before I begin, I’d like to say I’m really finding a lot of value in the YouTube videos by weakandsensitive and horns. I’d say it’s been more valuable to me than most other resources. There’s something new about their approach that I can relate to and its refreshing to hear how they process life.

Last Week’s Feedback:

I received some good feedback last week pointing out areas where I’m living in my wife’s frame. I want to be handy and be able to fix things around the house if they break or require maintenance. However, the truth is the reason I want to is because I feel less of a man in my wife’s eyes whenever I avoid fixing something, or when I’ve “delegated” her to arrange someone to do it. As others have stated, the reason needs to be because I really want to do it, but only if it creates value for me personally. Deep down inside, I know my time is much more valuable running and growing my business; not fixing shit I can pay others to do. I need to start framing that the most important resource I have is my own time, and I need to be smart about how it’s invested.

Furthermore, If I decide a task needs to be delegated, I should at least be the one who’s on top of it instead of waiting for my wife to complain about until she gets sick of waiting and then handles it herself.

I also received advice that I need to STFU unless I’m squatting 225 lbs A2G. My response to this is “meh”. I prefer squatting to parallel position verses A2G because I feel it more in my quads verses my ass.

The Past 7 Days:

On Thursday I took my wife on a 4 day trip up to Mackinac Island. Over the past 2 decades I never really did anything spontaneous like this because I focused on pleasing everyone else’s frame at the expense of neglecting my wife. I will go into why I changed my attitude this year in my next OYS.

Overall it was a great trip for both of us. She was so appreciative. What I liked most about the trip was being able to flirt with her and tease her sexually. She kept touching me in public and private which is something new this year. She initiated sex all 3 times and it was like porn style where she kept talking dirty. I followed Rian Stone’s simple advice in one of his recent YouTube videos and just told her what I was going to do to her. This really turned her on. Before I’d just stay quiet which was probably very boring for her.

There were 2 situations during the trip that really bothered me that I know I could have handled better.

First, we had to take a ferry to the island, so when we arrived on site we only had 15 minutes to park the car in an overnight area, buy tickets and get our luggage on board before boarding. At the end of the day, the worst thing that would have happened was we’d have to wait another hour until the next ferry. However in the moment I was frantic inside. As soon as we arrived, I found myself in a mild panic as the employees were escorting us in. They told me to park the car anywhere so I could get out and talk to them. I took it as they were asking me to park normally, so I kept pulling in and then backing up to try and get my car within the lines. When I finally caught on to what they wanted, I got out and felt embarrassed and frazzled in front of my wife as I was talking to the girl. I felt like a retard.

At the end we worked everything out. However the way I felt in that moment, it was a reoccurring feeling I felt throughout my life. It was that red hot feeling of panic in the moment that I was going to look like a fool in front of others. When I get like this, it limits my ability to process the situation, and everything seems to happen too fast.

I don’t know how to work on this problem, other than take note when I do it and think about what I can do differently next time. I guess in this case I could have just rolled down my window before I did anything and ask questions. Take charge instead of reacting to panic.

I often get like this whenever I do something in front of others (whether it’s at a restaurant, store or service). My wife laughs and teases me about getting nervous in these situations. So it’s not something I hide well.

The second situation I handled poorly happened while my wife was in one of the stores buying a sweat shirt after we were both a little buzzed from drinking. When I’m drunk nothing makes me nervous. This is when I’m confident and normal.

Anyway I was sitting on the bench eating fudge while there were 2 other women sitting on a bench nearby closer to the street (they appeared to be drunk as well). They don’t allow cars on Mackinac Island, so everything is horse drawn carriages. As I listened to the drunk girls talking, I saw a horse walking right behind them with shit coming out of his ass. The shit was about 1 foot away from hitting one of the ladies, so I warned her that she was about to get dumped on. They immediately got up and stood over by me. It started raining, so they stood there talking to me while my wife was watching me out the window. When she came out she was pissed telling me there was a lot of smiling and laughing going on both sides of the aisle, and she didn’t like that one of them kept touching my forearm when she was talking.

