I was reminded of this classic in two comment threads recently, and I figured it deserved a repost.
This will be copied and pasted from old posts done originally by /u/LewisCross (aka @Aldabruzzo) and again later by /u/where_muh_good_mens (RIP). Any changes I make to their intro will be notated in brackets, and I changed the title from "reading once a year" to "re-reading occasionally" since it's been a few years since the last repost.
Solomon II was a blogger in the middle of the manosphere's lifetime, around 2009-2011. He quit and left abruptly due to a data security breach and has been gone since. Well, while the wider manosphere has changed and in some ways degenerated, we still have most of Solomon's writings [this was a defunct link; sadly most of his writings are gone forever as far as I know. Maybe someone with more time on his hands can find some archive somewhere. - Typo-MAGAshiv]. Here is one of his best, "Drive Thru Boyfriends", submitted here for the ages. Read it, learn it, love it, live it. Because if you don't, it will be imposed upon you.
Read it and know it, men.
Drive Thru Boyfriends
“Welcome to McFling’s. My name is Solomon II. May I take your order?” “Uh, yes. I’ll have the three months of meaningless sex from the Boyfriend Lite menu, add extra self respect. Hold the judgment and consequences please. “I’m sorry; we’re all out of self respect. Would you like to add a side of rationalization for only $1 more?” “Yeah. That’s fine. Super size it please.” “Thank you. Please pull up to the window for your total.”
There she is driving down the road of life at her own pace. She’s young, independent, beautiful and has all the time in the world. When she’s horny, she swings into the closest drive thru and places her order. She does the same thing when she’s sad, lonely, happy, up, down, in, out, excited, needy, afraid, strong, weak, depressed, moody, joyful, exhilarated, stressed, etc. Any and every reason is valid because she’s being “true to herself”. Every three months on average she swings into McFling’s and orders up the best looking or most exciting thing on the menu (because she’s sooo selective). There’s also a couple of late night snack runs thrown in there for good measure, but not as many as some other girls, so you have no right to judge her. She’s young and her metabolism is firing on all cylinders, so now is the time for her to gorge herself with no consequences.
At the age of 27, she starts to notice that her steady diet of junk food relationships isn’t as satisfying as it once was. Sure the bright lights, flashy signs, fast service and cheap satisfaction made for great fun, but now she’s starving for wholesome affection and beginning to show signs of emotional malnutrition. There has to be something better out there. Something more substantive. All of a sudden she decides to make a change. No more drive thru boyfriends. Certainly everyone understands that her junk food relationship binge wasn’t her fault since it’s the bulk of what society offers. It’s our culture. These greasy high calorie drive thru boyfriend establishments are on every corner, advertised on every channel, glamorized in the media, and no one really told her how bad they could be for her health. It’s society’s fault. It’s the franchise’s fault. All the girls she knows are doing it, so how could she possibly be expected to know any better? So now she wants steak, and by God she’s convinced that she deserves it from a five star restaurant.
She takes a shower hoping the stench of her decade long habit of frequenting McFling’s won’t be as noticeable. She may not know how to act properly at the new fancy steakhouse she’s going to try tonight, but it’s ok. Men always give her a pass on her behavior since she’s beautiful and an easy lay adventurous.
When she’s all done getting ready and is confident that she can look and act like the type of girl who has been eating healthy all along, she heads out for the best steakhouse in town. Why not the best? She deserves it, and her friend Michelle ate there last week (and she’s totally not even pretty).
With all the undeserved self confidence in the world and an advanced case of juvenile egocentrism, she pulls into the parking lot of the steakhouse. She notices there are dozens of people standing in line. She doesn’t understand. The stupid bitch at the hostess desk asked her if she had a reservation. A reservation?! How rude! She has a vagina and that’s always been sufficient before, so what gives? It seems the steakhouse is completely booked for months.
Now she’s pissed off. How could the upscale steakhouse refuse to seat her? So what if she showed up right at prime dinner time (27 years old o’clock) and demanded the best seat in the house. She deserves it. She’s waited so long for it… well, not really, but in theory anyway. She always knew the steakhouse was there, she just never took the time to plan ahead for reservations. It’s not her fault. As she drives away, she realizes she has another problem. She’s still hungry. She pulls in to yet another McFling’s, this time disgusted to be there. But she’s changed, so she decides to try something different.
“Welcome to McFling’s. My name is Solomon II. May I take your order?” “Uh, yes. I’ll have the steak please.” “We don’t serve steak. Show me your tits.” “I’m not like that anymore. Steak please.” “I can offer you the three months of meaningless sex from the Boyfriend Lite menu, and pretend to hold the judgment and consequences if you’d like.” “Steak please.” “Bitch, would you like me to serve you the three months of meaningless sex from the Boyfriend Lite menu, pretend to hold the judgment and consequences, and just tell you it’s steak?” “Steak please.” “Fine. Please pull up to the first window. I’ll have your total and a treat for your hamster.”
