Conversational Skills Guide
A lot of guys struggle with generating interesting conversations, replies to conversations, and things to say in general. This guide is a wide-ranging toolbox of conversational techniques
Guide is intended for guys that could really use a deep-dive explanation of what good conversations contain
As a reformed and literal autist, I wish I would have had this when I was younger and unable to converse
What is Good Conversation?
What is a good listener, speaker and conversation?
The Average Listener
People enjoy good conversation often for conversation and entertainment value alone.
A lot of great conversations have no objective to be achieved apart from being an enjoyable social interaction. People enjoy socializing for the dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin hit alone (outside of convo leading to logistics, info sharing)
Good Conversationalists
Most "good" conversationalists provide emotionally rewarding ebb and flow of literary devices outside of mundane and literal conveyance of information
If you watch the guys getting the most pussy and the life of the party, most are NOT communicating literal information or even meaningful conversation for the most part. They are sticking to FUN and stimulating conversation
If you are sticking to straight up literal commentary you will bore your audience unless the information itself is inherently interesting which is not something you'll frequently have (i.e. highly interesting factoids etc.)
Great Conversation
"Great" conversation employs a lot of rapid idea generation as well as literary devices and other conversational techniques that often lend to humor, wit, or banter
Topic Generation:
- Observation
- Association
- Existing thoughts (random)
Literary Devices:
- Exaggeration/hyperbole
- Vocab-swapping (synonyms)
- Euphemisms
- Simile
- Metaphor
- Analogies
Fictional/Teasing:
- Impromptu/framing
- Roleplay
- Banter
Miscellaneous:
- Reactions/Continuity
- Storytelling
- Asking listener(s) good questions
QUICK NOTE ON HUMOR:
I've seen guys on here ask "what is funny?"
People often find things funny that are true but aren't commonly spoken, comparisons that are accurate but that most people didn't previously consider, unexpected twists, random bold statements that come out of nowhere, quirky twists on information, silly behavior or recollections of it, jokes that make them think, etc.
Most lighthearted statements that pull people out of their normal train of thought and make them have to slightly think and connect dots rapidly (especially if it's related to things a bit outside of normal socially acceptable behavior) tend to get laughs
Topic Generation
Observation
Observation is the most available but often least reliable, but easiest to start out, thing to generate conversation unless done sparingly and intentfully
Environmental Observations:
Simply commenting on something in the environment. Renders you solely dependent on the interest potential of the environment, thus it is not terribly reliable
Best used to people watch, point out observations of notable curiousity, or other things that could lead into additional conversation topics
Listener Observations:
Pointing out something you can visibly see on the listener has more potential but is more polarizing. Asking them about something, making an educated assumption, etc. The deeper (and less shallow you go) the more potential to have the listener saying "that's accurate/ not completely right, what made you guess that?" etc.
It gets you talking about what people love most, themselves.
And if done right, can lead to rich conversational content, teases, etc. that form a favorable impression of you.
Free Association
Free association is an indispensbable and powerful technique that is essentially necessary for all of the litery devices and most witty and fun conversation
Free association is essentially taking a word (any word) and thinking about things related to that word
For example: "Wet"
- Water
- Rain
- Drinks/Thirst
- Ocean
- Beach
- Water Park
- Sharks
- Pirates
- Vaginas/Arousal
One singular word has a lot of different associations that can easily come to mind depending on where you want to take a convo. Which is important in game and escalation because so many euphemisms for sexual words can be arrived at through association
Association can be easily practiced. Pick any word and come up with 5 related words. From one of those words come up with 5 more. So on and so on. As you'll see you'll end up on a wildly different topic. Can be practiced till you can take any word and arrive at your desired conversational outcome
Pre-Conceived/Random Thoughts
Existing thoughts are a valid dead space filler. If no one has anything to say you can bring up something randomly on your mind or something you'd been thinking about that day already
(Not always reliable if you're not used to generating interesting things to say yet)
Common reactions to the random thoughts are usually "that was random haha" "how did we go from x to y in this conversation?", etc. But that's fine if it's a good topic if you can turn the sudden transition into a tease or banter or successfully transition to that new topic
Another common reaction to such a change is usually that the new topic will quickly morph into another new topic, which is fine, you kept a conversation from dying and saved everyone from awkward silence and freed everyone else to say random shit on their mind
Some common ways to introduce this is:
- hey did you hear about [current event/celeb/ meme]?
