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reignoferror00 10mo ago
Open doors? Pull out your seat? I'd suggest getting a walker or at least a cane and you'll have more success. Not only "your man" will more likely do those things, random people who thing you'll need help will.
New relationship energy well over and him "treating you like a lady" in rapid decline? You still blowing him like it is your only source of food? Initiating sex? Dressing sexy? Maybe some quid pro quo Clarice, but you even then you may have to (... gasp!) voice this deal to him.
Call me cynical if you wish, but I suspect your idea of compromise is a begrudging and miniscule move in his direction one area, while taking away at least that much in another.
DextroShade 10mo ago
Sounds like she lived the modern woman life and now wants traditional woman benefits. It doesn't work that way.
SwarmShawarma 10mo ago
Asking "Am I not so attractive anymore?" without asking "Am I not so attractive anymore?"
"Ladies is it real, how do you deal with it? It is scary. How much compromise should I allow if I really have to, but show me first what are the ways to avoid compromise at all"
SpiritualEnema Jr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
You’re lucky to have anyone interested in you in your menopausal age. Be grateful that you get someone who seems to care…. Period.
GimmeTheUsual Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
Exactly.
She isn't traditional, she's expired.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
Period? She doesn't get em.
SpiritualEnema Jr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
You got my pun!
Impressive-Cricket-8 Founding member of FapGPT 10mo ago
If you're 45 and a single woman, I don't think you understand what compromising means.
Vermillion-Rx Penchant for plastic dolls 10mo ago
Excuse me sir, drop your misogyny, she's special just like every other woman and deserves the best (just like every other woman)
Supply and demand is a patriarchal power structure, check yourself
lurkerhasarisen A Strategist Among Tacticians 10mo ago
She's 45 years old and unmarried. She doesn't seem to understand what the word "traditional" means, either. She should be approaching her silver wedding anniversary and packing her kids off to college... not thinking like a teenaged girl who's read too many romance novels.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
45 is almost grandma time.
GimmeTheUsual Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
Yep, even former supermodels are looking rough at that age, with very few exceptions.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
And yet.....they see it all around them. Let me explain:
If you are a 45 woman, and a man even talks to you, he is compromising.
orbilius 10mo ago
Every woman (there really are no exceptions to this) idolizes the sweet old couples that you see in the park, holding hands. "Awww" she thinks to herself. "That's where I want to be when I'm 70 years old!"
If you really want to destroy a woman - to just instantly have her break down into tears - point out to her that nobody starts feeling that way about a woman at 70 ...or at 60 ...or at 50 ...or quite frankly, at 40.
That 70 year old man still smiling like a schoolboy at his sweetie - he sees her as his high school sweetheart. She's old and gray, but he still sees her as the young woman who loved him, who gave him children, who built a life with him. That's why he still loves her.
No man can start feeling that way about an old woman. I'm sorry, but it simply isn't possible. A 45 year old woman is not attractive. No man is legitimately attracted to you.
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 10mo ago
I refer to marriage as a Hot Tub Time Machine. It's why (some) people go to high school reunions. We remember our youth and develop these attachments. It's not just that the young man is imprinted with her maximum youth and beauty, but also he's still in a (quite frankly) naive and open-minded adventurous state filled with hopes and dreams. It's the perfect soil for an emotional bond to grow in.
A 45 year old "old fashioned" woman whose no doubt single due to a selfish lifestyle buttressed by delusional entitlement is in pretty sad shape going up against men whose youthful idealism has been chiseled away by cruel experience and observation.
hornetsfalcons12 Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
This is exactly right. It’s hugely different to see a woman we’ve been with for 20, maybe 30 years and some random woman on the street. Like if, God forbid, my marriage to my wife ever fails, there’s no way I’m interested in a woman her age. And she’s already almost a decade younger.
SwarmShawarma 10mo ago
what a sweet delicate comeback
NotaBene Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
The blessed "husband glasses" phenomenon. I'm very thankful that it works, sure it's extremely sad my wife is getting older, but I honestly still think she is attractive. But it took over 20 years of submissive housewifery, loyalty, lots of sex, etc to get to that point.