This cycle continues until she turns 30 and realizes that she’ll never get in to the steakhouse. She’s waited much too long to make reservations, so she settles for a Beta male who takes her to Chili’s on 2 for 1 night in his minivan. Hey, it’s not the steakhouse she deserves, but it’s better than that asshole Solomon II at the drive thru boyfriend joint. At least Chili’s has real silverware.
That night she stumbles upon a blog with a post entitled “Drive Thru Boyfriends” and gets righteously annoyed. That’s not her at all. That was never her intention. She’s different, special, and unique. What gives the author the right to assume that he knows her or can determine what she’s been through in her AMAZING life? He doesn’t know her story. He doesn’t know her heart. He can’t judge her actions based on what other girls do simply because she did the same things and ended up in the same situation they did. He can’t tell her what kind of person she is, or what her fate will be. She’s different than the rest. She’s strong, independent and wise beyond her years.
In her rage she hits the road again, confused by what has happened to her and angry that she didn’t get what she deserved out of life. With her Beta boyfriend wondering where the hell she is, she drives past the steakhouse which is closed for the night. Blinded by fury and driven by emotion, she decides to make yet another change. A real and meaningful change this time. This time she’ll get it right and enjoy what she deserves for being an amazing woman. Her rationalization hamster helps out with navigation and leads her to a brand new place. Somewhere she’s never been. This is it! This is what she needs. This time she’s confident she’ll get what she deserves.
And she does.
“Welcome to McFling’s. My name is Solomon II. May I take your order?”
“Steak, please…”
houseoftolstoy Mod 3mo ago
Reading this again, I appreciate how well the restaurant analogy works with describing relationships. Seeing not only the fast food flings and the high status steakhouse but also the Chili's in the middle being the "settling" relationship makes this really work well.
And seeing the rationalization of "you don't know me or my story" has been played out by many times. No woman wants to see herself as the cause of her bad choices but rather as a victim and an exception to the rule. But too many women will think that because their situation is "different" that they should not be looked at in the same light as other women. The thing is that many women see this, and ironically become just like all the other woment they claim they are different from.
whytehorse2021 4mo ago
Funny how that's aged over the years. Nowadays she would get on UberEats and sees that every fast food place has a special promotion for new customers in which she gets free delivery and her first meal is free. So she faces choice paralysis and goes and consults the reviews to see which ones all the other gals are eating. Hands down it's ChadBurger.
So she gets her free meal and likes it so she keeps ordering for a while but the delivery cost is really high. She starts going in to eat but finds there's nobody to talk to, only a kiosk and then a quick interaction as as Chad brings out the ChadBurger and she stuffs it into her mouth.
This gets old and lonely so she switches to AlfonsoPizza and gets her free meal plus delivery. She learned from her last ChadBurger episode how this all ends so she decides to try all the fast food places with free stuff: TyroneFriedChicken, SantiagoBurrito, etc. until she's all out of free offers.
She frequents them and pays full price but she knows them all pretty well and can just choose whichever one she's in the mood for. But she longs for that human interaction that can only come from a full service restaurant. None of them have free delivery and they certainly don't offer free meals. On their apps are just limited coupons that don't really make up for the higher price once you include drinks and tips.
But she really wants that human interaction so she looks up what's popular with the other gals and without a doubt, it's JeanPierreLaCroisFrenchBistro. She heads straight there and sees there's a line and it's a 45min wait. 45 min later she gets to the host and he tells her they have a dress code(no slutty clothing).
The next day she shows up again in nice clothes, waits in line, and gets seated. She enjoys the food and has a little too much wine after which she starts complaining and being loud and upsetting the other customers. She's asked to leave and never come back.
She then goes to another nice restaurant called AlphaBucksSteakHouse and quickly learns that the only way she can eat there is if she shares a table with 8 other women.
After enough of these disappointing experiences she concludes that all restaurants are trash and she's better off eating at home, drinking boxed wine, and talking to her cats.
lurkerhasarisen Mod 4mo ago
The only change I would make is that not only does she have a share a table with eight other women at AlphaBucksSteakHouse, but they all have to share one meal.
(At that point she may realize that the knives aren’t for cutting the steak, but for cutting each other.)
Typo-MAGAshiv Mod 4mo ago
Haha love the updates to it, both yours and @PoopBeast's.
PoopBeast 4mo ago
That was a good read, but I actually kind of think it's gotten worse since this guy wrote this. I think the more apt analogy now is that the women get tired of the fast food boyfriend drive-thru, but never figure out that the steak house would be better to begin with, and just conclude that "all restaurants are trash".
houseoftolstoy Mod 3mo ago
Perhaps that could be an alternate ending to the story. Though from what I see with women making this statement, they aim this criticism more at the Chili's restaurants that would still seat them rather than at the fine steakhouses, as the highest value men are going to be the ones most women would be happy with, regardless of whether or not the women themselves made the correct choices and actions to prepare themselves for such a relationship. So the men that would accept them but are more of the Chili's restaurant type in the analogy would get the most ire as women see such men as proof of their own failures because they think they deserve better than the men who are actually willing to give them commitment.