- oh, by the way I was thinking...
- you know earlier today I started thinking...
- this is random AS FUCK, but xyz
- that reminds me (even there's no way the last convo should remind you of that)
It doesn't really matter how as long as you're confident about it. It usually gets a good laugh from the transition alone
This is not meant to be an all-inclusive list of ways to generate topics but it covers a lot of them
Literary Devices
Conversation Enhancers
Exaggeration/Hyperbole
Boring conversationalists describe things with overly accurate descriptors, sometimes even taking the time to think of the exact amount of something, etc. or backtracking and interrupting the flow of what they are saying to clarify
"I was having this conversation and I had to answer [thinks about it] 6, and I had to, well actually it was 7, questions... Blah blah details blah blah"
Bleh. Boring convo. Disengages the listener who doesn't need to be literal in casual convo.
FUN:
"I was having this absolutely mind-numbing conversation where I got asked like 100 questions"
Is a lot more exciting
"Bro my ex banged like 10 dudes the week after our break up"
When she fucked 3 guys within a month of the breakup, is actually a double exaggeration (both in exaggerating the degree upwards and time period to sound more frequent than it really was)
Vocab-Swapping (synonyms)
If you don't already have a great vocabulary of tantalizing synonyms and slang substitutes, save them as you see them in a notepad or something
One of my favorite conversation enhancers is simply swapping out boring and literal/accurate words with more stimulating versions of the same word, even if it's slightly overkill or innacurate (which makes it funny). This is sometimes exaggeration and some times just a more engaging synonym or slang version
Examples:
Base word (normal typeface), better synonym (bold), slang version (if one, italics)
- Weird/taboo, degenerate, salacious, kinky, cringe
- Bad, atrocious, god-awful, dingey, worst-conceiveable, common-loot, trash
- fun, exhilarating, tantalizing
- Good, excellent, fantastic, kick-ass, dope, [word]-gasmic
- Normie/boring, mundane, basic, pleb
- Expensive, exorbitant, lavish, Gucci, high-way robbery
- steal, extort, finesse, casually acquire
- Mean, sociopath, vicious, villain, savage
One of my favorite methods of acquiring new and relevant word choice is to look at meme pages and adopt the words people use on extremely funny memes, which is also good for casually learning current events with low effort
Word-Enhancers (adjectives)
Adding additional words before a word swap, especially words with a lot of emotion, bias, or intensity, will give additional boost to your language
Words like:
"Straight-up, downright, absolute, pure, etc."
Example:
"Downright savage" , "pure cringe", "absolute clusterfuck"
Combining Both Skills
As you can see a lot of these swaps and enhancers can easily make an otherwise boring and even short one-liner hilarious and highly engaging
Girl: he did x so I didn't text him back after the date
Boring: that wasn't right
Fun: you're a straight-up villain, Abby
Euphemisms/Double Entendres
Euphemisms
Euphemisms are: a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing. "downsizing” as a euphemism for "cuts" or "left us" as a euphemism for "died"
Euphemisms can, however, be pretty funny
- Steal: "casually acquired"
- Sex: "hide the weenie/laying pipe"
Can't think of more examples off the top of my head but euphemisms are a funny way to develop inside jokes and introduce vernacular into groups that can get a lot of mileage
Double Entendres
A double entendre is: a word or phrase that is open to two interpretations, one of which is usually risqué or indecent
A lot of double entendres can also serve as euphemisms as well
Example 1:
Dance partner: VRX I'm glad I get to dance with you tonight I want you to "throw me around"
Me: I'm glad, too, cause I like to go deep on you (my dips with her get really low to the ground)
Example 2:
Dance partner 2: sorry VRX, I didn't mean to jump on that dip
Me: I know, I'm perfectly capable of getting you off [the ground] on my own
Topic-Changing Devices
There are some literary devices that use other words to convey points and often times these devices cause people to think about other stories or topics and even though you're not outright talking about these things, often facilitates conversation into other fun areas and shift topics in a fun way
Ever wonder how girls are like "and somehow [this guy and I] ended up talking about xyz?" This is largely how
Similes
Simply comparing different things with "like" or "as"
"This is like watching paint dry but worse"
"She's dumb as a retard with brain damage"
Not much to similes besides the "like" or "as" comparison
Metaphors
Metaphors are: a figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable.
