Maybe she improved her self too much, and is now just too awesome? We all know that men are intimidated by women that are to awesome.

Also, we all know that men are shit and just paedos, so why would she want a man in the first place? Isn't that supporting the patriarchy? Why is she degrading herself and the sistahood in this way?

She needs to go to feminism camp and learn how to be a strong independent woman. And learn to love eating pussy and stop shaving her legs and armpits. I bet she doesn't even have blue hair. Fucking loser.

Please ELI5.

Making yourself an amazing person.

Who exactly is amazed by this, and who is handing out the Amazing Person (TM) cookies?

Real life doesn't always allow credit transfer. Why doesn't she become a mate for the person who stated that?

They don't seek or apply relationship advice,

Their commitment, their choice? Why would they take instructions from others about where to put their commitment or whom to let in their sacred commitment zone?

There was one thing i learned. If one doesn't have their own definition of luxury , morality... Etc other people will come in and try to control them. Same goes for relationship . It seems this woman is trying to control the narrative of what other people's relationship should be

They don't read self help books

See above. Also I can't wrap my head around why she lands so precisely on "self help" books. That's not a silver bullet.

Vacations

Cool. Your vacation. It doesn't add anything to my life in real time. So why should I care? If you want value out of your vacation write a travel blog?

Art/ film

If I need art/ film ... I can ask chat GPT or Sora. Why is your opinion of art/film of any value to my life?

The usual answer is I guess conversation. But I don't find conversation about her opinion about art is in any way fulfilling. At least not to me, I can't see myself there.

Nor would I consider sweet or understanding

Then... Why do I need her again? Why do I need the additional difficulty I. My life? What do I get from her that justifies the problem?

If the answer is "interesting" then look at my comments on amazing.

It seems that she's trying to be a schoolmistress to her partner, where she can "teach him" her version of the world/vacations/art.... Unfortunately as a man as I grow older, I personally get less and less interested in such schoolmistresses, definitely less interested to pay for wining and dining her.

Since women are always telling us, that we aren't entitled to a romantic relationship when we are young, and rightfully so, why are they considering us the problem when the tables turn and it's their turn to understand that they aren't entitled to anything?

And she says that men aren't self aware?

Here is what she is missing (and its quite sad)

She is disparaging her pool of available men BUT what she fails to realise is that this (in her mind terrible) range of options is nothing but a mirage anyway.

I know this kind of woman. I have listened to them across dinner tables, their tales of woe from the dating game at over 40. They all sing the same song:

"The guys in my cohort are useless and rubbish - I go on dates with them and I have never met one that I would like to marry"

And I listen to them in silence. I never tell them, because they would only shoot the messenger.

The thing I would tell them if I could?

Listen lady, you are not understanding the situation. None of these guys that you are going out of dates with are actually interested in marrying you. Nobody is interested in marrying you. They are simply looking for some sex. And they are going out on dates, because that is what they think that need to do to get sex. You're thinking marriage, they are thinking how long do I need to listen to this nonsense before we get to the sex.

You are not happy with your 'options' but what you don't even realise is that they are not actually options. Those guys, the divorced dads, the freyed around the edges guys, with receding hairlines and middle age spread, those very same guys that you think are below you, would not marry you in a million years.

They are down dating. You don't realise it, but they are down dating. They are realists. They would rather be fucking a woman 20 years younger than you, but they are realistic and they know the game. They think that the only way to get sex is to pose as a guy that's interested in 'something real' or 'something long term', go on OLD and try and find a post wall woman that is desperate for a bailout.

Their strategy is to pose as an interested party that might bail out a leftover, then 'sample the goods', then ghost you and move on.

You keep telling us its happening over and over again, that you keep getting ghosted, and you can't put two and two together

But lady, I have even worse news for you. Are you ready to hear some bad news?

No matter how much you hate what is happening to you now (in your 40s), you are really not going to like the next phase of your life.

Right now, you are getting some interest on OLD from what you might think are 3rd tier men (not tall, not ripped, not billionaires, you know, ordinary men). Very soon, you will not be getting any calls from them either. Very soon, you will be invisible even to broke 80 year old men living in a trailer.

If you don't like what is happening now, as your RMV hovers around zero, you will really not enjoy things as it dips below zero and into negative territory.

Women have a problem, and it's that they don't listen to men.

There is nothing wrong with self improvement. The problem is that women improve in ways that don't fucking matter to men then they mistakenly assume that it's men who are the problem.

