OG post author: Heathcliff-- [Endorsed Contributor]

Original reddit post [Flaired as Rant/Vent]

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Heathcliff--

"I began to see why woman-haters could make such fools of women. Woman-haters were like gods: invulnerable and chock-full of power. They descended, and then they disappeared. You could never catch one."

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

Around two years or so ago. I became attractive.

I’d swallowed the pill a while back, but like most of you, I assumed I was some kind of exception and didn’t lift. Well I kind of did, but had a pretty severe case of fuck-around-itis and no discipline; not to mention an inability to cook and feed myself properly. I made no gains.

I was redpill aware, and gamed girls, but really didn’t make that much progress. I knew how to pass shit-tests but didn’t get any, I knew what to do with LMR but had no girls in my room. 9s and 10s were actually quite kind to me; I mistook this for attraction, not realising that I’d actually just fallen into the “asexual-child” category women put guys in who are not even considered men, let alone a prospect.

Eventually the humility hit me, I couldn’t stay deluded forever, and I had to accept it when looking at myself in the mirror. I was ugly.

Now I had been given a few gifts that I was wasting; one was height, no one can call me “tall”, but I’m above the average at least, so, hypothetically, I was at the threshold most women needed to consider me. The other was a not-ugly face. I wasn’t beautiful, I didn’t have a thick jaw or strong cheekbones, but my face was passable; no stand out blemishes or disproportioned features.

I can work with this, I thought. I may not be Brad Pitt but I can scrape through into “attractive” if I work hard enough.

There were however, downsides to the gifts, and things I didn’t get; my height came with a skinny, ectomorphic body, with an albatross armspan leading to thin wrists and pencil neck. My face can be considered feminine, boyish; more Justin Bieber than Ryan Gosling, weak chin, unable to grow a beard, or even sufficient stubble. My hair at the time was long, thick and gay. My back twisted into one of the worst cases of rounded shoulders I have seen on anyone, with a forward facing nerd neck, video-gamers anterior pelvic tilt, the whole shebang. It was gross.

I was a 3, if I’m being nice. But at that level ratings mean nothing anyway; anything less than a 7 and you’re invisible to women.

At the time I still had this magical idea of women, that they were different than us, that they could look past the beauty and be attracted to alpha-personality on the inside, that they didn’t need us to look good in order to want to fuck us, we could make up for it in other ways. That they had better control of their sexual urges and weren’t as visually turned on as us. That they didn’t really enjoy sex like we do and degeneracy put them off; that they were pure, poised beings with grace and innocence.

Lmao. Delusional.

After years of painful rejections and bitchy put downs, I stopped making excuses and began to accept that I wasn’t the exception; I needed to lift and fix my body in order to become attractive; all the game in the world couldn’t help me if I still looked like a teenage fedora nerd.

So I began to take it seriously.

I started off as a 3.

The first thing that happened was my posture sorted itself. Deadlifts and Bent-Over-Rows fixed my forward shoulders within a fortnight. Stretches solved the APT. I was purposefully checking my posture and neck whenever I remembered, and forcing myself upright. It was uncomfortable, sometimes painful, at first, but my body fell into a new equilibrium and settled. I stood up straighter and sat better in chairs; people would notice, a few said “did you get taller?”. I became a 4.

Next I cut my hair. It used to hang below my ears cos fuck gender norms and short haircuts were for jocks and I liked heavy metal. This time though I told a new barber to cut it short. Men have short hair.

It was a disaster. I was horrified at the boot-camp haircut he gave me, it made my face look even skinnier and gaunter than before.

But I pushed through it, after a few weeks the hair grew out and became scruffy and messy and actually… looked good. I suddenly felt 3 years older and more masculine, looked like an actual male. I began taking care of it better, stopped shampooing it every day like a retard, and after a few weeks of grease it settled into a natural, thick cleanliness. It felt so nice I would just play with it sometimes.

People commented; “your hair looks so much better this way”. I became a 5.

At this point I was lifting properly. I was going 4 times a week, no exceptions, no excuses, and enjoying it. I wasn’t lifting heavy, and was a bit insecure about my low weight on the bar, but knew ego-lifting was for pussies who hurt themselves. More importantly though, I was cooking properly, and eating properly. I enjoyed this new hobby, cooking, more than the lifting. I was hungry all the time, something I had never known or experienced, and so I grazed throughout the day until I was hitting 3k+ calories consistently. Everything about me got slightly chubbier, and I stopped being able to see my ribs; my face started packing on fat too, and began to take on a more masculine appearance, my skin looked and felt different. A few people said “you look healthier, you look like you’re glowing”. I became a 6.