Basically like similes but without "like" or "as"
Example 1: why are you going for her, she's such a whale, dude
Example 2: bro you're a bum, get a haircut and take a shower already
Example 3: I'm a complete slut for tacos
Metaphors are good because they often take conversations in wildly different directions with minimal effort, thus getting you away from boring "how are you? how is work? etc?" conversations into other stories and other life experiences
Metaphoric language can also move topics forward sexually without actually talking about sex because it's not literally applicable but still conveys logical meaning while branching to target topics. Metaphors can be used to deliberately change subjects if you're savvy about it
Example: That cocktail was orgasmic
Example 2: (girl sends you a picture of a really nice car) stop sending me those pics, Sarah, I can only get so hard
Analogies
Analogies often have more practical value than entertainment value but a good analogy with will either make you more interesting or make people laugh depending on the contents
Example of a girl dumping a "good man" for a fuckboi and then trying to branch back to him:
"That would be like leaving a stable job with good pay and benefits for an exciting side gig that predictably but suddenly falls apart a few days later and then trying to get back your old job a week after quitting"
GOOD analogies are hard to pull off but if you can pull them off people will be more inclined to hear you speak about other things
Additional Techniques
There are a few conversational techniques that have almost nothing to do with reality but nonetheless make you an exciting conversationalist because they are funny, entertaining, and creative
Usually they contain some degree of creative fiction mixed with non-fictional details
Can lead to some high-mileage inside jokes if executed properly
Impromptu/Framing
For lack of a better term this is what I'm calling this one. It's short of role-playing because it's not quite role-playing
This is essentially the type of making shit up along that lines of "it's 11:11 make a wish" and "5-second rule" or "you made eye-contact with the other dude in the threesome, now you're gay"
Example: "bro, three chicks in a row said 'no' to dancing with you, you have to walk into the ocean with your clothes on now"
Example 2 (texting): I saw this cringe meme scrolling reddit just now, so you have to see it, too *sends pic*
Roleplaying
Role playing is basically just inserting yourself or others into a suggested frame of reality with no apologies or explanation. Just act like that's how it is and roll with it.
Example:
A chick friend asked my guy friend what happened to his hand (it was bandaged). He started saying that he hurt it because xyz
The female friend alluded he lost a fight and my friend started giving a lame response back so I interjected with role-play bait
Anecdote of that roleplay:
VRX: nah he just had a really aggressive nut
Everyone started laughing and they ate it up and played along.
Him: yeah this was my 36th time jerking off today
VRX: If that's how your hand looks I don't even want to know how your dick looks
*Chick laughs a ton*
Him: yeah it's just completely raw right now I had to slap on a whole tub of vaseline
Roleplay is very versatile, it should however make sense why you're saying things. Roleplay that is too far removed from the situation at hand would require explanation which ruins it. It should be simple and relatable enough for the conversation participants to grasp and immediately play along with
Sometimes women won't immediately realize what you're doing and a quick one-liner "yeah you have a x because you did y" connecting the topics will make them say "oh" and give a face and then they'll usually say "yeah..." And jump right into the roleplay at that point
Example 2:
"Oh no this is our first fight, I'm keeping the car when we get divorced"
Example 2 is push/pull roleplay
Banter
Banter is: basically playfully giving other people shit, essentially a form of teasing
Example:
*Someone puts a lot of salt on their steak*
You: do you want some steak with that salt?