Instead of either STFU’ing or saying something cocky like “you can’t blame women for not being able to keep their hands off me”, I started DEER’ing and arguing how I didn’t do anything wrong. This turned into a big stupid argument that was pointless. I know exactly where I went wrong here. Again, I get so caught up in the moment and lost frame. Again, shit happens too fast and I can’t think.

I need to be better at this. I need to find some strategy for approaching these situations when they happen. Slow things down a bit. Actually get a frame.

Lifting:

Since my last OYS I was only able to lift on Wednesday and yesterday, so I made no improvement. The good news is I gained no weight during the trip. Even though we ate and drank a lot, we did a lot of walking and bike riding around the island.

This week I’m back to lifting 5-6 times per week and walking 3 miles per day (5 days per week). My goal is to lose 1 lbs per week until I can see a 6 pack.

OYS 40

30y, height: 186cm 82.3kg, wife 26 married 2 years, together 6 years. 0 kids.

Lifts (GZCLP): Squat: 105kg 3x5, DL: 115kg 3x5, BP: 67.5kg 2x6, OHP: 47.5kg 2x6

Background

Believed that all I would want from life is to find a wife and have a family. Everything I had done before RP was to find someone to love me and to prove myself to others. Since I have found RP, no longer believe that having children is my priority and that I had wanted them for the wrong reasons. I am currently grinding within a marriage to reach an abundance and outcome independence mindset. I want to live a life of financial, physical and mental freedom and I expect to eventually need to kill the puppy.

Mission - Cut out the bullshit and bring more truth to the world.

Readings:

MMSLP, NMMNG, TWOTSM, Pook, Rational Male, Preventive Medicine, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Models, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Art of Seduction, WISNIFG, Day Bang, Mastery, Mindful Attraction Plan, The Charisma Myth, Extreme Ownership, The Power of Habit, 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem, The Power of Now, Sex God Method, The Way of Men, Never Split the Difference

Currently reading: Various rereading

Mental

Got some valuable feedback from Rian last week so most of this post will be reflections upon that. I have been fucking around especially recently and the last time I had set short term SMART goals was mid August.

My Background Section

I put this in my template as a reference for my starting point, and then where I want to be. I am far away from achieving that but I consider it my vision, although vague. In my internal notes, I had put these as my definitions of what financial, physical and mental freedom would mean to me.

Financial: I want the financial understanding to not be a dumb mullet and at least do the basic things to move towards having enough money to do whatever I want. I shouldn’t be burning money unnecessarily with my financial neglect

Physical: I want to be a toned machine. I want to get big and strong because I don’t want to be physically limited from experiencing the life I want. I want a strong and big frame to express myself from and not be afraid of other people’s frames

Mental: I want the mental freedom to be able to do anything I want to experience, unhindered by others

Not an exact science by any means but definitions I had written up a few months ago for what an end state might look like for me. From these, I had set 2 primary goals although my second goal is definitely not a SMART goal. My physical goal is to be able to bench 90kg, deadlift 140kg and squat 120kg for sets of 3 by the end of the year. My mental goal which is fuck-aroundable is to in general take ownership and do tasks that adults are meant to innately do (I suck at this). I had a goal to consult 3 lawyers before the end of the year and have spoken with 1 so far.

Aside from that, I did initially add the section to try and get feedback from MRP. I think that there are a few archetypes of guys who find MRP and it’d be easier to identify which archetype I was if I included it.

Why I write OYS

I actually started back in October 2019 so I’ve almost been here a year. In terms of improvement, I am improving slowly but as long as there is some form of improvement, I will keep at it. Initially, I was only posting when I owned my shit, in a sense only reporting in when I did well and deserved a pat on the back. I decided to write in OYS regardless of if I did own my shit or wasn’t. I need to be honest with where I am at, and especially what I’m not doing. OYS each week is a checkpoint for me to reflect upon the last week.

I’m likely to have started with a covert contract that if I stuck at OYS for a long enough time, that eventually I’d get what I want out of my relationship. I do consider myself in for a long haul though and don’t have expectations of how many OYS posts are required to reach RP internalisation. I’m going slow and accept that. I number my OYS for the same reason I date my journal and track my weight everyday with a 7 day rolling average. I like numbers like an autist.