You don't get to live like a whore and then retire like a tradwife. So yes, for you chivalry is dead, just like your unsuccessful womanhood.
SwarmShawarma 10mo ago
got me thinking. After 15-20 of knowing my then wife, I have noticed she gets bad shape etc. I was really scared sort of thing. When we got divorced I basically never even thought about her: during or after. That got me thinking why I didn't have these glasses.
I have few ideas.
"Sweet" post anyway.
NotaBene Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
Read @orbilius post above, he puts it well. The glasses really only develop as a result of decades of excellent wifery and closeness. If you put a 20 year old hottie and my wife side by side, and I could only have one, I'd honestly pick my wife. Not because I'm stupid, because I genuinely think she's the better woman in every way.
The "glasses" do not negate ugliness. Obviously it helps tremendously if she stays in shape and makes use of her remaining natural beauty as best she can. That's just part of being a good wife.
SwarmShawarma 10mo ago
She was a good wife, she was cute, she was generally all that a man wants. I have never thought of leaving with other woman although some of them [if not most], were either cuter or younger. And it was almost 20y from quite a young age.
I really can't blame her for much except the last period.
I don't want to assign any of the reasons above, to the glasses being slapped off, or having the eyes wide open. All seem important in helping taking pussy off the pedestal.
NotaBene Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
In that case I think your reasons nailed it, which means you're both to blame, but I'm no marriage counselor, nor is it the place for it.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
Live by the hoe-life die by the hoe-life
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 10mo ago
Even 25 years ago, I remember a woman saying about a mutual friend "She wants chivalry because that's the way she was raised". Even if she was, so what? If a man said "I was raised for women to cook and clean up after me and be submissive", that's no entitlement for him to unilaterally demand to be "treated like a King".
Something else just occurred to me: She posted this comment on a forum and had a long discussion about it, but she could have easily had it with the man obviously but didn't. She wants reassurance from other women "You go, Qween! Dump that zero and get yourself a hero! The world is full of chivalrous Knights happy to serve 45 year old ladies!" but in asking that, one would presume she knows it ain't gonna happen. Hence, from what I read she got disgusted and let the conversation fizzle out.
She better get used to getting splashed by cars while walking on the sidewalk.
orbilius 10mo ago
Are you familiar with the "consensus filter" theory?
Most women (and a few men - blue pill men) process reality through a consensus filter. They don't ask, "is this thing true?" they ask, "what will people think of me if I say that it's true"
She's asking reddit because what they tell her think is more important to her than what she thinks herself.
If reddit went all 1st Wave (tm) on her and told her that chivalry is "benevolent sexism" and she shouldn't want a door held open, then she'd abandon her own innate desire to be treated with deference.
No-Stress-Cat 10mo ago
Crypt Keeper with standards. lolwut
Overkill_Engine WAATGM Endorsed 10mo ago
Dead as her eggs, and she killed both by wasting her youth on anything other than getting a good husband if she wanted a man to cater to her in twilight so badly.
Land_of_the_losers the-niceguy.com 10mo ago
"Compromise" is a dirty word to these women, but only when it is they who are giving something up.
When you have to give something up to them, "compromise" is wonderful.
Problematic_Browser Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
Like I said to my ex wife, "You say 'compromise' but you mean 'capitulation.'"
Overkill_Engine WAATGM Endorsed 10mo ago
My go-to response when a woman starts whining at me about "compromise" has become "I don't negotiate with terrorists".
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
Fun fact: The chivalric code is basically a knights handbook, which is 95% about for 1 to 1 combat etiquette. For example, is it ok to stab a fallen knight through his Helmut eye holes who cannot get back up due to weight of his armour? That sort of thing. There is some small section about how to treat women, and it's basically saying try not to rape too many women, esp if they are married, and maybe don't kill that many of them (even if its fun to do so).
So next time a woman asks you to be more 'chivalrous' just challenge them to 1 v 1 sword fight.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
This is CLASSIC woman think. She thinks that the world has changed, but in reality, its only her that has changed. I have to remind my wife of this all the time - men have not changed, your relationship with men has changed, because you are not 21.
