I hate it when there's a post about a man doing something nice and people dismiss it as, "Congrats on doing the bare minimum I guess". You're right, it is sad that this basic kindness is so rare, but I still appreciate the kindness given.
I don't think it's rare, I think it's the standard. Noticing is rare. Just as when a man does something extraordinary, the headline often distills him down to his job. "Steamfitter rescues family from fire!" When the hero is a woman, it's "34 year old woman creates GoFundMe to help her neighbor!" NPR had a story that was, really, about male college students engineering and creating an artificial hand for a girl. The story they told? "Mom works tirelessly to help daughter!" The mom says "ya, I found some guys and talked then into helping my daughter"
So they're now just "some guys" who had to be harassed into helping? What a crock of shit
MensLib is a blight on Reddit TBH. I found myself reading a thread about male victims of rape and their philosophy is that men need to accept that rape happens to women more in order to understand that they’re the minority. Men are raped by women because of “toxic masculinity” (because we all know that toxic femininity does not exist and was made up by misogynists). Only once you accept those premises and a few more, can you finally share your thoughts on your own trauma.
Any subreddit or ideology that first makes you read an essay in privilege and all the -isms before you are allowed to come out with your trauma is one that men and women should do well to avoid IMO.
I don’t care if someone is one political party or another. If they have trauma and I can help them somehow I would do so gladly and without any kind of lecture about how they have it better or worse than someone else. That always seemed so wrong to me.
I found myself reading a thread about male victims of rape and their philosophy is that men need to accept that rape happens to women more in order to understand that they’re the minority.
MensLib? Really?
I've had lengthy involvement with my state's rape crisis network which first admitted male victims in 2002/2003 after about a quarter of a century excluding males. From the time of inclusion there was a concerted effort across the network to stamp out exactly that type of thinking.
MensLib have obviously attached themselves so tightly to feminist ideology they have locked themselves in 1980s thinking. I'll bet they think they're "progressive".
They're also completely unhelpful (at least in terms of their advice given, though I do appreciate the positive vibes).
Here's the problem, their advice is actually a symptom and one of the causes of men's issues rolled into one.
These women encourage men to behave like women ("don't man up! share your feelings!") and then when men do, other women attack them for being pussies.
The lesson here is that men need to stop taking cues from women whichever direction they come from and focus on their own introspection and self-development.
No that doesn't mean MGTOW or any other extreme overreaction, no it doesn't mean anything negative towards women.
It just means a lot of men are fundamentally troubled because their problems arise from placing too much stock in external figures (crowd pleasing, womanizing, seeking short term rewards etc.) and then when that approach to life predictably results in a weak character with no self-assured identity, these same people continue the same self-destructive pattern of behavior by looking for even more reassurance from other people.
I know it sounds corny and new agey, I can't help that, all I can say is that my life experience increasingly tells me that it's true:
Face your problems by looking within, the person who'll help you most through your hard times is your own future self, put the hard work into helping him to reveal himself to the world. It's the process and the journey that makes a strong character.
Yeah individualism and personal responsiblity are really important... they also stop the identity politics that causes men and women so many problems, and is the driving for behind feminism.
Individualism talked a lot by Jordan Peterson, Candace Owens too, who I like.
BTW, of course mens health and services massively underfunded... looking within and taking personal responability isn't about not having services, or having less, its more a philosphy point, look within
Well it could be reasonable, but a bit extreme to just utterly avoid 50% of the population, however in cases like people who've been imprisoned or had their life ruined for a false rape accusation, I'd get why you wouldn't wanna be around someone with that kind of power.
Radical feminism has been actively suppressing feminine virtues since its inception. Feminine virtues like prudence, modesty, gracefulness, peacefulness, innocence....they are now being looked down upon and laughed at by many. But what would this world become if we eliminated femininity?
Because it's always the radical few making the loudest noise, they however do not represent the majority of women. As a mum myself, I see plenty of working class feminine women who have chosen motherhood over careers, and actively improving themselves to be better wives and mothers. I also see modest young women who have dreamed about being a mother from a young age (I myself was one), and therefore work hard towards that goal by learning homemaking skills , but are intimidated by the current hook up culture and they refuse to follow the "cool" party girls. Yet their voices aren't being heard either as they are polite, docile and being non competitive in nature.
I date a lot of girls in their early/mid 20’s. Sugar relationships but they are fairly long term and you get to know each other well. Most are old souls that graduated college and have worked a few years in the corporate world or nursing or education and realized it’s not a great gig. They would love to be stay at home moms but their expectations of an upper middle class lifestyle will not easily be met by guys in their age range. They want to have it all and that’s a big ask.
Yes uni days were good fun. I got to know a lot of girlfriends and after the first year we started to see the different paths we were taking. Some girls enjoyed the freedom of being away from their parents and totally took the "partying hard, studying just enough to not to fail" approach. Many got sugar daddies to support their expensive lifestyles (LV handbags and Dior perfumes can be a bit expensive you know lol) . Some girls with big plans worked super hard to get ready for climbing the corporate ladder, they were in the library day and night. Other girls like me stayed anxious and confused about careers, and because our dreams had always been becoming a mother one day, we worried about both not getting a decent job and not getting a good husband. But after all, we stayed in our feminine, be truthful to ourselves and followed our heart to put family first. I got a job after I graduated and got married the next year. I wanted to work hard together with my equally young, broke and clueless husband to build a better future together.
They can have true love and attachment to kids, dogs and parents. Your mom and daughter might truly love you if you adequately supported supported them over the years.
This is BS. My husband is mentally ill, and hasn't been ever to work or even go into the fucking store for years. It's caused by a hormonal issue with his testosterone. And it also causes suicidal ideation and other issues. I would care for that man in any way he needed, for the rest of his life, because I love him for who he is. Not for what he can do for me.
I'm a woman LMFAO. This is news to me. It's hilarious that a random person on the internet is telling me who I'm capable of loving. This is a megacope. Instead of saying maybe you're the issue, you blame the entirety of women.
Incel toxicity at its finest. Can't even have a positive post affirming the concerns of the member of this sub without some people taking it back to a hateful place.
Wrong, I appreciate the clear boundaries, youth and beauty that sugar dating offers but if I put forth the effort to vanilla date attractive women in my own age range I have very problem doing so... but that circles back to money and status as well.
As a gay person tbh this.
There are several things overshadowed by this. Why does a small percentage of the population get to dictate a whole month for NO reason. Leave it as a friggin day. Shesh.
Tbh Father's day is more important to me. Same with Men's mental health day.
Pride Month is important in its own right. Y'all can advocate for other things without bringing down others. Especially since GAY MEN have worse mental health and suicide rates than straight men. But we all know that "men's rights" is code for straight white male rights, at least this sub definitely is.
I guess you have the same attitude towards Black History Month in the US despite black people being 13% of population? Or Black History Month in the UK despite black people being 3% of the population? Or is it just Pride Month that's the issue?
Pride Month does not overshadow Fathers Day whatsoever lmfao. It's also not gay people's fault that we have history with the Month of June (Stonewall and the first Pride Parades) and that corporations want to exploit that for their pandering & money-hungry ways but okay!
I'm lesbian Hun. I care about gay rights. I also care about black rights. But we have black right and gay rights.
I never said a month for black history shouldn't happen. I'm ok with that. Just don't trash whites for their history
And YES black men and gay men matter. Actually in this sub I've seen a lot based on especially that. Someone even posted an article a month or two back on the impact the welfare and feminist mindset has had on the African American community especially black men.
Edit: my whole point about a month for no reason is just that. Pride doesn't celebrate anything except...idiocy.
They go to parades and act like degenerates or chant for rights and laws they already have. You can have a day for this if you really want. A day. Not a month.
You know for me every day is pride day. Every day is autism awareness day. Every day is mother's day. And every day for me is father's day. Hell as a Christian every day is Jesus day and as an American every day is memorial and independence day.
But people are trying to take away father's day...and menshealth. And it's disgusting. People are attacking whites and males for just being born as they are and it's disgusting. Something I feel this country got over a few decades ago.
But we all know that "men's rights" is code for straight white male rights.
Not at all. Gay men being told they're not real men for being feminine is as much a men's rights issue as an LGBT issue. A large majority of homophobia stems from misandry and societies ideas of which roles men and women are supposed to fit into.
No it's not? That's November according to google. What you're referring to I think is Men's Health Week. Of course it's going to be overshadowed by Pride Month lmfao.
You may be thinking of Movember, which is an annual charity event for men's health awareness that takes place in November, but that's not actually men's health month.
Either way, it's not Pride Months fault that it doesn't get attention. Pride Month has been around since 1999 as the LGBT community has actual history with the Month of June. I don't know how old this Men's Mental Health Month is but like I said, it's not Pride Month's fault.
Men's health month has been around since 1994, but I don't remember ever blaming gay people or Pride Month itself for lack of awareness that this month was also Men's Health Month, just that I wished more people knew it was both and not only Pride Month.
In your article it says that when it was introduced in 1994, it was Men's Health week, not Month. If I'm wrong it doesn't really matter since Pride Parades have been a tradition in the Month of June since 1970.
For what it's worth, I think both are very important and Men's Health Month needs attention. But the reason why Pride Month gets more attention is because of the Pink Dollar/Pink Money. Corporations exploit this not because they care about Pride Month or the LGBT community, it's because they care about money. These same corporations ban/remove LGBT themes in their products the minute it threatens their connections with foreign markets (like China), proving that they don't actually give a fuck and are all about money.
It's really nice to see the push-back against the anti- male rhetoric getting some footing, but done in a way which doesn't act to tear down women like some have done to us. Importantly it's great to see women saying these things because, sadly, the weight of a male voice doesn't count for much when talking about our own issues. Or so it feels.
I am sorry if this is controversial, but don't men get told they should man up, not cry, be strong... Mostly by other men? I mostly observe my cousins/ brother being treated like that by my male relatives, and my male friends also told me that the most pressure to be "manly" comes from other men.
Yes, it's a very real thing. That is actually a perfect example of what people talk about when they use the term "toxic masculinity". I've experienced the same thing from male relatives and friends as well.
Definitely not. From other men, it's mainly either from the conservative type, or as a joke or something you know beforehand that the person can deal with. "Uh moving this furniture is such a pain" "well, man up". isn't the same as "I'm thinking about killing myself because I can't bear this abuse anymore", which is rarely answered in the same way by men. In short, men can say it, but don't necessarily care except for some rare ones and will listen.
What is true, however, is that men often don't have an answer when you open up. Mainly because they actually don't know how to deal with the same problem themselves so they just ignore it. Nobody has the answer, since the world as a whole doesn't really care. It's kind of hard to give someone advices about an abusive relationship if you suffered one as well and never managed to solve things without being the one screwed up in the end. Men tend to listen, but thing is, for men, JUST talking about it isn't that useful if it doesn't result in something allowing you to solve the problem, and if nobody has a solution and you're just venting... yeah. No one is going to be satisfied by this, even the one opening up.
When it comes to women, it's usually not directly said. It's more vicious than that, and worse than saying it but still listening to your babbling afterward. Nothing will be said but you'll deal with the fallback afterward. Be it the woman distancing herself from you afterward or using it against you down the line. That's why it's way less obvious than it is for men. Few women will tell that to you to your face unless she's just an extremely casual acquaintance on the internet, someone deeply traditional (just like with men), or something like that. But they're usually more serious about it when it comes to acting on it (well, how can you be any more serious than directly using your words against you) and it's seen as fair to use a guy's vulnerabilities against him, so there's that.
So I wouldn't say that it mainly comes from men, at all. Maybe if it's your boss telling you to shut up and man up or something like that, but this has more to do with the person having some kind of authority on you. When it comes to men as a whole, for people you can choose and that are really a part of your social circle, e.g. friends, it usually follows the "joking about it, then listening, but not having anything really useful to say because I have no idea myself even in my own life, nobody has the answer" template.
Most women care about men's issues. In the US only about 18% of women identify as feminists. And that means that over 80% are sane and care about the issues that affect both genders.
