OYS #3

Rebooting and start posting to OYS after LARPing for over a year on MRP. Late to post this week due to Rule 9.

Stats: 41 years old married for 8 years. Wife is 41. Four kids ages 7-16.

Height: 6’1 Weight: 202 lbs 22% bf (calipers)

Lifts: Stronglifts: BP-200 5x5 Squat-185 5x5 Deloaded to work on form, Deadlift-320 1x5 Ovhd Press-150 5x5 Row-170 5x5

Reading: Conversation Tactics, Rational male, NMMNG, WISNIFG—need to reread these 2 again

Fitness—Lifted weights 4 days and 5 HIIT classes. Started reading Wendlers 531 as I start to look at programs when 5x5 starts to stall.

Diet—continue to stay on track with my diet. Scale went below 200 lbs a couple times during the week before hitting 202 today (Saturday).

Health—T came back at 479 ng/dl and Prolactin and estrogen levels all normal. Appointment to see urologist in October to raise my Xyosted dosage to 100mg which is as high as it goes.

Relationship—Made a mistake on Saturday of last week. I got under 200 lbs on the scale for the first time since 2008. Instead of keeping this accomplishment to myself and validating myself, I opened my mouth and told my wife what I had accomplished. I was in a good mood and said we should go out to lunch and celebrate. I knew when I saw her face I had made a mistake by even talking. After a few remarks by her about my weight and bringing up a dumb thing I did recently in front of her friends, I cancelled the lunch and left the house to run errands. Im sure the butthurt was written all over my face a mile away.

I then had a fight with the wife on Monday when I didnt take her to a dr appointment. Appointment was to have a small mole on her neck removed. I was busy doing other shit around the house and lifting weights so I didnt want to take her so I didnt. Encountered two shit tests from this and just didnt respond to either. The first one passed with her leaving for the appointment. The second lasted longer later that day. Upon not responding she asked if I was going to answer her why I didnt take her. I said no. It felt uncomfortable not responding. Like I was being fake or something. It felt weird not instantly responding and DEERing or fighting back. I was then hit with how she cant trust me and that ever since December when I started losing weight that something was different with me and it was coming to a head. I think my lack of responding got to me at this point and I told her she was crazy and that if she was unhappy no one was keeping her here. This set her off at this point that we should get divorced. At this point I threw STFU to the wind and raised my voice and yelled back at her. Any frame I had went right out the window. I left the house and finished the landscape project I was working on as any further talking wasnt going to help me.

I think Ive been trying to get validation from her for so long that breaking this cycle will be the biggest obstacle I have to overcome. I need to trust my own judgment.

Sex—initated two times and was met with hard nos both times. Not even close.

Game—continuing to make small talk with strangers. The progress is slow as I am feeling anxiety approaching people especially women I dont know and talking to them. Have to press through the discomfort.

Goals for the week:

-STFU

-Stay on course with the diet

-Talk to 2 strangers

-STFU

OYS 8

Stats: early 30s, 6'6", 225 lb, 12% bf (navy method)

Married for 1, together for 7, no kids

Goals from last week:

• 85% through MMSLP = Done, at 88% - chapter 26 which deals with Oneitis.
• 3 pomodoro session of focused work = done. Only way I was able to get myself to do some work and get some reading done
• 3 meditation session with Headspace = only 2 completed

Lifted Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Tuesday

Rucked Friday (4 miles, 30 lb)

Current Tier 1 lifts:

• double kettlebell front squat = 71 lb x 4 reps (up in weight)
• double kb press = 53 lb x 6 (switched from pushups)
• Weighted Ring dips = 18 lb x 5 reps (up in reps)
• double kb deadlift = 106 lb x 6 reps (no change)

Had a lot of neck pain after Saturday's session, might have done something during deadlifts, or just from sitting on the couch all weekend. I took a couple days off from lifting, instead I stretched and rolled out. Since the pain wasn't going away, I tried using a lacrosse ball on my traps and rhomboids and it (surprisingly) helped. Ordered a peanut/double lacrosse ball to target the area better. Afterwards, I was able to lift without issue. I'm moving to every other day while I rehab the area. I also found a tape measure and have a better idea of what I need to focus on in terms of aesthetics, so I switched out pushups with overhead press. Using the "Adonis index" for comparison, my shoulders need a lot more size (which I already knew, but now I know what to aim for). I stopped running, but my diet needs more attention if I really want to grow.

Updates:

Took some vacation time from work last week and mentally checked out so I could relax. Made sure to wrap things up at work and with my responsibilities before taking the time off. I spent a lot of time with the wife: went hiking, went out to eat and got sushi, played board games, watched a bunch of old movies and shows. Had a great time. Also connected with two different buddies who I consider high value. On the other hand, I dropped the ball coming back to work this week. Extremely distracted all day and at work, reading bullshit on reddit and watching junk youtube videos. Today (Thursday) was the only day I'm actually content with the amount of work done.

General observations:

Realized I wasn't able to answer the introduction questions on the Fraternity's discord. "What is your mission? What are your goals? How will they help you achieve your mission?" I have some short term goals, but they don't connect with any mission. I have been very reactive with minimal planning. I've made some progress and I'm better at putting out fires, but I'm still causing plenty more by getting in my own way. Without direction, I'm just drifting aimlessly. I don't know what I'm working towards.

The other realization, from my readings in MMSLP and watching a couple of the RPU videos, is that I lack abundance. What "options" I do have are bad or non-existent. I'm worried about losing my job, because I'm not sure I could get another one with my current abilities. I have oneitis for my wife because I never go out and meet anyone new. This goes for most of my relationships. Without abundance I can't build real outcome independence or frame, so I'm all bullshit. I've internalized and know that I'm on my own -- this was the realization that lead me back to MRP and to OYS, crawl away from the drugs and escapism -- but I haven't done the work to make myself more valuable. This ties back to my mission, as value is relative. I saw a number of resources posted here on the topic, so I will research this weekend.

Goals for next week:

• Finish MMSLP, start WISNIFG
• Identify options and draft ideas for creating a mission
• Meditate 2 times

OYS #36

Married: 3 years. 3 kids [5,3,2yrs], 1 on the way.

Height: 6', Weight: 214lbs - Target: 187lbs or 10~12% BF

-PRs as of 9/23/2020-

SQUAT: 310lbs x 5 - Target: 350+ x 5~ or 420 x 1

BENCH: 250lbs x 1 - Target: 315 x 3 or 330 x 1

DEADLIFT: 440lbs x 1 – Target: 500+ x 1

OHP: 205 x 1 – Target: 220 x 1

Reading: Principles, “Bigger, Leaner, Stronger”, The Little Book of Stoicism

Health: I hit a new PR on my OHP. 205lbs. 15lbs away from my goal. Then I went on youtube and saw Larry Wheels OHP 4 plates. Fuck. I fell down the youtube natty vs. juice rabbit hole.

Reading the BLS supplement section has opened my eyes. Luckily, I read this section before I bought more supplements, which I was planning to do tomorrow. I'll only add Creatine, and fish oil and, after my current supply of protein runs out, I'll make sure I'm getting more protein-per-gram per serving. Also going to try plant-based protein (pea + rice).

De-loading this week. I went to the gym once and will focus on jumping rope for the remainder of the week. I will start back up the AthleanX BeaXst program on Sunday, this time going for the ‘Total Beast’ setting, which is just an increase in reps/sets and more difficult version(s) of a workout. I went out drinking, and focused on being social/game. Although I had a good time, I ended up staying out too late, missing my train, and having to catch a taxi back to my hotel. I lost control and paid the price for it. Alcohol still has control over me, especially, when I ‘m not held in check by friends/family. If I drink alone, at the bars, I do stupid shit like this. Meditating more and progressing fairly well. Some days I meditate twice a day. Using the ‘Serenity’ app for assisted meditations. Gym 1/1

Alcohol */1

Meditation 4/5

Sleep 6/7

Going Forward:

1. Reach 199lbs 12/31/2020.

2. Achieve strength targets 11/18/2020. -in progress

3. Meditate every day. – On target.

4. Alcohol goals: Instead of setting a goal of only drinking once per week, have the mindset of a man that only drinks when the occasion calls for it, and control the amount—otherwise no alcohol. --Failed this week. Loss of self-control.

Mission and Career:

Short work week, national holiday and summer vacation. Going forward:

1. Expand network, skills, and improve social circle. – in progress

2. Complete certification 11/18/2020. –In progress

This week:

Personal and Family:

So, my gym buddy is a flaker. I thought I had made a friend that could really push me. I think this is a good experience for me, however, as I am able to see that I rely on others too much to keep me disciplined (see alcohol section in health) and push me. Plus, I need to respect the fact that not everyone is as serious as I am when it comes to lifting, or keeping their word.

I (still) rely on others for validation and others’ judgement instead of being my own judge.

I realized I may be past the anger phase. I never really even noticed...

Frame.

Thoughts lately: Frame is not something I ‘do,’ it’s who I am. Ive been listening to ‘Entrepreneurs in Cars’ lately and reading through the sidebar trying to internalize what frame really is and how to live in my frame at all times. Taking charge in daily life helps, as I get the chance to make decisions, be challenged, and learn.

For example: My son started potty training. I was working with him all morning and we were making considerable progress for Day 1. Wife comes along and starts to try to change up things. I moved into her frame I was open to her input, as I trust her as a mother who, basically, potty-trained my two other kids, despite my gut feeling of “no”. I went against my gut for a brief moment, and the whole thing went sideways-- my son is pissing all over the floor, when, just a minute ago, he'd been going to the toilet with no issues. I immediately went back to how I was doing things.Things worked out, and we’ve had a pretty successful day 1.

Family.

My wife explicitly told me I need to praise her more, then immediately hit me with a shit test, that went like this: ‘You don’t praise me enough. Tell me when I do something good, because if you don’t, I may cheat on you when we go to the states.’ What. The. Fuck. Was my first thought. But she’s right. I don’t praise her, show her affection, etc. I must say I now admire the way she can fuck with me. A comfort test that says ‘Please tell me I’m doing a good job,” and shifts to “or I’ll fuck some other guy who gives me the tingles.” I’m not going to lie, I felt like verbally blasting her telling her how hypocritical her statement was, and "if I had said that..." and how fucked up of a thing that is to say, but I just kept my mouth shut. Nothing I would’ve said would have been attractive or strong.

Stoicism readings really helped me this week.

On summer vacation. During this time, I am going to:

1. Get my youngest potty trained. -- in progress, I'm/he is doing better than expected

2. Enjoy myself. Working on my hobbies/interests. Finish BLS and Principles. --will complete BLS tomorrow!

3. Finish up the course I’m taking now for my career change.

4. Map out, review, and revise mid-term and long-term goals.--In progress

5. Be present in the NOW the entire time.

OYS #18 (Discovered MRP 3/11/19)

This one is mostly a downer. I’ve got to admit where I’ve messed up and learn from it. (I’m late this week due to a ban from a Rule 11 violation.)