We tell them what we want, they continue to do what they want and act surprised when we aren't interested in their results.

Dating exists for the purpose of reproduction.

Men are designed to date in ways that lead to offspring.

Those that did anything else have long since died out.

I can see what is going on here - in behavioural economics its called 'false attribution'

She see's that women that 'do the work' and improve themselves seem to have a hard time finding a mate.

Here's why

Women only 'do the work' after they hit the wall and have been ran through. It's only when the phones stop ringing, when they are not longer getting interest from men that they revert to desperate measures (trying to self improve).

It's too little, too late. Women might start trying to take care of themselves or behave a bit more grown up a few years after being ejected from the CC. Just a bit. They'll buy a few self help books, go to pilates, that sort of thing.

And she is attributing this to the fact that she (and her ilk) are being ignored.

They really are that stupid.

Maybe she should have developed that "grounded sense of self worth" when she actually had the intrinsic worth she was born with.

Oh, boy. Where to begin?

The more self improvement I carry out, the bigger a gulf there is between me and the [men] who ask me out

Instead of self improvement, try some self awareness.

They don't read self help books

A long time ago, I met this chick. We were somewhat friends, maybe going for something more. And one day we met at the mall. She bought three relationship self-help books. Now I understant that it was my clue that she was not a great a catch as she said she was.

The more I grow [old] and develop [my entitlement], the less interested I have [...] in my dating pool

Fixed that for you.

"a grounded sense of self worth" - a sense of yourself as a unique individual with something to offer, your own unique talents, opinions and values [...]

I had an unique hotdog a few weeks ago. It really impacted my weekend. Let's just say I won't be going back for more. Unique is not the same as good or valuable.

I would not characterise these men as "completely pathetic losers" as they are generally [functional adults and useful to society]

How kind of you. Truly, you're a saint. I cannot imagine why someone wouldn't date an entitled amazing woman like yourself

But hey, [...] at 47 whatever I do to improve myself I'm still a low-value mate [...] by virtue of one unchangeable factor [...]

Welcome to being a man.

Besides being kind, level-headed, and dependable, a man should be interesting

And how interesting are your days with wine and bitching about your love life? Interesting men of all ages are dating women half your age.

the "improved woman" is one who [looks good and isn't a bitch]. And [while I'm not a bitch], nor would I consider myself [not a bitch].

Quite telling.

there's a bit more to being a good partner than knowing how to make a nice cup of tea

And yet I'm sure you're incapable of even that.

This woman is the blue pill equivalent of a man who focuses on the wrong self development like being Sweet, overly caring, and providerish instead of masculine and exciting, except the female equivalent. Instead of developing her feminine attributes, such as being sweet, easygoing, fit, frugal, cooperative, feminine, etc, she decided to balls in with masculine career climbing and making as much money as possible.

Now she is blaming men for their lack of attraction and drawing all the wrong conclusions from this. Men don't hate when women improve themselves, we don't want weight gain or any of these other downgrades etc as she facetiously suggests, it's that we want women who aren't trying to climb the masculine ladder. We want a woman who compliments the masculine development ladder we are climbing but with feminine compliment

She also goes on to disparagingly ripping on her own dating pool by calling them "creatures". Knocking prospects for me but not for thee.

This has to be the blue pill equivalent of being a woman, just completely misunderstanding sexual dynamics from the female side

She wasted nearly two decades proving that she either had neither the skills or desire to be attractive to men or keep them based on her divorces, and then is amazed when she ends up not being able to lock down some 40 something trust fund millionaire art critic cowboy rockstar demigod she thinks she deserves, and is grossly discontent with the merely average functional mortal men she is left with when she herself is sub average as a woman.

The irony about her complaints is if you cloned her and did a gender swap on the clone, she wouldn't be able to keep her own interest.

don't do your share of domestic tasks

These bitches always whine about men not doing more around the house yet are perfectly content to let a man shoulder the majority if not near totality of the burden of providing complete fiscal and physical support and security.

Don't want to work 60 hours a week for decades to make sure the mortgage is paid on that house in a trendy neighborhood that is the envy of your peers? Don't want to clean leaf gutters or do vehicle maintenance? Don't want to investigate bumps in the night and be expected to fight and die if it is a malicious intruder? Great, wonderful, then shut the fuck up and get in the kitchen then and be thankful you got someone that will do those things on your behalf. Or don't and be stuck doing those things yourself if you want them done.

