I recently read an article about a trend in dating among younger people. According to the article, "floodlighting is the latest dating trend making waves on TikTok, where people share deeply personal or emotional details too soon in a relationship, often in an attempt to accelerate intimacy." The article then goes on to explain why this is problematic, and offers some alternative tactics.
I want to analyze this from a red pill perspective. Ahem...
As a man, time is your most valuable asset. If you use your time wisely, your life will become better. Therefore, you should not waste your time "floodlighting" by either you or your date. There is no practical reason to share your bad experiences, or listen to other people's bad experiences. That doesn't help you earn more money, or fulfill your mission, or even build a relationship with the other person. So keep your shit to yourself; you have better things to do.
Furthermore, a lot of so-called "emotional trauma" is just inconsequential melodrama relayed by thin-skinned women and beta males. Somebody bullied you at school? You should've punched him in the jaw. You don't like your job? Whoop-de-freaking-do...put on your big boy pants, communicate your concerns with your boss, then go find another job if they don't align with what you want. Your uncle touched you when you were a wee lad? Go to therapy.
Again, most "emotional trauma" is just melodrama. Everybody deals with something. You're not special.
Another aspect of "floodlighting" is the expectation of the other person reciprocating that level of emotion. This is pure beta male behavior, no matter if you are sharing or reciprocating. Seeking validation - and giving it - is a common trait among "nice guys" because those types have very little self-esteem. They need others to make them feel better, and they believe that making others feel better gives them moral vindication. However, as TRP shows, alphas do not seek or give validation because they are already confident with themselves, for themselves, and by themselves.
If you find yourself in a "floodlighting" situation - from either end - my advice is to remove yourself from that situation as soon as possible and evalutate it. If you are the one sharing, you need to think about why you feel the need to whine about melodrama to a stranger, then come up with action steps to resolve those issues yourself. If you are on the receieving end of "floodlighting," then you need to realize that the chick is probably crazy, and she isn't worth boinking; as the adage says, never stick your dick in crazy.
Peace.
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Typo-MAGAshiv 2 6d ago
What's with young people trying to coin new terms for shit that's been around forever?
I always heard this called "trauma dumping", and it wasn't necessarily done in dating, but in any social situation such as meeting a new coworker or conversing in line at the DMV. And yes, it's a terrible idea and a terrible imposition on the other person.
What's next? Calling dinner dates "meal sharing, the latest trend in dating!"?
(This isn't necessarily directed at you, OP, but rather a general observation.)
Good stuff in that paragraph.
So never engage in heterosexual sex?!
Lone_Ranger 2 6d ago
with reference to your last sentence...
It's a great question - even though you asked in half jokingly, it hides a profound truth...
ALL CHICKS ARE CRAZY.
I now believe that the first job you have as a man, if you getting into a relationship with a woman, is to try to make her sane. sometimes this will be a huge job.
Every single woman I have ever had an LTR with has been her own version of crazy. I don;t think I realised just how mad they are. This is why frame is so important. this is why it is so important that the man runs the LTR. that YOU set the boundaries about what is acceptable and what isn't.
An LTR can never be a democracy. if you are not in charge, she will be in charge. if a crazy person is driving the car, the car is going to crash. YOU have to wade in early, and tell her that you are not going to accept craziness. she may have been crazy, rude, disrespectful, pernicious, capricious, entitled etc in the past, but this is different. YOU are not going to accept or tolerate crazy behaviour.
Lone_Ranger 2 6d ago
I think that esp the older guys on this forum will recognise the 'floodlighting' thing.
most of it comes from the women. And it all stems from the same thing: women having too many sexual partners, and far too young.
women experience early promiscuity as a trauma. and then when they are 'ready' for an LTR, they visit this trauma on some poor guy that is trying to have an LTR with them.
It's fucking disgusting to sit there and have to listen to some chick telling you about how some 'asshole' destroyed their lives. as soon as some chick tells me about some other dude that destroyed her life, I lose interest in her.
and they all seem to do it. they simply cannot keep their mouth shut.
I don;t want to be their therapist.