“Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.”- Elizabeth Gilbert

 

Research has found that sexual attraction can be mistaken for anxiety. In the famous bridge study, male participants crossed a rickety bridge with a drop of over 200 feet. As the men crossed the bridge, they became highly anxious. On the other end of the bridge, a female lab assistant administered the participants a survey. After the survey, the lab assistant gave participants her phone number to call if they had any further questions. Half of the men called the assistant, and several even asked her out on a date.

 

This is in stark contrast to participants in the control group who crossed a much safer bridge that didn’t cause anxiety: none of them followed up with the assistant, and none of them asked her on a date.

 

The men who were anxious after crossing the rickety bridge experienced what psychologists call misattribution of arousal. They were brought into a state of psychological arousal from crossing the bridge and when the female lab assistant gave them her number, they mistook their anxiety from crossing the bridge as attraction for the lab assistant.

 

This may seem strange at first glance, but when you compare the symptoms of anxiety and sexual attraction it makes perfect sense that these two states could be confused. The symptoms of anxiety include: sweaty palms, increased heart-rate, heavy breathing, dilated pupils, and intense emotions. What else causes all these symptoms? Sexual attraction.

 

The fact that participants of the bridge study asked the female lab assistant on a date has an important implication: anxiety is a subjective experience. When men interpret anxiety as a sign that they’re sexually attracted to someone because of the misattribution of arousal, it becomes a good thing, a reason to ask a woman on a date.

 

Anxiety and excitement are two sides of the same coin. For one person, skydiving is the most thrilling experience imaginable, for another it’s the most frightening. Similarly, approaching women can either be exciting or anxiety provoking, it’s completely subjective.

 

How To Turn Approach Anxiety into Approach Excitement

 

Harvard scientists ran a study in which they made participants give a speech in front of an audience to induce social anxiety. The first group of participants wasn’t given any special instructions for giving their speech, and unsurprisingly, their levels of social anxiety were high and resultantly, their performances suffered.

 

A second group of participants was given a very simple exercise to practice before and during their speech. They were instructed to reinterpret anxiety as excitement. Whenever they felt nervous, they were to tell themselves, “I feel excited.” Participants in this second group not only felt more calm and confident, but also performed significantly better.

 

When you see a girl who you want to approach, don’t try to deny the anxiety, don’t fight it, reinterpret it. Tell yourself that you are excited. Consciously think this, and each time you do this you will start to change the meaning of approach anxiety. You can’t get rid of approach anxiety, but you can transform it into a positive experience.

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