That's very true. However, it's a trap if you don't know the reference as to why research it before you become complacent about it with your girlfriend.
Women don't like weak men, and this is archetypal. It cannot be changed. If you are not centred and on your feet, she will be confused psychologically, and all hell will break loose.
I took some time and wrote and wrote an article about it. Hope that helps
The thing is you should be careleful to whom you open up. As a man very few people will actually care for your problems and there is a big risk of being invalidated or even ridiculed (even by doctors or therapists) which could make things even worse. If that's the case you shoudn't take it to personal and just move on and try again (carefully) until you find someone who wants to listen to you and understand you. That's easier said than done though. Especially if you're on your lowest.
There is no shortage of women who care. Many even run charaties for men. Feminism's grip on the media, uniersity and politics is the problem... mant feminsits actions are very unpopular e.g. cancellling internaional mens day at a UK university, but get through as they are very loud
While this is good, the problem is the only solution offered is to "talk about it", often this is not how men process emotion. Instead it causes them to relive the moment and anchor it into their memory.
Men are problem solvers, to help men offer to help solve the problem or help find a solution. Offering to talk about it is often not what we need.
Ignoring the problem is bad, but framing the solution to the problem incorrectly can be just as bad or even worse.
I don’t want to talk about it. I WANT to be told to “man up”, my dad used to tell me to man up and it would drive me to drop my insecurities and get shit done. To accomplish. It was like he issued me with a challenge and when I took his challenge up, I learned something new as a person.
Men have never been more encouraged to “open up”, and yet male suicide continues to rise. This isn’t the answer, this is what feminists think is the answer, because men have no dialogue in society any more. Men won’t be helped by being treated like women.
I’m pretty sure your dad didn’t tell you that you’re a pussy for having emotions and mental problems.
Also “opening up” DOES help, the problem is that what a lot of people mean by it is venting, which usually works for women but in most cases isn’t as effective for men. However, men still need to talk about their feelings and find solutions to their problems. You can be told to “man up” without being humiliated because of your emotions, and I’m sure this is what your dad did, or at least I hope he did.
Men cannot talk about it anyway, since it's considered fair to use what they'll tell you against them. A man using a woman's insecurities against her is manipulative, a woman using a man's ones against him is "it's the fault of the guy, because [x]", or "strong and not afraid to put a man back in his place", not manipulative.
So even if men DID process emotions this way, and this should be a choice by the individual man made AFTER he is certain that it'll not be used against him (or if it is used, because there will always be jerks of both genders in this world, that it'll be judged accordingly overall), men still really couldn't talk about it freely. A woman talking about her problems results in sympathy. A man talking about his problems is akin to him giving a gun to the other side, which is particularly problematic in a relationship where it can be used in the next argument where she gets angry and it'd be seen as legit and "what did you do to make her that angry?" (which is quite infantilizing towards women, I must say).
I don't think being a problem solver is "opposed" to talking about things, but there's talking and talking. Talking/venting and talking/gathering data in order to find a solution. And men are definitely more interested in the second one, the first one isn't valuable as it doesn't solve the problem. But it doesn't matter that much, since if a man is naïve enough to try to do it, he's, once again, giving a gun to someone, so he better don't do it with someone that could have a real influence, even through word-of-mouth, on his life by knowing that he has depression or whatever else. Otherwise it'll just make things worse.
It’s never fair to use someone’s vulnerability as a weapon, that’s what toxic people do. Cut them out of your life and find people who respect you. It’s not a male/female problem, it’s a toxicity problem. And if someone IS using your vulnerability as a weapon, that’s more of a reflection on them and not you.
It is. In the sense that while both genders can do it, it isn't judged in the same way for both of them. Which is where the problem lie. Most people learn through punishment and deterrents. If something is being encouraged instead, more people are going to see it as normal and are going to do it than if it's punished, which is where the problem lie.
The problem isn't whether it's a reflection of the other or you. That much is obvious. But it doesn't help you much if what you confessed to someone is being used fallaciously against you in a legal case or whatever else, or is used to absolutely ruin your reputation. That's when it becomes really problematic.
It's that when it comes to men, doing so is normalized (since as we all know, psychological abuse, like all kind of abuse, doesn't happen to men). I'm mostly talking on a societal scale here, which is the one that matters the most since it influences the education the younger generations get, not on an individual one. If you normalize and punish manipulative behaviour coming from one gender less, even encouraging it thanks to social networks and their bias, more people are going to find it normal, making men even less able to open their mouth. So yes, it definitely is a male/female problem, more accurately a problem that results from how differently what qualifies as abuse is perceived between genders. Both genders do it, but aren't judged equally for it, which serves as an incentive instead of a deterrent.
I’ve anecdotally had private info used against me by guys more than girls. I’ve had the good fortune of having good female friends who I prefer to confide in over my guy friends. The people who threw embarrassing stuff in my face I’m no longer friends with and I would extend that courtesy to either gender. Whoever does that, fuck ‘em get rid of them. Shut it down to either gender so they both know it’s unacceptable. I wouldn’t react differently based on what gender of person did it to me. Just a solid ‘go fuck yourself’ to whomever. I don’t think a different reaction based on gender is necessary as it should always be the same.
Quite the opposite, despite having more "women" friends than "men" friends for longer than not.
It makes a difference because of one thing: heterosexual relationships. Your partner is usually going to be the one knowing the most crap they can use against you. And once again, I'm talking about the legal aspect here, which changes whether one is punished for it or not if you try to. You might not react differently, but the court will. Which is the point. Sure, people of both genders who do that are equally bad and you should have nothing to do with them, they should not stay in your life. But again I'm talking about the macroscopic scale. A man "psychologically abusing" a woman using her vulnerabilities and him opening up is seen as manipulative and is judged as such. In fact we've reached a point were "financial abuse" is now a thing. A woman isn't. Which causes a sense of impunity, which is bothersome for the next generations since they're raised in a climate where men must "open themselves" but at the same time the punishment isn't equal if both genders use their confidences against each other. And when you don't punish something, people are less afraid of doing it, since there is nothing to lose. If a man does it, at the very least, there's a sliver of hope that he'll be judged for it, and he will DEFINITELY have his reputation destroyed for it if social networks and other things like that get involved. If a woman does? Tough luck. The most you're going to get is "what did he do to make her angry enough for her to say that?".
Radical feminists are not getting the results they want simply because they again ignore biology and facts and don't realise there are many girls who are born nurturing and caring in nature, want to pursue motherhood and become a better wife and mum instead of the next female CEO. Take myself as an example, I've been dreaming to be a mum and to have babies since I was very little. Therefore, how to be a good mum one day, was what I thought about through my teenage years. And I am definitely not alone. There are plenty of feminine young women out there who are modest and want to put family first before our careers, but being intimidated by the current hook up culture.
The gist of it is, women don't like weak men, and this is archetypal. It cannot be changed. If you are not centred and on your feet, she will be confused psychologically, and all hell will break loose.
I'm sorry, you completely lost me.
What the hell does this have to do with this post? It's about women who wanna fight for men's rights and want to raise awareness about male mental health and suicide.
Do you really want your boyfriend to talk about his feelings with you when he is sad and depressed? For you and most good girls, the answer is a big yes! And we know you really mean it when you say it.
Yes I do!
I don't have a boyfriend but I want him to share his feeling and worries and whatever is concerning him. I would comfort him and offer advice and help. And he would do the same for me. A good and healthy relationship is one where you are both a team. You support and look out for eachother and be the source of help when you are worried or having issues.
Yes, he should be. It's important to talk to people and open up to whatever is affecting you. It's unhealthy and impacts your mental health and soon your physical health.
That's why you've got males having high suicide rates. Because they are bottling up their issues and not getting the help and support they need.
The collected experiences tell us that while many girls will genuinely want their boyfriends to be emotional, but then when we do, it's a big turn-off to them. Women like men to be strong, centred and on their feet. When men are, women can be at peace and in their feminine. When men aren't, women are psychologically confused, and anxious because in this case, women are being forced into a masculine role and wear the pants in the relationship carrying not just themselves but also their vulnerable partner. This is not the natural equilibrium state for women, and their inner voice will tell them to seek the shelter of a stronger, more alpha, man. Maybe they will be more irritable, and little things will lead to a big fight, then it's all downhill from there. That confusion will, one way or the other, cause them to end the relationship. So, for men, that's almost always going to lead them to a worse situation than where they started. Now, he is deemed unworthy and dumped.
In the early dating phase, usually, girls tend to "close off" or "pull away" or "slow things down", or "not ready" when that happens.
That's why we call it a trap, for both of us.
Men will do it for their girlfriends, and I guess that goes without saying, will not make her less attractive due to counter-reasoning of the above.
So, what's the solution? What you can do instead?
Just be there for him
Hug and cuddle him
Be a bit more tolerating of him during this period, and you can ask him to compensate you after :)
Encourage him
Hear him talk
Make something sweet, like a cake or cookie
You don't need to
Solve the problem for him
Ask what he feels
Ask root causes and/or specifics
revenge for him and/or stand up for him
feel obligated to do makeshift Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) on him
Men are natural problem solvers, but we suck with emotion. We can solve the problem ourselves or find resources and people we need to connect with to solve the problem. We just want girls to be there for us during downs and not just walk away.
Okay??? Thanks for the info but you don't have to comment an essay to me. Or some presentation.
That thing about 'being forced into a masculine role' and what not is so bogus. If someone can't love someone for who they naturally are then why would you stay with them?
What garbage.
Just partners should be there for eachother and support one another and offer help when needed. That's what a healthy relationship is.
Also I so happen to be single with a sister in a relationship. There's no need to make this comment some dating advice.
That's very true. However, it's a trap if you don't know the reference as to why research it before you become complacent about it with your girlfriend.
Women don't like weak men, and this is archetypal. It cannot be changed. If you are not centred and on your feet, she will be confused psychologically, and all hell will break loose.
I took some time and wrote and wrote an article about it. Hope that helps
This is all fake, op accidentally stepped through a portal to a parallel universe where the world isn’t a bag of shit. Saw this twitter page, and then stepped back through the portal without even knowing it.
I fight, I strive for some food and respect and then I will descend. I do not like the fear so I will get into a new challenge whenever i am relaxed.
I am trouble maker to myself and realised this is the way I am.
To support men, the biggest thing is the respect to their existence, and give them a role and let them be aware of their selves.
We are not forgetting men, We are to much caring for women.
Yet I think the same caring is toxic to a man since I believe it is his duty to get over problems.(I believe it is toxic to a female too, but not as much as it is toxic to a male)
I have a hypothesis that people who struggle with mental health issues themselves are more likely to hold this perspective. If social media plays any part in your issues, wether by exacerbating problems or being a part of recovery, you start to notice how things seem one sided. Even if it's not anything really significant but just things like most supportive images/posts use female pronouns when refering to the individual. This is most prevalent with posts around eating disorders (understandably given the ratio of males and females who suffer from them)
I’m not sure if they actually care or if it can get just get them a little extra attention this week, I would need to dissect their pages to tell you for sure.
Once again, society barely scratching the surface of a major issue.
I sound like a broken record but: Men don't open up because they know they'll accused of stealing attention away from women's issues.
Additionally, what should be a non-gendered issue is treated as such anyway. Domestic Violence and rape, male victims of either or both aren't going to bother when they're told to shut up because women have it worse and their privilege negates their suffering.
If these girls want to help, they need to start raising awareness of how harmful these attitudes are, nevermind "Man Up" or "Toxic Masculinity".
Feminazis make this really hard, though.
And my left wing nutjobs of friends say they care, but don’t really, when it’s the subject, they’ll tell you how it’s important, but women suffer a lot more.
Always feels good to see women who care. Shows their empathy for people and caring about issues isn't just for virtue signaling purposes. Hats off to them, and wish them all the best.
yeah, ive noticed a lot of dumb idiots on social media proclaiming how they want to kill all men. in reality nobody would say that or they would be quickly ostracized.
Thanks for posting this this eas really just becoming a sub about solely hating on woman but i hope this is a depiction of it actually becoming about mens right
Just remember guys, it's also OK to be... normal and OK, too.