Stats: 35yo, 5'9", 168 lbs.

SQ: 265x2

BP: 180x4

OHP: 105x7

DL: 325x1

Chin-ups: 10

Relationship: Wife 34yo, Twins 3yo. Married 12 years.

Mission

Be my own man. Give of my abundance. Share my gifts and talents readily with those who are ready to appreciate them. Be the Oak to those in my care.

Study

Starting over for the third time, thru SteelSharpensSteel’s MRP Guide. u/SorcererKing’s Guide for Career Betas (applies perfectly to me).

OccamUsername’s LTR posts over at TRP (recently unblocked TRP on mobile). Amazing stuff.

Physical

5/3/1 BBB 3+/week. PRs on DL and BP this month. Occasional row machine or recumbent bike for cardio.

Averaging 1800 calories/day, 130+ g/protein. Continuing to maintain weight and re-comp. It would be nice to cut down to chiseled abs, but my three weeks of 1500 calories/day resulted in no progress.

Career/Finances

My company was bought out by a bigger one. Raises have been promised. Anticipating the changes to benefits next year.

Maxed out IRA for this year. Due to max out 401K as well. Advised wife on switching investments and reducing ER in her old 401K. Setting up to max out 2021 IRA in January.

Researched better credit cards. New one on the way. Will cancel old shared one if we split finances.

Personal

Busy and social with church responsibilities, gym, and weekly game night.

Made some new friends, caught up with old ones, and had a great time at my brother’s wedding a couple weeks ago. IOIs from photographer. Threw brother a bachelor party and gave him some literature and advice that I wish someone would’ve given to me.

Read “Magic of Tidying Up” and have cleaned out my wardrobe and library.

Realized I have slid back into blaming others for my unhappiness and have walled off myself instead of engaging. The truth is sometimes I’m still angry inside. I’ve both lashed out inappropriately and STFU autistically.

I’ve lost my vision over the last few months and it has affected most other areas I need to improve, especially the hard ones (socially and in my relationship).

Family

Traveled cross-country with family to wedding. Great time for all.

Kids have started pre-school. I’ve been more patient with them lately. Taking time to focus on some of their weak areas, reading numbers and letters, which they should know by now.

Marriage

For too long I was blaming her again and isolating myself instead of taking responsibility and making things better.

Planned some good dates, set up babysitters, etc., all with no expectation for sex, just there to have a good time. Truth be told, I’m not attracted to or interested in her, and haven’t been for months. She’s offered sex twice (no seduction) over the last six months and I’ve turned her down—I don’t want it with her. At least the Dancing Monkey tries to flirt with and game his wife. And this hasn’t been Monk Mode, either, because I have not been truly engaged in my mission.

Counseling has not gone how I expected or hoped, and has actually accelerated us toward divorce. I didn’t prepare myself for the last session, wasn’t holding my vision, forgot nearly every strategy against criticism and Fitness Tests, and let things go sideways against me. I was honest but pathetic. It was so bad my wife found a lawyer the next morning for an initial consultation. Not joking.

—-

Failure is often the best teacher. I can’t waver on this or let my guard down. I can’t stall, get angry, or be unattractive. Hard lessons to learn.

I thought I could do it on my own, but I can see a lot of benefit from having a Morpheus, as SorcererKing suggests. There’s no one in my circle I can be transparent with. LDS/Christian background would be helpful. u/becoming_alpha, u/alphasixfour, feel free to PM me. There are probably more of you out there willing to help.

Posting in OYS every week will keep me focused as well.

——

As an aside, I want to thank the mods for what they’re doing behind the scenes. My first impression here was not a good one: I discovered MRP, got excited about turning my life around, posted my first OYS, and promptly got banned for mis-posting it. My fault. I got angry for a minute and they gave just barely enough understanding for me to stick around while I cooled off.

Reviewing the mods’ comments on my posts and listening to WNS and HoA’s stream this past weekend helped me see a little better what they’re really trying to accomplish here. My marriage may soon be over but my life is just beginning.

OYS #2

STATS: Age - 24, Partner - 25, together 3 years 4 months, H - 189cm, W - 117KG

Bench - 70kg 2x5, Deadlift - 110kg 2x5, Squat - 100kg 2x5

READING: Finished: MMSLP, NMMNG, WISNIFG, The Barefoot Investor, Steels Guide, Stickied posts, Art of Seduction

In Progress: BPPs Youtube series, MAP, SGM

I finished Art of Seduction this week, I think I jumped the gun with this and didn't take enough in. I need to reread this further down the line, at least after Day Bang.

I've also been going through a bunch of FRs and other top posts of all time, it helps in the moment for motivation however I need to read these slower and make mental notes of these things.

Next: Bang/Day Bang or Pook

MENTAL: I am failing 95% of shit tests that I notice, and that's just the ones I notice. I need to slow down my replies and not just say the first thing that comes to my head, listening to BPPs first few videos has helped me identify these tests a bit quicker. I need to action this.

My win for this week was no porn/fap. It's only 6 days but it's something. I haven't felt much desire for my girlfriend. I got home from gym last night and showered for bed, I soft initiated while she was busy on the laptop so I just shrugged and went to sleep.

No work was done on anything else. I am keen to start Day Bang to get an idea on approaching strangers to strike up a conversation.

I listened to the podcast for last weeks OYS and I think it helped my mindset to hear people that have their shit together talk about this in a casual way. It is a different source to (audio)books and that as well as BPP have helped motivate me.

I need to finish MAP and work on mine, there's not a lot of green in my life.

Goals: No Porn, No Fap**, OYS on time and early,** journal to improve memory, MAP

PHYSICAL: 3/3 sessions this week. I skipped the research and decided to go with the tried and true SL5x5.

1 session a week will be with my PT and I will lift max or close to it. This will count as one of the sessions for SL on the app. The other 2 I will work up from 50kg Squat, 40kg Bench and 20kg 1 arm row. I have no excuses to not do this at least 3 times a week. I will do these sessions at night after work to get out of the house and some alone time.

I went for a jog this morning using the 5K runner app. I want to do this at least 3 times a week to help be active and get me moving in the morning.

IF was a failure, I did it maybe 2 days, it is something I did before COVID and dropped 10kg, I know I can do it again.

Goals: Train 3x a week, jog 3 times a week, IF at least Mon-Fri, -100kg weight.

WORK/FINANCE: I reached out to the hiring manager to lock in a time for the interview, it will be later today. I am half confident with getting the position, we had a casual conversation 2 weeks back to talk about it and I think I fit the bill. Lets see.

I haven't been late to work once in the last week. This is huge for me as for the last 3 years I have always been late at least once a week, if not more. It's pathetic.

Goals: Get to work on time, Lock down the interview, look into a side hustle, increase personal savings.

RELATIONSHIP/GAME: Nothing to report, I fucked up hugely on the weekend by motorboating her when I was sitting and she came for a hug. She has been cold since.

Goals: Don't be autistic, Continue gaming and kino, gain OI for failed initiations.

OYS #5 (or 6, I forget)....

Any of you dudes wanna talk to me about gaslighting?

The phrase didn't exist when i was younger, apparently now it does.

I'm not too edgey one way or the other, but if there are some objective dudes - with some objective thoughts - I'd appreciate hearing what you have to say.

I'd never heard of the term before. Now it's come up.

~ja

OYS32.

Age 50 Married 24 years. Together 26 years. Wife 48 years. 3 male children age 21,21 and 17..

Reading.
Read NNMG, MAP, WISING, MMSLP. The Game by Neil Strauss and The Rational Male (the book) by Rollo Tomasi. The Art of Seduction. Most recent book: The way of the superior man.

Body.
Height 179 cm/ 5ft 10 Weight 73.5kg Body fat c18%.
Back in gym. Enjoying it. Unfortunately very busy and COVID unsafe when my youngest son goes first thing before school. He spotted for me when I benched this week. Good moment.
My stats which again I know are weak:
Deadlifted 85kg for 5 reps.
Goblet squats with 26kg dumbbell. Need to move to barbell squat. Overhead press 3 sets 5 rep at 27.5kg.
Bench press 3 sets 5 rep at 42.5kg.
Again I realise these weights are low.

Sex.
Interesting incident last weekend. My wife initiated. I was offered doggy which she ‘hates’ straight away. Afterwards I was told the trigger was that she learnt that the male half of a couple we know has been having an affair for four years.
But today back to starfish.
No rhyme or reason. Never mind.

Frame.
Needs work. Letting her mood dominate the house too much.

OYS#5 – Next Chapter

Age:30(m) 31(f)

Children: 8 weeks (m)

Read: MAP, WISNIFG, NNNMNG, RM

Reading: WOTSM

Its been a while since my last post. The way my life is now, I need to hold myself accountable to make things better for myself.

New born baby is 8 weeks old. Life is even harder now, and wife isn’t making it easier. Been trying to lead family, but lack of frame. When I do manage to establish frame, its make of twigs.

I’ve been reading ‘The Way of the Superior Man’ this week. Really enjoy this book. Simply written, which makes it understandable and easier to implement. A weakness that I have that he highlights is that my heart goes cold and closed off in reaction to my wife’s behaviour. The superior man does not do this, and lives life with humour and love.

Physical Fitness
I had been working on my strength during the lockdown period and was able to build my body with callisthenic workouts whilst the gyms were shut. I felt great, was building muscle, and my body was looking better. I suffered a bad shoulder injury from another activity which stopped me from being able to workout my upper body. It has 95% recovered. With the new baby, as well as my physically active job, it’s harder for me to find the time and energy to fit in a workout during the day.

Preparing and cooking food is a harder than before. Last night I got home from work to no food cooked by my wife. I’ve had to grab food when I can, and make stuff that doesn’t take ages to prepare. Although I don’t eat much processed stuff, I’ve found that my weight has gone up since the arrival of the baby.

I must try and find time during the day to do something to workout. I’ve found my laptop to be a big distractor me. It needs to remain off more often.

Money

Has not been a problem. I have had less time to track my spending on a weekly basis, but was able to catch up last weekend when I had a few hours to myself.

During quarantine, the family business went into overdrive. I played a central part in the running of the business, and doing all we can to make sure it didn’t fold under the pressure. I have proved myself to be committed and hardworking when the shit hits the fan. As the eldest sibling, I’ll naturally take over leadership of the business one day. The last few months has shown myself, and my family that I am the rightful one to do this.

Displaying Higher Value

I’m too nice. And if I’m not nice, I’m getting butt hurt as a reaction to shitty behaviour.

WOTSM has helped me in the last week. I felt like I was able to establish some frame, but was it ever an established frame if it can go that quick?

Went out and bought some nice clothes. It made me look more attractive, or at least looks like I care for myself better. It wasn’t a whole new wardrobe, but it is a start.

I need to work on personal hygiene a little more. I can still be a little rough around the edges.

Relationship Comfort

WOTSM had a great line that I really need to get in my head. Whenever your wife is in a shitty mood, perceive it as her feeling unloved/unwanted.

