So I am sure at one point or another, we're all going to run into people that for some reason just hate us. Maybe they hate how we sound, what we wear, or just how we look. Say you run into a social situation where you are sitting down with your friend and some guy (or girl) that happens to be there just doesn't like you. For the most part, they make it clear that they don't want anything to do with you, they don't respect you and they surely don't like you. Perhaps their dislike has to do with the fact that you remind them of someone they really hated or maybe they just flat out hate you.
I have read the 48 laws of power but I feel like there can be more advice given on this very topic. 48 Laws says to turn enemies into friends but these people aren't your rivals, they just hate you or flat out dislike you.
What is the best path to take in dealing with these people?
Glenbert 9y ago
My last boss was like this. He got put in charge when the previous boss left. He rode my ass to take greatest risks and then bitched me out publicly, not because they failed (cuz they usually didn't), but for taking them. And you could just yell, he hated me.
Does this sound familiar? Are you talking about your boss? No? Then who the fuck cares what they think?
watersign 9y ago
I feel like this is a high school problem. Im in my mid 20s and dont have a 'circle' of friends anymore since I moved to another state for a job. This sounds like some highsschool bullshit. cut your losses and move on..if people dont like you...nothing will change.
[deleted] 9y ago
Bernie Mac said it best
[deleted] 9y ago
I would try to piss them off more and not laugh aloud
UlyssesElias 9y ago
the worst thing you can do is to spend your life trying to make everybody like you.
You didn't answer an important question: do you like them?
InferiousX 9y ago
Deal with them as little as possible.
When you do have to deal with them "Be courteous yet curt." is my motto. You are polite and calm but never over compensating to try to sway their opinion.
yummyluckycharms 9y ago
Unlike some of the posts in this thread, this advice is really the only one that works.
The idea that you can turn someone who dislikes you on a gut level is unlikely, given that their bias isnt based on reason but instead something far more primal. Moreover, in those situations where you are being taunted, its most likely because the bully is the alpha of the group and you are just fresh meat. Its far more efficient to simply deflect their negativity than try and go on a massive, high risk campaign of getting an entire social group to turn on the alpha. If you dont try and threaten the bully, they will usually just go looking for easier prey.
Dark397 9y ago
Tell yourself the following and act as if the following were true till it get internaised:
Tuxedoyoda 9y ago
A man once interviewed for a job with Winston Churchill. WC asked him, "Do you have any enemies? " The candidate responded that he did. Churchill responded, "Good, that means at some point in your life, you stood up for something."
[deleted] 9y ago
[deleted]
TheRedPilsner 9y ago
"You've got enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." -Winston Churchill
IoSonCalaf 9y ago
If you have no enemies, you have no character.--Paul Newman
SkorchZang 9y ago
Ignore the haters, but do not ignore this symptom arising in your "mental landscape". This is you asking yourself "what would I do if people hate me?", how would you act to save the day in the case of this immense tragedy? It's a poisoned blue pill upsurge you're facing man.
To put it another way, your self-talk is doing a psy-ops number on you, causing fear where you need none. Pay attention to how that's being done, maybe even journal it out for yourself. Once you have observed what old unspoken beliefs your mind is using to construct this edifice of fear, it will become much clearer exactly which mental ballast you need to drop to lighten up and move yourself forward.
DossSayss 9y ago
woah great reply man. it's very conceptual, but objective...you're describing the exact mindset (or thought) you need to have to solve the problem.
usually don't post very often but this really spoke to me even though it's what I already practice, seeing it in writing makes things a lot clearer
RosewoodPill 9y ago
Ignore the shit out of them.
[deleted] 9y ago
People often hate others that remind them of things they hate within themselves. Thats why their hate can be so immediate, without even knowing you.
If that helps to know that there's self-loathing going on, you dont have to take it personally. Maybe even grin at them sometimes.
aphraxian 9y ago
This really depends on circumstances.
