(I say "marriage". Some of this goes for any LTR, although obviously to a lesser extent).
From a baseline, evolutionary perspective, the "reward" of marriage will always be potentially greater for women, than for men. This isn't to say marriage can't be a net positive for both, but that in such cases, the net positive is even greater for her. This is because marriage is more in line with her reproductive strategy, than it is with yours (and that's as far as I'll get into that, since we all know that already).
What is interesting though, is that this biological imbalance is reflected in how men and women generally view marriage on an emotional level. Women want marriage on a deep emotional level, because it's well congruent with their mating strategy. It's even a bit of an embarrassment to them not to ever get married. Men on the other hand, are more resistant (even without consciously thinking about it) because we feel the imbalance of the deal, and what it reflects. To us, you could even argue that the embarrassment lies in getting married. You mean you couldn't get your dick wet in any other way?
Clearly, there's a huge potential loss of frame in that, in the very nature of marriage. We all know how it goes when the man treats the woman like the prize, but it's important to keep in mind that even "equal" doesn't cut it. A marriage is not "equal". A marriage is - all shared benefits set aside - basically him holding her hand past the wall and beyond, abandoning his sexual own strategy in the process (or at least having to deal with it one way or the other).
No, a marriage is a reward from him to her. Not from her to him, not from the both of you, but from him to her. And it's important that the marriage be congruent with that, that it reflects in the dynamics of the thing. It is not unreasonable if she puts more effort in the relationship, and you put more effort into yourself. Why? Because you and your commitment quite literally are the prize. It's not a mind trick, or a mental model, it's the actual fact of the matter.
THE END
Note on 'score keeping' and 'covert contracts':
This is not an invitation to operate from any of those mindsets. You are always responsible for being fuckable enough that women treat you right. But also know that her giving more to the relationship is perfectly reasonable. It's not "bad", it's not "male chauvinist", and it's not "imbalanced". It's just the congruent frame of the thing.
Intrepid_Place53900 1y ago
(a marriage is a reward from him to her), True, I think it's always been viewed that way. In old days, "he" is taking responsibility for taking care of "her" now.
In current times, in US for example, it's something only considered if the guys wants kids IMO. Even with that, with no fault divorce, she can change her mind about it anytime and get half his worth or more from the courts.
It's mostly a high risk, low reward contract.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
I would argue that what men get out of marriage(traditionally) is a stable environment for their legacy(legitimate kids). Men have always had the option of going to brothels, having a mistress, or a quick fling so monogamy is kind of a joke for men.
What has become of marriage for men, these days, is merely beta game. A form of prostitution in which a man who doesn't have options gives up his mating strategy and commits his resources to any woman that will give him offspring. Now that women have their own resources this strategy is dying off. They can simply get Alpha seed and provide for their beta needs. It's sad but true.
Since modern women don't honor the marriage contract anymore, there's no point to it. The stability that used to be a benefit for men is lost. For a man with options, there is no upside to marriage. Not even stability. Not even a perfect 10, tall, dark, famous, wealthy man(e.g. Will Smith) can get a stable marriage with a modern woman.