Observation, and Implementation
I have been here for 4 years, 2 as a lurker and 2 as a FNG. I read all these stories about how these men were going through pain and turmoil. and I identified with that, but I didn't Own My Shit. I was better than them you see. I had sex on the regular, My (now) ex wife was doing what I wanted in the bedroom, she didn't fight and yell and scream much anymore. and I thought well I just don't have it as bad as these sad sacks.
(AWALT, gets tossed around but how many of you have been in a similar situation)
How Wrong I was. I introduced her to a friend, because I was always hanging out with him, and she was shit testing me non stop about why I wasn't home. We all started hanging out, it was fine at first. but soon after that she started respecting his opinions. and then she started talking about him A LOT. soon after that she'd ask me, "hey did you see so and so tonight I think he was checking me out/staring/holding eye contact". I told her what I thought she wanted to hear, "maybe he is, I didn't see it but you look good baby". Time goes by, about 6 months. she asked if they could hang out alone, I think sure yeah why not he's a friend to us both. She gets home crying around midnight, "He rejected me". I was beta bluepill comfort boy, why wouldn't she?
(this was beyond the point of no return, ILYBINILWY had done be said and gone. just because she is fucking you doesn't mean she isn't picturing someone else's face.)
The next day she tells me she loves him, and tells me about how she told him that the night before and he shut it down. he calls me at 9 AM and tells me the same thing. so I figure I'm in the clear. What follows is a series of late night hangouts I'm not a part of. following similar patterns and her seeking validation from me because he says no. It's NRE I'm not a part of. After two months of me crying on the couch at home while shes hanging at his house 3 nights a week till 1am. worried , terrified shes fucking him. I grow a pair and say its the marriage or him choose now. We all know what she chose. I don't know if they were fucking, and honestly I don't care. I pulled the trigger on divorce and she fell into substance abuse issues and moved away. divorce was final april of 2019
(It took this, THIS. I am probably the BLUEST fucking PILL person i have ever heard of. But the fact remains that this was all predicted and if I hadn't been a drunk captain it wouldn't have happened. We all know our weaknesses, Some of us just really don't like looking at them and accepting them.)
The Work Is Mandatory
Just because I got out, doesn't mean I was fixed. And the work still didn't get done, I grew, tried fumbling my way through it without Owning My Shit. And now I'm back, because there is still work to do. If you have a job to do and you need to learn how to do it, who do you go to ? Teachers. Sidebar, Reading, Lift, Diet, Career, and Money. everything you could ever want to know about how to be a fucking High Value Man. It's all here. It isn't easy but its simple, that's why we call it work. Accepting Red Pills truth, is hard and it puts the burden on YOU. But there's only one way to go from rock bottom. you gotta climb back up that fucking trench and put in the time and the work. otherwise you sit at the bottom. no one wants to be the guy who coasts through life, taking the path of least resistance. But what do you think the path of least resistance gets you ? running headlong full speed at the bottom of the trench.
In my story I never left rock bottom, and boys let me tell you its a fucking hard realization to come to. DIVORCE WAS LITERALLY THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE. Don't be me. If it feels hard, your probably doing it right.
The Work Is Mandatory
There is no Magic Bullet
​
Ubermensch33 4y ago
LMAO. Account deleted.
BobbyPeru 4y ago
My first thought is this jas to be bad trolling, but I’m not sure. If this is real, you have a long long way to go... longer than most. Even in my bluest blue pill days I would have never allowed any of this.
WhisperedThings5 4y ago
Why is a guy whose wife was fucking his friend lecturing anyone about anything? What’s the fucking point in that? And why talk. About work you haven’t even done and promise results you haven’t gotten?
InChargeMan 4y ago
Impressive, comforting your wife as she cries about another guy rejecting her advances. You win. I don't know what it is, but for sure you win something.
[deleted] 4y ago
HAHAHA, I spit out my coffee. Thanks bud I'm glad I'm a winner in you guys eyes at least.
but yeah I was WOW oof.
weakandsensitive 4y ago
He didn't call you a winner. He just said you win.
I definitely agree with him. You win something.
[deleted] 4y ago
I realize that, if you cant laugh at yourself. Who can you laugh at.
but I also realize what a weak bullshit excuse for a "person" I was, not even a man more a boy.
stirringlion 4y ago
Boy is a stretch.
Doormat comes to mind.