I’ve been more conscious of this, but need be the superior man that can show his wife comfort and love when necessary. I can too easily get dragged down into her pit of despair.

Personality and Preference

Fake relaxing was a problem for me before, and still is. If my child is asleep I can too easily go on my laptop and phone rather than muster up the energy to put that time to good use. I’ve found that if the baby is being looked after, I have more of a drive to get work done for my business. WOTSM mentions how spending quality time with my child is far more important than the quantity. I fully agree, as I realise that men are not natural care givers to children. Especially at this new born stage. All females in my family and circle of friends get soft inside and just want to play baby when they are next to him. I haven’t encountered a male with the same reaction yet. My best time spent with my child is going for our morning walks to the park and around the streets where I live.

Sex

Two months since birth and nothing yet. That’s fine by me and I haven’t been pushing it. Have been playful with my wife recently and seen positive reactions, but it hasn’t got as far as any sex yet. It amazes me how much I can get away with, and she loves it.

Area of Focus

I’m going to get back into some daily exercise to build muscle and get the testosterone pumping again.

I’m going to spend less time on my laptop and phone.

I’m going to keep dressing better. Need to get some good trousers.

I’m going to keep my facial hair tidy. Moisturise my feet. Clean my teeth for a full 2 minutes.

I’m going to spend time undistracted with my son.

I’m going to be the type of superior man that doesn’t get butthurt over his wife’s emotions.

​

(Just finished writing this, and I feel a lot better getting where I'm at written down. I now have a base to spring up and forward for next week. Hope to see you then.)

OYS 1

I am on my second wife. I thought this relationship was ruining my life and making me unhappy. I now realize that I have been unhappy long before this relationship and it has all been my own fault. I am sorting out how things got this way and I am turning my life around. I'm here to work on myself.

Mindset

I have been going through life with zero self-awareness. I am in the process of reflecting on the major events in my life to try and understand them for what they really were.

Books

Read: NMMNG, MMSLP

Currently reading: MAP, WISNIFG

Plan

I am working on my two main red areas (physical #1, income #2) until I finish MAP and create a plan.

Physical

I set up a home gym last week and I just started Phrack's Greyskull LP program. I plan to stay in a 500 calorie deficit until I reach 10% bodyfat.

BF: 27% - Navy method

Lifts (pounds): Bench 155x8, Row 175x10, DL 225x8, Squat 165x11, Chins 15x5, OHP 95x5

Income

I am currently at home taking care of my children until the lock down is over. I am networking and preparing so that I will be able to easily land a job when the time comes.

OYS #5

Stats

Age 36. Ht 6'8". Wt 176 lbs. BF ??%.

Fiancée 28. Together 3 years.

Lifts

Strictly bodyweight fitness atm

"Assisted" BW pull-ups 8x3 -- bulgarian split squats 8x3 -- "Assisted" dips 8x3 -- Single leg "deadlift" 8x3 -- BW rows 8x3 -- Incline push-ups 8x3 -- Athlean-X ab routine.

Read

NMMNG, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, TRM#1, MAP, Extreme Ownership, MMSLP, top 50 MRP posts of all time

Adjacent books: What Women Want When They Test Men, How To Win Friends & Influence People, Atomic Habits, The Obstacle Is The Way, Practical Female Psychology

Reading: Book Of Pook

Mission

To use my talents to the fullest of my ability. To be a man of my word, a man of the world, and the man of the house.

After six months of my industry being shut down, I'm finally returning to work this week. And as my typical work day is twelve hours long not counting lunch, commute, and overtime, that means nearly every part of my life is back in flux. I've been doing this line of work for nearly fifteen years, and I've never gotten good at figuring out how to live consistently amidst the unpredictability. But now more than ever I have the desire and the drive to finally make it work. I'm going to have to work hard at it but I welcome the challenge.

I'm trying to be better about recognizing the progress I am making and not being too hard about not exactly meeting my goals. Yes, I still want to set high standards for myself, and yes, I still believe in the importance of setting goals, but I need to find that line between acknowledging where it's going right and making excuses for not improving, and make sure I'm on the correct side of it.

Physical

Good. Feeling like some of the exercises are getting less difficult so I must be making progress. I moved up to Bulgarian Split squats and boy I am finally feeling it. Should've been doing those to begin with.

Gyms are still closed. Before Covid, I would try to lift after work, but that left little time for sleeping, and no time for my long-term projects I might want to spend an hour or so on. So I'm aiming to do my bodyweight stuff during work. I'll try it out this first week and adjust as necessary. It'll be difficult as my job isn't something where I can just walk away from my desk for 5 minutes at a time or something, but I'm going to try. Bought a set of resistance bands to assist in getting the most out of it while I'm there.

My weight went back down but I forgot to measure bodyfat this week. Fail.

Mental

Anxiety was higher this week. I already know what causes it so it's not a matter of trying to get to the bottom of some mystery. Meditating is working. I'm really enjoying it actually. When I meditate it does help get the anxiety to a manageable level, but it's still present enough that I distract myself with bullshit rather than focus on stuff that needs to get done.

I'm going to try meditating in the car for five minutes at the end of each work day.

Sex/Relationship

I feel like I got the first sense of what the future might be like for me this week. Fiancee shut down sex in the middle of the act yesterday. Said her stomach was hurting which then segued into how she wasn't really feeling it from the beginning, how she thinks her libido is low, and that she's afraid I'll leave her because of it, etc. Old me would've showered her with comfort and praise. Instead, I tried to give the appropriate level of comfort while trying to stay out of her head and STFU. I reminded myself that this is how she feels in the moment. (She was PMSing after all.) But I was firm in that I will not be okay with a low-sex relationship. Didn't go Rambo (I don't think), just was honest.

I always was thankful that I found MRP when I did and not twenty years into a dead bedroom. But this was a wake up call. A reminder that I am no different than every other guy out there, and she is no different than every woman. This is something that takes lifelong effort.There is no goal reached and then you stop. I may be working on my physique, but game still matters. Dread still matters. I'm sure my not having a job for half a year wasn't exactly helping things. But whatever. The big picture is what counts.

A few hours later she came onto me and we fucked properly. She said she was feeling better mentally. There it is -- her feels in the moment.

Part of my "conditional schedule" is to make sure she gets an allotted time of my attention when I get home from work, and stick to that time. For too long I've lived in her world and hung out for hours to make her happy. If I want to spend more time with her I'll do it, but the time must be made to allow for everything else that needs to get done when I come home.

Work/Career

As I said, I'm returning to work. Usually, I most of my work is taking gigs. They usually last one to three days, but I work on average three or four days a week. The two jobs I'm about to take should last about ten months straight, about five days a week, lest there are any more Covid shut-downs. This will be the longest span of continuous work I've had probably in my whole life. That I'm working so consistently every week will make things easier, but with my long days, I have to figure out when and how to spend my few precious hours I have at home. That's where the conditional scheduling comes in. "If this, do that", etc. I've spent my whole adult life just winging it when it came to scheduling. That won't fly anymore.

Butt-in-chair time was better this week, though not as much as I'd like. Lots of progress to be made here, but I am in a better place than I was before. I can acknowledge that while admitting I have far to go. But again, going back to work means maybe an hour a day to work on career stuff, if I'm not physically and mentally exhausted. But 45 minutes of butt-in-chair time is better than no time at all. I might have to switch to a different project given the circumstances.

Gonna be a lot to figure out over the next two weeks.

36YO, wife 38YO, 1 kid (6)

Lifts (5x5) - SQ 160, DL 195, BP 130, OHP 100, ROW 110

Height: 6’2’  Weight: 181 Pounds 

Goal review at bottom

Readings: Everything in the Sidebar except 48 Laws and SGM. Several multiple times. Current readings: Bigger Leaner Stronger.

Nutrition

Food… I’m thinking about food a lot. Since October 2019 I have been practicing Intermittent Fasting and progressively reducing caloric intake. I lost a good amount of weight (I did not get shredded) and learnt to do without food for long periods, which can be very handy. But… I’ve been a sad cunt for much of the time this past year.

I brought my food intake up again in the past 2 weeks on the recommendation of u/impatientzen, because he rightly pointed out that if I want to look good, changing my body mass composition will help me a lot more than trying to lose more weight. Bulk. 
I looked at what 2,700 calories amount to and thought “there is no way in hell I can eat that”. I still struggle with eating that much, I do feel too full for long times, and my bowel movements have become annoyingly irregular.

But… I have a level of energy I practically forgot I can possess. I feel like I did in my 20s. I’ve always been a high energy kind of person, that has always drawn people and opportunity to me, but when I look at my journal/OYS from the past year, it’s clear that it’s just not been the case. 

When I started noticing the different level of energy I thought it must be some psychological breakthrough, or just some chance, I even thought it was down to my telling my self: “I need to reconnect with the mad side of my self that was so active in my 20’s”. 
Maybe there is some of that, but most of all, I think it’s as simple as putting the calories in to allow my metabolism to return to a happy level and some more. 

I’m writing all of this because it’s important to realise the deep consequence of screwing up nutrition, which I strongly feel I have. It also highlights to me the importance of needing to research how to make cuts short and efficient. 

General

Work is my focus right now. It’s taken over most everything. I have the energy for it and the motivation. For now that’s just what it is. I will start to rebalance in October. 

Meditation continues to be off track, I’m struggling to bring it back because of the high energy state and not feeling like a need it, but that’s none-sense. Discipline…

Not making time for reading, again discipline.

Relationship

Nothing much to report here. My level of attraction to my wife is not high. I don’t feel like initiating. I am warm and affectionate, I game naturally as it happens, but I’m just not sexually very focussed on her right now. This is probably a good thing because sexual oneitis is what has been holding me back a great deal.

At weekend I was eager to finish a social engagement to return home and spend time with the family, and that was great. Prepared a BBQ for us, had a bottle of wine, good music. I felt fantastic. 

Mindset

Last OYS comments helped me internalise something basic, but important. You either have game, good game that flows naturally from a state of abundance in the world (calories, lol), or you have material objective dread through good beta and alpha. Ideally, you have both. 

But when you are not gaming and your dread is non-existent/weak, forget about sex. Forget about it, and don’t get hung up with anyone but your self.

I know, I know: “Be attractive - it’s fucking simple Jupi_ter, what’s so hard about it?” Nothing except really accepting it. “I’ve been on MRP for yearsssss - this cock ought to be handled, and well!” 

I pray I allow this moment of clarity not to dissipate, but also that I don’t overthink it, overthinking this is a nasty trap.