Example 2:
*Friend Freddie who has a habit of fucking things up is present when you make strategy and you say:*
"Alright, no one pull a Freddie Jenkins this time, just stick to the plans"
Example 3:
*Clumsy chick apologizes:*
It's okay, I'm still learning how to walk, myself
Miscellaneous
Reactions and Continuity
Nothing kills a good conversational moment like a reaction that doesn't keep it going long enough
Reactions
Good reactions fuel the listener's or co-conversationalist's commentary to keep the conversation not only lit but potentially more animated
Having fun reactions will accomplish this
Example:
Friend: dude, why the FUCK did he think spanking her butt in the middle of church would get him laid?
You: that's what I'M SAYING
-or-
You: Dude, that was WILD, I've never seen anything that retarded in my life
Common go-to examples:
- No shit
- That's what I'm saying!
- Hell yeah! / Fuck yeah!
- Dayuuuummmm
- Why would somebody do that?
- What the fuuuuUUuuck
- Dude that's fucking retarded
There are more, just note what people's good reactions tend to be and keep them in mind
Continuity
These are mostly just small statements that are essentially reactions to keep a conversation going
Example: I could see why he thought spanking her ass next to the pastor was funny, but like man, he should have just snuck a handy in the pews like a normal person
Continuity can be achieved through a lot of different literary devices as well, it's just any creative bridge to keep the conversation flowing that is more rich than a quick reaction and in itself can lead to additional conversation
Storytelling
Story telling is a good way to convey narrative information about yours or someone else's life. Can be drawn out or brief depending on the richness of the story.
GOOD stories usually incorporate elements of foreshadowing, pausing, answering listener comments mid-story, keeping flow, using the other literary devices already mentioned, and maintaining pace and flow based on audience reaction, and other high verbal IQ skills
I'm not the best story teller. There are plenty of guides and how to structure a story online that would better explain story telling.
Asking Listeners Questions
This is old but gold. People love to talk about themselves. If you have nothing else to say you can ask people questions about them or get people talking about their life
A person can spend an entire conversation talking about themself and walk away feeling like it was a great conversation.
Usually at some point people will say "enough about me what about you?" You can also use that line if someone has asked you a lot about yourself already or if you've caught yourself talking about yourself too much
Closing Remark
Learn from stand-up comedy
Shout-out to @typo-MAGAshiv and @MentORPHEUS for pointing out one of the most powerful examples of advanced conversation skills to learn from.
Watching/listening to the routines of renowned comedians is a phenomenal way to see a ton of these techniques in real time and executed well at that, too.
I'd recommend watching a few comedians with varying styles of comedy to see the flexibility and application of expert conversational skills in substantially different ways
SarsaparillaCorona 10mo ago Stickied
Gah man, as a fellow purveyor of conversational bullshittery and constant sarcastic smarmy responses I can't think of much to add to this. This is pretty much every technique I employ wrapped up into one.
I think if there was anything I could add for others, it would be to slow the fuck down.
How do you find out what speed you're meant to talk? You should always aim to talk at a speed which is juuuuuuuust slower than the speed your brain can think of the next word or sentence to say. Most people these days speak way too quickly, run out of preloaded things to say (be it that sentence or word), use 'vocal disfluencies' (umm, ahh, like, well, uhh, so anyway) to give their brain time to buffer and then say the next thing. Any time you use a 'vocal disfluency' you are opening yourself up to interruption, being cut off, being ignored or being glossed over. Don't fucking do it. You should be saying complete sentences without disfluencies and focussing on that as a goal first and foremost. From there you'll find you have way more control over what you say and your brain will have way more time to come up with better words or concepts to employ to respond with.
Way I like to think of it is if you're speaking at 180 words per minute, you're giving your brain on average a third of a second to come up with the next thing. Now, let's say it takes your brain half a second to come up with a better word than a basic adjective or verb, you're cutting yourself off from using those words because you're speaking too quickly for your brain to access that better word, causing yourself to lose out on that extra layer of emotiveness. If you slowed down to 120 words per minute, which is still decent, you might find yourself using more impactful or emotive words to respond with or putting more work into giving a better response. Speaking slower with more intent is more likely to garner attention and captivate too, given you are placing more emphasis and value on each word.