I changed my wardrobe. I’d just hit it big time on a STEM scholarship so splurged out on new clothes. At first I went on reddit fashion subreddits and brought desert boots and oxford shirts and chinos, but I looked like a damn Victorian twink wearing all this. I was very self-conscious going outside because it just didn’t feel right, it was like I was in a costume.

Sometimes I would go out in sweats and a hoodie and trainers and think “wow I actually look kind of badass” like, old women would walk across the street to avoid me. So I adopted the style. I dressed like a black dude for a while and felt much more comfortable; it felt like “me”, and it would hide my skinny frame. Eventually I started finding which colours worked for me, and adding my own personality to the style; things about me from teenagehood I couldn’t just drop, band t-shirts and chucks and vans and flannel. It worked, very well. I got compliments from people on the roadman-grunge hybrid, it felt effortless and suited me, didn’t feel like a costume. I’m young, and stopped trying to dress old. I became a 7.

It was at this point I started getting looks from women on public transport. I would hop onto a train and a 5/10 would see me and I’d see her and then her eyes would snap away and I’d be like “weird” and then she’d look again and see me looking and her eyes would snap away again and then she’d fix her hair. Often I would check my face to see if I had anything in my nose or whatever.

This kept happening for a while and I was getting quite self-conscious about it. Was I creepy or weird? Was I dressed funny? Have I got a big nose or ears or something and they just can’t stop looking?

It’s been about a year at this point and I can finally squat my bodyweight for 5x5 and while I still look skinny in clothes I check myself out shirtless in the mirror and am impressed. I moved on from my strength program to an aesthetics program and started actively working on my pencil neck to make it thicker and chest to make it wider. I saw results within weeks. Suddenly my neck was solid and thick and I was stretching my shirts. I’d also picked up bouldering and this pumped up my forearms and back like no-ones business. I became an 8.

It started to become undeniable that women were checking me out. Every time I would get on a train there would be at least one woman who would see me and we’d meet eyes and she’d quickly look away. Then her hand would go to her nose and scratch it or she’d smooth down her skirt or she’d fidget or fix her hair or fringe. I didn’t understand why. Often she’d look back at me when she thought I wasn’t looking again and I’d catch her and she’d snap away again and I started having a lot of fun messing with girls this way.

I even began to count how much it happened during the day; my average is 6. Some days are better than others, normally after a haircut or during rush-hour. Honestly, if this is what it’s like being an attractive guy getting checked out by women, I cannot even begin to imagine what it’s like being an 18 year old HB9 in public; like a minor celebrity probably. No wonder they’re all so damn entitled and full of themselves, the validation is immense. Or maybe it just gets tiring and annoying after a while. I still enjoy it though.

Some women would hover nearer to me or turn their body so they were facing me and their feet would point in my direction or they’d begin copying things I did or how I sat. Some just couldn’t stop looking, even if I caught them. There was this one girl, not that attractive, who backed up into me on a very crowded sardine train and started grinding her fucking ass into my crotch like we were in a club. I thought it was an accident at first but got a boner anyway but then she kept fucking doing it and I knew for a fact that she could feel my hardon poking her buttcrack yet she continued.

It started to become flattering when I would get the looks from really hot women. Girls who I still considered out of my league would stare at me and sneak glances and I’d look back like “wtf you looking at” and then they’d sit next to me or across from me and play with their hair or part their legs or touch the inside of their thighs. Sometimes it would come from older women, cougars and milfs who were much more subtle about it but would also smile at me when I caught them looking.

Oh yeah, the smiles from women were a big giveaway, women don’t randomly smile at ugly men.

I was still denying it though. Still sneakily checking my reflection in my phone to make sure I didn’t have anything on my face or a booger. I couldn’t accept I was attractive, not after a whole life of invisible betadom. I was actually getting laid at this point though, with 6s and 7s I met at school, and this would improve my mood and mindset. It began to show in the way I walked, my aura changed and I would manspread or check out girls without giving a fuck. At this point, I’m a 9 to some women. I can’t pull off the whole big and masculine thing, still too boyish, but I definitely got that pretty boy Dorian Gray fuckboy vibe going.

It was when I got these stares from women who were with their boyfriends that I began to get blackpilled. They would sit there holding their boyfriends hands or he’d be diddling away on his phone and the bitch would sneak glances and then get all fidgety. We’d meet eyes and I’d hatestare her and then she’d blush and then start grooming herself and the guy would be fucking oblivious. She would continue to sneak glances for a while until they left, or sometimes the guy would pick up on it and then hatestare me back and then put an arm around his girl or something. I don’t blame him. The whole time all I could think was “stop looking at me whore your bf is right there”.

