The kind of app she’s looking for is OKCupid (if it still exists?). That’s where I met my now-wife. You could put answers to questions as “mandatory”. Very effective in weeding out CC women (depending on age, you still had to do a little research).

But if she did that, she’d find zero “compatible men” because none of the ones left would be Chad-enough to get her motor rolling. If she’d only had that conversation with herself 10-15 years earlier.

Why don’t men want to talk to me? (Meanwhile, she has by her words thousands of men on the same app that want to talk to her that she’s ignoring)

Good grief, where to start?

In my first ~3 days since redownloading the app, it looked like I received maybe 2000 total likes in my queue, right now it's at 1300.

Three days on the app and she counts her likes in quadruple digits. Most men would kill for 1/100th of that kind of attention.

Why do "all" (sic) men on bumble swipe right but then not message you back and are fine to lose the match??? (sic)

It's not all men. Most men would be thrilled to get a message that's actually showing a response to the effort they've put into constructing their profiles and probably shoot back a prompt reply.

Of course, you're not swiping on "all" men. You're swiping on the same top 10% as every other woman, so they don't have to put in that kind of effort. They can afford to be picky. They can even afford to waste your time and play stupid little games. Speaking of...

Is it just a game to them and they aren't actually looking to meet people?

Pretty much, yeah. Welcome to dating as a man. Sucks when the shoe's on the other foot, don't it?

Years ago I used bumble and got lots of dates from it. The past two years I think I've gone on 2 dates from the app.

Years ago you were young enough to still be on the radar of the Chads you're chasing. Now you've hit The Big Three Oh you've aged out of the game. I suspect no one ever told you a woman's sexual power is all front-loaded and decreases sharply with time - or if they did you screeched curses of soggy knees at them and refused to listen.

Either way, your ticket for the C-suite cock carousel has expired. You'll have to content yourself with the D-suite. Then the F. Then on down the line from there until even the Z-suite carousel guards are forcibly ejecting you from the premises.

I'm really meticulous about who I swipe right on

See above re: chasing Chad.

I've done a profile review on my burner account here and most people thought it was great, so I'm really confused.

You submitted yourself to the sisterhood for validation and they obliged because that's what women do. I wonder how many of those who dissented did so with honest feedback which you simply ignored because they weren't holding up their end of the covert contract you'd drafted in your mind by posting your profile to the internet.

I hate the apps. Wondering if it's a NYC area issue, or everywhere.

It's pretty much everywhere, though my understanding is NYC is even more of a meat market than other big cities due to sex demographics skewing in favor of men. Correlate that with the lifestyle advertised by the city also attracting and selecting for a greater proportion of high-achieving alpha male types and... welp.

when I buy premium

Jumpin' Jehosephat, bury the lede much?

The fact you feel you need to pay extra for a dating app as a woman tells me there's definitely something you're not telling me. Maybe you're fat. Maybe you've a butterface. Maybe you're a "boss babe" who chases men away by bragging about the size of your career penis. Maybe you just come across as an insufferable bitch. And maybe all those rides on the CC in your 20s have caught up with you and you look like 20 miles of bad asphalt rode hard and put away wet.

Whatever the explanation, the answer is the same. The men you want no longer want you. I could list a range of options here in which you might engage going forward but, let's face it, the odds you're going to even attempt anything other than adamantly refusing to accept the reality of the situation and desperately trying to sneak in the back door of the C-suite CC for another ride are slim-to-none, and I don't feel like wasting my time in superfluous composition.

Translation for those who didn’t want to read that gibbberish:

Wahhhh! I’ve aged out of the prime cock carousel and refuse to settle for the plethora of non-Chad options presented to me.

1) Bumble is a dead app AFAIK. Women literally will not make the first move, even to just say “hi” in order for a conversation to start (after which the man proceeds to do the heavy lifting like always). When I was on there, most girls just referred you to instagram on their profile and would let the match fade otherwise.

2) women who constantly install and uninstall dating apps have the mindset of someone who spends a few weeks applying for jobs, receives a few rejections, and says “no one is hiring, I’m going back to collecting unemployment and smoking weed all day”. Yeah, you’re not always going to have a positive experience. That’s how it goes when you’re trying to sell something, whether it’s a product, your labor, or your relationship qualities. Quitting something for no reason besides not liking short term outcomes is a childish reaction. Which makes sense, since a major factor in a woman being single at 31 is that she handles social situations childishly.

3) surprise surprise. Lots of dates at 29. Almost none at 31. Wonder what happened in the interim?

4) yup, welcome to dating as a man. You swipe right on basically everyone that isn’t physically deformed or has some sort of outrageous red flag, and worry about filtering after. While I interpret her “meticulous swiping” as looking for positive attributes in a guy that are specific to her and not just Chad-hunting, I’m sure there’s a lot of men who meet all of her criteria, but didn’t pass on looks. So she’s swiping right on the same men that all women like her are swiping right on. Moreover, men usually aren’t interested in days of chit chat; they want to meet and see if they like you.

5) she pretty much tells on herself via Hinge. She’ll match with a man, they will kick off a convo, but he’ll eventually ghost it. That’s a shitty way to treat people, don’t get me wrong, but it seems like even when she overcomes her challenges in age and competition for the men that she wants, her personality ends up driving them off. I’d love to see snippets of some of the conversations that she has with men. My guess is that she’s completely disengaged and they get sick of trying.

All she needs to do is use the app like a man. Swipe right in everything, and ghost the matches she doesn't like.

She has no idea why she has so many likes but no dates?

Let me break it down for her (in case there are any ladies reading).

Men press like on almost anything. I've been with my mate when they browsing, and they press like in rapid succession on almost anything. Because we want to smash, and we want to smash lots and lots and lots of chicks before we get married and settle down.

A woman in her age cohort is looking for an LTR. You can tell, because she is on OLD. Women don't need to go on OLD to get a shag, they can just go to the nearest bar and sit there and wait. So, if she's on OLD, ipso facto, she is looking for marriage.

So here we have a market (OLD) that is 'failing to clear', as an economist would describe it. A bunch of women looking for an LTR partner with very high standards, Vs a bunch of guys looking for a pump and dump, with low standards.

Men are creatures that learn and respond to their environment. We have learnt that being honest means you get no shags. So instead we go on OLD, pretend that we are looking for an LTR, and click on hundreds of women in the hope of getting some pump and dump action.

Here's the thing that women need to learn - it means NOTHING if you get 2000 likes or swipes on OLD. That means zero.