But you’re one of us and we will always have your back!! You can’t learn from mistakes without making mistakes. Only if you don’t learn from it are you a fool.
Keep your head up and keep moving forward brother!!! Much love.
SBIII 4y ago
From your OYS, it appears that you haven't done the work. You're a lazy, fat fuck who can't lift for shit and spent the last few years larping like a motherfucker.
This explains why you spent months crying like a baby while you cucked your wife out to your friend.
The work IS mandatory.
Let me know when you've done some.
[deleted] 4y ago
Which oys are you referring to? Back in the gym with lifts and all sorted again. I mean im not 1000 lb club so thats fair if thats the yardstick
I totally accept your call of being a cuckhold or even being fat and a LARP happy fucktard. Every step forward is a step that brings me towards a better tomorrow. And every push like this just makes me want it more. So thanks, SBIII I'll take it to heart
And yes I do not have my shit nailed down completely. Good catch. I was hoping to add value in case others who had fuckarounditis and a "just the tip" red pill mentality. Needed a push to finally deepthroat the thing
SBIII 4y ago
This shit doesn't belong in MRP - it's a glorified victim puke masquesrading as a "cautionary tale". It barely makes the criteria for ASK MRP. There's fuck all that can be learned from it.
The only way this story serves as any value to anybody is this -
Don't be like this cunt, because even after four years of RP, even after cucking his wife out to his friend, even after divorcing the whore, he's still a larping, fat, blue pill cuck who has done nothing and learned nothing.
You don't have a "red pill mentality" - the fact that you think you do is fucking laughable. The only thing of any value you've done in the last 4 years was to lose 180lbs.
And you did that when you divorced your wife.
surfthrowaway3 4y ago
Bro your wife was hanging out at another mans house, alone, for 3 months?
[deleted] 4y ago
3 days a week or so, depended on if they were fighting. This is the depths Blue pill can go to and rationalize. She had to be home at night but we all know that doesn't mean shit
IsEqualIs 4y ago
Jesus. Never let yourself be disrespected like this.
youngshinobi7 4y ago
Wow she was literally in a whole other relationship while she was married to you. He had her mind and heart even though her body was (sometimes) with you.
Ubermensch33 4y ago
So...this story should've been in your OYS. My god dude. WTF was your hamster telling you was happening?
[deleted] 4y ago
I was going to put it in my OYS, But I figured others might be able to learn. I can reference it in my next if you think it adds context to anything.
Thanks for reading man
Edit: hamster was screaming shes fucking him!!!! ABORT ABORT ABORT!!! There were a lot of fights those months
Ubermensch33 4y ago
Most of us have been there, where our actions were a result of fear rather than a reflection of what we really desired.
You didn't want to be alone, did you? That's what I take from you jumping right into another LTR, and not cutting bait sooner with the old one.
But yeah you should link this post to all your OYS's IMO. Much needed context.
[deleted] 4y ago
Alright, will link it just in case for sure
And nope. I didnt wanna be alone. It made it clear where my failings were being a single dad with three kids. I really put my grandparents through hell babysitting for approx 5 mo. Out every other night either ONSing or dating prospects.
I tried to drown my sorrows in pussy and thats never a good thing
weakandsensitive 4y ago
I'm banning you because you talk/respond too much. Give it a day and see how much of this commentary is worth responding to.
If after this ban's up you still feel things are worth replying to, then do it.
stirringlion 4y ago
Tough love.
MAGAorD1E 4y ago
People have wives that have male friends?
[deleted] 4y ago
I introduced them too. And yeah the general BP advice is opposite sex friends are ok and your wrong for disliking it and or controlling.
Hows that for logic
MAGAorD1E 4y ago
When women say controlling they mean "correct" or "traditional "
I hear that word thrown at me alot by my colored inlaws.
[deleted] 4y ago
Ive noticed that too. Especially the dreaded marriage counselor.
JCX_Pulse 4y ago
I don't want to reward you for being beta cuck of the year, but I do want to give you some credit for being a humble mother fucker and really owning your shit.
I think this post should serve as a reminder of how challenging it can be to get out of the BP mindset and how deeply ingrained these behaviors are in men today. As a group of men trying to get better and be better fathers than our fathers were, we should always be reminded of what will happen if we stray from the path. I never want my (future?) son to grow up thinking this type of behavior is ok.