If you're sitting down in a bar with a guy and a girl, and you connect to the guy but get shit on by the girl, just continue talking to the guy like she doesn't exist. Your value raises and her value diminishes by every word. If he sides with her, he probably wants to fuck her for some reason, and you can help with that by being the villain and getting points for that later on.
If the setting is like a few day camp-in with several people who are unknown to you and one party in the group openly hates your guts, you're probably somehow setting on his social terrain, and it might be best to alleviate the pressure by befriending the idiot so that you can enjoy the upcoming days better. If not, ignore. If the person here knows others beforehand and you do not, it can ruin the whole experience; then you befriend others and let them do the conversion. Don't push it here.
If it's a larger social setting and there are some haters, just present yourself in good light and then find better company. Those who like you will seek you out later on.
Only if the idiots continue to harass you, should you escalate -- best way for this is to wait until he stumbles with his pokes, and crack a joke at his expense, dragging his value down and then after the laughs continue as if he doesn't exist.
The common thread here is that you should not give attention to that which is not worthy of it, and only escalate the reaction if there is no other way to do it.
He whose temper lapses first loses.
*Edit: When you have enough social proof in immediate vicinity or you are overwhelmingly superior to the adversary, you can just tell them to fuck off, and continue normally.
FrameWalker 9y ago
Thinking about the problem in reverse should give you an idea of precautions and behaviors to deal with the issue.
When I dislike someone my primary urge is to avoid them. If I really dislike someone, I am strongly compelled to put obstacles in their path, and make their life difficult. Such actions are transparent to the group, so I only act if I can maintain plausible deniability.
If someone were to deal with me disliking them, avoiding would be fine. They'd be wise to anticipate opportunities to guard against me getting in their way. I could be disarmed quickly with a joke. "Gonna throw me under the bus huh Framewalker"
bitterRedpills 9y ago
At best if the animosity doesn't become a public event then ignoring them as best you can is the only real option.
If they start shit try and get them socially discredited so they feel awkward being around you and your group. Turn the tides.
[deleted] 9y ago
If their hate for you is THAT irrational. Ignore them.
Jack_Wellington 9y ago
Their hate is their problem, not yours. So forget about it.
micloudon 9y ago
If someone starts talking shit or being condescending, I confront them right away and ask them if they have a problem with me; most people are pussies, so they'll change their mind about you pretty fast. It's the people who are willing to argue with you that you need to worry about; try not to hang around these people, but when you do make it clear that they don't intimidate you or change your behavior, just keep your frame strong
FinallyRed 9y ago
Ask them for a small favor. It plants the seedling of liking you. They'll rationalize that they must like you of they did you that favor when they were really just being courteous.
R1fle 9y ago
Outside of high school I never encounter people who just hate me. Some people are assholes and shit, but no one just straight up hates me, or at least no one has made it obvious in the last 8 years.
If someone is making fun of you and you have to deal with them, just earn the respect of every other rational person around you, and like a sheep the hater, for lack of a better word, will follow the herd.
How to earn the respect of people around you? Follow TRP and it's pretty easy. Imo, abundance mentality is great. Just simply straight up talking to coworkers about how I'm cleaning my fridge, moving into my new place, fixing up my bathroom, assembling my bed from Ikea.... They know I'm an adult. I'll ask for tips on home improvement and shit. It's the easiest fucking way to get people to see you as a responsible human being.
Ask the dude you hate for advice on something, if he gives you shit advice - even if he's PURPOSELY trolling, act like he wasn't trolling and say, 'That sounds retarded.' and just ask someone else what they would do, and say because they aren't retarded they likely have better advice. And even if the advice isn't better, still say it's better because they aren't dumb as shit.
Check mate.
It's good to point out who has issues with you before it manifests into bullying. Once you've let someone walk all over you for a couple days/weeks it's gonna be harder for you to face your fear. The second someone does something you dislike, you should already be creating a mental note about how this person is a douchebag and until they make up for their retarded behavior you're just going to assume they are useless as shit, and you should never ever open up to them(say whatever the fuck you want to them, but don't invest emotionally, or share feelings), and take everything they say with a massive grain of salt.