This shit always bugs me because something will happen that people expect an emotional response from, and some jerk always makes a point of "reaching out" to say, "Hey, is everything alllllrrrriiiiightttt?" in the most condescending tone ever to "help." Know what? I'm not going to answer that question because it's cruel and condescending. Sure, something sad or frustrating or angering happened. Such things happen every day to a ton of people in this world, today's my turn. Lying on the couch and bawling my eyes out or punching a hole in the wall and shouting isn't getting me anywhere.
I was taught that I can control what I do next when I am in the grip of a powerful emotion. I don't HAVE to hurt things or break things or be useless. It doesn't mean I'm not feeling anything at all, it's just that I have a better grasp on myself than you expect me to.
This is, most people don't care about the mental health of men. Some women do, but most of them only pretend to do so online. There are very few women who actually care about mental health of men in real life.
Actions speak louder than words anyway. My usual policy is to start slightly believing someone when what they are saying or doing really cost them something important to them in the long run. I've seen too many people fighting the good fights towards something, but as soon as it costs them anything, or as soon as they could gain something by being what they criticize,they backpedal.
Like being loud about, say, false accusations... until they could gain something by doing it, be it at their job, in order to gain some comfort, until they have some sex that they regret, or whatever else.
With it usually being justified as some kind of special pleading, "yeah but in my case, even if it's not exactly accurate, I...".
As long as someone doesn't put itself in a compromising situation for what it defends (which can include things like getting a reputation, or whatever else) listen to what the person says, sure, but stay careful. It's easy to say things without backing them up and doing the opposite afterward.
Whenever I mention the large suicide rate I always get told "But women try suicide more often". How can I combat that? They constnerly try to one up in debates and I can't seem to get them to concede
On the surface I completely agree, but how many women say this and sometimes even go out of their way to make fun of or attack men who talk about this shit? I'm not even someone with any particular issues but even I've been unpleasantly surprised at how fucking aggressive and hostile women are when particularly when it comes to men even mentioning their relationship problems and things like that or the fact that they don't have any relationship to begin with like me.
I'm not bothered about talking about this generally but on a personal level I am very wary about who I genuinely open up to about this sort of thing in detail and unfortunately girls you've forced a lot of men to be in this situation. It goes back to this whole bullshit about 'men expressing themselves' it's simply impossible to know who is trustworthy to open up to and who isn't. This is just for relatively non-serious issues like getting a girlfriend as well there's way more serious shit that men have had to go through where they've had fucking domestic violence helplines treat them like they're the abusers for trying to get help and deal with an abusive partner.
I'm sorry, it's a positive message and I generally don't see anything wrong with it, but I judge people on actions. Women need to get away from the anti-male mob and stop believing in nutjob anti-male feminist conspiracy theories if they want men to talk to them openly. You can't claim to be friendly towards men if you believe they oppress you at every turn and think men are conspiring against you, that's not how it works.
It's a trap if you don't know the reference as to why research it before you become complacent about it with your girlfriend.
Women don't like weak men, and this is archetypal. It cannot be changed. If you are not centred and on your feet, she will be confused psychologically, and all hell will break loose.
I took some time and wrote and wrote an article about it. Hope that helps
I’m a women, and I care. Nobody takes me seriously whenever I talk about men’s health, or men’s rights. They think I’m just a stupid teenager, and I don’t know what I’m saying.
The men in my life are important to me, I want to see them happy and thriving in life. We're all humans and we need to care and and look after each other.
Never, never show weakness to women you care about and especially not with your girlfriend because it will confuse them psychologically and everything will fall out of the bottom
I took some time and wrote and wrote an article about it. Hope that helps
I was just thinking "Oh wow, once in a blue moon eh!", then I read your comment and remembered that it is a trap indeed, people have mentioned this before.
Thank you for pointing that out. Virtual hugs to you.
I took some time and wrote and wrote an article about it. Hope that helps
Most women care about us. Nearly all of them. But it’s not always easy to know how to help any individual of any gender. Take care of yourself and reach out if you need help. Show that you’re open to it. You matter. We all do.
That's very true. However, it's a trap if you don't know the reference as to why research it before you become complacent about it with your girlfriend.
Women don't like weak men, and this is archetypal. It cannot be changed. If you are not centred and on your feet, she will be confused psychologically, and all hell will break loose.
Go to therapy. Pay someone to not be on your side but let you explore. Let you family, partner, and friends cheer you on in the rest of your life but either be vulnerable or pay to be vulnerable. Just reach out.
The real problem isn't that all women are terrible or whatever else, it's that in the current legal framework, any of them, including the nice ones, can become so and it will be encouraged. Basically it's the lack of deterrent for being a terrible person towards men because they are "free targets" that is the real problem. I can't count the number of awesome women that bought into the misandric feminist narrative over time because as they got older, they wanted things to be easier and wanted special treatment and the right to be a disrespectful jerk any time they got angry (well, now it's constantly instead of when they are angry, becoming an twitter activist will do that to you).
Humans are opportunistic, and can change, particularly due to social pressure. So if a power imbalance exists, it can and will be used. That's the real problem, the very existence of this opportunity because of this imbalance.
The problem isn't that "all women are terrible" or whatever (even when it comes to lingo like the awalt you'll see on red pill subs, it's not what it was supposed to mean initially, although some twisted it this way. It's supposed to mean "all guns are loaded".), since some women do show signs of care, it's the fact that the system is twisted in such a way that one can do a 180° any day and it'll be seen as a "good", "empowering" move instead of being seen as becoming a bigot and being judged negatively. There's no question that not all women "don't care". Opportunism and double standards, and people and the system allowing them (sometimes in order to be able to use them later) are the real problem and may cause the rest of them.
It's not that all women are bad. It's the fact that there is nothing stopping them from becoming terrible and being encouraged for it. And few people marry an abusive person from the get-to. It's as if rape was perfectly legal and not punished, as if it wasn't even a thing at ALL in the law. Women being extremely wary of men would be understandable, since there would be no legal deterrent associated with men behaving like monsters, so you don't know when one's facade might drop. Well, in this situation, a woman that was "great" can become abusive and ruin a man's mental health, and the man will certainly be the one that will be the "culprit". "Individual women" are only related to this problem because there being no social (as in, people's behaviour towards it) or legal deterrent, since men's problems aren't taken seriously (or are blamed on themselves/the patriarchy/whatever), makes it easier to act badly towards men. It's not about being inherently bad or whatever. It's about some people, even "good ones", using their lack of responsibilities to become spoiled children at one time or another. And feminism and our current hyper-individualistic and Communitarianism-focused culture are making this exponentially worse.
I sorta disagree. I don't think it's the legal framework that encourages that type of behavior, I'd say it's the media. I'm not excusing the mess that the justice system is when it comes to treating men and women equally, just saying that I think the media is more responsible for horrible women rather than the law.
I should have said "legal and social" at the beginning like I said later when I talked about legal and social deterrent. To me it's both. The medias and every other "social" aspect of our life (social networks, etc) encourage it, that's for sure. But there being no punishment pretty much seal the deal. If the medias encouraged male abuse but these were punished harshly, a part of the damage caused by the medias would probably be cancelled, because... well... Knowing that you are at risk of being put in jail and won't have any special treatment still influence what you're going to do, medias or not.
So to me it's more or less both. Medias start the whole thing by encouraging double standards, bad choices and not caring about others, particularly men, but the law seal the deal by not fixing the damage caused by the medias.
The only thing I can say is that I as a woman deeply care about men and people tell me I'm a good person, I always strive to do right by people it is in my principals and my values.
Most people do not have these now-a-days. Personally, I constantly keep myself in a state of humbleness, part of that is I grew up poor, but it also helps to keep myself from becoming a potential monster like my mother was. My mother is the worst of the worst, I will never be like her and I try to make my voice heard to all in that we are all inherently worthy as people, nobody is lesser for their skin or sex and nobody should be used or mistreated. We are all human. I care for everyone.
I wish more people were willing to be open to this kind of thought train.
I think the most important part is being aware that you CAN possibly be like that (and of course it also applies to men), it's not a physical impossibility because you're "above this". By that, I don't mean that one should go full SJW, blaming and hating yourself and your whole community because they're "responsible", but rather than one has to be able to look at itself in its daily life as well.
It'll seem a bit off the subject but the reason I say this will be clearer at the end:
To quote something I said about black humor being bad because of real victims in my post history, if it's bad to joke about, say, domestic abuse because "you don't know, maybe a woman reading it will be a victim of it", then how do you know that nobody that will read this joke about bankers that you just did will not have had his father killed because he was a banker as well, with it being quite traumatizing for this person as well? How many people will care about how many people reading this have a trauma related to bankers? How many people say similar things that could be terrible for someone without knowing about it (and more importantly, how many will care? And these people will still consider themselves as "good", because joking about bankers is normal, to them)? That's my problem with the idea of being "good". More often than not, it feels like just following some arbitrary guidelines and being proud of it, instead of truly caring about others and at the very least seeing the consequences of things that you do that are "normal" to you (I'm not in favor of censorship. Intent matters). That's the thing one has to be "aware of" if it wants to be a truly good person in my opinion. In order to be able to examine its own behaviour outside of some rules that might be arbitrary depending of one's bias.
By being aware that one "can" be like that (I guess your mother did that part of the job for you, since you comparing yourself to her serve as a comparison showing what to avoid) without even noticing it and because of one's own bias, and by avoiding being too stuck in the "I'm a good person, nothing I do hurt others" mindset, you can actually second-guess yourself and genuinely care, which actually hard is work (and I say this without believing in things like microagressions or whatever). Not just regarding thing that YOU think matters, because, hey, joking on bankers is fair (it is, but be aware of the possibilities that it opens, at the very least. No need for censorship, but be aware of how others have different realities). That's where most people arguing that they're fighting for "a good fight" fail in my opinion. I've had an ex that is now a die-hard activist that was literally saying that she's "not responsible for how her actions make others feel" (and we're not talking about nice things here), because apparently responsibility for what one's actions only matters in a few areas that you choose. A lot of "good people" are good in their what subjective view of "being good" is and don't care about actually caring "outside of the rules".
Which, falling back on my original post, means that it's extremely easy for them to do a complete 180° once they think it's "justified" enough. And society's individualism doesn't help at all with this.
As a not-good person myself, I'll say that being good is hard work. And it's not enough to just be good towards what YOU think is worthy of consideration, particularly if you consider yourself an activist, otherwise it's an open door to hypocrisy. But although we might not be similar on that regard, anyone aiming for this has my utmost respect.
I understand where you're coming from, there are a lot of slopes people fall into and a lot of self absorption in terms of virtue signalling and people seem to not actually care about the things they say they care about because their actions go oppositely.
I don't try to justify my bad behavior and I am constantly trying to improve.
Personally I have never found being good to be hard work, I believe in treating others how I prefer to be treated and I always take accountability and gear my actions toward the ideal in the values I represent, I believe in compassion, love, honesty and honor and to do what I can to help others. I have always been like this and just like anyone I can fall into bad habits, for me personally that's trauma related.
My mother did really help show me how not to be and my grandfather instilled hard work and honesty into me, I didn't have a dad growing up so he was the closest thing and I want to be someone that would make him proud.
I don't think being a good person is hard, it always seems harder to make the wrong choices because of the consequences that follow, I don't want to hurt and I don't want to hurt anyone so I always try very hard not to and if I do, I always try to make it up to them and learn from my mistakes because I know actions speak louder than words.
​
I hope I was understanding you here correctly, I took some kratom earlier for anxiety and that's making things a bit fuzzy! Let me know if I strayed off too much or if I missed a point here, I find this to be an engaging and important conversation.
I'd rather say that for a lot of them they do care... but people change, and humans tend to have a priority list and tend to be opportunistic if they don't "watch over themselves" to be sure that they aren't being jerks to others because of their own personal "rules" that they impose onto others (see the banker example above, someone thinking he's being nice but only applying said niceness to some categories of victims) because it's what "nice" means to them. Since they only know their half of the story anyway. So it's easy to care, then when needed to twist a narrative in order to justify you going against what you said when you seemed to care because opportunism or communitarianism kicked in.