Past week goal review

• DONE - Track calories successfully, follow macro plan.
• NOT DONE Finish Bigger, Leaner, Stronger;
  • DONE - Gym 3-4X Min;
• DONE -2 Social events;
• NOT DONE - Meditate everyday;

This weeks goal

• Track calories successfully, follow macro plan.
• Finish Bigger, Leaner, Stronger;
  • Gym 3-4X Min;
• 2 Social events;
• Meditate everyday;

September month goals are:

• No progress this week - Wardrobe re-build part 2 - elevate style and fit;
• In progress - Double my salary;
• Commit and start formally learning 1 skill for 4 months;
• In progress - Review long term portfolio objectives, method & structure; 

OYS #8

Stats – 37yo; HT 5’-10”; WT 185 lbs; BF% 14.7% (navy method)

Lifts – DL=351 (1RM), BS=333 (1RM), BP 217 (1RM), OHP=136 (1RM)

Relationship - wife 33, married 11, together 14; 4 kids (all under age 10)

Read – NMMNG, The Rationale Male Year 1, MMSLP; Currently - The Daily Stoic, WISNIFG

Week Summary Life has been good – the last week felt easy. I concentrated on being in a positive mood and not over-analyzing situations, something I’ve had trouble with in the past. Being fun with my wife and kids isn’t as difficult as doing it at work, however, I made progress in both areas. Things seemed to fall into my frame and time will tell if it’s actually progress on my part or it’s just coincidence. I was able to get away for some quiet time alone to just be in my thoughts which also proved to be helpful. Although I feel things are working well, I know I haven’t arrived and there is much more work to put in.

Physical It was a scheduled de-load week in my lifting program (5/3/1), with the lighter load on main lifts, I hit the assistance work with a slightly higher intensity. I found some much needed heavier dumbbells in my parents basement (my brother left them behind when he moved out of state) – they’re mine for now and saved me from paying an arm and a leg.

Besides that, looking into cutting back my running for the colder winter months and incorporate more lifting. I’m currently doing 3 days a week, sometimes 4. I’d like to get that up to 4-5 days a week. Running is likely holding back some lifting gains. Aesthetically I look good, but in reality I know my lifts could be better if I concentrated on them more. I look forward to the work in getting bigger.

Relationship It was a fun week, I stayed in a good mood all week and made it a little more unpredictable and interesting as I broke some of my routines I had previously with my wife. Mostly, I had fun with life and my relationship benefited from it. Sex was good, no rejections. As it feels like life is on easy mode right now, I know that I cannot get complacent as I’ll be tested again. For the first time, I look forward to the challenge, to be able to put what I’ve learned to use, and to gain experience. This is a journey and I’m going to enjoy the ride.

Reading I got back into WISNIFG, little by little. I also started digging through old MRP posts and absorbing that material – something I felt like I couldn’t get enough of. The reality is that there is so much to read and I need to pace myself – again, a journey.

Social I was going over a few of my first OYS’s, and this came up a lot. Simply, I have no excuse - this needs work. It’s my weakest point and the area with the greatest potential of growth. This hasn’t been the best year to try and improve my social life, but there are opportunities that I am neglecting.

Conclusion I want to thank W&S and HOA for the OYS live stream. I wasn’t able to watch either of them live, but did watch the one from 9/12 and am about half way through the one from 9/19. They’ve giving me an even better understanding of the concepts and how they apply to each of us. That being said, it’s been awhile since I’ve been called “creepy”, so thanks for that as well.

"OYS#19 37, wife 35, together 16 years, two toddlers

FITNESS 6'1, 181lbs, BF 20% (skinny fuck with love handles).

Squat 5x5 195lbs Deadlift 1x5 260lbs Bench 5x5 155lbs Press 5x5 105lbs Row 5x5 165lbs

Got my braces. Not as bad as I thought it would be. A bit of a bitch eating though. So might as well try a cut, se how that feels. (My life contains a lot of "might as well":s. Not really in the spirit of taking charge of your life but hell, you have to be flexible too. At 20% BF a cut was long due anyway.) I'll keep up the protein intake but aim for about 400 less daily calories than my current maintenance level.

MENTAL Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, MAP, TRM, Pook, BPP, WotSM, SGM, Unchained man, Subtle art of not giving a fuck, Models, Mystery method, Atomic habits, Ego is the enemy, Power of now (50%), Six pillars of self esteem, BiggerLeanerStronger

I have been catching and aborting most impulses to deer or engage the last couple of weeks. Stepping up the "no" game, and lately I have noticed that the fetch quests have actually diminished somewhat.

Have also been catching myself yapping to her about little successes in my life, a gig landed, a new lifting pr, a soreness that's gone... stuff like that. Reeks of validation seeking and needs to stop immediately. Time to STFU more.

RELATIONSHIP Some normie sex and a boob job. Nothing of interest really. No fapping for what must be months now. Sometimes after a few too many rejections the urge comes creeping. But I get disgusted by the very thought of being that kind of loser again, so I obstain. And the effects are mainly positive.

Went on a family weekend where I totally failed to lead. Wife planned it all and I was just a passive, fumbling butler the whole trip. A painful reminder of how my life was every day before MRP.

CAREER Didn't get the job I applied for, which means I'll need to step up my business. I'm working on an updated website, should soon be ready for launch. An old important customer have mentioned jumping ship. I'm preparing a meeting with them where I will make an attempt to keep the gig without selling myself short.

09/22/20 OYS #43

34 5’10 185 11% BF Separated

READ: NNMG x3, Subtle Art x2, MMSLP, MAP, 31 Days to Masculinity, SGM, TRM, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, The Unchained Man, The Book of Pook, The Obstacle is the Way, Ultimate Alpha (waste of time), Let Your Inner Alpha Loose, Alpha Male, What Women Want When They Test Men, Find Your Path, Open Her, As you are

READING: Millionaire Next Door

Lifts:

Signed up for a new, better gym this weekend and put in 2 quality work outs. I lifted 5 times this week and ran twice. I had lifting and running under my goal list, but now that gyms are open that shit is automatic. My nutrition is off and I’m not eating enough to support my activity level. As a result my HRV has been awful, as has my sleep. I believe I’m pushing too much cortisol right now as my body adapts to my new workload. I’ve made adjustments to my diet to account for the increased workload/activity level and am monitoring changes.

Social:

Social was pretty shit this week. I hung out with garage gym homie but I was pretty solitary overall. I’m going out of town next week for a mini vacation which will boost my social, but this week will probably be quiet.

Financial/Career:

I made some extra money this month but am also over budget. I should meet my savings goal, but buying a plane ticket impacted my numbers. After reading Millionaire Next Door I’ve completely revamped my savings goals and how I prioritize my purchases. My net worth is below what it should be based on the author's formula, and with the stock market taking a huge shit my numbers are even worse. I wanted to buy a new car as a post-divorce present to myself in 2021 but I may delay that until 2022 and focus on my 5yr financial plan.

Career is tracking. I hope to be getting a promotion next month, but that seems to be in flux given some issues with my management structure. I’m working closely with my mentor to continue to guide my progress in my company and talked to my Sr. Director about his philosophy around his team. He told me how much he loves talking about that kind of thing and wants to do it again.

Mission/Goals:

Last Week’s Goals:

1. Workout 5 days this week. - Worked out 7 days, lifted 5, ran 2
2. Read 1 hour a night - Took 2 nights off because I fell asleep at 9, but read a lot
3. Work on side gig 1 hour a day - Exceeded this
4. Run 3-6 miles twice this week - 1 2.8 mile run, 1 7 mile run

This Weeks Goals:

1. Read 1 hour a night
2. Work on side gig 1 hour a day

Mental:

I had an epiphany this week thanks to some AskMRP posts. I finally put together how my leadership (or lack thereof) affects relationships. I finally see how my ex became the shitty person I was when we first got together because that’s what I lead her to. It was a sobering moment to look at where I am in life now because of the decisions I’ve made (or not made) and how being afraid of responsibility has lead me to fuck me over. It’s humbling to recognize that because I was a huge faggot during my entire relationship I essentially raised an ultra-faggot to dethrone me. Women absorb so much of you. They look up to you like children and blindly follow your lead, so if you don’t have your shit together, you’re just fucking yourself over. I know there’s a post out there along the lines of “your woman is your greatest creation”, but having it all click for me was...well, let’s just say I have renewed focus on my goals and a better understanding of their importance. It also makes me feel empowered to know how much my leadership can have a positive impact on my relationships and how I can guide women to be what I want them to be for me.

This week also marked a change in how I deal with my emotions. For the first time, perhaps ever, I persevered through shitty feelings in the beginning of the week and still did the tasks, work, whatever it was that I needed to do, despite not wanting to. This actually set my week in motion by proving to myself that I don’t have to be a slave to my emotions and I’ve had a huge upswing in productivity ever since.

I did a lot of thinking around mental toughness and the whole saying “Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And, weak men create hard times.” I think we have it so easy today we have to manufacture challenges for ourselves or we shrivel into weak and pathetic pussies. I think my life is too easy, and I have to make an effort to create challenges in my life that push me to reach my potential. I like working out, I’m good at it, I’ve done it for 20 years, so the challenge isn’t there in the same way running is for me. I suck at running. I hate it. But it’s also incredibly fun at times. It also pushes me mentally more than lifting weights does. My 7 mile run Saturday was a mess. I wore the wrong socks and by mile 2 had blisters on my heels. I bled through my socks and into my shoes, but I didn’t stop. It was very hot, I didn’t have water, and I took a wrong turn so I ran an additional mile I hadn’t planned on, but I didn’t stop. Not the challenge I wanted to manufacture for myself, but the result of being pushed so hard and seeing what I can accomplish is exactly the type of thing I need to continue to believe in myself and grow my confidence. I need more of this to help my mental fortitude.

I listened to most of the YT Live HOA and W&S did on Saturday and felt it was extremely valuable. I think a few things I took away from the talk were: Don’t try and chase some “MRP Ghost”, this really hit home for me. Hearing the guys talk live gives a different perspective on what challenges they face and how we’re all still on the journey. They may be further along down the road, but there isn’t an end. It made me consider more about what to include in OYS and how the way I write reveals exactly how I feel about myself. Also, the McDonald’s dollar menu has the best calorie per dollar ratio.

I’ve been catching myself thinking here and there about wanting to date again, but for the wrong reasons. Instead of wanting someone to add to my life, the reasons why I want to date again are to fill some void(s) I have. Fucking aside, I know I’m not ready to date again until I know that I only want a female because she adds value to my life. I don’t want to go back into the dating world with the same insecurities and leadership failures that lead to my divorce. I haven’t been single for longer than a few months since I was 19 or 20. I need more time to be alone and build my life the way I want it, though I do feel the pressure of aging. However, I’m still a faggot sitting in a paper-thin frame. Until my frame is unbreakable, I will just repeat the past.

OYS #1

Stats: 35y, 180cm, 73kg, BF 18%

Relashionship: Wife 37y, 2 kids (5&2yo), together 9y, married 5y

Books: NMMNG (70%), MMSLP, WISNIFG

This is my first OYS post so I will describe more of my previous state as a reminder for myself. I discovered MRP approx 4 months ago in some bullshit article criticizing MRP. Article did the exact opposite of what author planned, forcing me to create an account and starting to read forums heavily. From the very first moment I was hooked.