I am fucking around a lot. It isn’t my intention to make it sound like I’m asking for forgiveness, but rather identify my shortcomings that week. The problem is that even though I identify it, I do very little into resolving the problem. So in that sense, it does sound like by putting it down in my OYS, I am escaping ownership of fixing the problem. This is something I need to resolve, and my execution needs work.

My Reading List

I really agree with the feedback I got on this and also relevant was Sepean’s recent post. It’s as if I have been trying to find a solution for my problems by finding a new book not on the sidebar. But I’ve been finishing a book every 2-3 weeks without the chance to really implement what I’ve learnt. This is a problem and I’ll be using the time I use to read daily to revisit old books and MRP posts relevant to where I am at.

Some books were really good though. Never Split the Difference isn’t about negotiating desire and I see it as an extension of the explanation of DARE. I think it has helped me with understanding WISNIFG which I had difficulty reading. I am setting a goal to watch at least 20 minutes of Rian’s WISNIFG breakdown everyday after my holiday.

Useful: 6 Pillars of self-esteem, Never Split the Difference

Neutral: The Power of Now, Extreme Ownership, The Charisma Myth

Not useful: The Power of Habit, The Way of Men

My Goal Setting

There’s certainly a lot of gaps in where I could improve and set goals. I’m not tracking my calories and have just been randomly setting eating plans. Intermittent fasting while cutting, eating 4 meals while bulking even though I might not actually be getting enough calories in those 4 meals. I could set more tangible goals around my diet but historically when I’ve set too many goals I’ve had difficulty making them stick. I’m more skinny than fat at 82kg and 186cm.

Right now I’ve identified my largest red area to be my sleep schedule. I’ll tighten up my sleep schedule which has been a major struggle for me, for no good reason but a lack of willpower. Getting into bed by 1am is arbitrarily set but when I nail it I’ll also set the time earlier and earlier.

As a form of ego protection, I haven’t been consistently gaming or kinoing my wife. I am not fucking my wife more. I don’t have abundance and I’m not going out to game girls currently. My 3 primary short term habits to build will be to sleep earlier, meditate and kino/game my wife.

Goals

6/7 20 minute meditation

4/7 Got into bed before 1am.

3/4 Kino’d or gamed wife physically.

OYS #2 Stats: Age 48, wife 46. Married 17 years, two kids tween & teen, roughly 20% BF (navy), 190 lbs, 5'11", used to be in the 220s.

Career beta, t2 diabetic (in remission due to keto), I have severe ED (pills don't work probably caused by diabetes).

Reading: lurked here for years on/off. Have read all the pre-reqs and most of the 101s/grad level. Re-reading NMMNG, started TWOSM but decided I wasn't at that point.

Finances - make plenty of cash. Focus isn't what it should be. On track to retire by 55. Used to make more money two jobs ago, but still pretty good.

Health - Doing 5/3/1 Triumvirate - Week 4 of the second cycle. Leaning towards switching to 5/3/1 BBB. Lifts aren't impressive - OH 80 lbs, DL 180 lbs, BP 100 lbs, Squat 120 lbs. Lowered my A1C from 9.8 to 5.4 to 4.9 doing six months of keto. Been slacking on the diet this week, so need to dial that back in.

Relationship - Probably going to get ruled 9'd. We went away last weekend to an old farmhouse. I had planted the seed for vacation sex and asked her to bring an outfit. The first night she wasn't feeling good and felt guilty but we tabled it. The second night, again, not feeling great, we set the alarm for morning sex. The walls were paper thin and she was worried the kids would hear. Anyways, I couldn't sleep and got up in the middle of the night. I heard she woke up to go to the bathroom and I went up to see about sex. She gave me the hard no saying she was too tired. The next morning the alarm went off and we started fooling around. She didn't put on the outfit she packed. I went down on her and then when things were about to progress she heard my son moving around. Turns out her phone alarm was going off in another room and he got up and turned it off and then came to see us. After he left I got a pity handjob and made a joke about unfinished business when we got home. She shot back "unless I am too tired" (spoiler, she was).