Edit: words
[deleted] 4y ago
Agreed 100 percent. I modeled it for my boys and I pray to god they didnt internalize it and its one of my main goals moving forward. Is that they know when shit gets bad ... Get tf out and to hold onto their N.U.T.S
Nonnegotioable Unalterable Term S
Theres a book by that name which did me a lot of good and its very good. I plan on making them read it at 16
JCX_Pulse 4y ago
Best thing to do is lead by example, either way
[deleted] 4y ago
Absolutely and thats why I really have been getting a lot out of here its a resource I wish I had actually woke up and used a long time ago.
Also I've noticed a real benefit to keeping rp thoughts and reading posts throughout the day, just to kind of "remind " myself to keep an rp mindset Until I've really internalized things
JCX_Pulse 4y ago
Keep up the good work
[deleted] 4y ago
No promises, only results speak. But it is a sea change in the right direction I feel
VistaLight15 4y ago
Sounds like you could have saved yourself a shitload of trouble with just one boundary. No, you can't go hang out with my friend alone and if you ever bring him up again this marriage is over.
[deleted] 4y ago
Sounds like doesn't it? every time I tried to say it it became a knock down drag out I've still got scars from. So in the end, I'd go get stitches and shed go "hang out".
because she was the type to call the cops if I retaliated it was easier to keep the kids happy if she wasn't around, and I got enough evidence of other shit that I got the kids.
threekindsoflucky 4y ago
His fate was sealed, one boundary wouldn't have made a difference at that point.
[deleted] 4y ago
Definite truth here. the writing was on the Wall, floor, ceiling, and windows
I just hadn't opened my eyes yet.
weakandsensitive 4y ago
Doesn't fix the underlying problem. Probably doesn't even fix the symptom. His wife would rather be somewhere else.
Why would you want to spend energy on someone who doesn't want to be where you're at? I hope you guys don't spend too much time on this type of flawed thinking.
[deleted] 4y ago
Absolutely, It was a flaw in my thinking for a long time "why cant I just put my foot down"? Maybe because I was a little bitch boy who knew he didn't have the frame to make and hold that line. "Stop or leave" actually ended up being what led to my divorce it just would have been sooner. either way it took me realizing I didn't want to save the marriage and even then I didn't internalize the damn pill I just tasted it for a while Just long enough to be cutthroat in my divorce. And then I spit it out. That's why I'm here now I need mentors to point me in the right direction.
So thank you /u/weakandsensitive
VistaLight15 4y ago
It's not supposed to change her behavior. Saying that shows where you stand and what you are willing to put up with. If he had the boundary in place at that time, and she crossed it, he could have headed off her going to the other guy's house to spend the night.
[deleted] 4y ago
Weak has a point, My intention with this post is to illustrate she was so far beyond 1000 foot rope range that no matter how many boundaries I tried to fight for. I hadn't earned them
weakandsensitive 4y ago
If it's not supposed to accomplish anything, why even open your mouth?
VistaLight15 4y ago
What it accomplishes is this: When you have a boundary you decide what you would do if that boundary is crossed. It's not to coerce her behavior. How is that not clear? This is red pill basics right? Focus on your own actions and know what your boundaries are.
VistaLight15 4y ago
So, what am I missing about the function and execution of boundaries in a MAP?
tspitsatgp 4y ago
If you have to verbalise a boundary such as fidelity then you are fucked, you just don’t know it yet.
weakandsensitive 4y ago
Beyond the 2 compelling points made by the other guys, I'll just say that maybe you married an absolute fucking retard, but I'm pretty sure I didn't. I don't go around saying "Maybe you don't want to do that....." unless it's something that'll impact me directly (like budgets). "Oops I didn't mean to" isn't an acceptable from my 5 year old*. Why would it be for a grown ass woman?
* This doesn't mean that accidents don't happen. It just means that inattentiveness doesn't absolve ownership of the consequence. First question is "Did you know that could've happened?" - and if she didn't, it's a teaching moment. And if she did, it's a different teaching moment.
threekindsoflucky 4y ago
Boundaries only matter if the person cares about the consequences of crossing it.
Cho_Assmilk 4y ago
And seeing as OP
sat at home jerking off in tears while his wife was getting pounded out by some other dude"waited at home", she likely wasn't overly concernedresolutions316 4y ago
Brutal post.
Most will never allow themselves to be so vulnerable here.