Bio:

I was (and still am, no BS) text-book NiceGuy to the bone. Calm little fella, trying to be friend with everyone, a bit scared of crowds and raising my voice in the group. I was always the one asking "How are you doing?", interested in every aspect of people's life and under the covers being hurt that I wasn't asked the same courtesy back. The same was/is with my marriage - prince charming, loving his wife whose friends envy her husband. So far I was relatively happy until our first kid was born. Both our boys never stay in one place, sleeping below average and quite soon we are running on fumes. Sex frequency fall to zero and even I tried hard as fuck quite soon it felt teribly distant. Tried listening podcasts about marriage, tried to better understand women's orgasms, talked more, you get the idea. Result - nothing helped. At this point my MRP journey started.

Social:

Here is probably where I lack the most right now. Since my fatherhood I broke pretty much all my social connections. I am focusing on having at least one proper social interaction talking about life with my friends from the past. Last week I arranged a small meeting of my old friends from my old theatre group but everything failed due to covid stuff. Instead of being quite pissed about that, I just told myself fuck it and moved on.

Relationship:

Even before discovering MRP I had a pretty good relationship with my wife. We share the same sense of humor and core ideas which are important for a long strong relationship. After reading initial books I am noticing some comfort and shit tests, but it's really minor stuff compared to other situations I have read in the forum. Since my shift I am not asking for sex, I am finally initiating and discovering how STFU can change her "honey, I am too tired today" into sex night. It's far from ideal (a lot of effort is still on my side) but it's a progress. Last few weeks I have also noticed a decrease in my sexual desire. Right now I am explaining that as break from my own "life/sex validation". For now IDGAF and leaving that in an unimportant zone. Regarding my frame I had a lot of work to do, many times I just caught myself how I lost a frame, said sorry when it's not necessary and all those niceguy contracts I have been using for years. Here lies my biggest challenge, to unfuck the last 20 years of my beta-life.

Strength:

Starting march with covid I have rediscovered running as a way for losing weight. With MRP in my mind I am shifting slowly my focus on my upper body. I am right now capable to hit the gym once a week, the rest I am doing cardio (4-5 km) and own-weight workouts (expecting lockdown quite soon). I am quite new to this so my primal goal is to get used to it (6 times a week) and work with my injuries (elbow and deltoid muscle is pretty fucked up since day-one). In this area I decided to take it a bit slow, in my own paste, one step at a time.

​

Work:

Since my first job, I have been a hard working workaholic. After reading NMMNG I am focusing on setting proper boundaries (paid by the hour) and working less. After quite a few setbacks in the last few years I finally re-priotized my life and family over my work. My boss knows very well my value for the team and the company so some decrease of my effort is more than tolerable. Right now this area is more than fine without additional effort.

​

Mental:

After reading NMMNG & WISNIFG I am clearly seeing how wrong I was in my own mind. It will take quite some time to unfuck those previous 20 years but slowly I am seeing some progress. Right now I am feeling finally on my own path, heading for a better result one step at a time. Everytime I look at somebody I am constantly evaluating my recently gained knowledge. I have lost weight (8kg) and receiving compliments from my wife and lady friends but more importantly I am finally starting to like the guy I am seeing in the mirror.

​

Goals:

• got signed to a doctor regarding my injuries and change health insurance
• finish NMMNG and start re-reading 101 books

Longterm Goals:

• reduce body fat to 15%
• had social coffee time once a week
• cardio/workout 6 times a week

OYS #10

Late 30s, 6’3" 202.3# BF 18% (Navy - tested 8/10/20) Married 8 years, Children: 4

Sidebar reading: MMSL, NMMG, WISNIFG, Pook, BPP's book, Rational Male 1, Rational Male Preventative Medicine, Practical Female Psychology, TWOTSM, and SGM

This was a better week. I have a long way to go, but finally I relaxed, more emotionally disciplined, and shut the hell up.

Physical & Health:

Current Lifts (9/21/20): (Stronglifts) Bench 5x175#, Shoulder Press 5x110#, Squat 5x175#, Deadlift 1x5x270#, BB Row 5x155#

I have now hit limits on all lifts, but deadlift. I am ascending again on squats after the big deload. I will keep pushing with 5x5. Hopefully with improved sleep and recovery I can push the limits. If that doesn't work I will follow the program and deload. I want a program with more volume (particularly upper body). Continuing no alcohol and no coffee for this month.

This months goals:

1) Continued from last week: "Really STFU. Focus on this. Stop looking for support from wife. Stop reacting to criticism. Keep it simple with STFU and fogging. Do not engage in anything heavy. Keep discussion light".

There was plenty of helpful advice last week. Instead of trying to pack in as much MRP content into every nook and cranny of the day, I took my foot off the gas to focus on things that I enjoy. I worked out, spent [virtual] time with old friends, watched basketball, and dug back into music. I wasn't perfect, but I was employed emotionally under control and more of who I am. I didn't feel guilty about that.

I still felt the frustration of failure in my relationship (from feeling needy and not attractive), but it didn't stick around or overwhelm. Discussion was kept light and was even fun at times. Outside spending time with the kids, I was happier to spend time alone than with my wife.

2 & 3) Work through BFE. Work through my u/AlohaMaui808 question answers specifically spending time on my perceived faults.

Worked through 7 of the first 10 BFE. I am having difficulty picking approval-seeking behavior to stop doing. I feel like most behaviors are items I want to do, but should be doing them because I want to rather than for approval. Reviewed my perceived faults. Added and deleted some. I have to make some sustained alone time to really work on what I don't like about myself that I will accept and what I will work on changing.

4) Guided Meditation each night. - 7/7

5) No Porn - success

6) Average >7 hours sleep nightly -

Averaged 6 hours 59 minutes. Improved sleep this week with only one night of less than 4 hours sleep. The big difference I believe is getting my new bed set up and sleeping on my own.

7) Stay a step ahead by planning ahead - family, work, and self

I was more disciplined in that I accomplished more of my personal goals this week, plenty of planned tasks, and organized family meals/outings. This area could use some improvement as I found it difficult to keep up or stay more than a day or two ahead of time.

OYS #14

Stats

Age 32 Ht 6’0”, Wt 180.0 BF 17.3%, Wife 32 Kids 2 under 6

Reading

Finished: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, Rational Male, Ironwood Alpha Moves, Pook, Ultimate Texting Guide for Men, Bang

Currently: Way of the Superior Man 60%, MRP Wiki.

Physicality and Health

Lifted and played racquetball a lot this week. Hit my various goals front last week on this front. I continue to be skinny fat. Two solid months of lifting after a decade plus of being a chump will not be enough. Continued progress on 5x5 StrongLifts while working in volume work on accessory lifts. Will help with transition into more volume-based workout sessions once I stop seeing gains on StrongLifts.

Again, I snacked too hard on the weekend, but less than the previous weekend. I have to do a better job with the snacking. We usually smoke up on Fridays and that is where the munchies hit me hard.

Goals: Workout 3 times. Racquetball 1 time. Ab workout two times. IF throughout week. Lose 1 pound.

Relationship and Sex

Interesting dread-related story this week. I left to go to the gym unannounced while wife was taking a nap. Get a text of “where are you?” about 20 minutes in. I respond ten minutes later “at the gym.” Get home and see that my iPad has the “Find My iPhone” app installed. I ask her about it. She tells me she was worried about me when I left and checked on me. I smiled to myself and didn’t say anything in return. If this isn’t passive dread, I don’t know what is. The funny (not funny) thing about this is that when our relationship was heading towards divorce earlier this year, one of her complaints was that I was controlling.

Why is this bullshit story important? Because all I was doing was going to the gym. I had absolutely no ulterior motives other than to lift some heavy weights. The hamster did all the work. Working on myself got her all worked up about me. It’s a thing of fucking beauty and I would have never guessed it was possible without MRP.

Shark week: wife initiated a BJ and HJ. After my epiphany regarding sex for validation, I just have not been obsessing over it. It’s a very nice feeling. It makes me feel more in control of myself when I am not putting sex on such a pedestal. Control over myself and not seeking validation through sex does wonders for my frame. It’s the first time I can say I feel a change in whose frame the relationship is in.

Goal: Have fun.

Mental

Every week, I feel closer and closer to destroying the part of myself that seeks validation through sex. As that need decreases, my Vision becomes clearer. I am working on a real and actual MAP, not the dancing monkey version I was writing in these OYS threads the first while.

With that said, I still get bouts of anxiety, being unsure, moody, lacking in frame, wondering what the wife is thinking, being insecure, etc.. But while the anxiety and thoughts were crippling earlier this year, it feels more controllable now.

These past few weeks have been the first time I have started actually understanding and realizing what Vision and MAP are. I tried faking it in my earlier OYS's, but I knew it was all a dancing monkey routine. I absolutely knew that every part of my MAP had the mental structure of "if I do this then she will think/feel/want/be horny". This is going away and it is liberating.

I finished Bang by Roosh V. This was the first book that I read that was/is more obviously catered to the TRP crowd. Some of the book was a little outdated, but it was actually a very helpful primer on things like KINO and approach. It also was helpful to read it to bolster the "Stay Plan is the Go Plan" mentality that is important to outcome independence.

I have a very busy week at work coming up but I do have the goal of expanding and continuing to dwell on my vision and mission. The real one, not the dancing monkey one.

GOAL: Keep reading, lifting, growing. Work on my vision so I can solidify my MAP.

OYS 28

38y.o. 6'0" 188 lbs 20.3% BF (Navy Method) Wife 34y.o. 5'11"178lbs, Married 11 years, now separated, Kids 9(m) 5(f)

Reading/SB

NNMNG, MMSLP, King Warrior Magician Lover, MAP, Poon, The King Within, TWOTSM, Pook, Rational Male, Manly Marriage Revival, Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man, WISNIFG, BPP- SLSM, Youtube Archetype Videos, Tons of Athol Kay & Entrepreneurs in Cars. Pinned Sidebar + Links within those.

Now Reading: Bang. I gamed my wife well in the beginning, and stopped completely once we got married. None, no game given.

Physical

Strength

Day A: BP: 145x10, 3x 195x7, 145x12, DL: 3x 195x5 Tricep overhead w/45lb plate 3x12

Day B: Pendlay Row: 3x 100x10, OHP 3x 100x10 Squat 3x 100x10, Shoulder fly 25lb plates 2x8

Plank 1 minute daily

50+ hits to punching bag with each workout.

Body weight squat and hold 30 seconds daily

Diet

Another Good week with meat, vegetables and seasonal fruit. I mixed some Greek yogurt and high protein granola in to the rotation.

Hygiene

Trimmed my beard, keeping the bathrooms and kitchen clean. Cleaned out the dining room that I was using as a staging room, cleared all clutter from the living room and made the downstairs look great. Deep cleaned the downstairs bathroom, Made more progress on the garage. Scheduled my haircut, kept my car clean, kept the house

Style

Bought new socks, paying attention to different styles to determine my next shirt purchases- I need to up my cool and cold weather collection.