On that topic, next time you're out and about eavesdrop into conversations, you'll find that most people either speak too quickly, or fill their responses with so many disfluencies and bridging words that they may be speaking for a full 10 seconds but only say a very small piece of information. This is always bad. You want your words and your responses to be dripping with exposition and content, this is a skill which takes awhile to master, but the result is that flirting becomes impressively easy, people listen to you more often, you're able to command the room or the group more effectively and people just generally care more about what you have to say.
That's my X factor whenever I employ game. Every word out of my mouth is packed with emotion, humour, confidence, intrigue and value. Whenever someone else butts in, I just let them ramble to provide a stark and chilling reminder of what a lack of those concepts looks like, and all I have to do is turn back to the girl and keep talking, she always prefers me over him because he just blurts out nonsense when I talk directly to her soul.
Another aspect is actually the power of silence. I could write a whole theory post on silence and the power it contains but I don't think that's in the scope of this (already long) comment.
Well done my man, seeing this do well makes me want to weigh in on topics of my own.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 10mo ago
Stickying comment because it is an excellent compliment to the post itself
There was so much I wanted to add to this post but it was already pushing the basics past 17,000 characters
Honestly man you could copy and paste virtually all of your comment as it is currently written as a standalone post in TheRedPill Forum
Much appreciated! Comments like these always inspire me to write more and I'm always happy to see posting inspiration spread back to others in return.
I love to see new content up in TheRedPill forum since most of the site is AskTRP posts and it's always enjoyable reading your content even if responding to most of it is on my to-do list still!
SarsaparillaCorona 10mo ago
Appreciate it, the group is small but I feel like that makes it better, anyone who is here wants to be here and you don't have the concern of naysayers and contrarians clogging up the pipelines. I feel like the closest thing on actual Reddit to this is actually the Seduction subreddit funnily enough, I feel like there's enough right minds there to make it work and I have now focussed a lot of my attention and energy towards that community, but I enjoy being here because I'm likely to get honest and valid advice or read stuff that is actually useful and beneficial, also the slow paced nature of the community means that if you post something, it doesn't require upvoting or quick responses, you can do as you mentioned, come back to it at your own leisure.
If there's one thing I wanna touch on, and realistically I think I should avoid the pitfall of teaching before practicing, it would be the concept of Don Juan in Book of Pook and why his approach is massively successful. I think a lot of men struggle with the idea of loving women in general, and not just specific women or types of women. Don Juan does what he does because he loves all women and wants nothing but positive fun interactions with them. He doesn't care if he gets accepted or rejected, he just thinks 'Ooh La La!' and moves on. He just wants to have fun, and I think a lot of men have lost sight of the fact that women are meant to be really, really, really fucking fun. Instead they hate women, they blame them for their lack of success, they dump all of their insecurities and anger onto them instead of simply loving them for what they are. I love women, that's why TRP is something that appeals to me so much, I want to spend as much time as possible with women having fun, enjoyable and enriching interactions in any form it takes, and my goals in that area always centre around that concept. Not a lot of men have that thought, and I think a lot is being left on the table by not having that outlook.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 10mo ago
A small community also lends to more friendly debate. The amount of strangers is slim, you know the reputability and posting history the people critiquing you, and the feedback is more likely to be based on understanding the other person and not like some random shitting on parts of your post. You know where they are coming from and there is an incentive therefore to be more constructive in criticism than a drive-by low-rapport comment
I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I really forget about this. I can be petty especially at my country venues where I am in demand and have a lot of options. I will cut women off, ghost them for misbehaving etc, and keep scores some times (largely because I can afford to). I usually forgive and forget after time passes but this would happen a lot less of I Ooh La La Don Juaned
Women are going to be women and a lot of the times I forget that it's just supposed to be fun. Even if they're slutty. It even affects my game if I'm not of the perspective that they're supposed to be FUN to interact with
Thanks for reminding me of that essay. Haven't read it in a couple of years. It would be a good post to make
SarsaparillaCorona 10mo ago
100% agreed. You know me, I know you, when you say something I know what it means in comparison to the rest of what you say and you have the same perspective, so much better than being yelled at randomly.