Well, justifying it wouldn't even be bad if there ARE reasons for it; in my opinion the fact that you're aware of it, and thus can WORK on it, is already great and the most important thing. I think pride is the biggest problem when it comes to this. People, including "good" people, tend to be EXTREMELY prideful, which might lead to a "good" person doing not-so-great things to avoid recognizing that he or she has done rather unsavory things as well. I think pride is a good thing, but I also think that it shouldn't be too closely related to the ego; you must do things, and accept your mistakes, so that you can take pride how you are afterward. Being prideful to the point of ignoring your mistakes because of said pride and because of your ego looks like isolating a decaying castle from everything to me. Not good. Pride is a good thing, just don't allow it to rot your castle. So even justifying your behaviour isn't that bad; it happened for a reason. If you understand the reason, you can fix it. That's it. Justifying is fine. Normalizing isn't.
I meant hard work as in, it's not enough to stop at what your own values are. To use my example from above again, the person not accepting a joke about DV seeing banker jokes are "perfectly fine" isn't "working" towards being nice because it only applies it to whoever he chooses. It's hard work, as in, "you have to go beyond what you consider normal for yourself and that are just your PERSONAL rules to be nice to others" (e.g. caring about victims that aren't the victims you'd think about at first because of your priorities). What I meant is that a lot of people are being "nice", but they're not doing this work; it's just "a nice person does that, that, and that, and doesn't do this", without any regard for the person they're applying said "niceness" to and how the person is; they're only following a particular rulebook written by either society or their community in order to be "nice" no matter what the rules are without taking the person, as an individual, into account. And said rulebook can either be right, or a load of crap, which is problematic. If I make any sense.
I used to be like that, not anymore, at least not towards people willfully making the world worse for others despite knowing so because they're too stuck on their own beliefs (and it can come from any side, things like racism are an obvious example, but I've seen things from pro-autisms groups that you'd have an hard time believing given the hypocrisy and entitlement it involved despite being a "support group").
Well, in my opinion trying to do this (make him proud) is already a very good thing. Plus it'll keep you out of the "easy way out" problem which is what probably causes most of the acts - even benign ones - that would be considered immoral, people seeking an easy way out out of their problems. And then seeking an easy way out out of the new problems it caused. Etc. Which is terrible for self-examination. So I think what your grandpa taught you are very important values necessary to avoid a lot of pitfalls.
Well, yeah, long-term consequences are always worse when you're behaving badly. If only because you're taking bad habits, and even if you can get away with it for a while, it will catch back to you at one time or another. If you're treating other people terribly, you might get away with it for a while, until it gets you ostracized or until you meet someone one-upping you at your own game.
I meant that as in, work, as in "having to go beyond the obvious" (what your personal rules make you feel like and taking into account the other as a specific person)
No problem, I should be the one apologizing, my english is probably a little weird since I'm not from an english-speaking country. Yeah, same here.
One request/advise : please never trust women who speaks or writes... see what she does... she may say to “Open up” but then will use your vulnerabilities against you for their benefits....
I don't see why you're being downvoted. Saying that you should look for actions, not just words, isn't bad. And that's true for everything. Don't put too much faith in words that have nothing to back it up. Now if there is some serious backing it's different, but words alone are rather hollow.
Absolutely... people hate if you told them truth... specially anything against women...
In the back of head of each men they still hope somewhere sometime some women will love him for what he is... he is not wrong... society/mainstream media made such brainwashing of men... hence if anything goes against women they immediately defends them...
In every men there is a white knight sleeping... who wants to protect women and claims his power over her and satisfy his ego...
Well, that's a general rule honestly. I guess people might see it as being a bit jaded, but it isn't even that mean, you didn't say that even actions aren't reliable or whatever. You just said that it's what you should look for. And being careful isn't a bad thing as far as it doesn't turn into being hateful.
Honestly, there would be times that I sense that a guy has issues and only a few would actually say thank you or open up, but for some, they don't even think that they are having some bottled up issues and just keep it piled up. I'm actually happy to be some kind of help to others but those who deny or just decide to keep it in, bothers me a bit.
I don't know why I'm sharing this but now this is mentioned, I guess, I want to know more about guys who are very closed off.
The usual cases are either people not liking to talk about their problems, these exist and talking about it doesn't help for everyone, and that's something people need to understand, it'd be like forcing an introvert to behave like an extrovert constantly against its will, it's tiring, downright cruel, and useless. Or they are people that opened up to 1000 of people thinking or saying the same thing as you here, just for it to blow in their face later, sometimes with a delay just to make the whole thing even worse.
Everyone want "other people to open up" or at least they say they want to as long as it doesn't imply anything from them. Few people are able, once they're angry, to avoid throwing in the person's face "you shouldn't be listened when it comes to what a bad life choice is anyway, remember when you told me that you were suicidal back then?". And for men it's even worse, since they're essentially a free target and when it's used as actual abuse in order to keep someone's confidence low, nobody cares.
I relate heavily to that. I try to make friends with people like me, that's why I try to reach out to people who are silently struggling. I pushed some people away, and it's only because it's hard to fake being okay (and as per your words, 'behave like an extrovert').
I honestly don't want to reply looking like it's all about me but the last part really hit me. I know that's unrelated to me but it just occurred that I live by that. I live by being a free target until abuses/harassments turns into consentual piled up traumas.
I'm sorry if I shared this here. Your comment is just overwhelming.
Most/many women actually care about men, but the bad ones are just louder and take actions which let all women seem bad. Same reason why all the men hate became so popular, because some of us were real jerks.
ThatCat44 4y ago
THE CAVALRY!!!!
drock18 4y ago
This actually feels like a hug.
ItsAdani 4y ago
These are some awesome girls, they deserve an award. It isn’t that obvious nowadays when women become more and more extreme against men.
Nicolas64pa 4y ago
It's sad when caring about men is something worthy of an award
Macismyname 4y ago
Good for them all the same.
I hate it when there's a post about a man doing something nice and people dismiss it as, "Congrats on doing the bare minimum I guess". You're right, it is sad that this basic kindness is so rare, but I still appreciate the kindness given.
Nicolas64pa 4y ago
I mean, yeah I appreciate the kindness too but this kindness really shouldn't be the exception
Petsweaters 4y ago
I don't think it's rare, I think it's the standard. Noticing is rare. Just as when a man does something extraordinary, the headline often distills him down to his job. "Steamfitter rescues family from fire!" When the hero is a woman, it's "34 year old woman creates GoFundMe to help her neighbor!" NPR had a story that was, really, about male college students engineering and creating an artificial hand for a girl. The story they told? "Mom works tirelessly to help daughter!" The mom says "ya, I found some guys and talked then into helping my daughter"
So they're now just "some guys" who had to be harassed into helping? What a crock of shit
[deleted] 4y ago
[deleted]
MisterCrowvis 4y ago
MensLib is a blight on Reddit TBH. I found myself reading a thread about male victims of rape and their philosophy is that men need to accept that rape happens to women more in order to understand that they’re the minority. Men are raped by women because of “toxic masculinity” (because we all know that toxic femininity does not exist and was made up by misogynists). Only once you accept those premises and a few more, can you finally share your thoughts on your own trauma.
Any subreddit or ideology that first makes you read an essay in privilege and all the -isms before you are allowed to come out with your trauma is one that men and women should do well to avoid IMO.
I don’t care if someone is one political party or another. If they have trauma and I can help them somehow I would do so gladly and without any kind of lecture about how they have it better or worse than someone else. That always seemed so wrong to me.
Greg_W_Allan 4y ago
MensLib? Really?
I've had lengthy involvement with my state's rape crisis network which first admitted male victims in 2002/2003 after about a quarter of a century excluding males. From the time of inclusion there was a concerted effort across the network to stamp out exactly that type of thinking.
MensLib have obviously attached themselves so tightly to feminist ideology they have locked themselves in 1980s thinking. I'll bet they think they're "progressive".
Nospor 4y ago
They're nice people who mean well.
They're also completely unhelpful (at least in terms of their advice given, though I do appreciate the positive vibes).
Here's the problem, their advice is actually a symptom and one of the causes of men's issues rolled into one.
These women encourage men to behave like women ("don't man up! share your feelings!") and then when men do, other women attack them for being pussies.
The lesson here is that men need to stop taking cues from women whichever direction they come from and focus on their own introspection and self-development.
No that doesn't mean MGTOW or any other extreme overreaction, no it doesn't mean anything negative towards women.
It just means a lot of men are fundamentally troubled because their problems arise from placing too much stock in external figures (crowd pleasing, womanizing, seeking short term rewards etc.) and then when that approach to life predictably results in a weak character with no self-assured identity, these same people continue the same self-destructive pattern of behavior by looking for even more reassurance from other people.
I know it sounds corny and new agey, I can't help that, all I can say is that my life experience increasingly tells me that it's true:
Face your problems by looking within, the person who'll help you most through your hard times is your own future self, put the hard work into helping him to reveal himself to the world. It's the process and the journey that makes a strong character.
mhandanna 4y ago
Yeah individualism and personal responsiblity are really important... they also stop the identity politics that causes men and women so many problems, and is the driving for behind feminism.
Individualism talked a lot by Jordan Peterson, Candace Owens too, who I like.
BTW, of course mens health and services massively underfunded... looking within and taking personal responability isn't about not having services, or having less, its more a philosphy point, look within
xNOM 4y ago
Agree totally. Men are not defective women. I cringe whenever people post that anti-"man-up" crap here.
MisterCrowvis 4y ago
“Male fragility!” “White fragility!” “Lmao boo boo y u so mad that u can’t ride off the coat tails of women who blazed the way for u to ____”
[deleted] 4y ago
[deleted]
sircocklord 4y ago
Well it could be reasonable, but a bit extreme to just utterly avoid 50% of the population, however in cases like people who've been imprisoned or had their life ruined for a false rape accusation, I'd get why you wouldn't wanna be around someone with that kind of power.
Lily-in-the-Valley 4y ago
Because we have fathers, brothers, husbands, sons and male cousins in our life
Empress_Rach 4y ago
Tbh this
DragoonurHD 4y ago
What does TBH stand for in this context?
Empress_Rach 4y ago
To be honest
DragoonurHD 4y ago
"To be honest this"? Can you explain, please? How that makes sense?
(Not attacking you)
Empress_Rach 4y ago
It's a thing. It just means that I agree in an a way that it's like...
In actions sighs "to be honest...this is how I feel. "
Add-on: or just that I agree completely.
LotBuilder 4y ago
You can’t have adequate slave labor if they go off the deep end.
Lily-in-the-Valley 4y ago
Aritifical wombs are here soon... Women aren't needed anymore eìther.
Edit: People who just downvoted this comment need more humor in their life lol.
LotBuilder 4y ago
There are a lot of things I like about women, I would say I need them but I do like some things. They are not completely useless
Lily-in-the-Valley 4y ago
Radical feminism has been actively suppressing feminine virtues since its inception. Feminine virtues like prudence, modesty, gracefulness, peacefulness, innocence....they are now being looked down upon and laughed at by many. But what would this world become if we eliminated femininity?
LotBuilder 4y ago
Things ebb and flow. The hyper agressive girl power types are not getting the results they wanted so future generations will trend back more feminine.
Lily-in-the-Valley 4y ago
Because it's always the radical few making the loudest noise, they however do not represent the majority of women. As a mum myself, I see plenty of working class feminine women who have chosen motherhood over careers, and actively improving themselves to be better wives and mothers. I also see modest young women who have dreamed about being a mother from a young age (I myself was one), and therefore work hard towards that goal by learning homemaking skills , but are intimidated by the current hook up culture and they refuse to follow the "cool" party girls. Yet their voices aren't being heard either as they are polite, docile and being non competitive in nature.
LotBuilder 4y ago
I date a lot of girls in their early/mid 20’s. Sugar relationships but they are fairly long term and you get to know each other well. Most are old souls that graduated college and have worked a few years in the corporate world or nursing or education and realized it’s not a great gig. They would love to be stay at home moms but their expectations of an upper middle class lifestyle will not easily be met by guys in their age range. They want to have it all and that’s a big ask.