Fat

Did good again with no junk food, and keeping up on replacing midnight snacks with bone broth.

Goals

Pull the trigger on a shirt.

Mental

I set up my home office fully in its new space. I am able to both work and sleep better when those spaces are not combined.

I am staying up too late. I continue to be in my head. Shit sucks right now, and I caused it by piss-poor leadership combined with a bad attitude. I am thinking of lessons from the past so I don’t repeat them. However, this allows me to produce during the day.

I consciously keep shifting back to the abundance mindset, but I find myself needing to course correct my thoughts too often. I am guessing this will get better. I am reading, watching videos, and doing. I am also being very quiet and stoic about everything, which is out of the ordinary for me.

Mission

Short Term: Get my house in excellent condition. I am close, and need to continue without stopping.

Goal: Create and hold frame at every moment. Continue to seek out my long term mission.

Family

My kids are doing well, but don’t love the situation.

I have kept them busy, and continue to set a good example for running a house, staying on a schedule, and staying productive. I could stand to play with them a little more, and will do that this week

Goals: A solid hour each of playing, provide solid leadership

Social

I planned a poker night, which is happening Friday and also made plans for Saturday night.

During a trip to the park I was approached by a HB7 there with her son. Our kids were playing and I chatted with her like I do with any of the random parents there. After a second, I recognized her voluntary disclosure from WISNIFG (she is recently divorced) so I volunteered that I am recently separated and led the conversation from there. She definitely threw out IOIs, and I made the decision that while I enjoyed the validation, that’s all I wanted out of the exchange. She lives around the corner and is there often, so if I change my mind, I will see her or a thousand other women there.

Goal: Fun Friday and Saturday nights

Career

Not much new, putting some people on the chopping block, which I don’t particularly like, but it’s necessary. Business is booming and there are a handful of people who don’t care. There are enough hotshots looking for a job. I’m working hard to stay focused.

Worked from home 3 days last week, will repeat that again this week.

Finances

Part of my clean-up was taking back Home Depot returns from wrapping up the projects. $780+ back: score

Goals: Stay on budget, be conservative in my approach.

OYS13

49yo, BF 20%(picture). Weight 87Kg, 191lbs

Married 17y. Been together 24. Career beta. 3 teenage kids

Lifts

Singles Kg/lbs BS 105/231, DL 108/238

3x5: BS 102/223, BP 63/139, P 49/109

TSSS set of 5

BS 103/225, PC 60/132, OP 60/132

knee and shoulder pain so pushed up the OP and PC and rested BP and BS

Read

Fountainhead, MAP, MMSLP, Poon, Pook, NMMNG, Lots of Sidebars of MRP, askMRP, askTRP, TRP.

Since last OYS: Undercover sex signals, 12 Steps to last longer in bed.

Listening

Lots more youtube content from Rollo, Rian, black label Carl, BPP (red pill coach)

Horns and JA's review of last weeks OYS was good for me, because it put voices and intonations to their words.

Mountain biking

Not been out with my mate, but done a lot with sons, and a lot of bike repairs. There is a world wide shortage of bikes so we redid everything: brakes, chain, cables etc.

Work

This is going very well. I trying to get ahead and really to do a great job, not just a "good enough" which I have done in the past.

Covert contract

I've done all this work and we're still at once a week. Not starfish, but not pron star either. I have this CC badly where I'm getting annoyed because I'm not getting what I want. What a f*g.

Question

How do I internalise these behaviours? If I think about A&A, or treating her as a little girl, it works, but I tend to revert to nice guy as soon as I get a shag?

OYS 14

Books: Sidebar, NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, TWOTSM, MAP, POOK, TRM, 48 Laws of Power, Can’t Hurt Me.

Currently read: The Science of Trust. 80%

SUMMARY

I’m better.

STATS/LIFTS

36yo, 6’3, 204lbs, 15% body fat.

Squat: 225 3x10

Bench: 225 5x7

OHP: 145 3x8

DL: 315 5x5

Bent-Row: 225 5x5

I’m rearranging my lifts. I scaled down from the heavier end of what I’ve been lifting (-25 to 50lbs) to focus on form, tempo & hypertrophy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. The truth is as the weights get heavier the less I look forward to going to the gym. My solution for that is going up to the 8-12 rep ranges to keep it enjoyable for me. The upside is my heart rate is higher, time under tension is longer and I feel better.

Relationship: I’ve been married for 5 years. I am two years younger than my wife. I have a 4 year old kid in my marriage.

MENTAL:

I’ve been denying it for a while but I might be one of few men whose “family” is their purpose. I wasn’t always this way. I recently felt the pull and I’ve gone against it because it makes me feel inferior that I don’t have this huge life mission, but I’m beginning to come to terms with it. My purpose was always service to country and people.

Although I didn’t chase wealth, I managed a couple of careers, I have a home in my name, and I’m living financially comfortable. My calling has always been service and it’s taken me all over the world. Ending my military service led me to more service. I entered an essential career field that I still love; however, Im beginning to feel like I’ve given so much to others and I’ve exhausted “feeling good” about it.

I found this out a few weeks ago at the beach. While on vacation, I rescued a child and her mother from being swept away by a rip current after I heard a faint cry for help in the water. I went on with my day at the beach like nothing happened. Meanwhile, my visibly anxious wife who saw it all kept wanting to know where the mother and daughter went after being taken out of the water. She wanted to find them and see if they were ok. When she asked why I don’t care to know, I said people disappear after you save their lives. They’re gone forever. Nothing happens after that. Just like that, folks... I realized that serving doesn’t do it for me anymore. It’s time to move on. It’s time for me to bring my service to myself and to my family; until a new purpose comes to life.

MARRIAGE/SEX/FRAME

Still maintaining the fundamentals and not really thinking about frame too much. The only effort I’m consciously applying is projecting the right feelz. I suck balls at it. I feel idiotic when I don’t give the feelz I’m very capable of providing or when I’m hung up due to vulnerability and/or empathy issues. Coincidentally, on a re-listen of TWOTSM, I picked up something I can/should run with. I realized I was all heart, no spine before MRP. I transitioned to all spine, no heart with MRP. I have progressed quite a bit since then. It’s time for me to calibrate and find a “heart + spine” balance.

The only thing to report this week is that I got sick with a cold and sore throat. This is the first time I’ve fallen under the weather since the power dynamic shifted in my marriage. The old me would have complained about what hurts, what sucks, and what I needed. This time around, I delegated during my slight absence. I told her what I needed for the house to operate while I kept myself away to contain my cold. No issues.

Sex and desire is still high. I initiate when I want to, but for the most part she’s the one chasing me around like a horn dog.

SOCIAL:

This was dead too because of my cold. It’s almost shameful to sneeze. I’m on the tail end of it. I’m going to try to bounce back socially next week.

FINANCES:

Still good here. As soon as payday comes, I have the freedom to pay all the bills and put money away in savings. The rest is just play money for the family. This was an issue before I took over the finances.

Progressive Maintenance:

• Validate and Provide comfort

• Involvement in finances

OYS 32

Age: 50 Wife 50. Married 19 years. 2 kids 16 and 10. 5'6" 148.

Lifts

170 bench (proficient) 265 deadlift (up 10- proficient) 100 OHP (up 5 intermediate) 170 squat -(back down to novice, still)

Doing BLS but am adding one extra set to most of the big exercises as I am starting a bulk. I am deathly afraid of it going badly and gaining back mostly fat. So I figure working out harder will help.

Diet

Nine weeks of cutting at 1300-1500 calories. Loss of 3.5 pounds. Last two weeks almost zero loss. Not good enough. I cannot cut lower and maybe I fucked it by being too aggressive, or didn't calculate TDEE properly and it was higher than I thought. My guess is I just need to get bigger and my legs need lots of work because of my hip issues. i need more muscle as I am probably tapped out on how low I can go without more.

OTOH I am below 150 still and lowest BF in decades (13-17 depending on method). So I'm going to do a bulk up to about 170 pounds. Then cut back to 160. Then re-evaluate.

Plan: lift days: 2500 calories to start 45/35/20 C/P/F. Basically a 300 calorie surplus and add each week as needed.

Rest days 2000 calories 35/35/30.

Relationship and shit

Now that I righted my ship and plugged the leaks, and my FO is coming along, the next area to work on for me is rewarding good behavior and withdrawing from bad behavior, i.e conditioning. Watched Rian's recent video on MMSLP and it was a big help.

I am paying attention this week and wargame some responses throughout the day. Wife has been shit testing and I pass by STFU or AA. But I am withdrawing attention after that. She almost always acts predictably by coming to me after a while and asking "are you cranky (our old code word for "mad"). I always say no and go about my business but will not actively engage her for conversation, just matter of fact logistics and business, for a while. Then I am back to normal. I can always change course if needed, but so far so good.

Leading/Big Picture is still going well. Wife is really coming along with the new me. Without boring you with details, here is an example: this week she wanted me to do x. In the past she would have flat out said something like "don't do x" and I would say "ok honey, and sulk/seethe at her and myself. Instead she said I don't think you should do x. I said "ok thanks I appreciate your input." And then I did x anyway.

She didn't argue or yell at me like a child, as would have happened in the past. But she brought it up in a sly way, "I wish you hadn't done x." I merely said "well, ok but what do you think we should do now to solve it." The subtle key here was not asking "what should I do." I didn't need or want her to "tell" me what to do. I wanted her opinion before I decided what to do. I do vue her opinion and she is far more politic with others than I am so sometimes I want her opinion. Sometimes.

No conflict, no yelling, no DEERing or apologies and no asking mommy to forgive me or tell me what I should do. I took her input, and then decided what to do. And she accepted it without complaint. As it turned I reversed course on x but it was my call.

If I had to bet, I think I am going to avoid a Main Event. Or I am really wrong and arrogant and will get huge push back while I am called am asshole.

Sex

Thankfully the wife's fat continues to go away. Her clothes are starting to be loose and she (like me) has a sizable gap when she pulls the waist away from her on her pants. She isn't a blue whale anymore; maybe a sperm whale, still big but noticeably smaller. I make a point to compliment her and bring this up often. She always says "I am trying." And I always respond "you aren't trying, you are doing it, and I am proud of you."

So I am going to start initiating a lot more. Already 1 for 1 in successful initiations, though that is a small thing since she probably needs the validation. It isn't exactly a badge of honor to be successful in initiating with a fat wife starved for sexual attention.

Not gonna lie, sex is tough, as she is still unattractive. Too many times in the past I wasn't able to finish or got soft when, during sex, I would see a roll of fat or something else horrible and that would be it. It's like being scarred from an insect bite leading to insect phobias. Plus a lot of small shit tests since the last OYS. I pretty much passed them all, but it's a turnoff for me, and a big one.

So what am I going to do? Seems like a good time to get re-acquainted with TWOTSM. Maybe I can start turning my turnoffs into a more positive view. No more letting shit go or eat at me, I don't have time for anything else but to work at it and improve.