If she cared to pull her head out of her ass for even 13 seconds, she would see that men all over the world are eagerly holding open doors for women.....that have eggs in the egg carton box.
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 10mo ago
I read her comments and she was saying to men who explained to her the obvious reason why the situationship she's in started out so "chivalrous" was that the guy was being a "gentleman" to get tail and she said that was being "transactional". Further reading of her comments in another thread she complained he asked her to cook for him and she said "I'm not your wife!" To her credit, though, she did open up a thread giving advice on the use of coconut oil for BJs.
moorekom Urban Hoe Guerrilla 10mo ago
She just classified herself as a sex toy and is complaining that she is not getting the girlfriend treatment. Typical.
Impressive-Cricket-8 Founding member of FapGPT 10mo ago
If that didn't get her married, I cannot imagine what could. Shame on the boyfriend for not putting a ring on her finger!
I find it amazing how a woman would rather use sex as a substitute for anything that could take some effort. Work? OF. Cooking? Coconut BJ. Paying rent? Coconut BJ again. Dating? You do the planning and I do the lying down.
Lone_Ranger Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
It's mystifying why women think that blowjobs are worth more than half my wealth plus a lifetime of misery.
Blow jobs cost about 40 bucks. That's the value they have in the market place.
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 10mo ago
From what I can tell, she isn't looking for marriage from the comments she made. She wants the "chivalry experience" of him planning dates, holding open doors, and of course standing on the side of the road so he gets splashed first.
The particular last one I recall my first girlfriend who was a career woman giving me a hard time about just before she dumped me. She made such a big deal about me not "knowing" which side of the sidewalk to walk on but I think she was just fishing for an excuse to kick me out the door. In any case, she had jabbered on about "sexism" at a local authentic club back in the 1980's where there was a bar where only men were allowed to sit but the women could sit anywhere else. It was a running tradition of men there at that bar talking about "man stuff". She wanted to ruin it. But then she made all this noise about me walking on the inside of the sidewalk?
From what it sounds like, this guy is pretty based. He's keeping his own place and only seeing her every week or so and not moving in. I think she's going to have a hard time emotionally extorting him.
inevitableowl1 Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
She kind of wants the “husband experience” but without doing the wife stuff. Perhaps there is a service for that for the truly desperate/realistic. Paying a guy to treat you with chivalry etc
I have vague memories that this is how Deuce Bigelow turned out. The comedy where he becomes a gigolo but he basically just becomes a kind of therapist / emotional support
I have personally dated two women who were fresh out of 5-6 year relationships and were hitting 29. So were terrified that they were reaching 30 with no wedding or baby and clearly were expecting one or both rather than the rug to be pulled from beneath their feet with their partners leaving them / relationship collapsing.
They both left me within 6 months and I get the distinct feeling I was just used to reboost their confidence and help them believe that “good guys” were still out there and possible to find but that I wasn’t good enough for anything longer term. Sort of like the reverse we see of the sex only situationship some women find themselves in. It would have hurt far less in hindsight to realise these women were broken and needed healing and chose a way other than proper therapy. But it almost seem like this could be a service as well. Heart broken and think all guys are trash but don’t want to just get railed by a rando? How about the blue pilled simp option where a guy will date you and treat you well for a few months. Then you can rebuild your confidence and realise that you are dateable again! And all you have to do is sleep with them once the initial waiting period is over. Cheaper than (proper) therapy
moorekom Urban Hoe Guerrilla 10mo ago
Well said. For your consistent insightful comments, you are being bumped up to Sr. Hamster Analyst. You get to have a letter change in your tag and the questionable privilege that comes with it. Enjoy.
Typo-MAGAshiv asshole. giga-shitlord. worst mod EVAR. 10mo ago
Don't forget the change in flair background color from white to gray! He also gets that!
moorekom Urban Hoe Guerrilla 10mo ago
That does not really register in dark mode. But, um, yeah, he can have that too if it is already there.
Typo-MAGAshiv asshole. giga-shitlord. worst mod EVAR. 10mo ago
How'd you get dark mode on the forums?
moorekom Urban Hoe Guerrilla 10mo ago
Firefox -> Dark reader. I also run dark mode systemwide in PC and mobile.