Lily-in-the-Valley 4y ago
Yes uni days were good fun. I got to know a lot of girlfriends and after the first year we started to see the different paths we were taking. Some girls enjoyed the freedom of being away from their parents and totally took the "partying hard, studying just enough to not to fail" approach. Many got sugar daddies to support their expensive lifestyles (LV handbags and Dior perfumes can be a bit expensive you know lol) . Some girls with big plans worked super hard to get ready for climbing the corporate ladder, they were in the library day and night. Other girls like me stayed anxious and confused about careers, and because our dreams had always been becoming a mother one day, we worried about both not getting a decent job and not getting a good husband. But after all, we stayed in our feminine, be truthful to ourselves and followed our heart to put family first. I got a job after I graduated and got married the next year. I wanted to work hard together with my equally young, broke and clueless husband to build a better future together.
OofieElfie 4y ago
In today's news: women are apparently incapable of feeling any love for or attachment to anyone in their life.
LotBuilder 4y ago
They can have true love and attachment to kids, dogs and parents. Your mom and daughter might truly love you if you adequately supported supported them over the years.
Opiumbrella33 4y ago
This is BS. My husband is mentally ill, and hasn't been ever to work or even go into the fucking store for years. It's caused by a hormonal issue with his testosterone. And it also causes suicidal ideation and other issues. I would care for that man in any way he needed, for the rest of his life, because I love him for who he is. Not for what he can do for me.
OofieElfie 4y ago
I'm a woman LMFAO. This is news to me. It's hilarious that a random person on the internet is telling me who I'm capable of loving. This is a megacope. Instead of saying maybe you're the issue, you blame the entirety of women.
Unevenflows 4y ago
Incel toxicity at its finest. Can't even have a positive post affirming the concerns of the member of this sub without some people taking it back to a hateful place.
LotBuilder 4y ago
Farthest thing from and Incel if you read my history
Allthewayhome96 4y ago
The only difference between you and an incel is that you supposedly have enough money to pay your way out of being celibate.
LotBuilder 4y ago
Wrong, I appreciate the clear boundaries, youth and beauty that sugar dating offers but if I put forth the effort to vanilla date attractive women in my own age range I have very problem doing so... but that circles back to money and status as well.
Unevenflows 4y ago
Why would you expect someone to subject themselves to that after reading your comment?
LotBuilder 4y ago
Why take 2 minutes to know what/who you are talking about when you can mindlessly flap your gums... call me crazy but I like to be right.
Unevenflows 4y ago
I don't know about crazy or right, but you're certainly a douchebag.
MBV-09-C 4y ago
It's also Men's health month in general right now. I wish it wasn't so overshadowed by Pride month.
DuAuk 4y ago
TIL. Very cool! I am a bit pessimistic too. All this "A Scause for Applause" stuff, to quote south park.
Empress_Rach 4y ago
As a gay person tbh this. There are several things overshadowed by this. Why does a small percentage of the population get to dictate a whole month for NO reason. Leave it as a friggin day. Shesh.
Tbh Father's day is more important to me. Same with Men's mental health day.
MoonShimmer1618 4y ago
Same. A whole gender, half of the population, is more important than a few %s sexuality
ricardod1999 4y ago
Pride Month is important in its own right. Y'all can advocate for other things without bringing down others. Especially since GAY MEN have worse mental health and suicide rates than straight men. But we all know that "men's rights" is code for straight white male rights, at least this sub definitely is.
I guess you have the same attitude towards Black History Month in the US despite black people being 13% of population? Or Black History Month in the UK despite black people being 3% of the population? Or is it just Pride Month that's the issue?
Pride Month does not overshadow Fathers Day whatsoever lmfao. It's also not gay people's fault that we have history with the Month of June (Stonewall and the first Pride Parades) and that corporations want to exploit that for their pandering & money-hungry ways but okay!
Edit: not me getting down-voted
Empress_Rach 4y ago
I'm lesbian Hun. I care about gay rights. I also care about black rights. But we have black right and gay rights. I never said a month for black history shouldn't happen. I'm ok with that. Just don't trash whites for their history
And YES black men and gay men matter. Actually in this sub I've seen a lot based on especially that. Someone even posted an article a month or two back on the impact the welfare and feminist mindset has had on the African American community especially black men.
Edit: my whole point about a month for no reason is just that. Pride doesn't celebrate anything except...idiocy.
They go to parades and act like degenerates or chant for rights and laws they already have. You can have a day for this if you really want. A day. Not a month.
You know for me every day is pride day. Every day is autism awareness day. Every day is mother's day. And every day for me is father's day. Hell as a Christian every day is Jesus day and as an American every day is memorial and independence day.
But people are trying to take away father's day...and menshealth. And it's disgusting. People are attacking whites and males for just being born as they are and it's disgusting. Something I feel this country got over a few decades ago.
18Apollo18 4y ago
Not at all. Gay men being told they're not real men for being feminine is as much a men's rights issue as an LGBT issue. A large majority of homophobia stems from misandry and societies ideas of which roles men and women are supposed to fit into.
ricardod1999 4y ago
Well then tell that to the retards above me dismissing Pride Month to uplift other issues
StealthyBeeping 4y ago
See but that's ableism for using the word retard, you cunt
(cunt is sexist, I'm pan, and ur dum)
ricardod1999 4y ago
Pansexual? Cringe
StealthyBeeping 4y ago
gonna stick a cast iron up my ass you dusty bitch
ricardod1999 4y ago
Cool!
TalosSquancher 4y ago
Wow.
So do you actively try to pump people into groups against whom you have a pre-ordained hatred, or does it just happen naturally for you?
ricardod1999 4y ago
The fuck are you talking about? Where's the hatred in my post
TheGaius 4y ago
You literally called him a retard lmao
ricardod1999 4y ago
I didn't call him a retard. I called the gay person saying that Pride Month isn't important a retard.
TalosSquancher 4y ago
You might need medication my dude
ricardod1999 4y ago
Fat
ricardod1999 4y ago
No it's not? That's November according to google. What you're referring to I think is Men's Health Week. Of course it's going to be overshadowed by Pride Month lmfao.
MBV-09-C 4y ago
https://health.gov/news-archive/blog-bayw/2018/06/june-is-mens-health-month/index.html
You may be thinking of Movember, which is an annual charity event for men's health awareness that takes place in November, but that's not actually men's health month.
ricardod1999 4y ago
Either way, it's not Pride Months fault that it doesn't get attention. Pride Month has been around since 1999 as the LGBT community has actual history with the Month of June. I don't know how old this Men's Mental Health Month is but like I said, it's not Pride Month's fault.
MBV-09-C 4y ago
Men's health month has been around since 1994, but I don't remember ever blaming gay people or Pride Month itself for lack of awareness that this month was also Men's Health Month, just that I wished more people knew it was both and not only Pride Month.
ricardod1999 4y ago
In your article it says that when it was introduced in 1994, it was Men's Health week, not Month. If I'm wrong it doesn't really matter since Pride Parades have been a tradition in the Month of June since 1970.
For what it's worth, I think both are very important and Men's Health Month needs attention. But the reason why Pride Month gets more attention is because of the Pink Dollar/Pink Money. Corporations exploit this not because they care about Pride Month or the LGBT community, it's because they care about money. These same corporations ban/remove LGBT themes in their products the minute it threatens their connections with foreign markets (like China), proving that they don't actually give a fuck and are all about money.
Cyb3rd31ic_Citiz3n 4y ago
It's really nice to see the push-back against the anti- male rhetoric getting some footing, but done in a way which doesn't act to tear down women like some have done to us. Importantly it's great to see women saying these things because, sadly, the weight of a male voice doesn't count for much when talking about our own issues. Or so it feels.
Petsweaters 4y ago
Too bad that uplifting women can't seem to be done without tearing down men
[deleted] 4y ago
[deleted]
Cyb3rd31ic_Citiz3n 4y ago
I'm sorry but I understand the "It's a trap" reference but not why you're saying it.
RIPDODGERSBANDWAGON 4y ago
This is awesome
Shrimpipimp 4y ago
I am sorry if this is controversial, but don't men get told they should man up, not cry, be strong... Mostly by other men? I mostly observe my cousins/ brother being treated like that by my male relatives, and my male friends also told me that the most pressure to be "manly" comes from other men.
Peter-Andre 4y ago
Yes, it's a very real thing. That is actually a perfect example of what people talk about when they use the term "toxic masculinity". I've experienced the same thing from male relatives and friends as well.
novhaku 4y ago
Definitely not. From other men, it's mainly either from the conservative type, or as a joke or something you know beforehand that the person can deal with. "Uh moving this furniture is such a pain" "well, man up". isn't the same as "I'm thinking about killing myself because I can't bear this abuse anymore", which is rarely answered in the same way by men. In short, men can say it, but don't necessarily care except for some rare ones and will listen.
What is true, however, is that men often don't have an answer when you open up. Mainly because they actually don't know how to deal with the same problem themselves so they just ignore it. Nobody has the answer, since the world as a whole doesn't really care. It's kind of hard to give someone advices about an abusive relationship if you suffered one as well and never managed to solve things without being the one screwed up in the end. Men tend to listen, but thing is, for men, JUST talking about it isn't that useful if it doesn't result in something allowing you to solve the problem, and if nobody has a solution and you're just venting... yeah. No one is going to be satisfied by this, even the one opening up.
When it comes to women, it's usually not directly said. It's more vicious than that, and worse than saying it but still listening to your babbling afterward. Nothing will be said but you'll deal with the fallback afterward. Be it the woman distancing herself from you afterward or using it against you down the line. That's why it's way less obvious than it is for men. Few women will tell that to you to your face unless she's just an extremely casual acquaintance on the internet, someone deeply traditional (just like with men), or something like that. But they're usually more serious about it when it comes to acting on it (well, how can you be any more serious than directly using your words against you) and it's seen as fair to use a guy's vulnerabilities against him, so there's that.
So I wouldn't say that it mainly comes from men, at all. Maybe if it's your boss telling you to shut up and man up or something like that, but this has more to do with the person having some kind of authority on you. When it comes to men as a whole, for people you can choose and that are really a part of your social circle, e.g. friends, it usually follows the "joking about it, then listening, but not having anything really useful to say because I have no idea myself even in my own life, nobody has the answer" template.
GltyUntlPrvnInncnt 4y ago
Most women care about men's issues. In the US only about 18% of women identify as feminists. And that means that over 80% are sane and care about the issues that affect both genders.
WoodpeckerBaby 4y ago
That's very true. However, it's a trap if you don't know the reference as to why research it before you become complacent about it with your girlfriend.
Women don't like weak men, and this is archetypal. It cannot be changed. If you are not centred and on your feet, she will be confused psychologically, and all hell will break loose.
I took some time and wrote and wrote an article about it. Hope that helps
Keenin455 4y ago
I'd feel a lot better if these 18% hadn't managed to infiltrate education, entertainment, politics and general media.
Unfortunately...
jakethegreatwhite 4y ago
It just sucks that it takes a woman to speak up about men's issues otherwise it doesn't matter
Taquala 4y ago
Chameleons, they don’t care.
goodmod 4y ago
Many women do care about men, and love men.
nathanielsnider 4y ago
and why exactly do you think that
Hermes_TheMessenger 4y ago
The thing is you should be careleful to whom you open up. As a man very few people will actually care for your problems and there is a big risk of being invalidated or even ridiculed (even by doctors or therapists) which could make things even worse. If that's the case you shoudn't take it to personal and just move on and try again (carefully) until you find someone who wants to listen to you and understand you. That's easier said than done though. Especially if you're on your lowest.
xDirty 4y ago
id love to see more posts like this in here. it shows that theres alot of women that care
mhandanna 4y ago
There is no shortage of women who care. Many even run charaties for men. Feminism's grip on the media, uniersity and politics is the problem... mant feminsits actions are very unpopular e.g. cancellling internaional mens day at a UK university, but get through as they are very loud
Bascome 4y ago
While this is good, the problem is the only solution offered is to "talk about it", often this is not how men process emotion. Instead it causes them to relive the moment and anchor it into their memory.