Overall Mission

I have 20 years of marriage, 30 years of blue pill adulthood, and 14 months of Red Pill.

What do I value most? Self-respect. For years I hated myself and what I had become, and was a BP loser for so goddamn long. How do I make this a "mission?" Still looking for a destination.

OYS #5 (#4, #3, #2, #1)

26yo / 6'1 / 200lbs / LTR

Physical: Big step back. Going hard playing basketball right after heavy squat day fucked up my left knee. First lesson, need to clean up my shitty squat form. When I get back to squatting, going to film myself from a bunch of different angles, self-critique and post on reddit for form checks. No swelling which is a good sign, but knee has been unstable just walking around. Been through something similar a few years ago which healed with a few weeks rest but will look into visiting a physio. Need to step up a couple of other things to do with personal health. Plan is, focus on upper body in the gym, rest until knee feels stable then put together a rehab plan. Knees have been a weak point of mine for a while now so I need to recognise that and make the dull stabilisation and strengthening work a core part of my routine long term.

Work: Going well, taking ownership and trying hard to make a good impression. Early days.

Social: Could do better. Would be great to have more ambitious, high quality friends. Too high a proportion of my social circle is stoners from college. Hard to find ways of making new friends during COVID but even just writing that it's clear that's a bullshit rationalisation. Will make sure I have a plan by next week's OYS.

Relationship: A mess being cleaned up. Much less DEERing, better leadership. Still having to remind myself frequently to be my own mental point of origin. Practice makes perfect. Will focus on reading and applying posts on Frame and Stoicism this week.

Business: Long held goal to start my own business. Have an idea of an internet business, who's product I can design as part of my masters degree. Need to work on the business side of things, will start working on some of the steps in Johney Apocalypse's business post. On a personal level, need to get much better at managing myself if I plan to scale up and manage a business. Need to manage my time and my calendar perfectly. Need to be able to stay on top of minor bullshit like chores. Time to get my shit together.

OYS #18, OYS #17, OYS #16, OYS #15, OYS #14, OYS #13, OYS #12, OYS #11, OYS #10, OYS #9, OYS #8, OYS #7, OYS #6, OYS #5, OYS #4, OYS #3, OYS #2, OYS #1, OYS #0

Stats: 51 yo, 71kgs, 13.4%BF (Marine method); Squat: 85kgs, OhP: 45kgs, Bp: 65kg, Row: 72.5kg, DL: 95kgs.

Have read: NMMNG, MMSLP, 16 Commandments of Poon, TBOP, 60 Days of Dread, Steele's guide, MAP by Athol Kay, WISNIFG.

Currently reading: Read WISNIFG for the 2rd time.

Mission: “One day at a time ... better today than I was yesterday, stronger tomorrow than I am today”.

General It's been 1 week since I last posted on OYS.

This is a boring update because it's been very quiet over the last week and largely uneventful. After the chaos from work last week, everything seems to have settled down. Work has been progressing (slowly), the GZCL program has been progressing (slowly) and my social life has been progressing (slowly).

I wonder exactly what the hell is going on because it feels a little too good to be true. I ask myself, why do I care? So long as I get to the gym and/or skatepark, I'm having fun.

But am I settling? Am I being lulled back into beta-hood? Or, is that voice in my head my own hamster running riot and making me a giant english-cigarette?

Physical I'm enjoying the GZCL program ... the increased volume at lighter weights have help strengthen some of my smaller muscles. At the end of the 5x5 I had several small injuries. Nothing major, but enough to remind me they were there. GZCL has strengthened those muscle ... I suspect that might be what the first part of the program is all about.

MAP and Relationships I had a good chat with a couple of the guys (Dads) at the skatepark. Interesting guys, and super helpful with some news about the local scene. I haven't seen them since, but will definitely spend more time talking with them the next time I see them.

Relationship with the wife has become fun and very pleasant. I'm not receiving a lot of shit or challenges. We tease each other and have fun. It's light and easy at the moment.

Work Work is slowly improving after the chaos last week. We're making money ... not a lot, but enough to cover the bills and put a little aside.

Goals Here are my 3 goals for the next week:

• Kino the wife, and start a conversation with 2 randoms during the week. Done.

• Extend chats and interactions to have at least 1 conversation that's more than just "Hi, how are you?" Done.

• Keep optimistic. For me this means not overworking, and spending some time every day doing something that I enjoy. Done.

• Start a conversation with 2 randoms during the week.

• Spending some time every day doing something that I enjoy. I got a lot out of this last week, and I want to do it again.

• It's been a while since I revisited my MAP and updated it. I'll do that this week.

OYS #31:

Stats: Age 43, Wife 40. Married 15 years, kids 6’2”, 184 lbs. 13% Navy Method. Working on MRP over 3 years, OYS since December.

Lifts: Squat 5x5, 285#, Deadlift 1X5 285#, Row 5X5 185, OHP 5X5 125#, BP 155# X5. I fucking killed it in the gym my last two workouts. Just crushed it, I feel like a beast. Bench Press is slowly progressing. Continue with scapular work. Squats were crushed.

Sex: Zero. Pump hasn’t been primed in nearly a month.

Initiation: Yes 20/21 weeks. I’m working on eliminating masturbating to maximize my desire to initiate. It’s been a week and half, desire to initiate is better.

Sidebar readings: All. Currently paused reading.

Control: I’m working on it. No notable control issues this week. It’s still a red flag area, I take too much on.

Cut: Cut is going well, I started noticing visible changes in just a few days. Fat is just melting away. Sometimes it’s good to be a skinny fuck. Planning at least one more week on cut. Interestingly, my best two workout in a while have been since the cut started. I’m not starving myself, so maybe I have just enough fuel for lifting. I’ll need to update BF%, because it’s much lower than before.

Anger: No issues this weeks. I’ve been a little more relaxed.

Shit Tests/Reactions to Bitchy demands: I pissed her off really bad yesterday. Long story short, I didn’t give a fuck if she was pissed or not. I apologized once for hurting her feelings then I told her I’m not going to beat myself up over it, I hope you don’t either. She dropped it shortly thereafter. In the past it would have taken all night or more for her to drop it. Progress I suppose, but mainly it was me not having any fucks left to give.

Relationship Outlook: Bad. I don’t see a path forward. Anybody who’s read my OYS can easily see that I have had a massive oneitis for my situation if not my wife. I don’t have any hope left. I only see 3 options at this point. 1-Cut bait, 2-cheat, or 3-declare that I’m going to meet my needs elsewhere. I’m leaning toward #3, what’s the worst that could happen (#1 is what I see). Eval with attorney is setup as I work on the go plan.

Mission: Been busy which is good. Most of my activity has been on point and has left me out of the house a lot. I’m doing what I want to do, which is good. It’s not creating much if any dread, which isn’t ideal. I recently read a critique of the 12 levels of dread as a covert contract. I agree in premise. I wouldn’t mind slapping her upside the head with a little dread. I feel like the wife is about to get hit by a truck and she doesn’t see it coming. I need to find someway of giving her warning. It’s only fair in my opinion. That went way off track on “Mission”, but I’m leaving it.

One aspect of Mission that needs improved is getting out there and having “fun”, I’m enjoying what I’m up to, but I basically never do anything because I think it will be “fun” for me. Everything has a deeper purpose, which is fine sometimes, but other times I need to go grab a beer with a friend for no reason or something. Large red flag in this portion.

OYS1

6’4” 250lbs, 33, married, 3 kids. Fat.

GYM: 3x a week, started 9/17. SQ 145, BP 135, DL 185, OHP 85 all 4x6/lbs some accessories work after mains.

Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, Subtle art of not giving a fuck, day bang, MMSLP, MAP

Reading: NMMNG again.

Background: I never thought in terms of beta/alpha until having visited MRP. One year ago at work, I had this strange epiphany that I complained too much. I began watching what I was saying and realized it was a problem. A reddit search about complaining too much introduced me to your community. I learned a lot from the reading:

• I complain
• I play the victim
• I live in everyone else’s frame most of the time
• I self-sabotage
• I stopped goal setting
• I think and talk about it, but I never “AM” about it. I’m not doing.

I also learned some ways out of this. Set one maybe two goals and nail em. My two simple goals I want to reach are

• Lift 3x a week
• Remove alcohol

I plan to continue STFU and reading, not as a goal but way of living.

ON THE HOME FRONT:

The relationship between my wife and I has stagnated. It’s dull where there used to be fun. I don’t think I’ve fully accepted that it’s ALL my fault. I want to. But then I go playing the blame game. I used to come home after work, drink beer, hang out with the kids and play video games. I no longer come home, drink beer, and play video games. I want more sex but also have insecurities about how long I last. I want the sessions to last, but they don’t. I’m curious if losing weight and getting stronger will help me in this area.

I am not an OAK, and I am very emotionally turbulent. I want to fix this. When I “must”, I can be an OAK, but...for some reason I can’t continue being it all the time. STFUing and simply observing might benefit me in this area. Because of the emotional turbulence, I talk to fucking much. I want to win in this area. I really want to win in STFU and to look at life amused. Easier said than done, but where I used to get pissed off, I want to begin genuinely laughing at it.

WORK:

Started a new position 4 months ago and I’m killing it. I’m hitting the benchmarks set for me and also managing the staff well. I’m aiming for promotion by MAY2021. I do not like the 50 hour work week, but for the first time in my life there is potential for a great career in this field. I have to utilize a lot of tactics from WISNIFG while engaging employees who aren’t performing their assigned duties. I want my work frame to become somewhat of my at-home frame.

I still have desires to create multiple streams of income. 5 years ago, I stopped trying. I’m currently saving some money to begin this pursuit again.

EXTRAS:

I love writing and playing music, all different genres. I faced a very big fear 1 week ago, and led worship alone at my church with one back-up vocal. It went so well that a congregant asked me to reach out to him if I ever wanted to record some of my songs. Why am I writing this? I want to find those areas of my life where I’m afraid and go live on that edge.

This week we are camping. I’ll be surrounded by 5 ladies and 1 male. They are all family and some had a very hard year. I want to enjoy their company and vice versa.