Justanaverageguy 10mo ago
Maybe you should look in the mirror and ask yourself if you’ve stopped doing anything for him after a year. Maybe he’s sending you a signal.
nicknack 10mo ago
When she was 21 she was sucking off Julio behind the dumpster of the bar that they met at after he slapped her ass to introduce himself and choked with while kissing her.
She’d do the same right now if she could .
chunky 10mo ago
Traditional? There are very few single 45 traditional women. Almost all widows.
She didn't get here by accident, she chose a non trad path that brought her here. But leaving trad is a one-way street, there's no going back.
She's just dissatisfied by what she ended up with on the non trad path. And wants a new deal. Too bad.
lurkerhasarisen A Strategist Among Tacticians 10mo ago
In the intelligence world there are a couple of caveats that go with seeking out a specific piece of information: LTIOV and LEIOV.
LTIOV = Latest Time Information is Of Value. That's the time when it's too late to change course even if you get an answer you didn't plan for.
LEIOV = Latest Event Information is Of Value. That's when the occurrence of an event renders the information moot.
The LTIOV for a woman to understand her MMV is up for debate, but I think we can all agree that it's specific for every man who might consider her at some point.
The sort of thing that can cause her plans to become OBE (Overcome By Event), and thus trigger the LEIOV might be the birth of a bastard child or the onset of menopause depending on what stage of life she's in.
She's past the LTIOV for the kind of man she really wants, and her embrace of the non-trad life was the event that made her desire unattainable.
GimmeTheUsual Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
So many truth bombs in here, her chivalry post looks like Meigs Field after Richard Daley got through with it.
Damn good ones, lads.
NotaBene Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
It's easy for women to bring back "chivalry" (hate that word, Dalrock is right about it). Be a lady.
"A lady is a woman who makes it easy for a man to be a gentleman."
Read that quote ten times a day. Watch some old movies where women knew how to act (and dress) like ladies. Call every man "sir" or "mister", even if they are younger. Praise their strength and ask their advice. Watch their eyes light up in happiness and confusion (because no woman has ever shown them respect). Watch them stand up straighter and be willing to do nearly anything for you.
It's really quite easy. Act like a lady, and nearly any man is willing to tip his hat to you. Act like an entitled bitch and you'll be treated like the dog you are.
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 10mo ago
She complained in one of her comments that chivalry shouldn't be "transactional". A "gentleman" should be that way no matter how she acts.
So this begs the question then: Shouldn't a true lady be that way no matter how uncouth or crooked the men around her are?
NotaBene Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
I don't like using phrases like "true lady" because it's like the phrase "real man", used by women to manipulate and mean whatever the heck they want it to. It's a meaningless phrase unless we go deeper, define terms, and figure out what we mean philosophically.
But if I had to guess, I'd say a lady is something a woman can be, not a list of things she does. I don't want to make an exhaustive list, but if you ever get a chance to be around one, it's like I said: You feel happy and confused. Modern women just don't act like this anymore.
I met a woman at church, she was one of the only women there with a head covering (besides my wife of course) so I sought her out to talk to her. She's just clinging to her husband's arm the whole time, rubbing his back or whatever, puppy dog eyes, and her speech was gracious and quiet, always deferring to him, always respectful, even in disagreement. That's the kind of woman I feel like a gentleman around. Like, I want to open doors for her because she deserves it. Completely loyal to her husband, makes him look like a friggin king. I told her point blank that I thought she was a good wife, first time I met her, and I never do that.
One more observation: By not seeking attention for herself, a woman like this actually becomes the center of attention in any group. How do I say this... it's a weird inversion of getting what you want, as a woman. But dang does it work.
Problematic_Browser Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
Just shows how she isn't traditional.
To her, masculinity is something that should always be at her disposal. Her femininity is conditional.
hornetsfalcons12 Sr. Hamster Analyst 10mo ago
Nope. You aren’t entitled to chivalry. You’re just a random unmarried woman.
You can either take what you get and be happy about it, or break up and try to be happy on your own. It’s not reasonable to think a man should bend over backwards for you.