Men are problem solvers, to help men offer to help solve the problem or help find a solution. Offering to talk about it is often not what we need.
Ignoring the problem is bad, but framing the solution to the problem incorrectly can be just as bad or even worse.
DigitalisEdible 4y ago
I don’t want to talk about it. I WANT to be told to “man up”, my dad used to tell me to man up and it would drive me to drop my insecurities and get shit done. To accomplish. It was like he issued me with a challenge and when I took his challenge up, I learned something new as a person.
Men have never been more encouraged to “open up”, and yet male suicide continues to rise. This isn’t the answer, this is what feminists think is the answer, because men have no dialogue in society any more. Men won’t be helped by being treated like women.
chintan22 4y ago
I want someone to back me up and give me more fulfilling challenges to overcome and want help in those
seii7 4y ago
I’m pretty sure your dad didn’t tell you that you’re a pussy for having emotions and mental problems. Also “opening up” DOES help, the problem is that what a lot of people mean by it is venting, which usually works for women but in most cases isn’t as effective for men. However, men still need to talk about their feelings and find solutions to their problems. You can be told to “man up” without being humiliated because of your emotions, and I’m sure this is what your dad did, or at least I hope he did.
novhaku 4y ago
Men cannot talk about it anyway, since it's considered fair to use what they'll tell you against them. A man using a woman's insecurities against her is manipulative, a woman using a man's ones against him is "it's the fault of the guy, because [x]", or "strong and not afraid to put a man back in his place", not manipulative.
So even if men DID process emotions this way, and this should be a choice by the individual man made AFTER he is certain that it'll not be used against him (or if it is used, because there will always be jerks of both genders in this world, that it'll be judged accordingly overall), men still really couldn't talk about it freely. A woman talking about her problems results in sympathy. A man talking about his problems is akin to him giving a gun to the other side, which is particularly problematic in a relationship where it can be used in the next argument where she gets angry and it'd be seen as legit and "what did you do to make her that angry?" (which is quite infantilizing towards women, I must say).
I don't think being a problem solver is "opposed" to talking about things, but there's talking and talking. Talking/venting and talking/gathering data in order to find a solution. And men are definitely more interested in the second one, the first one isn't valuable as it doesn't solve the problem. But it doesn't matter that much, since if a man is naïve enough to try to do it, he's, once again, giving a gun to someone, so he better don't do it with someone that could have a real influence, even through word-of-mouth, on his life by knowing that he has depression or whatever else. Otherwise it'll just make things worse.
Bascome 4y ago
More excellent points. Thanks for elaborating.
NoMatatas 4y ago
It’s never fair to use someone’s vulnerability as a weapon, that’s what toxic people do. Cut them out of your life and find people who respect you. It’s not a male/female problem, it’s a toxicity problem. And if someone IS using your vulnerability as a weapon, that’s more of a reflection on them and not you.
novhaku 4y ago
It is. In the sense that while both genders can do it, it isn't judged in the same way for both of them. Which is where the problem lie. Most people learn through punishment and deterrents. If something is being encouraged instead, more people are going to see it as normal and are going to do it than if it's punished, which is where the problem lie.
The problem isn't whether it's a reflection of the other or you. That much is obvious. But it doesn't help you much if what you confessed to someone is being used fallaciously against you in a legal case or whatever else, or is used to absolutely ruin your reputation. That's when it becomes really problematic.
It's that when it comes to men, doing so is normalized (since as we all know, psychological abuse, like all kind of abuse, doesn't happen to men). I'm mostly talking on a societal scale here, which is the one that matters the most since it influences the education the younger generations get, not on an individual one. If you normalize and punish manipulative behaviour coming from one gender less, even encouraging it thanks to social networks and their bias, more people are going to find it normal, making men even less able to open their mouth. So yes, it definitely is a male/female problem, more accurately a problem that results from how differently what qualifies as abuse is perceived between genders. Both genders do it, but aren't judged equally for it, which serves as an incentive instead of a deterrent.
NoMatatas 4y ago
I’ve anecdotally had private info used against me by guys more than girls. I’ve had the good fortune of having good female friends who I prefer to confide in over my guy friends. The people who threw embarrassing stuff in my face I’m no longer friends with and I would extend that courtesy to either gender. Whoever does that, fuck ‘em get rid of them. Shut it down to either gender so they both know it’s unacceptable. I wouldn’t react differently based on what gender of person did it to me. Just a solid ‘go fuck yourself’ to whomever. I don’t think a different reaction based on gender is necessary as it should always be the same.
novhaku 4y ago
Quite the opposite, despite having more "women" friends than "men" friends for longer than not.
It makes a difference because of one thing: heterosexual relationships. Your partner is usually going to be the one knowing the most crap they can use against you. And once again, I'm talking about the legal aspect here, which changes whether one is punished for it or not if you try to. You might not react differently, but the court will. Which is the point. Sure, people of both genders who do that are equally bad and you should have nothing to do with them, they should not stay in your life. But again I'm talking about the macroscopic scale. A man "psychologically abusing" a woman using her vulnerabilities and him opening up is seen as manipulative and is judged as such. In fact we've reached a point were "financial abuse" is now a thing. A woman isn't. Which causes a sense of impunity, which is bothersome for the next generations since they're raised in a climate where men must "open themselves" but at the same time the punishment isn't equal if both genders use their confidences against each other. And when you don't punish something, people are less afraid of doing it, since there is nothing to lose. If a man does it, at the very least, there's a sliver of hope that he'll be judged for it, and he will DEFINITELY have his reputation destroyed for it if social networks and other things like that get involved. If a woman does? Tough luck. The most you're going to get is "what did he do to make her angry enough for her to say that?".
Lily-in-the-Valley 4y ago
Radical feminists are not getting the results they want simply because they again ignore biology and facts and don't realise there are many girls who are born nurturing and caring in nature, want to pursue motherhood and become a better wife and mum instead of the next female CEO. Take myself as an example, I've been dreaming to be a mum and to have babies since I was very little. Therefore, how to be a good mum one day, was what I thought about through my teenage years. And I am definitely not alone. There are plenty of feminine young women out there who are modest and want to put family first before our careers, but being intimidated by the current hook up culture.
Neveah_Hope_Dreams 4y ago
Yas girls!
These women are amazing. They are absolutely right and I appreciate them speaking up about it and caring. I'm not the only one!
WoodpeckerBaby 4y ago
It's a trap!!!
If you don't know the reference as to why research it before you become complacent about it with your girlfriend.
Neveah_Hope_Dreams 4y ago
I'm... not a man? I'm a female men's rights supporter.
WoodpeckerBaby 4y ago
The gist of it is, women don't like weak men, and this is archetypal. It cannot be changed. If you are not centred and on your feet, she will be confused psychologically, and all hell will break loose.
As a girl, your thoughts?
Neveah_Hope_Dreams 4y ago
I'm sorry, you completely lost me. What the hell does this have to do with this post? It's about women who wanna fight for men's rights and want to raise awareness about male mental health and suicide.
WoodpeckerBaby 4y ago
Do you really want your boyfriend to talk about his feelings with you when he is sad and depressed? For you and most good girls, the answer is a big yes! And we know you really mean it when you say it.
But, should he?
Neveah_Hope_Dreams 4y ago
Yes I do! I don't have a boyfriend but I want him to share his feeling and worries and whatever is concerning him. I would comfort him and offer advice and help. And he would do the same for me. A good and healthy relationship is one where you are both a team. You support and look out for eachother and be the source of help when you are worried or having issues. Yes, he should be. It's important to talk to people and open up to whatever is affecting you. It's unhealthy and impacts your mental health and soon your physical health. That's why you've got males having high suicide rates. Because they are bottling up their issues and not getting the help and support they need.
WoodpeckerBaby 4y ago
The collected experiences tell us that while many girls will genuinely want their boyfriends to be emotional, but then when we do, it's a big turn-off to them. Women like men to be strong, centred and on their feet. When men are, women can be at peace and in their feminine. When men aren't, women are psychologically confused, and anxious because in this case, women are being forced into a masculine role and wear the pants in the relationship carrying not just themselves but also their vulnerable partner. This is not the natural equilibrium state for women, and their inner voice will tell them to seek the shelter of a stronger, more alpha, man. Maybe they will be more irritable, and little things will lead to a big fight, then it's all downhill from there. That confusion will, one way or the other, cause them to end the relationship. So, for men, that's almost always going to lead them to a worse situation than where they started. Now, he is deemed unworthy and dumped.
In the early dating phase, usually, girls tend to "close off" or "pull away" or "slow things down", or "not ready" when that happens.
That's why we call it a trap, for both of us.
Men will do it for their girlfriends, and I guess that goes without saying, will not make her less attractive due to counter-reasoning of the above.
So, what's the solution? What you can do instead?
You don't need to
Men are natural problem solvers, but we suck with emotion. We can solve the problem ourselves or find resources and people we need to connect with to solve the problem. We just want girls to be there for us during downs and not just walk away.
Neveah_Hope_Dreams 4y ago
Okay??? Thanks for the info but you don't have to comment an essay to me. Or some presentation. That thing about 'being forced into a masculine role' and what not is so bogus. If someone can't love someone for who they naturally are then why would you stay with them? What garbage. Just partners should be there for eachother and support one another and offer help when needed. That's what a healthy relationship is. Also I so happen to be single with a sister in a relationship. There's no need to make this comment some dating advice.
rabel111 4y ago
Most women, like most men, are kind decent human beings with empathy for others regardless of sex. We are on the same side.
WoodpeckerBaby 4y ago
That's very true. However, it's a trap if you don't know the reference as to why research it before you become complacent about it with your girlfriend.
Women don't like weak men, and this is archetypal. It cannot be changed. If you are not centred and on your feet, she will be confused psychologically, and all hell will break loose.
I took some time and wrote and wrote an article about it. Hope that helps
Robblar 4y ago
It's sad that just by what they wrote, I see them all as wife material. Just a little bit of caring, is all it takes? Damn
dtyler86 4y ago
Is it really men’s mental health awareness week? Seriously didn’t know. And how would I? Man here, that suffers from anxiety
jorfed 4y ago
Bet if it was women’s health week or something we’d all know lol
dtyler86 4y ago
It would be on tv commercials, have a hashtag and an endless facebook wall of strong women tribute posts
MooseKnocker 4y ago
A lot actually do, this subreddit just highlights the bad ones. I know the hive mind will down vote me but it's true.
LolwhatYesme 4y ago
Yep, they do.
We have to be careful to not walk in line with leftist ideology. Not all men are bad, and not all women are bad.
SonnBaz 4y ago
Most women care about us,only 25% of women call themselves feminists.
WoodpeckerBaby 4y ago
A very tiny minority of very noisy people.
[deleted] 4y ago
[removed]
degenerate661 4y ago
Jesus fuck, stop
Decent_Priority 4y ago
This is all fake, op accidentally stepped through a portal to a parallel universe where the world isn’t a bag of shit. Saw this twitter page, and then stepped back through the portal without even knowing it.
Lethn 4y ago
LOL I feel your pain but at the same time that was hilarious :D
omeretalla 4y ago
I actually oppose being supported this way.
I fight, I strive for some food and respect and then I will descend. I do not like the fear so I will get into a new challenge whenever i am relaxed.
I am trouble maker to myself and realised this is the way I am.
To support men, the biggest thing is the respect to their existence, and give them a role and let them be aware of their selves.
We are not forgetting men, We are to much caring for women.
Yet I think the same caring is toxic to a man since I believe it is his duty to get over problems.(I believe it is toxic to a female too, but not as much as it is toxic to a male)
omegaphallic 4y ago
Glad to see it.
jack93885 4y ago
I have a hypothesis that people who struggle with mental health issues themselves are more likely to hold this perspective. If social media plays any part in your issues, wether by exacerbating problems or being a part of recovery, you start to notice how things seem one sided. Even if it's not anything really significant but just things like most supportive images/posts use female pronouns when refering to the individual. This is most prevalent with posts around eating disorders (understandably given the ratio of males and females who suffer from them)
LotBuilder 4y ago
I’m not sure if they actually care or if it can get just get them a little extra attention this week, I would need to dissect their pages to tell you for sure.
japanese-bo1 4y ago
so happy to see this what there are other people than just on this subreddit that believe this
BurningOrangeHeaven 4y ago
The things they say and the things they do are rarely aligned though.