Recognizing how fucked up you are it the beginning of all improvement.
Looking forward to seeing you grow and turn things around.
Ubermensch33 4y ago
Unfortunately I don't think it's vulnerability. It's seeking validation and approval (I was at rock bottom, look how much better I am now! I get it!). OP is in no position to advise anyone but that's what he's been doing in this post and others. He conveniently left out this entire story of his OYSs.
I appreciate that this place is for sharing notes, but OP...there's something else going on with you, here. Even the self deprecation feels...off.
[deleted] 4y ago
I feel warm and fuzzy inside. Like I ate a live kitten.
But in seriousness, thanks. I wanted to help people realize you can always be a weaker fuck.
jihocech 4y ago
You got your lesson. You are lucky no children are involved. Use your free time wisely.
Blarg_Risen 4y ago
Delete your edit. Save this post.
It'll sure be something to look back on 5 years from now.
[deleted] 4y ago
Thanks, I will Blarg, I just hope it reaches someone else like me
Though I hope there really isn't someone as monumentally stupid as I am.
HornsOfApathy 4y ago
You clearly haven't been here long at all if you hope that.
[deleted] 4y ago
see, I know you are right and that's why I posted this. lets hope no one else has to go this far.
who am I kidding, I know I'm not the only one... and that's depressing
BigBadBootyDaddy10 4y ago
The saddest part of betrayal, is that it never comes from your enemies.
weakandsensitive 4y ago
What do you think the betrayal is here?
To me, it seems like everything was 100% transparent and on the up and up.
[deleted] 4y ago
He means my so called "friend" really he was a shit dude. And even though he said they never did anything I don't really care if they did. It was the fact that I reached that bottom her cheating wouldn't have brought me any lower I just assume they did.
tspitsatgp 4y ago
Nah buddy, your mate sounds like he was on the up and up. He told you what happened and you still let her go around to his place. Your approval of him fucking her was implicit after that phone call. This is all on you.
[deleted] 4y ago
Y'know. I never thought of it that way. Your spot on
Still a shit friend later on tho. She left state and he was one of those dudes who would never reach out for plans or would flake if you invited him anywhere. Im sure you know these kinds of guys.
tspitsatgp 4y ago
No, your friend was the one who was acting “normally”.
You know this guy had been fucking your wife and yet you were still trying to hang out with him after she had left town. What was that about? Are friends so hard to come by?
If I’m in your friends shoes I’m feeling pretty fucking weird about hanging out with you after having been doing all sorts of nasty shit with your wife while you were still living with her. Awkward. But more than that, are you the sort of guy I want to hang out with? The sort of guy that lets other guys fuck their wife?
So you see your thinking is still wrong. You are externalising blame instead of doing an honest appraisal of your role in the clusterfuck of a situation.
[deleted] 4y ago
Absolutely fair. Its the readon I kinda ghosted on him. And really I dont blame him for cutting out the weirdness that was me. And tbh I never felt any anger at him for taking advantage of a situation I would have in his place. But i'll definitely work on making sure theres no anger there. Thanks for the perspective
tspitsatgp 4y ago
I haven’t reached a level of zen or stoicism where I advocate not holding any anger, so long as the anger you hold doesn’t blind you from your own culpability. But I do fully advocate letting go of relationships when they have run their course: be that your wife, a family member or a friend.
Goodluck to you!
[deleted] 4y ago
Thanks. Thats kinda zen lol
Cho_Assmilk 4y ago
Stop sucking everyone's dicks for calling you a cuck faggot. You sound like the kinda guy who would thank someone for boning his wife...
BarracudaRP 4y ago
Well said
[deleted] 4y ago
It was a quote of my grandfather. the most RP man I know and who raised me, I was just blinded by the pussy and idiocy for WAYYYY to long. He tried to talk me out of dating her and told me she was crazy and to not throw away my future. But, the small head was thinking
business---travel 4y ago
This is so spot-on that a lot of guys miss this point entirely.
Thanks for the share, /u/Gherial. This will be a great post for you to reference in the future, as well as newbies that stumble upon this sub in the future.
[deleted] 4y ago
Thanks for the read and comment, it's been saved and I wanna make sure to never be that person again. Because it was fucking torture not even knowing what I wanted out of life fuck ever going back.
simbarlion 4y ago
friend of mine
[deleted] 4y ago
Thanks I'll edit