This is what I make of all this. The trip was a lame covert contract (if I take the family away, we will have sex). Despite being a lower weight than ever in our relationship, she is not attracted to me. Rollo says that women make rules for betas and break them for alphas. She is doing nothing but setting rules (walls are too thin, I am tired, etc) for me, which means on a primal level I am not attractive to her. She feels guilty about this (married women are supposed to be there for their husbands) but she doesn't act on it. Watch their actions they say. I need to be more attractive. I am debating whether to continue to initiate or just go into monk mode and work on myself. I think I am too thirsty which is hurting my SMV. But not initiating is lame. Also, with the ED thing I think my next step is tri-mix (dick injections) - which isn't spontaneous, so its a puzzle.

I am on TRT for coming up on five months. My wife is shit testing me on this pretty regularly. The levels aren't quite optimized, so ideally more data (sex) would be helpful. With 200 mg of viagra I can get hard and with a cock ring I don't lose it, but I can't finish. My free T levels are still quite low. I added boron to my mix to see if that helps. I also cut the dose slightly (was 50 mg every 3.5 days, not 25 mg every other day) to see if that would help and in response to a shit test about my lack of empathy/aggressiveness. I am not sure if that was a smart concession. On the one hand it was something I was already considering (E2 was higher and I didn't love taking an AI), on the other hand I don't think I should give her a voice on my health.

Goal for the week: make a decision on Monk mode (with an emphasis on lifting/improving my attractiveness) or continuing to initiate. If I decide to not do monk mode, make an appointment with a urologist to have a doppler test to determine if I have a venous leak issue and/or get a script for trimix. Ideally I would prefer to wait a few (at most 6) more months to see if I can get there with TRT as the primary intervention. From what I read on tri-mix is it may start a clock on when it doesn't work anymore (a couple years? 10 years?) and then at that point its get an implant or bust. Part of me wants to see if the body will slowly heal itself now that my insulin levels aren't fucking everything up.

I am concerned that my health improvements are a validation contest/covert contract. It does fit with my overall goals, I don't want to be a fat fuck, and I want an active/functioning sex life. It would certainly help me if this relationship ends. But "monk mode" as an investment for "a future" has all the hand writing of a covert contract. Flip side is, I got very thirsty when I went on TRT, I thought things were going well, but its now clear they weren't and I was perceived as desperate. I think I need a reset.

OYS #15

Stats

Age 32 Ht 6’0”, Wt 178.4 (-1.6) BF 17.1%, Wife 32 Kids 2 under 7

Reading

Finished: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Rational Male, Ironwood Alpha Moves, Pook, Ultimate Texting Guide for Men, Bang, MRP Wiki

Currently: Way of the Superior Man 60%

Youtube w/ W&S and Horns

I appreciate W&S and Horns going through my OYS from last week. I listened to it live but did not have an alternative YouTube account to sign up for. If I am featured again at some point, I will make sure to be able to participate in the live chat as well. I think it’s a great service they are doing and a nice compliment to the weekly OYS. Horns asked if I am really digging into the munchies once a week or if I am just saying its once a week. The honest answer is probably 1.5 times a week on average. We don’t use on the weekdays but sometimes Friday nights and Saturday nights as well. I am going to add a detailed goal to my Physicality and Health section about how I am going to deal with keeping calories in check when the munchies hit. I’ll bet I am currently consuming over two thousand calories a sitting when I’m high, so will be curtailing this significantly. Another thing Horns talked about was my conflation of Mission and MAP. I think I’ve been using these terms somewhat interchangeably, while Horns was addressing my OYS through the actual definition of MAP, as laid out in Athol Kay’s books. This is on me. I will ensure I am using Mission when I referring to it. Next, a pretty long discussion/argument about my little dread story about my wife taking a nap, me leaving to go to the gym, and her following up and checking up on me using the find my iphone app. I think I likely found it more interesting than I should have, but it was an uneventful week on the relationship front, and it was, I thought, a worthwhile story to tell. 6 months ago we were legitimately talking divorce. Now she is checking up on where I am. I just wanted to show the progress and thank MRP.
Finally, my goals last week were not particularly specific. I was called out on that. Things like “read, lift, grow” are platitudes. I will focus these better and make my goals Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound in the future.

Physicality and Health

I lifted 3 times and played racquetball 2 times. This was my goal. I didn’t do the ab workouts, so I failed here. But I also just had a hell of a week at work, which is thankfully past me for now.