And yeah, that’s why I really, really like TBOP and Don Juan as an archetype and a goal to set. Dude literally doesn’t fucking care. He gets rejected? No problem, you come find me when you’re ready. You slap me? Oof, good to know my approach is polarising! Thank you darling! You wanna flake? Okay honey, I’ll move one name down the list and fuck her instead, boo hoo you lose. Going to place impositions on me and try and chain me down? No thanks! I have a bunch of other women I can see who don’t wanna do that to me!
It’s the platonic ideal of outcome independence, a lot of guys pretend to have outcome independence, but Don Juan lives and breathes outcome independence. He knows that the next hot girl and excellent lay is just around the corner, and he knows how to make it happen when he’s presented with an option, he’ll walk up and take it or if she rejects it, he just shrugs, thinks ‘Ooh La La! Your loss!’ And moves on to the next option.
Ugh this is gonna make me re-read TBOP and the Pook Manifesto isn’t it? I probably should anyway if I’m on this pathway of self introspection and recalibration. Once I’m done I’ll write up a post on Don Juan and what makes him special in comparison to other platonic ideals and archetypes in TRP and PUA lore.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 10mo ago
Excellent summary
Shit he has another book? Fuck me how did I not know about this?
I need to read it ASAP
SarsaparillaCorona 10mo ago
Dude there’s fucking 5 of them, l listed them in the book list.
There’s:
TBOP is free, the rest aren’t. No idea how easy they are to find for free, but I’ll go looking for them
Vermillion-Rx Admin 10mo ago
Free isn't really my concern. I can't find them very easily online in general to purchase even. Link?
SarsaparillaCorona 10mo ago
Free is my concern when they want $47 USD for a collection of PDFs you can find for free online.
Messaged you.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 10mo ago
Sheesh
MentORPHEUS Senior Endorsed 10mo ago
Excellent write up!
Those needing remedial help with conversation and witty banter skills, I recommend you watch and study stand-up comedians. Watch the devices and techniques successful ones use. Set up and timing. Callbacks to earlier references. Self-references. Rapport breaks and unexpected twists. Clever and brash/bold metaphors and pop culture references. There are even amateur stand-up classes out there if you're naturally dry and really want to brush up on these skills. Mediocre and middling ones can teach you what not to do. An unknown female comedian came up in my feed, I could only bear a third of her routine. Off, bad timing, dry humor, weird and off-timed laughter at herself.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 10mo ago
Thank you! I neglected to mention stand up comedy in my guide despite considering it.
That is a good one, I'll add it in there with a shout-out that you mentioned it
A lot of the skills you mentioned are good intermediate and advanced ones that are definitely powerful. Would be good to be in a more advanced conversation skills post
And yes, I have no idea what the ultimate reason is why female comedians are so damn unfunny. I think it was something you said, like awkwardly laughing at themselves etc. A lot of them just are not natural about it. Or they know the punch line is supposed to be some societal "you go girl" brownie point or something and not genuinely funny content people can relate to like male comedians inspire.
Some women can make me laugh like my dance partner who euphemised stealing as "casually acquired" in the middle of a convo. Or how another girl referred to a white skin in a game as white privilege. "White privilege Kirby"
Some women do say funny things but it's rare.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 10mo ago
Pfft. I was first.
@MentORPHEUS is ripping me off. Mental note to heap vcards upon you both.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 10mo ago
Lmao, the comedian advice has been around since So Suave in all likelihood. I saw it years ago, it's advice that's been stolen by everyone
I'll still add you to the shoutout
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 10mo ago
Not good enough! I'm the origin, and all those people copied me via time travel!
Vermillion-Rx Admin 10mo ago
Well shit, mayne, give me them v cards then
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 10mo ago
...is the worst thing a person can possibly do!
Boosted_Arrow 10mo ago
Can you explain why?
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 9mo ago
'Twas a joke, of the hypocritical humor variety.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 9mo ago
Yeah woosh, indeed
Because hyperbole is greatly exaggerating stuff and when he quoted me saying that hyperbole was the worst thing you can do, it is literally an example of hyperbole