It's always revealing to see anyone complaining about their cohort. This woman is complaining about the men in her dating pool (calling them creatures) without realising that she is that dating pool. If all your friends are assholes, its time to wonder if you are an asshole. Birds of a feather flock together.

This is why I am negative about OLD - its trash looking for trash. Chads aren't online digitally simping because they don't need to be (they can slay IRL). And good women aren't on OLD because they don't need to be - they are either taken or have plenty of interest IRL. Well, its not true that everyone on OLD is trash - you can also find bots and sex workers and girls advertising their OF and occasionally women that are looking for guys that want a sugar daddy situationship.

Wow, she waited a LONG TIME to disclose she's been married twice.

Note her passive phrasing ("When marriages are childless - as both mine were ..."), as if it was something that simply "happened" to her and thereby making her eligible for internet pity.

She never says she is "divorced," because that is not passive. It's an ACTION taken by one party (or both) for specific reasons. She's trying to avoid having to explain who divorced whom not once, but TWICE, because that might shed light on who's to blame for her screwed-up life.

We wouldn't want to bring the nasty concept of accountability into the discussion, would we?

Also, note her sneering tone toward divorced men: "unreconstructed, frayed-around-the-edges divorcees." Apparently M'lady doesn't own a mirror.

Denial river must be 20km wide wherever the fuck she lives.

There’s a LOT to unpack there, but my flight is too short for me to do it justice. A few quick thoughts:

• Most people who work on “self improvement” and read shelves full of “self help” books are working on the wrong things. Psychology is a pseudoscience on par with phrenology, and pop psychology is worse. If she wants to read books that will improve her as a wife candidate she should stick to cookbooks and the Bible. A couple of pamphlets on deportment from the early 20th century might help, too.

• She knows nothing about men, as demonstrated by the facts that 1) she’s a double divorcee, 2) she lists “assets” which are really liabilities, 3) she views men who are at (or above) her level as being beneath her, and 4) she thinks that men with options are willing to wife up women who are conceited and contentious.

• As the result of that, she thinks that she has far greater MMV than she has, and a hypergamous woman with a wildly inflated sense of self worth is destined to be disappointed in her search for love.

Wait one cotton-pickin' minute!

By "improving themselves"... do they actually mean "become more masculine"? Because that would explain why men who bring masculinity have less and less to offer these women.

So, yes, in that sense: "improving yourself" is a very stupid idea for women.

OK, let me give three examples of men in her age range that meet her standards:

1. Myself(49). I am educated to the masters level, have money, cars, house, well traveled, worked on myself a lot, tall, good teeth, blue eyes, decent hair, treat the woman I'm with decent, and on and on. I've been happily married for 20 years and have 2 kids. Sorry lady.

2. Joker from Better Bachelor(47?). Successful podcaster with his own cabin in the woods. Had a decent career as a network admin. World traveler, good teeth, green? eyes. . Oh but wait, he's short fat and bald... so she won't go there. Sorry lady.

3. Aaron Clarey(49?). Economics degree, successful podcaster, hard worker, owns his house, hilariously funny, high IQ, works out, hikes, ballroom dance instructor, author, decent hair, blue eyes, good teeth, vasectomized, etc. Oh but wait he's short so she won't go there. Sorry lady.

Now let's look at what these men want:

1. Has a thing for cougars and his wife is OK with him dipping out for some strange when it's shark week. No relationship beyond FWB though.

2. Doesn't tolerate nonsense. Likes peace and quiet. Believes in traditional gender roles.

3. Said he would love to have a woman with no debt, own house, own retirement. Likes peace and quiet. Said she could get a house nearby and they do their own chores at their own homes. No marriage.

I emailed Aaron Clarey back and forth discussing these "amazing" women. I asked him why he doesn't play matchmaker with all these successful guys that watch his show. Basically, he said there's always something wrong with these women. He tried setting people up in the past and it was a total failure.

So you see? There are great guys out there. Why aren't these women throwing themselves at them? Instead they're throwing themselves at Mike Sartain who is surrounded by 20-something supermodels and dating a HB8 23yr old.

She has not improved any of her weaknesses only a few of her less valuable strengths, while her great strength -attractiveness got obliterated by the wall.

Its our weaknesses that always bring us down in relationships. She is demanding, critical and unforgiving. She should have worked on kindness and companionability.