Keenin455 4y ago
Once again, society barely scratching the surface of a major issue.
I sound like a broken record but: Men don't open up because they know they'll accused of stealing attention away from women's issues.
Additionally, what should be a non-gendered issue is treated as such anyway. Domestic Violence and rape, male victims of either or both aren't going to bother when they're told to shut up because women have it worse and their privilege negates their suffering.
If these girls want to help, they need to start raising awareness of how harmful these attitudes are, nevermind "Man Up" or "Toxic Masculinity".
King-Zahi2438 4y ago
Feels good :)
Bigandsosochunky 4y ago
I am smiling. Remember not to be misogynists, or we might end up the same as feminists once we succeed in equality.
TheRikari 4y ago
Just found out that there's a men's mental health week.
[deleted] 4y ago
[removed]
WoodpeckerBaby 4y ago
Yes!!!
It's a trap if you don't know the reference as to why research it before you become complacent about it with your girlfriend.
I took some time and wrote and wrote an article about it. Hope that helps
IMGONNAFUCKYOURMOUTH 4y ago
Did anyone think otherwise?
Jay_Hardy 4y ago
Feminazis make this really hard, though.
And my left wing nutjobs of friends say they care, but don’t really, when it’s the subject, they’ll tell you how it’s important, but women suffer a lot more.
ColeKatsilas 4y ago
Then other women swarm to them and call them "pick me ass bitches", which I personally find quite rude.
Yepitsme2020 4y ago
Always feels good to see women who care. Shows their empathy for people and caring about issues isn't just for virtue signaling purposes. Hats off to them, and wish them all the best.
mvppedavalli0131 4y ago
a lot of women care. I don't think it's a right to relate every women to a dumb sexist one.
JayPlaysBeamNG 4y ago
yeah, ive noticed a lot of dumb idiots on social media proclaiming how they want to kill all men. in reality nobody would say that or they would be quickly ostracized.
neemama 4y ago
Just got alot more brain cells back after reading this. Feels good.
LoneArcher96 4y ago
Please accelerate these kind of posts, this positive side of the world is something I'm starting to forget, keep posting stuff like that.
rpopenater 4y ago
Thanks for posting this this eas really just becoming a sub about solely hating on woman but i hope this is a depiction of it actually becoming about mens right
Hamza2698 4y ago
Most women do. It's those feminazi nuts that are the loudest.
Imnotthisclever 4y ago
Did twitter always bold main words/phrases? The font is like -that- much bigger but not super bold...
elebrin 4y ago
Just remember guys, it's also OK to be... normal and OK, too.
This shit always bugs me because something will happen that people expect an emotional response from, and some jerk always makes a point of "reaching out" to say, "Hey, is everything alllllrrrriiiiightttt?" in the most condescending tone ever to "help." Know what? I'm not going to answer that question because it's cruel and condescending. Sure, something sad or frustrating or angering happened. Such things happen every day to a ton of people in this world, today's my turn. Lying on the couch and bawling my eyes out or punching a hole in the wall and shouting isn't getting me anywhere.
I was taught that I can control what I do next when I am in the grip of a powerful emotion. I don't HAVE to hurt things or break things or be useless. It doesn't mean I'm not feeling anything at all, it's just that I have a better grasp on myself than you expect me to.
ThisIsWhoIAmNow71 4y ago
This is, most people don't care about the mental health of men. Some women do, but most of them only pretend to do so online. There are very few women who actually care about mental health of men in real life.
YourRecruiter 4y ago
Some Twitter posts don't really do much do they? Let's see some equality in divorce courts then we'll talk
novhaku 4y ago
Actions speak louder than words anyway. My usual policy is to start slightly believing someone when what they are saying or doing really cost them something important to them in the long run. I've seen too many people fighting the good fights towards something, but as soon as it costs them anything, or as soon as they could gain something by being what they criticize,they backpedal. Like being loud about, say, false accusations... until they could gain something by doing it, be it at their job, in order to gain some comfort, until they have some sex that they regret, or whatever else. With it usually being justified as some kind of special pleading, "yeah but in my case, even if it's not exactly accurate, I...".
As long as someone doesn't put itself in a compromising situation for what it defends (which can include things like getting a reputation, or whatever else) listen to what the person says, sure, but stay careful. It's easy to say things without backing them up and doing the opposite afterward.
Yoshiezibz 4y ago
Whenever I mention the large suicide rate I always get told "But women try suicide more often". How can I combat that? They constnerly try to one up in debates and I can't seem to get them to concede
Lethn 4y ago
On the surface I completely agree, but how many women say this and sometimes even go out of their way to make fun of or attack men who talk about this shit? I'm not even someone with any particular issues but even I've been unpleasantly surprised at how fucking aggressive and hostile women are when particularly when it comes to men even mentioning their relationship problems and things like that or the fact that they don't have any relationship to begin with like me.
I'm not bothered about talking about this generally but on a personal level I am very wary about who I genuinely open up to about this sort of thing in detail and unfortunately girls you've forced a lot of men to be in this situation. It goes back to this whole bullshit about 'men expressing themselves' it's simply impossible to know who is trustworthy to open up to and who isn't. This is just for relatively non-serious issues like getting a girlfriend as well there's way more serious shit that men have had to go through where they've had fucking domestic violence helplines treat them like they're the abusers for trying to get help and deal with an abusive partner.
I'm sorry, it's a positive message and I generally don't see anything wrong with it, but I judge people on actions. Women need to get away from the anti-male mob and stop believing in nutjob anti-male feminist conspiracy theories if they want men to talk to them openly. You can't claim to be friendly towards men if you believe they oppress you at every turn and think men are conspiring against you, that's not how it works.
WoodpeckerBaby 4y ago
It's a trap if you don't know the reference as to why research it before you become complacent about it with your girlfriend.
Women don't like weak men, and this is archetypal. It cannot be changed. If you are not centred and on your feet, she will be confused psychologically, and all hell will break loose.
I took some time and wrote and wrote an article about it. Hope that helps
embxsanrose 4y ago
I’m a women, and I care. Nobody takes me seriously whenever I talk about men’s health, or men’s rights. They think I’m just a stupid teenager, and I don’t know what I’m saying.
DoomMonster 4y ago
The men in my life are important to me, I want to see them happy and thriving in life. We're all humans and we need to care and and look after each other.
minestraightdown 4y ago
They’re usually drowned out by the feminists wishing more of us were killed by COVID
nurseynurse77 4y ago
Many women care because we had great father’s and have sons who deserve a chance to pursuit happiness.
Err4Carnage 4y ago
No seriously. Man the fuck up.
notajoey 4y ago
Good for those women! They're much better people than the so-called feminists
I think we all needed to see that
HelpMeILostMyAccount 4y ago
It makes me happy knowing that there are people who actually care about men's mental health
monkey21455 4y ago
There’s always good ones out there ones who want to help and support :)
ArneRosc 4y ago
I don't care what they tweet, I want to see what they do. Twitter is just a place to make yourself look good.
lgreaper666 4y ago
It's a ____!!!
WoodpeckerBaby 4y ago
it is.
Never, never show weakness to women you care about and especially not with your girlfriend because it will confuse them psychologically and everything will fall out of the bottom
I took some time and wrote and wrote an article about it. Hope that helps
lgreaper666 4y ago
Amen!
sj20442 4y ago
"Men need to talk about their feelings more" is a trap.
WoodpeckerBaby 4y ago
I was just thinking "Oh wow, once in a blue moon eh!", then I read your comment and remembered that it is a trap indeed, people have mentioned this before.
Thank you for pointing that out. Virtual hugs to you.
I took some time and wrote and wrote an article about it. Hope that helps
moderndaynomad 4y ago
Most women care about us. Nearly all of them. But it’s not always easy to know how to help any individual of any gender. Take care of yourself and reach out if you need help. Show that you’re open to it. You matter. We all do.
WoodpeckerBaby 4y ago
That's very true. However, it's a trap if you don't know the reference as to why research it before you become complacent about it with your girlfriend.
Women don't like weak men, and this is archetypal. It cannot be changed. If you are not centred and on your feet, she will be confused psychologically, and all hell will break loose.
moderndaynomad 4y ago
Go to therapy. Pay someone to not be on your side but let you explore. Let you family, partner, and friends cheer you on in the rest of your life but either be vulnerable or pay to be vulnerable. Just reach out.
novhaku 4y ago
Of course there are.
The real problem isn't that all women are terrible or whatever else, it's that in the current legal framework, any of them, including the nice ones, can become so and it will be encouraged. Basically it's the lack of deterrent for being a terrible person towards men because they are "free targets" that is the real problem. I can't count the number of awesome women that bought into the misandric feminist narrative over time because as they got older, they wanted things to be easier and wanted special treatment and the right to be a disrespectful jerk any time they got angry (well, now it's constantly instead of when they are angry, becoming an twitter activist will do that to you).
Humans are opportunistic, and can change, particularly due to social pressure. So if a power imbalance exists, it can and will be used. That's the real problem, the very existence of this opportunity because of this imbalance.
The problem isn't that "all women are terrible" or whatever (even when it comes to lingo like the awalt you'll see on red pill subs, it's not what it was supposed to mean initially, although some twisted it this way. It's supposed to mean "all guns are loaded".), since some women do show signs of care, it's the fact that the system is twisted in such a way that one can do a 180° any day and it'll be seen as a "good", "empowering" move instead of being seen as becoming a bigot and being judged negatively. There's no question that not all women "don't care". Opportunism and double standards, and people and the system allowing them (sometimes in order to be able to use them later) are the real problem and may cause the rest of them.
It's not that all women are bad. It's the fact that there is nothing stopping them from becoming terrible and being encouraged for it. And few people marry an abusive person from the get-to. It's as if rape was perfectly legal and not punished, as if it wasn't even a thing at ALL in the law. Women being extremely wary of men would be understandable, since there would be no legal deterrent associated with men behaving like monsters, so you don't know when one's facade might drop. Well, in this situation, a woman that was "great" can become abusive and ruin a man's mental health, and the man will certainly be the one that will be the "culprit". "Individual women" are only related to this problem because there being no social (as in, people's behaviour towards it) or legal deterrent, since men's problems aren't taken seriously (or are blamed on themselves/the patriarchy/whatever), makes it easier to act badly towards men. It's not about being inherently bad or whatever. It's about some people, even "good ones", using their lack of responsibilities to become spoiled children at one time or another. And feminism and our current hyper-individualistic and Communitarianism-focused culture are making this exponentially worse.
LoneArcher96 4y ago
Mate, you need a post of your own and it should be shared everywhere and seen by the whole world.
conankudo1610 4y ago
I sorta disagree. I don't think it's the legal framework that encourages that type of behavior, I'd say it's the media. I'm not excusing the mess that the justice system is when it comes to treating men and women equally, just saying that I think the media is more responsible for horrible women rather than the law.
novhaku 4y ago
I should have said "legal and social" at the beginning like I said later when I talked about legal and social deterrent. To me it's both. The medias and every other "social" aspect of our life (social networks, etc) encourage it, that's for sure. But there being no punishment pretty much seal the deal. If the medias encouraged male abuse but these were punished harshly, a part of the damage caused by the medias would probably be cancelled, because... well... Knowing that you are at risk of being put in jail and won't have any special treatment still influence what you're going to do, medias or not.
So to me it's more or less both. Medias start the whole thing by encouraging double standards, bad choices and not caring about others, particularly men, but the law seal the deal by not fixing the damage caused by the medias.
SnailTheAnarchist 4y ago
I agree.
The only thing I can say is that I as a woman deeply care about men and people tell me I'm a good person, I always strive to do right by people it is in my principals and my values.