I hit some goals of mine on Stronglifts (200 pound squat 5x5 on smith machine, will try to replicate without smith machine soon) and 225 on deadlift. Again, I am very much a beginner but I started these at 45 pounds and 95 pounds, respectively less than 3 months ago. So it is a win for me and I will take it.

I am skinnyfat. I need to continue the body recomp. Trying to average losing .5 to 1 pound a week while building strength. Scale showed me losing 1.6 this week but I basically didn’t eat yesterday so I’m sure a big chunk of that is due to that.

GOALS: Lift 3 times. Racquetball 1 time. Ab workout two times. IF throughout week where feasible. Lose 0.8 pounds.

Relationship and Sex

Wife gave me what I think is a shit test but honestly I’m still not sure. I had a busy work week so wife said she wanted to take the kids for all of Sunday morning to give me some time alone. I resisted cause I am not good at letting my wife show her value, and she kind of blew up, saying I am going to do whatever I want anyways so there is no point. I just STFU but later went up to her and said that I appreciated her offering and would gladly take her up on it. She took the kids, I got some much needed time to work/relax. I need to get better at letting go and giving my first officer a chance to add value the way she wants. Sex: wife initiated sex once. I initiated a BJ where she just dropped to her knees and asked what I want.

GOALS: Have fun, KINO.

Mental

We have not talked about life goals in a while. Due to this, it isn’t necessarily easy to tell whether we are both on the same ship or not. At the same time, I wonder if it’s necessary to even have these talks. I was big on long, needy, girly talks while we were contemplating divorce. Since I cut those all out months ago (coinciding with OYS #1), the relationship has improved tremendously. So I don’t think I want to initiate these sorts of talks anymore. But if something comes about naturally that has us discussing the course the ship is set on, I’ll be happy to talk.

GOAL: Finish Way of the Superior Man. Figure out what the next book is going to be. Make concrete plans congruent to my vision.

OYS#20 37, wife 35, together 16 years, two toddlers

FITNESS 6'1, 181lbs, BF 20% (skinny fuck with love handles).

Squat 5x5 195lbs Deadlift 1x5 260lbs Bench 5x5 155lbs Press 5x5 105lbs Row 5x5 165lbs

Still stuck at all lifts due to some form issue in the squat messing up my elbow. I've narrowed it down to a dumb tendency to pull down on the bar, as if doing a pullup behind the head. Working on cutting that out. Squatting has been the most problematic lift for me since the very start. All the more reason to keep working on it.

Finally lost 1/2" around the waist. I have been at a 400kcal deficit for a couple of weeks. Not a huge deal but it seems to creep in the right direction.

MENTAL Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, MAP, TRM, Pook, BPP, WotSM, SGM, Unchained man, Subtle art of not giving a fuck, Models, Mystery method, Atomic habits, Ego is the enemy, Power of now (50%), Six pillars of self esteem, BiggerLeanerStronger, 48LoP (10%)

Listening to 48LoP. Interesting but I'll need to re-read later and take it slow to figure out how to apply it to me. Much of it seems to encourage deception which is what I'm trying to get away from. Still usable defensively I guess.

I have raised my voice at the kids more than usual lately. I tell myself it's because they don't do what I say but it's really a frame issue that I've got to work on. And besides they don't get obedient just because I yell at them so no point. They are frame testing me just like big girls do, have to remember that.

Arranged a get-together with some friends. Always interesting to note the guys with the least frame are the ones complaining and engaging in crab-bucket behaviour. I'm guilty of this as well, but at least I'm aware of it. I have been working on cutting out the moaning the last six months and have certainly gotten better. Still ways to go though.

RELATIONSHIP Doing alright on the STFU and declining fetch quests. Haven't had a lot of situations to practice fogging.

No sex for a while. One day, wife asked if I'd like to cum on her tits. I was not in the mood for once and prefered to keep working. She wouldn't have that, and came at me with porn star seduction skills. Turned into a pretty nice slutty session, but I'm a wee bit disapppinted in myself for not standing my ground. Well, it was worth it in the end and it was interesting seeing her reaction to the initial rejection. I have been settling for bad sex all my life, thanks to a severe scarcity mentality. I'll sneak in a "no thanks, this isn't doing it for me" now and then just for practice. This time it happened to do it for me though.