It’s when I started getting stares from the teenage girls and children, some of them quite clearly pre-teens that it started to make me feel sick. I understand that I look like I could be in one-direction or something but I was not ready for this level of blackpilling. They can’t start this early can they? When I was that age all I cared about was yugioh. Wtf are they doing staring at me? This is wrong, very wrong. Often it would make me so uncomfortable I would get off and wait for the next train.

Every time I looked in the mirror I was unimpressed, still fuck ugly and twinky, still and forever small.

Yet the indicators from the outside world were undeniable. I would be walking past a group of girls who were talking loudly and they’d all go quiet and look. Women in my vicinity would get louder and more obnoxious, trying to draw my attention. And still, always, excessive spontaneous grooming from any girl who would see me.

One girl in the library who I used to check out while she squatted at the gym would plop herself down next to me and sigh loudly. Then she’d keep doing it and then accidently bump into me sometimes or drop things and then sigh some more. Another girl followed me around a party and eagerly fetched me drinks and asked me very personal questions until her boyfriend had to confront me and I acted all oblivious.

A lot of women conveniently forget to mention their boyfriends around me. I’d hang out with them for weeks or months and we’d chat in class and I’d flirt quite heavily but subtly as I’m good at it by now and she just won’t tell me she has a boyfriend until I either find out myself through social media or I see them together or she’s forced to mention it because we’re in a group setting or one of her friends sabotages her and brings it up. Normally there’s a quick “wtf bitch why u do that” look between the two girls after. Hilarious shit.

Then you get the betas who are scared of you and treat you like a king. The guys who stutter around you and worship the ground you walk on. You have the guys at the gym who end their sets early if you ask them for the rack because they’re so fucking agreeable they’re scared of telling you they have sets left. There was a dude who basically did my coursework for me for a while, whenever I’d ask him for help with a question he just sent me the full answer and it confused me at first why this guy was bending over backwards for me until I found out he was a faggot and that’s when I realised just how much worship women get from betas; pathetic.

Then you have the betas who are absolutely threatened by you and try to AMOG you at every turn. They get all hyper-competitive in groups, especially with girls, and are fucking loud and obnoxious. I just sit back and let them crash and burn, knowing the golden rule is the more you talk the more faggy you come across. I feel kinda bad for these guys because they’re not attractive and hate you because you are, but they don’t lift or make any real effort and think being aggressive makes them more alpha so not my problem.

Ugly and average girls are super nice to me and give me the sparkle eyes like I’m a god and seem to be happy they’re just in my presence. They laugh at everything I say even when I’m not trying to be funny and stalk my facebook profile with their friends (attested by the random likes on photos posted 4 years ago). Pretty girls go into full on bitch mode as soon as we meet. This never happened before, I was treated like a child before, but still human. Now the 8s and up all assume I want to fuck them (or hope I do) so start shit-testing me from the first word.

Then there’s the girls who change their whole personality around you and become fake. There’s this histrionic jewish girl in my class who bounces around me and does all she can to try and impress me and is wild and childish but in that attractive way where you know she’s crazy in the sack. It was cute at first so I asked her if she wanted to hang out after class with my friends to smoke weed and so we did and I brought my bro round who is one of my best friends but also kind of beta still and we all smoked and he didn’t really say anything embarrassing or cringey he’s just kind of shy and doesn’t lift and this whore went into full on beta shaming putdown mode on the dude and made fun of him and laughed. It made me SO angry that she could so easily flip between submissive sex kitten to ice queen sneering maneater, especially to my best friend, and so I caught that shit and stopped it as tactfully as I could in the situation then ghosted her.

At this point I’m actually getting laid a lot, from women who meet my standards, and it’s hard not to start hating women and just how fucking degenerate they can be. I started off being scared of women; thinking they were smart little princesses with sweet smiles, and they terrified me because they seemed to see right through me and had this magical, ethereal power of intuition. Now I know that was just me projecting my own weakness and insecurity and actually they’re all fucking stupid and malicious and irrational.

Before trp I didn’t hate women. They baffled me, they confused me, they scared me, but I didn’t hate them. I treated them with “respect”, which really meant I kissed ass and sucked up to them. I didn’t get laid.

Now I get laid, and I hate women. Now they piss me off. Now they frustrate me. Now they disappoint me. Now I’m a misogynist.

I’m not a woman hater due to inexperience like the feminists think so, in fact when I was inexperienced I treated women better than I ever do now. It’s precisely because I deal with the prettiest and smartest girls on the daily that I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re all fucking retarded. All of them. If they’re pretty they’re a whore. If they’re smart they’re also a whore. The “smartest” girls I know are the biggest sex addicts and wildest in bed. If they’re not a whore they’re normally ugly, or just fucking dopey, or incredibly bitchy and hard to be around.