Most people do not have these now-a-days. Personally, I constantly keep myself in a state of humbleness, part of that is I grew up poor, but it also helps to keep myself from becoming a potential monster like my mother was. My mother is the worst of the worst, I will never be like her and I try to make my voice heard to all in that we are all inherently worthy as people, nobody is lesser for their skin or sex and nobody should be used or mistreated. We are all human. I care for everyone.
I wish more people were willing to be open to this kind of thought train.
novhaku 4y ago
I think the most important part is being aware that you CAN possibly be like that (and of course it also applies to men), it's not a physical impossibility because you're "above this". By that, I don't mean that one should go full SJW, blaming and hating yourself and your whole community because they're "responsible", but rather than one has to be able to look at itself in its daily life as well.
It'll seem a bit off the subject but the reason I say this will be clearer at the end: To quote something I said about black humor being bad because of real victims in my post history, if it's bad to joke about, say, domestic abuse because "you don't know, maybe a woman reading it will be a victim of it", then how do you know that nobody that will read this joke about bankers that you just did will not have had his father killed because he was a banker as well, with it being quite traumatizing for this person as well? How many people will care about how many people reading this have a trauma related to bankers? How many people say similar things that could be terrible for someone without knowing about it (and more importantly, how many will care? And these people will still consider themselves as "good", because joking about bankers is normal, to them)? That's my problem with the idea of being "good". More often than not, it feels like just following some arbitrary guidelines and being proud of it, instead of truly caring about others and at the very least seeing the consequences of things that you do that are "normal" to you (I'm not in favor of censorship. Intent matters). That's the thing one has to be "aware of" if it wants to be a truly good person in my opinion. In order to be able to examine its own behaviour outside of some rules that might be arbitrary depending of one's bias.
By being aware that one "can" be like that (I guess your mother did that part of the job for you, since you comparing yourself to her serve as a comparison showing what to avoid) without even noticing it and because of one's own bias, and by avoiding being too stuck in the "I'm a good person, nothing I do hurt others" mindset, you can actually second-guess yourself and genuinely care, which actually hard is work (and I say this without believing in things like microagressions or whatever). Not just regarding thing that YOU think matters, because, hey, joking on bankers is fair (it is, but be aware of the possibilities that it opens, at the very least. No need for censorship, but be aware of how others have different realities). That's where most people arguing that they're fighting for "a good fight" fail in my opinion. I've had an ex that is now a die-hard activist that was literally saying that she's "not responsible for how her actions make others feel" (and we're not talking about nice things here), because apparently responsibility for what one's actions only matters in a few areas that you choose. A lot of "good people" are good in their what subjective view of "being good" is and don't care about actually caring "outside of the rules".
Which, falling back on my original post, means that it's extremely easy for them to do a complete 180° once they think it's "justified" enough. And society's individualism doesn't help at all with this.
As a not-good person myself, I'll say that being good is hard work. And it's not enough to just be good towards what YOU think is worthy of consideration, particularly if you consider yourself an activist, otherwise it's an open door to hypocrisy. But although we might not be similar on that regard, anyone aiming for this has my utmost respect.
SnailTheAnarchist 4y ago
I understand where you're coming from, there are a lot of slopes people fall into and a lot of self absorption in terms of virtue signalling and people seem to not actually care about the things they say they care about because their actions go oppositely.
I don't try to justify my bad behavior and I am constantly trying to improve.
Personally I have never found being good to be hard work, I believe in treating others how I prefer to be treated and I always take accountability and gear my actions toward the ideal in the values I represent, I believe in compassion, love, honesty and honor and to do what I can to help others. I have always been like this and just like anyone I can fall into bad habits, for me personally that's trauma related.
My mother did really help show me how not to be and my grandfather instilled hard work and honesty into me, I didn't have a dad growing up so he was the closest thing and I want to be someone that would make him proud.
I don't think being a good person is hard, it always seems harder to make the wrong choices because of the consequences that follow, I don't want to hurt and I don't want to hurt anyone so I always try very hard not to and if I do, I always try to make it up to them and learn from my mistakes because I know actions speak louder than words.
​
I hope I was understanding you here correctly, I took some kratom earlier for anxiety and that's making things a bit fuzzy! Let me know if I strayed off too much or if I missed a point here, I find this to be an engaging and important conversation.
novhaku 4y ago
I'd rather say that for a lot of them they do care... but people change, and humans tend to have a priority list and tend to be opportunistic if they don't "watch over themselves" to be sure that they aren't being jerks to others because of their own personal "rules" that they impose onto others (see the banker example above, someone thinking he's being nice but only applying said niceness to some categories of victims) because it's what "nice" means to them. Since they only know their half of the story anyway. So it's easy to care, then when needed to twist a narrative in order to justify you going against what you said when you seemed to care because opportunism or communitarianism kicked in.
Well, justifying it wouldn't even be bad if there ARE reasons for it; in my opinion the fact that you're aware of it, and thus can WORK on it, is already great and the most important thing. I think pride is the biggest problem when it comes to this. People, including "good" people, tend to be EXTREMELY prideful, which might lead to a "good" person doing not-so-great things to avoid recognizing that he or she has done rather unsavory things as well. I think pride is a good thing, but I also think that it shouldn't be too closely related to the ego; you must do things, and accept your mistakes, so that you can take pride how you are afterward. Being prideful to the point of ignoring your mistakes because of said pride and because of your ego looks like isolating a decaying castle from everything to me. Not good. Pride is a good thing, just don't allow it to rot your castle. So even justifying your behaviour isn't that bad; it happened for a reason. If you understand the reason, you can fix it. That's it. Justifying is fine. Normalizing isn't.
I meant hard work as in, it's not enough to stop at what your own values are. To use my example from above again, the person not accepting a joke about DV seeing banker jokes are "perfectly fine" isn't "working" towards being nice because it only applies it to whoever he chooses. It's hard work, as in, "you have to go beyond what you consider normal for yourself and that are just your PERSONAL rules to be nice to others" (e.g. caring about victims that aren't the victims you'd think about at first because of your priorities). What I meant is that a lot of people are being "nice", but they're not doing this work; it's just "a nice person does that, that, and that, and doesn't do this", without any regard for the person they're applying said "niceness" to and how the person is; they're only following a particular rulebook written by either society or their community in order to be "nice" no matter what the rules are without taking the person, as an individual, into account. And said rulebook can either be right, or a load of crap, which is problematic. If I make any sense.
I used to be like that, not anymore, at least not towards people willfully making the world worse for others despite knowing so because they're too stuck on their own beliefs (and it can come from any side, things like racism are an obvious example, but I've seen things from pro-autisms groups that you'd have an hard time believing given the hypocrisy and entitlement it involved despite being a "support group").
Well, in my opinion trying to do this (make him proud) is already a very good thing. Plus it'll keep you out of the "easy way out" problem which is what probably causes most of the acts - even benign ones - that would be considered immoral, people seeking an easy way out out of their problems. And then seeking an easy way out out of the new problems it caused. Etc. Which is terrible for self-examination. So I think what your grandpa taught you are very important values necessary to avoid a lot of pitfalls.
Well, yeah, long-term consequences are always worse when you're behaving badly. If only because you're taking bad habits, and even if you can get away with it for a while, it will catch back to you at one time or another. If you're treating other people terribly, you might get away with it for a while, until it gets you ostracized or until you meet someone one-upping you at your own game. I meant that as in, work, as in "having to go beyond the obvious" (what your personal rules make you feel like and taking into account the other as a specific person)
No problem, I should be the one apologizing, my english is probably a little weird since I'm not from an english-speaking country. Yeah, same here.
boy_named_su 4y ago
it's easy to say shit on social media. do they vote for people that support men's health?
WoodpeckerBaby 4y ago
That's groundless brother... bad point, bad point!
_KingMoonracer 4y ago
I’m here for you guys! Supporting the cause all the way.
AdrianoWerneck 4y ago
Thank you so much.
chakamaki 4y ago
One request/advise : please never trust women who speaks or writes... see what she does... she may say to “Open up” but then will use your vulnerabilities against you for their benefits....
ford12acing 4y ago
as a minority, i dont write off women. i do write off white liberal women. they not only hate men, but they're racist to boot.
novhaku 4y ago
I don't see why you're being downvoted. Saying that you should look for actions, not just words, isn't bad. And that's true for everything. Don't put too much faith in words that have nothing to back it up. Now if there is some serious backing it's different, but words alone are rather hollow.
chakamaki 4y ago
Absolutely... people hate if you told them truth... specially anything against women...
In the back of head of each men they still hope somewhere sometime some women will love him for what he is... he is not wrong... society/mainstream media made such brainwashing of men... hence if anything goes against women they immediately defends them...
In every men there is a white knight sleeping... who wants to protect women and claims his power over her and satisfy his ego...
novhaku 4y ago
Well, that's a general rule honestly. I guess people might see it as being a bit jaded, but it isn't even that mean, you didn't say that even actions aren't reliable or whatever. You just said that it's what you should look for. And being careful isn't a bad thing as far as it doesn't turn into being hateful.
chakamaki 4y ago
Yap.... thanks for backing up... I sometimes really feel where I was wrong on saying thing rightfully...
veerwolfe 4y ago
Mental Health is the hot topic in India due recent alleged suicide by a Famous Bollywood Actor, he was 34.
chintan22 4y ago
Apparently there are suspicions that his gf and her brother conspired to murder him as he had a new company.
And he wasn't that famous yet. Great actor though.
gamessuck00 4y ago
Good to see, would be nice if it were common.
SgtMajMythic 4y ago
Not all women are bad just like not all men are bad. The really good ones are hard to find though.
Rambo351 4y ago
lol they just want the RTs man they don’t give af
engineerdontwantthis 4y ago
Honestly, there would be times that I sense that a guy has issues and only a few would actually say thank you or open up, but for some, they don't even think that they are having some bottled up issues and just keep it piled up. I'm actually happy to be some kind of help to others but those who deny or just decide to keep it in, bothers me a bit.
I don't know why I'm sharing this but now this is mentioned, I guess, I want to know more about guys who are very closed off.
novhaku 4y ago
The usual cases are either people not liking to talk about their problems, these exist and talking about it doesn't help for everyone, and that's something people need to understand, it'd be like forcing an introvert to behave like an extrovert constantly against its will, it's tiring, downright cruel, and useless. Or they are people that opened up to 1000 of people thinking or saying the same thing as you here, just for it to blow in their face later, sometimes with a delay just to make the whole thing even worse.
Everyone want "other people to open up" or at least they say they want to as long as it doesn't imply anything from them. Few people are able, once they're angry, to avoid throwing in the person's face "you shouldn't be listened when it comes to what a bad life choice is anyway, remember when you told me that you were suicidal back then?". And for men it's even worse, since they're essentially a free target and when it's used as actual abuse in order to keep someone's confidence low, nobody cares.
engineerdontwantthis 4y ago
I relate heavily to that. I try to make friends with people like me, that's why I try to reach out to people who are silently struggling. I pushed some people away, and it's only because it's hard to fake being okay (and as per your words, 'behave like an extrovert').
I honestly don't want to reply looking like it's all about me but the last part really hit me. I know that's unrelated to me but it just occurred that I live by that. I live by being a free target until abuses/harassments turns into consentual piled up traumas.
I'm sorry if I shared this here. Your comment is just overwhelming.
bunnybuns1 4y ago
Yeah only a few
WoodpeckerBaby 4y ago
IRL there are a lot of awesome girls, if not, go younger. Older single women tend to be bitter and resentful.
Bierdieb 4y ago
Most/many women actually care about men, but the bad ones are just louder and take actions which let all women seem bad. Same reason why all the men hate became so popular, because some of us were real jerks.
Egalai1 4y ago
I believe the vast majority of women care they are just unaware of the problems
MilManShow 4y ago
Don't kid yourselves. They're scamming you.
degenerate661 4y ago
what? Are you serious?
seanD117 4y ago
What would they gain out of tweeting that, and but not actually caring?
[deleted] 4y ago
[removed]
degenerate661 4y ago
could you not