GOAL

1. Lift 3x by 9/28
2. Remove alcohol

Oys 1

28 y/o wife 28 2 kids 1 & 7 148lbs as of right now Don’t know my body fat % guessing around 15 Bp 145x6 ohp 80x6 squat 135x6 dL 225x6

This is my first oys. I got here the way most men do. Low sex marriage. Run of the mill beta. Bent over backwards tried as hard as I could and got shit on. And hurt for not getting what I thought I deserved. It’s still a struggle but Mrp has helped beyond belief. I started to post oys twice but I wasn’t ready then. I’ve been lurking for a while on a different account but deleted it while reading nmmng and mmslp I was going Rambo and it wasn’t working for me so I had to take a little break

Physical Currently cutting. I know I’ve not got much mass to cut but I’m tired of being skinny fat and I’ve been keeping an eye on what muscle I have gained in the past few months. I started going to the gym sometime in June. I’ve been doing a legs push pull push legs split instead of a 3 day a week 5x5. I get more volume and it’s more time efficient. Doing about 80% compound lifts. I only do my pull muscles once a week for now since my back is more developed than the rest of my muscles. I do however do my deadlifts on leg days so I get some back and trap stimulation there as well. All in all very happy with how it’s working so far. I do keep an eye on it in case I need to tweek

Social I worked a 12 Saturday but despite that I took off Friday and went to a local car event in a touristy area about an hour away. Spent all day Friday ride around on the golf cart with my wife’s sisters in-laws. Saturday night we went back down and her sister and her husband rode around the strip with us. There was girls flashing for beads on the strip. There’s three lanes so I got in the center lane and we were all throwing beads. My wife even earned a few of her own. I had a lot of success though and I think it put a little dread in my wife being in the back seat while all those girls were flashing their tits to me. I’ve got to work this weekend as well but I’m trying to plan something with a couple friends. I know it was just a short trip with family members but it’s such a big deal for me because before anytime we would do anything with her family or friends she would shit test be terrible in front of them. So I’m happy about that as well

Relationship It’s came a long way but it’s still very up and down. I still deer a lot. I don’t know how to pass a lot of test and she calls me out when I stfu. Probably being autistic as hell. The weekend was great and so was yesterday but I’m afraid when the fun and dread from the weekend ware off and we go back to the day to day it’ll be rough again. I try to keno and be fun through the week but sometimes it’s hard with so much to do and two little cockblockers around all the time

Financial It’s tight. Like leggings a size too small tight. She’s a stay at home mom currently. I’m going to put in for a job that’s hiring near me that would be a 10$ raise if I can pass the weld test. And she got a job and starts training the 29th

Goals I want to keep cutting til I can see all of my abs (that are there) Get better at passing shit test Be less boring through the week Get the job I’m putting in for

Last week I was called out by /u/johneyapocalypse for basically engaging in a self-inflicted pity party. I dumped a big list of stuff I’ve been fucking up, with the intention of being honest about the work I need to do. Maybe I did that, but I also excluded almost anything positive. At the end of the day, the “I’m so honest about my shortcomings bit” is still feeding my ego, isn’t entirely honest, and isn’t solving any actual problems.

I was asked to provide five examples of self control, along with one thing I’m proud of. I don’t know whether these are supposed to only be within the last week or not, but here we go:

1. I had only one drink this week (last Wednesday), with a friend at a social event. I declined all other drinking opportunities, to the point that I didn’t have a drink with my wife during the football game we watched. (Which doesn’t seem congruent with who I want to be, honestly.)
2. I have been consistently eating oatmeal (+whey protein), Greek yogurt, or eggs for breakfast to keep healthy food intake up and get extra protein in. I haven’t eaten a “junk” breakfast in weeks. Last time was a birthday breakfast for one of my kids. I actually don’t think I’ve had any junk food at all in a couple of weeks.
3. I gave up my lunch break two days this past week to work on house projects. The rest of my lunches were spent doing normal salaried work.
4. I have set aside time to journal daily since the 28th of last month (except one day I forgot and did it immediately the next morning).
5. I hit three scheduled lifts last week. (I haven’t missed since vacation a couple of weeks ago.)

And here is something I’m proud of:
I like my wife and my marriage. I’ve gone from feeling trapped and desperately unhappy in my marriage a couple of years ago to being content. It’s not where I’d like it to ultimately be but it’s so much better. I’m not constantly stressed about her reactions and emotions. I’m not trying to get in her head and analyze stuff she does. I feel like our interactions are better and more authentic. Sex is of course also better than it used to be. This difference is probably 95% mental. But yeah, I’m also more physically attractive.

Here’s some stuff I did this week:

• I started the work stuff I mentioned last week. It’s not a quick 1-week item (probably 25-30 hours of actual work I need to do) but I got the ball rolling and did what I intended last week.
• Made progress on home projects. Paint samples on the house, touch up painting, hvac maintenance.
• Made most of my commitments to myself. Lifting, journaling, daily todos, zero inbox. The only things I didn’t hit were running (air quality) and giving feedback at work daily (only a couple of days).
• Called the prosthetist to accelerate this process a bit. Yes, I’m still dealing with this. They shut down during COVID and then my practitioner left, and I dragged my feet getting this handled.

And here’s some stuff I need to work on:

• Handling compliance tests better. I’m getting a lot of these lately. Firstly, be doing stuff. If I’m sitting around while shit needs doing, then that’s on me. On the other hand, if it’s a bullshit request, I need to say no.
• Leadership. I’m working on doing more of this at work. I think I also need a concrete commitment about this. I’m thinking something like “every day, find something that needs doing that no one else is taking care of and get it done”. I want to get something concrete this week that on can track progress against.
• Hit 100% of my commitments to myself. As I called out above, I missed a couple this past week.
• Sleep. I’m not getting enough. I need to get to bed earlier. Lack of sleep has a huge negative impact on everything from lifting to mood to will power.
• I need to set clear boundaries with the kids and enforce them. My oldest has been doing a lot of “active ignoring” where she willfully ignores others, especially when we are asking her to stop doing something. Last night this happened and I enforced boundaries and threatened a minor punishment. The night was honestly a shit show as she fought against the boundaries repeatedly, but I know that enforcing the boundaries is what she needs.
• Cut distractions. I’ve been distracting myself too much lately. Was Reddit, then YouTube, lately reading. None of these are terrible activities but they are a problem when I allow them to take time away from stuff I need to do.
• Learn to care less about validation and being right. This is less about my family life and more about general validation seeking. I do things like sink time into arguing online and there’s really no reward for this. It’s pure validation seeking. I want to feel “right”, but it generally doesn’t matter. Online it literally never matters. Even at work it rarely matters and when it does, I’m probably approaching from the wrong angle. Before disagreeing with someone, I should ask what I want out of the disagreement. If I don’t know, then it’s bullshit and I should shut up. If I do know, I should ask is responding this way is the optimal way to get what I want.

Stats: 5’7”, late 30s, 149lb. OHP 115, BP 170 (est), DL 310 (est)

OYS#4

Stats:

Age: 43; Married 8yrs, Together 10yrs, Wife 39, two kids 4 and 6

Reading: NMMNG, WISNIFG, Rational male, MMSLP, TWOTSM, Book of Pook, Currently reading Practical Female Psychology; The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck; Currently reading The Daily Stoic and Rian Stone YT MMSLP refresher.

Fitness: 198lbs, 5 11", BF 17% (caliper) BP 275, DL 406, squat 275, OP 205. I lift 5 -6 days per week, Intermittent fast M-F and fuck it up on the weekends. Feeling Strong. Been experimenting with the extended fast. Finished a 72hr fast. My longest fast thus far. Felt good, was in ketosis and my energy levels were decent, lifts were strong. I felt a little more winded between lifts but overall I enjoyed the experience. It was a good reset. Goal was forced Ketosis, to jumpstart a thereputic Ketogenic cut over the next few weeks. My goal is 12lbs. In additions to my lifts I have added 3 Peleton sessions this week and last week for additional cardio.

Background: Classic Betabux story. Good looking, seemingly successful, Nice guy with fucked up mental models that were established at a young age with my single mom who taught me how to pedestalized women. I am fucking great at it! Done it all my life and have I let my current LTR walk all over me as a result. Was given a “We don’t have a connections speech in 2017 along with an emotional affair. Instead of burning it to the ground and demoting her, I begged for her to stay. Still married and lost I found the Rational Male by chance and then this reddit. I have been LARPing here since summer 2019.

Work: work is great, I trade lumber with one of the companies I am salaried for and we have been trading at all-time high. We produce the lumber with a very low basis. I also sell industrials for another company I profit share with and we are on the heels of some great projects that will fill my order file through the end of the year. Goal for this area is to continue to grow my relationships, my product knowledge on the manufacturing side of our operations, and grow our industrial division. Continue to lead as a top salesman.

Current: Calm waters on the home front. With No major shittests to report. The wife has been seeking comfort which I have given. Family time has been of good quality, with farmers markets, meals out, ice cream runs for chores completed, bike rides, and a daily dose of wrestling. I feel like a good captain to my kids. I have great frame with them and boundaries are clarified, enforced and are consistent. I can see my wife following suit with better boundary enforcement herself and as the kids push her boundaries she using me as the “bad cop”. I fully embrace the role. I feel is shows my kids who the captain is and who is holding frame. Booked a brunch date with my wife. I booked the sitter, let the wife know to be ready when the sitter arrived. The date was met with enthusiasm and at a get together prior I was told other wives in the neighborhood to “to teach my husband” or “rub off on my husband” (phrasing I know….). Be Attractive, don’t be unattractive. Girls talk.. they talk about the bad and the good. It should be noted I booked the date because I wanted to spend time with my wife. Period. In the past it would have been part of a covert contract.

Mental: My mental is good. Outcome independence and a stoic mindset to my reaction have been very helpful. This has transferred directly to my frame. I am not just reacting with the first emotion that comes into my mind. I am being a better listener as a result.

Something that bothers me is my wife’s dishonesty. Just little “white lies” that she may tell. I catch her every once in a while on inconsequential things. But it bothers me. It bothers me because I don’t understand why? i.e. my daughter came out wearing a pair of my wife’s new shoes. I noticed and said “Those are nice, when did you get those?” “I bought those last December.” My daughter (6 yrs old) called her out and said “no mom, you bought those when we went school shopping” (30 days ago). Women know when they buy new stuff. My reaction was not in anger, I grabbed my wife and with a smirk said “ you know exactly when you bought those don’t lie”, as she pulled away, I pulled her back and said again “don’t lie, especially when there is no reason to”. I then STFU pulled my attention for the rest of the evening. Internally, it really bothered me and reinforced my trust but verify attitude with this woman. Why lie? I didn’t understand the motive. I don’t care if she buys hot shoes, I want her to look good? I shrugged it off, as most women lie, they lie to each other daily. I think it bothered me, because my daughter witnessed it and honesty is a core valued I instill in my kids

Social: Had 4 couples over for dinner and a nightcap this last Friday. Played the mayor and had a good time. Good conversation. Booked a boys trip for the first week in October. Meeting my best friend from childhood. We were wingmen to each other in our single days and he is single and plating now. I am anticipating comfort tests from the prior to my departure.

Sex: Last week was shark week and HJ and BJ offered and taken. Wife said she bought something from Victoria Secret for me this week.

MAP: Continue to lift 6x per week and experiment with fasting and Keto with an emphasis on strength and muscle preservation. STFU. Be attractive, don’t be unattractive. Game wife daily, escalate when I want with OI. Praise good behavior, do not reward bad behavior, be social, be the mayor. STFU. STFU. STFU. "If you build it they will come".

Mission: Be the Captain. Enjoy life and be in the moment. Continue to grow always. Be healthy, read, learn. There are no mistakes, just lessons.