Oh and “boyfriend”. Lol. That word means nothing to pre-wall women. Or at least, it doesn’t mean what we think it means. It means companion. It means backup option. It means fashion accessory. It means status symbol. To be paraded around and make other girls jealous. But it definitely does not mean “exclusive sex partner”. The “boyfriend” is a term for the baseline, comfortable branch she’s sitting on at the moment while reaching for a higher-chad, at the slightest hint of confirmed upgrade the dude is dropped. Closest translation to trpSpeak is “main plate”. There is no such thing as a girl who is 100% exclusive to her man, they all cheat, and often without thinking about it, never "on purpose". They don’t see it as cheating, it's just normal to them, they feel entitled to it. Their definition of cheating changes with their whims and the weather. I’ve banged way too many girls with boyfriends to ever take the “I have a boyfriend” shit-test at face value.

You’ll be surprised at the things girls tell you when you’ve just pounded her into an existential crisis and she realises you’ll never actually commit to her, you know she’s a whore and accept it without judgement. She’s honest in that moment. The n-counts they reveal… the experiences they’ve had, and the way they speak about their boyfriends, or orbiters… With utter contempt! With revulsion, mockery! I’ve had more than one girl lay there telling me about the size of another guys dick or how much of a pussy he is or laughing about when he cried or did something embarrassing and it made me fucking sick.

I’ll be laying in bed after having cum in some girls asshole and she’ll sigh as she picks up her phone and there are 20 ignored messages from her orbiters and I’ll sometimes look over and it will be something like “sorry for getting all emotional yesterday I was drunk lol, wanna get lunch today?” and she’d be like “not today sorry xxox” and if only the dude knew that she’s laying on my chest scratching my balls with her other hand while typing this. Sometimes I’m pounding a girl with a fistful of hair and her phone keeps buzzing and it’s her boyfriend and I say “aren’t you gonna get that” and she says “nah just ignore it” and I say “it’s distracting switch it off” so she switches off her phone.

And then you have the ones who are all sweet and innocent and demure and shy and have the perfectly cultivated family oriented social medias and aesthetic photography instagrams yet are in an uber to your place at the slightest hint of a booty call and eagerly tongue swirl your asshole while you browse reddit on your phone.

The wool is no longer over my eyes. It has been burnt away violently. They’re all whores. All of them. women on the train who stare without shame. The MILFs who brush their tits up against you. The teenage girls who think they’re being sneaky taking snapchats of your manspread. The girls who kiss you while their boyfriend is in the other room at the party. The girls who sit in front of you during lectures and bend over and turn around a lot. The girls who take selfies for their boyfriends while their lower half is grinding on your dick.

All of them. Without exception. All it took for me was to get attractive and suddenly I’m in a completely new world, an entirely different fucked up game where the true nature of the female sex is revealed. Becoming Chad was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. Sure I wasn’t getting laid before but at least I had faith in the “fairer” sex and my world was more pleasant. The illusion was nice to uphold for a while… but now that it’s shattered I’m left with a disgusting, stark, reality that I didn’t sign up for. I didn’t want this shit, send me back to the Matrix please.

You don’t get hit by the anger phase just once, it comes in waves. Initially when you swallow the pill, but multiple times after that. The first time you fuck a cute little thing and she treats you like a sex-god only to realise you’re actually her plate and she treats every other guy this way too. The first time you accidentally meet the kids of that woman who’s face you cum-splattered a few days before. The first time you get given an STD by that small innocent girl you met at the art gallery. Each time you’ll get the surge of rage. Why the fuck do they have to be like this? How can they ALL be like this, yet uphold the good-girl image so perfectly and sweetly? They’re all fucking whores. They’re all damn liars.

The sex isn’t worth it. After overindulging as Chad for a while it becomes boring. Meaningless. I don’t want to use these girls as fucktoys, I hate it. And even if I stopped, some other guys will use them anyway. I just wish they’d all stop being lying fucktoys period. Can’t we just have enforced monogamy again where everyone fucks only one person their whole life and sex isn’t a big fucking deal at all? Where we understand the destructive nature of sex as a drug and keep it under control?

Yes I know it’s delusional and beta of me and imma get the spergs like “still bluepill, still anger phase why r u endosrsed u retard, just deal with it enjoy the decline blab la bla” but fuck man, if you’d seen what I’ve seen you wouldn’t just be able to cope with this shit and remain a bystander, it’s sad what’s happened to our women. They’re not the enemy, they’re not something to be used and enjoyed and thrown away, they’re our sisters and mothers and daughters…“enjoy the decline” is for hedonistic, nihilist losers, faggots who assume they have no power in the world so just fucking give up trying to change it.

I became attractive to get girls, I became Chad, and the world I was inducted into horrifies me. I want out.